Snow

I got out of bed and sat down at the computer. Discord came on, but nobody was in the gallery server's voice channel. With nothing particular in mind, I opened Cheongram Gallery.

"Unbelievable……."

Clingy regular. The phrase left me blank.

How had it come to this? Up until a few days ago, talk like that hadn't bothered me much. If anything, it felt a little nice — as if even other people could tell we were close. Lately, though, the gorosi had been getting out of hand…….

That was when a Discord notification chimed. It was ☆.

I launched Apex right away. While the loading screen was up, another message came through.

It ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠wasn't a big deal. One game would be thirty minutes at the longest. I left the Apex lobby up and put on a Nutube video.

"Already over?"

But the video ended, and still no word came. I checked Discord. Limit and ☆ were still in their League game.

"This is taking a while. Were single games always this long?"

That was when a private message arrived from jolly.

That was the end of it. The same exchange we'd had ever since the garlic-phone day. I put on another video, and this time, about halfway through, a message came from ☆.

It was fine. One extra game was hardly some monumental event, and it would have been strange to tell them to quit a match they'd already started just because I was waiting. I closed the game and went back and forth between Cheongram Gallery and the admissions-prediction site.

How long had it been? This time the message was from Limit.

"……What?"

The one who had asked me to play Apex in the first place was ☆. That was why I had waited so long. And the one who then asked why I hadn't said anything was Limit. Yet the two of them were still playing League. What was this supposed to be?

In the end, Apex didn't start until well over two hours past the time we had first agreed on.

The moment I entered the voice channel, ☆ apologized.

"Sorry. You really waited a long time, didn't you?"

"I still feel bad, though. Next time I'll finish the game first and then call you."

Once we started playing, it was no different from any other day. Then, while we were getting ready for the next match, ☆ laughed out of nowhere.

"Ah, the Kha'Zix jungle earlier was honestly so funny."

"Yeah. Went in alone fishing for a solo kill and died on the spot."

The two of them laughed at the same time.

Something caught at the back of my throat, a small unpleasant snag. Why was I like this.

"……."

Just in my head, probably.

The next game began.

We played for a few more hours before the two of them said they had plans and left. Left alone, I stared at the Apex lobby, then hit quit.

……Nothing to do.

Full circle, back to Cheongram Gallery.

A secret server. I wasn't even in it.

I typed a comment.

Just before I hit enter, my finger stopped.

……Do I even need to?

Why should I have to explain to a bunch of anons that I wasn't in some other server? They were only running their mouths without knowing a thing.

Press.

I held backspace until everything I had typed was gone. I refreshed without thinking, and one more comment had appeared.

Their own little circle.

The "them" those people meant probably included me. It was a little absurd. I had waited alone for over two hours again today. Well — we had ended up playing together. And ☆ had said sorry more than once.

"Ughhh……."

When I closed the gallery, the room felt stifling for no reason at all. I pushed myself up off the bed.

"Maybe I'll just run to the convenience store."

It wasn't far. I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠stopped in front of the fridge to pick something to drink, and my eyes snagged on the alcohol aisle.

Beer.

Come to think of it, I had never had a drink in my life. One glance showed far too many kinds. I read the alcohol content and where each one came from and still couldn't tell any of them apart, so in the end I took the can that looked the prettiest. Snacks and chocolate joined it, and I went up to the counter. The clerk looked from the beer to my face and back, then scanned the barcode without a word.

"Home sweet home."

I paid and came back. I lined the snacks and chocolate up on the desk and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠looked at the can. It seemed like less of a production than I had expected.

"It's just a can."

I hooked a finger through the tab and pulled.

Pssht—

With the hiss of escaping carbonation came a smell I had never met before.

Gulp.

The moment the sip hit, I set the can down.

"Blech. This tastes awful……."

All I could taste was bitterness and fizz. Why did people like this? I ate a piece of snack, waited a moment, and tried again.

"Hmm……."

Better than the first sip, but that particular bitterness was not something I could get used to.

"Beer just isn't for me."

Even so, drinking it along with the snacks, I looked down to find the can half empty before I knew it. I didn't feel especially drunk. My face was only a little hotter than usual.

"Nothing to it."

Just then, the world outside the window looked strangely bright. I turned my head without thinking and stood up.

"……Huh?"

Something white was falling under the streetlight. One flake. Then two.

Snow.

"Whoa. It's snowing."

I went up close to the window and watched outside for a while.

I want to go outside.

There was still a little beer left in the can.

Gulp.

I drank the rest in one swallow and set the empty can on the desk.

"I'll just go look for a minute."

I pulled on my puffer, grabbed my phone, and stepped out. The moment I was outside, the scene was nothing like it had been on the way to the store. A thin white carpet lay over the grass and the cars, and beneath the streetlights the flakes poured down without end.

"It's beautiful."

I held out my hand, and a single snowflake landed on my palm. For a second I thought I could see its shape. Then it melted.

……This is kind of fun.

I walked slowly along the road where the snow was beginning to stick.

Crunch. Crunch.

I liked the sound under my shoes, so I made a point of stepping only where it had piled the deepest. Almost no one was out on the street. Now and then someone with an umbrella passed by.

"Ah, cold."

Snow was settling, little by little, on the bridge of my nose and on the top of my head. My hair was white to begin with, so it was hard to even tell ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠whether any of it was sticking. I took out my phone, photographed the alley in the falling snow, and sent the picture to ☆.

I sent one of the photos I had just taken.

I put the phone in my pocket and walked on. At the end of the street was a small playground. A thin layer of snow had gathered on a swing no one was using. I brushed it off with my hand and sat down.

Creak.

I pushed off the ground with my toes, and the swing began to rock, slow. Thinking about it, I couldn't even remember the last time I had been on one. Elementary school, probably.

Creak.

A little more force, and the streetlight drew close, then far away. A snowflake touched my face.

"Heh……."

The laugh slipped out before I knew it. It would have been a little embarrassing if anyone had seen, but luckily there was no one around. I got off the swing, and my phone buzzed. Limit, this time.

Not a scrap of romance in him, as expected. I photographed the snow piled on a bench and sent it.

I slipped the phone into my pocket and looked up at the sky. Flakes passing through the streetlight were unusually clear. Snow used to feel like this when I was little, too. Just because it had piled up, I wanted to go outside, and when I saw a stretch no one had stepped on, I wanted, for no good reason, to be the first to step there.

When had I stopped doing things like that? After I started studying? Or had I simply gotten tired of it? Either way, it didn't matter. If it was fun right now, that was enough.

"If I'm having thoughts this pointless, maybe I am a little drunk."

I left the playground and went to the little park where I had met the cat last time. I looked around just in case, but the cat wasn't there today either.

"It's snowing... I hope they're all right……."

They had probably found somewhere warm and gone inside. I hoped so. I gathered the snow piled on a bench and packed two little snowballs. One big. One a bit smaller. Stacked, they made a snowman whose head was bigger than its body. No twigs. No eyes. Just two lumps of snow.

"Ugly."

I didn't knock it down, though. I took a picture and sent it to ☆.

I started back toward home. Snow still falling. Footprints stretched long along the road. I buried my hands deep in the pockets of my puffer and walked slowly, and the crunch under my shoes followed me the whole way.

Why had the room felt so stifling earlier? I couldn't quite remember anymore.