Why Did You Want to Meet Me? (2)
"S... actually, the reason I asked to see you—"
"How did you do it?"
The coughing ajumma—now cough-free—cut off the leader ajumma in shock. Her expression was... what the hell? Pure emotion? Or... how do I even read this? Her eyes were wide as saucers, mouth gaping like she was laughing or crying, face smeared with grimy sweat streaks, and... is she pissed? What the fuck?
I scratched at my dog mask furiously. No need to, wasn't itchy, but you know—vibes. That figures.
"Didn't I tell you before?" God, I say this shit so much. Will there ever be a day I don't?
"I'm a god."
"...Ooooh..."
Murmurs rippled through the crowd. The ajummas and ahjussis glanced at each other, whispering.
"That's the guy we saw before, right? The one who turned zombies to sand?"
"I thought that dude with pneumonia was a goner, but he pulled through?"
And so on. One ahjussi shot his hand up like he was begging for attention, face screaming pick me, probably waiting for permission to speak. Just spit it out, for fuck's sake. I'm not a teacher, and you're not a student. Grammar's fucked anyway, whatever!
"...Yeah. What?"
"I have a question. May I?"
...Just ask already, you 30s-or-40s-I-can't-tell ahjussi.
"...Sure. Go ahead. What is it?"
"Why... why zombies...? I was a mid-level manager at a trading company, barely survived with my two daughters... my wife got bitten, turned into one of them, it was... the hardest time of my life. Why... why zombies...? Are you a god? Please answer. Why zombies? Why did the world end?"
Heard this one before too.
"First off, ahjussi, let me clear something up. You probably think I'm like the Creator or some shit, but nah. You know Greek myths? Norse? Loki, Thor, Odin... Athena, Poseidon, that kinda deal."
I'm probably Egyptian, but I don't know jack about Egyptian gods. Anubis? Horus a god too?
"Gods who hung out with humans, lived among 'em, those legends. That's me. Why'd the world go zombie apocalypse overnight? Fuck if I know. I was just a normal human living my life until shit hit the fan, then I decided to play god."
Shrugged my shoulders for emphasis.
"But y'know, hmm... not sure if I should say it like this, but the world's already fucked. Figuring out why might be fun intellectual wankery, but thinking about how to survive in this ruined world is way more useful, right? That's what I'm doing. See this?"
Rustled the snack bag. Held it up, put it down.
"Th-then, God... Your Divinity... you eat and drink too...? Like us... like a regular person...?"
"Yeah. And I can do shit like this."
Lifted my hands like I was offering myself up.
"Eat, shit, all that jazz. But I do stuff normal people can't. Anyway, you didn't call me here to grill me on my god resume, did you? Still haven't heard the point. Why'd you wanna meet?"
"Um, I... I have a question too."
Cough-free ajumma thrust her hand up. Didn't wait for permission.
"Yeonsu and Hye-yun... they're around my daughters' age, really took to them... are they, are they really happy there? Living well?"
"Yeah. They're good."
"Th-then—"
That's when the ajummas and ahjussis' eyes changed. Ugh, these fuckers. I could already guess what was coming—
"C-can I come too?"
"Me too! Me!"
"I wanna go!"
"God, take me too!"
Even the leader ajumma. "My girl's dad is in bad shape. Please, can you take us?"
"........"
...No thanks. The word crawled up my throat, but nah. When I offered Yeonsu and Hye-yun, they jumped because they were desperate. Just the two of them against zombies and monsters—grasping at straws. These folks? Different. Once they hear my terms, faces'll drop, minds'll change.
"...I only take worshippers."
"I'll worship!"
"I'll do it! God! Fix my daughter too!"
On their knees now, chaos. I waved a hand sternly.
"No, hear me out. Not lip-service worship or bowing in front of me."
"Th-then...?"
"Worship with your body."
Clammed up after that. Dog mask anyway—no mouth flapping.
Think about it. That line. Their faces shifted, right on cue. Time to drive it home.
"And that means women only. Yeonsu and Hye-yun already worship me with their bodies. In return, I give them comfort and joy. That's what worshipping a god means. I get your situation sucks, I do. But men? No dice. And not just any woman either. Up to 30s is my limit for devotees. Older? Nope."
Minimum 20. Fifteen years older than me? Fine. Sue me.
"So think it over carefully."
"Th-then, God. A question."
An ahjussi. Ah, told you men are out. He wouldn't pull some "even if I'm a guy it's fine" bullshit, right? Fuck no, I like women. Don't wanna say it.
Just stared. He mustered courage.
"...If you take devotees, hypothetically."
"...Yeah."
"...What about... family...?"
Oh. Family, huh.
"...In that case, yeah, I'd take the family too. I grant my devotees' wishes, mostly."
Eyes shifted again. Glancing at each other. Wait, hold up. This convo's veering weird.
I waved sternly. "Enough of that. I'm not here to recruit. And I don't take just anyone."
"You took Yeonsu and Hye-yun."
Cough-free ajumma again. Shrugged.
"They were hot and cute, I mean—fuck."
Slipped. Shouldn't have said that.
"What I mean is, they were desperate, lives hanging by a thread—"
...Too late now, huh?
"—so I showed mercy and took them as devotees. Anyway, drop it. Keep pushing and I'm out."
Lifted one knee to stand; leader ajumma lunged, grabbing my arm. No tactile feel, but the weight—hey, ajumma.
"Don't go! Help us, please? God?"
"Told you, no devotees."
"If devotees are too much, there's... what we originally wanted to say."
"Haa..."
Laid the knee back down.
"...What. This better be the real point. I wanna head back, tear into these snacks, play board games with Yeonsu and Hye-yun."
Plus HP's recovered some, fuel tank's full, gut ache's gone—gonna pounce on those horny bitches and have a blast. Looking forward to it.
"Um... truth is, yesterday someone got taken by a zombie larva. One of our scavenging guys got stabbed and eaten... wasn't our group, so just rumors, but apparently arrows flew from somewhere and wiped the zombie cluster completely. Wasn't that you, God?"
"Yup. Me."
Ooooh! Eyes lit with hope, fists clenched. Hmm. Larva as zombie cluster, huh? Fair—black, translucent sac packed with wriggling zombies.
"What the hell was that bug? Zombies stuffed inside."
"Don't zombies rot?"
"They do."
"Eventually they rot to mush. Can't move anymore."
"...Yeah."
"It's been six months since the outbreak—most zombies should've rotted immobile by now. Even zombies need muscles and tendons to move arms and legs, right? But most are still shambling fine, biting people. Because—"
"Ah, the larva?"
"Larva, yes. They suck up nearby corpses, revive zombies inside, then spew 'em out."
"Whoa..."
That's the mechanism.
"Zombie clusters show up where zombies gather thick. Mostly near nests, but they roam solo too."
"...For real?"
"Yes."
...Shit. Apartment complex backyard has that school and pool, zombie central. Larva there? Fuck. Gotta bounce? Nah—dismiss summon, respawn at sarcophagus. Snacks a waste, but easy fix.
Bail now?
"Where do those monsters even come from? It's too much. Zombies alone are hell."
Another ajumma sighed, voice cracking. Leader ajumma spoke.
"God, help us. We've scoured the area—no supplies left. Gotta hit Gachae Shopping District stores, but zombie cluster's there..."
"Mimic fish too."
"Yeah, mimic fish."
"...That slimy fish mimicking voices?"
"Yes, God."
"Killed one."
"...Really?!"
Ahjussis' eyes bulged.
"Those are hard to kill—ate a bunch of people, God."
"...No biggie. Stabbed it, croaked."
"...Whoa."
Cough-free ajumma was on her knees now, prostrating.
"God. What's your name?"
...Name... Not my real one, probably asking which god.
...Name. Fuck. Never thought about it? Uh, shit. Awkward!
Name. What? Make one up? Say none? Nah, gods got names.
...Ah. Got it. My powers. That old movie. The one with... what was it? Aha!
I said, "...Imhotep."