Emotions Rolling In Like Waves
Before Reni's winter break was over, we went in for the kids' regular hospital checkups.
The doctor gave them a clean bill of health across the board—hearing, vision, oral health, everything looked good.
Then she moved on to their height and weight.
"Head circumference and body proportions are all fine… Luca's growing well. Eighty-two centimeters at thirteen months puts him on the taller side for his age."
"I see. And his weight is okay?"
I hadn't thought Luca was overly chubby, but the kid ate so well that I had to ask.
"Yes, eleven kilos is fine. Is he active?"
"He is pretty lively. It's just that the second one eats so well I get a little worried. I don't want him heading toward childhood obesity or anything."
The doctor smiled faintly. It felt like the smile of someone watching a hopelessly doting parent, and I was a little embarrassed.
Finally she glanced over the developmental screening form I'd filled out and called the child's name.
"Luca."
Luca, who had been kneading a soft baby rugby ball, looked up at her.
"Luca, where is the ball?"
He lowered his gaze to the ball in his hands.
"Give the ball to the doctor."
She held out both hands toward him.
Luca stared at those hands, then shook his head firmly side to side.
"Very good. A baby who knows his own mind."
"Yes… Ah, Doctor. I've heard some babies stop eating around this age, or when they're teething, but mine has never done that even once."
"Are you bragging?"
"So there's nothing wrong, then."
The doctor laughed and nodded, then turned to Reni.
"One hundred five centimeters and seventeen kilos…"
Realizing the conversation had shifted to him, Reni lifted his head from his picture book with a bright little start.
The doctor smiled at him and offered a compliment first.
"Reni. You've been eating the food Daddy gives you, playing hard, and sleeping well this whole time, haven't you?"
"Yes!"
The praised child answered with a sunny smile.
She praised him once more, then wrote something on the paper and shared her opinion with me alone.
"…"
Reni was a little small and thin for his age.
Even though I fed him diligently… I couldn't help feeling a bit down.
At this age girls grow faster than boys, true enough, but Jennifer at the group home did seem a touch taller than Reni, and even at the daycare—with kids of all ages mixed together—he always looked on the smaller side.
At this rate, wouldn't Luca catch up to him soon?
All sorts of thoughts crowded in, but at least there was nothing wrong with his growth and development. I went home a little more at ease.
Wanting Reni to be tall was just my own greed, anyway.
Luca and Reni ate well, played well, slept well, and used the bathroom just fine—perfectly healthy kids.
That was clearly something to celebrate, so I made them a delicious snack after the hospital visit.
I'd found a YouTube recipe for banana cake made without butter or sugar, and I followed it.
When I set the freshly finished, still-warm bread-slash-cake on a plate dotted with big bold stars made just for the kids, Reni cheered.
"Reni, it's still a little hot, so you have to be careful eating it, okay?"
"Okay!"
I handed him the cake, still warm even after I'd fanned it diligently, and gave him the warning.
Fork in hand, Reni answered with a bright smile that said not to worry.
There was no point asking the same of Luca, so I cut his cake into small pieces and put it in the fridge for a moment.
"Dadaaa!"
Luca, who had watched his brother get a plate while his own went into the fridge, cried out as if the injustice of the world had just been revealed to him.
"Luca, just a second."
With those words I poured some milk I'd set aside into his sippy cup and handed it over.
"…"
Luca accepted the bottle of milk with a sulky face.
At least he didn't throw it—probably because it was something edible. Small mercies.
"Honestly."
I laughed, pulled the plate from the fridge, and set it in front of him.
"Checking the temperature for every single bite like this ends once you two grow up!"
Reni, cheeks stuffed with cake, laughed soundlessly, and Luca—looking for all the world as if he understood—gave a little eye-smile as he stuffed cake into his mouth.
Time flowed on, and the last night of winter break arrived.
Reni bustled around the house, complaining to me.
"Daddyyy, vacation disappeared too fast."
"Right? Time always flies when you're having fun."
"Why?"
Even as he asked, Reni carefully lined up outside the tent every bit of homework he'd finished without missing a single day of break, along with the clothes he would wear tomorrow.
I could see him thinking that in the morning he could just put the clothes on in order and grab his bag.
Of course, if he packed the homework and supplies into the bag instead of laying them out, it would save him the morning scramble…
But I believed it was important to experience things yourself and figure them out, so I left him to it.
I was curious what face he'd make the day he realized he could just pack the bag ahead of time.
He had laid out the top, bottom, and socks in the shape of a person about to wear them.
Reni stared hard at the finished outfit, then swapped the socks for a different pair.
Thanks to my tearful efforts, I had succeeded in getting him to wear socks of matching colors even if the patterns were different.
Of course, he still wore deliberately mismatched socks a couple of times a week when he felt like it.
Preparations for tomorrow's school day complete, Reni turned to Luca, planted his hands on his hips, and spoke in a very serious voice.
"Luca, big brother's going to kindergarten tomorrow. So you have to play nicely by yourself, okay? Practice talking too."
"Un."
"Just answering isn't enough. You have to practice really hard, okay?"
"Un."
Reni tilted his head slightly with a doubtful expression, and Luca looked up at him and tilted his own head the other way.
Today, too, both little princes were overflowing past the cuteness limit.
"All right, time to go to bed early."
"Okaaay!"
Reni scrambled into the tent first, and Luca toddled in after him.
Ever since they started sleeping in the tent, the kids no longer ran away at bedtime.
They must have liked their little nest that much.
"…"
I'd told Greg I wouldn't take the tent down until spring came.
Right now, though, part of me wanted to fold it up and put it away.
No—watching how much they loved it, packing it away made no sense.
Besides, the sleep separation other parents struggled with was happening completely naturally for us…
Even so, the wistful feeling was hard to shake.
Falling asleep to the sound of their little breaths had been my everyday, and suddenly they had gotten this big.
Of course, when Reni was at the church I still slept in the bed with Luca, and on other nights sleeping alone in all that space was honestly comfortable.
…Still!
I might have accepted it with Reni, but I had bought the king-size bed intending to keep Luca tucked beside me until he turned ten.
Swallowing the lingering sense of loss, I tidied the house, showered, and came back out before bed.
I stood drying my hair with a vigorous shake while looking at the kids sound asleep inside the tent, and suddenly I remembered how desperately I had wanted exactly this moment only a few months ago.
There had been a time when I couldn't even imagine having this quiet stretch at the end of the day to do housework and wash up at my own pace.
Thinking that, the wistfulness eased a little more.
What a creature, to fold so easily to comfort. Humans really are fickle things.
With that thought I stretched out comfortably across the wide bed.
"Uuuugh."
After a couple of hours of busy work after arriving at the office, Greg flopped face-down with a dying groan.
"What, something wrong?"
"No, nothing like that. Just, um… it's not that I don't want to work, but my body is reacting like I don't want to work, if that makes sense…"
"There's nothing you won't say in front of the boss, is there."
I was about to scold him further, then stopped.
Once Rachel started coming into work he wouldn't dare make a peep anyway. I decided to be magnanimous and let it slide.
Besides, it wasn't completely incomprehensible.
From Thanksgiving through Christmas to New Year's Eve—in a way it had been like vacation for the adults—and now it felt like the school term had finally started.
Greg exhaled deeply once more while still face-down, then abruptly sat bolt upright.
"Still, the little princes of this house are working hard to pay my salary, so I've got to work hard too."
At that, not only I but even Cassandra—who had been hammering her keyboard and mouse with terrifying intensity despite Greg's limp complaints—couldn't help snorting a laugh.
We had turned Luca's live-stream fart-pop video into a Shorts, and the massive share count had sent the view counts on all the kids' videos climbing again.
Of course, the better the kids' videos did, the more steady interest also flowed toward me as the channel owner.
"And the people who get interested in Jun clearly end up liking Jun more than the kids."
The kids were undeniably adorable, but Cassandra's take was that a lot of people saw me less as someone they simply watched and more like a friend.
"So for those people, Jun is the main subject of the channel. Even if the view counts lag behind the videos with the kids. It's going the way we want."
"Yeah."
We naturally drifted over to the island table and talked about the direction our channel should take going forward.
"For the first half of the year, rather than trying anything brand-new, I think we should focus on raising the quality of the content we're already doing and managing the sponsors well."
"Right. Whether it's sponsors or viewers, they have expectations. If we neglect those, they'll look elsewhere."
Even though it had only been a few months, Greg's playlist videos had a steady following of their own.
They were the kind of videos you could put on while doing something else, so the play counts were high, and plenty of people came back the next day for whatever they'd listened to today.
"If we plan and upload two playlists a month, the spacing should feel about right. What I've got in mind so far is themes matched to each season, and…"
Earlier he'd been face-down yelling that he didn't want to work.
Watching him now—accurately gauging exactly how much work he could handle and laying out plans for the next several months—he actually looked professional.
"Hey, you almost look like someone who works for a living."
"Boss, aren't you being a little too harsh?"
We laughed and wrapped up the meeting at a reasonable point.
"Okay, so that's the studio. What about everyone's New Year's resolutions?"
Cassandra stood up, stretching her back as she asked.
"Well, I put on three whole kilos after the wedding, so I'm going to hit the Pilates hard again. And cut back on late-night snacks a bit."
"How do you even gain three kilos in less than two months?"
"That's entirely my husband's fault. When you're happy, you gain weight. That's just science."
While I was still searching for a reply, Greg, clipping the papers he'd spread out onto a clipboard, cut in out of nowhere.
"Cowardly excuse. I'm happy thanks to my wife and daughter, and I actually lost weight."
"You have a newborn, so of course you're exhausted. I now have four family members I can hand housework to whenever I'm tired, you know?"
Dodging the two of them bickering back and forth, I stood up—and met eyes with Luca, who was pushing a baby walker out of the playroom.
"Caca!"
"Why are you asking for snacks first thing in the morning, Your Highness?"
I scolded him lightly, but enough time had passed since breakfast that the snack request was pretty reasonable.
I sat him on the little kids' sofa we kept in the hallway so they could rest while walking around, and peeled open a cookie for him.
While I was at it I checked the fridge for anything else edible and started talking lunch options with the staff.
"Then, for Cassandra's diet, maybe we do salads for lunch for a while…"
"Oh, no way. That is completely unfair treatment."
"I lose all my energy if I only eat salad…"
These people, honestly.
I was about to fold my arms and say something when I stopped, because Luca came toddling toward me holding the empty cookie wrapper.
Using the lower cabinets under the sink for support, he walked over and dropped the wrapper into the trash can.