Chapter 177: Just Because I'm Poor Doesn't Mean My Tits, Pussy, and Ass Are Poor (1)[R-18]
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 177: Just Because I'm Poor Doesn't Mean My Tits, Pussy, and Ass Are Poor (1)[R-18]
“This should be far enough.”
I took off my mask once I was a good distance away from Chloe’s room.
“Phew... that’s better.”
Breathing with my bare face made me feel like I was finally living again.
The mask was a high-quality item Helen had bought for me, so it wasn't particularly uncomfortable even after long hours of wear, but the sense of stuffiness was unavoidable.
Rustle—
I took a quick look around to confirm no one was there, then pulled a letter envelope from my breast pocket.
“....”
I knew I shouldn't just open it, but honestly, the curiosity was killing me.
What on earth was inside that Evelyn had kept it a secret even from me?
Should I look? Should I not?
After a brief moment of agonizing, I made up my mind.
“Let’s look.”
It wasn't just out of curiosity. On the off chance—however low—that Chloe had tricked me or given me the wrong document by mistake, I’d have to go back and get the right one. It was practically a necessity.
Crinkle, crinkle—
“...Hmm.”
After checking the contents, I quietly slipped the contract back into the envelope.
“Evelyn...”
My face was burning.
There was a reason Evelyn had grit her teeth and refused to tell me what was inside. To think it was something like this.
It was... well, a mix of hilarity, joy, and sheer embarrassment. Amidst the whirlwind of emotions that were hard to define, one thing was absolutely certain.
‘I can never let Evelyn find out that I saw this.’
If she ever realized I’d seen it, there was a very high probability she’d use physical force to induce amnesia.
‘Let’s just return it secretly.’
With a firm resolve, I tucked the envelope back into my pocket and made my way toward the Marigold estate.
“Hwaaaa-yawn~!”
Evelyn woke up to the sound of her window rattling.
“Mm! It’s a powerful and good morning again today!”
Evelyn smiled brightly as she looked out at the warm sunlight pouring down.
Ever since Ian’s visit a few days ago, her daily life had been nothing short of fulfilling. After all, realizing that her greatest fear had stemmed from a simple misunderstanding made the whole world seem beautiful.
Streeeetch—
“Ugyagyat...!! ...Huh?”
As she stretched to work out the kinks in her muscles from the night, an all-too-familiar envelope caught her eye.
“Ha... seriously, this is unbelievable. Does that thieving cat think this place is her own living room? When did she return this?”
Evelyn let out a hollow laugh as she picked up the envelope from her desk.
Even if Nine Tail hadn't actually stolen anything, the fact remained that her home security had been breached. Because of that, her father had significantly tightened the estate's guard...
Seeing the envelope sitting on her desk as if it were the most natural thing in the world, despite the increased security, proved that the woman truly deserved the title of 'Legendary Phantom Thief.'
“Tsk, I was going to half-kill her if I caught her... but whatever. Since she put it back where it belongs, I’ll let it slide this once.”
Flump—
Evelyn sat down on the sofa, clutching the letter, a small smile playing on her lips.
[Marriage Promise Contract]
Date: Today!
Location: Evelyn’s Room.
Contractors: Ian (Husband), Evelyn (Wife)
- Contract Terms -
1. Ian and Evelyn promise to get married no matter what when they grow up!
2. Ian and Evelyn will have more than 10 children!
3. Ian is not allowed to say “I don’t like you” or “I hate you” to Evelyn!
4. Ian will never, ever leave Evelyn, no matter what happens! (Most important!)
- Signatures -
Evelyn: Evelyn Marigold
Ian: Ian
The handwriting was crooked and the contents were absurd, like something a child would write, but until recently, this had been one of Evelyn’s most precious possessions.
“...How did I even think to get this notarized?”
Evelyn’s face flushed as she recalled the bewildered expression of the official who had processed the notarization.
As one could tell from the date being written simply as ‘Today,’ this was less a serious contract and more a game of playing house. In fact, it was playing house until the moment it was notarized.
Ian probably didn't even know such a contract existed.
‘Ian, sign here.’
‘Evelyn...? This is a marriage registration form.’
‘Evelyn doesn’t know what that is, just sign it.’
Of course, Evelyn knew full well that even with a notary seal, the contract would be legally useless if someone actually fought it tooth and nail. If no one made it an issue, it wasn't a problem, but if someone did, there were a dozen things wrong with it.
“Well... if Ian ever gets to the point where he’s legally disputing this with me, it means his heart has already completely left me anyway.”
If her relationship with Ian had deteriorated to that extent, what would be the point of living?
To Evelyn, a life without Ian was utterly meaningless.
The important thing was that the young Evelyn had wanted even one more tool to hold onto Ian, even if it meant doing something this stupid.
“So, what should I do with this?”
Now that she was certain Ian wouldn't leave her, this contract was nothing more and nothing less than a ‘childhood memory.’
Fold, fold—
After a moment of thought, Evelyn carefully refolded the contract and placed it in her desk drawer.
Click—
She no longer feared Ian leaving enough to need to bind him with such a contract, but...
“A childhood friend never loses~!”
It would make a fine weapon to strike down any concubines who might try to aim for the position of legal wife someday.
“Pueaaaah~!!”
The black Poporing wailed.
“Hic...! ...Ugh! ..Y-you said... it was a sure thing!! ..Hic! ...B-but... why... did I... end up like this!! ..Sob!! ..Sob sob!!”
She knew she couldn't win every time, but she thought she’d be able to make a big score at least once. Apparently, this wasn't that time.
“Sob sob!... G-grandmother... I’m sorry! ...Hic! ...I... really... thought... I’d win! No... I really thought... it was a winning position!! ...I studied... so hard!! ...Why did it... turn out... like that! ..Hic, sob!! ...Grandmother!! ...Hic! ...I was really... going to stop... doing stocks... and live... diligently!! ...Sob! ...I ruined... everything this time... Hic! ...I don't... know what... to do... Hic!”
Crinkle!
Poporing, who had been flailing on the floor of her shop, tightly gripped the Stock Depositary Receipt that had turned into a worthless scrap of paper.
But no matter how hard she squeezed, the lost money didn't come back.
“Hic-waaaah! ...Hic... it’s over! ...My life! ...It’s completely! Finished! ...Sob sob..!”
Seriously, why did I do that?
What on earth was I thinking, buying a stock recommended on the Gallery?
Of course, it wasn't like Poporing had started out buying stocks recommended by the Gallery. In fact, she used to think people who believed those things were idiots.
But...
[Is there any sucker who didn't eat when I gave the pick~? Gulp Thanks for the meal, lololol][6]
[Wow~ this bull market is delicious as hell lol.jpg][3]
...
..
After constantly seeing the profit certification posts on the Gallery, her hands and feet trembled so much she couldn't even bring herself to troll.
“Why!! Why am I the only one not making money!! Why am I the only one who's suddenly a beggar!!”
In truth, her sales had been recovering bit by bit since she received the investment from Ian, but...
Watching the Gallery where people made Poporing’s monthly income in a single day made her feel like working diligently for money was utterly pointless.
And then...
[Are there any suckers who actually bought stocks because they got hooked by an ad? lololol][13]
[Only people who actually lost money and are struggling, come in...][5]
Checking the Gallery again, Poporing shed tears as thick as chicken droppings.
She went in because the post said it was for people who were struggling, only to find everyone saying, ‘As long as it’s not me~~!!’
“Hic, sob!! ...Is it fun to bait desperate people?! ...Huh?! ...Hic! ...G-grandmother!! ..Sob!! ..I’m really... ruined!! ...Hic-waaaah...!”
Her only asset was this shop her grandmother had left her, and she’d blown it all.
“...Poporing?”
“Hic? ...Sob? ...I-Ian... Oppa... Hic! ...Sob! ..Hic!! ..Ian... Oppaaaa!!”
The moment she saw Ian’s face, Poporing burst into a fresh torrent of tears.
“Hic-waaaaah! ...Sob, hic...!!”
“....”
What on earth was going on?
I had come to restock the ‘Orc Estrus Potion’ needed for Estelle’s exorcism, only to have Poporing grab my leg and start bawling her eyes out.
“I-Ian... O-oppa...! ...Sob!! ...W-what do I do...! ...Hic-waaaah...!!”
“Now, just calm down and tell me what happened.”
“H-hic, sob!! ...I’m ruined! ...My... life! I said I’m ruined!! ..Hic..!”
Pat, pat—
Since she clearly wasn't in a state to communicate, I patted Poporing’s back until she calmed down.
“...Hic, sob... hic..”
“How is it? Are you feeling a bit better?”
“Hic! ...Y-yes... I’m... I’m sorry... Ian... Oppa...”
“So, why were you crying?”
“...T-that... Hic! ...Sob! ...The s-stocks...! Hic....!!”
“Stocks?”
Nod, nod—
Checking the paper a sniffling Poporing handed me, I saw it recorded a purchase of 78 million Eris worth of stock.
“Holy shit...”
“Hic...!!”
Tears welled up in Poporing’s eyes again when she heard the curse word slip out of my mouth.
“Sorry, I was just shocked because the amount was much larger than I expected... There’s a good girl, Poporing. Don’t cry, let’s stay calm.”
“Hic...! ...Y-yes... Hic!”
“First, can you tell me where this money came from?”
“Hic! ...I... I took out... a l-loan... using the shop... as collateral! Hic!”
“....”
My breath hitched the moment I heard she took out a loan.
I’d known she wasn't exactly sane since her days as MojitoDelivery■, but I didn't realize she was this crazy.
“...Right, I see. But you took out a 78 million Eris loan?”
“Hic! ...N-no! ...T-this shop... isn't that... expensive! ..Hic! ...At first... I just... took out a 25 million Eris collateral loan...”
“And?”
“I... I got lucky... and won once.... and made 78 million Eris! ...Hic...!”
“Wait, you made money?”
“Yes...! B-but... I couldn't do anything out there with 78 million Eris... so just... once! No more, no less! I was really going to stop after just one more win... Hic! ...B-but! ...I... lost it all!! ...Hic, sob...!!”
“....”
I organized Poporing’s words in my head for a moment before speaking.
“Wait... Poporing, so you’re saying you took out a 25 million Eris loan, made it up to 78 million Eris, but instead of paying back the debt, you kept playing the stocks and lost everything?”
“Y-yes...! ...Hic! ...Ian... Oppa... it’s so unfair! ...Hic, sob...! It went up to 240 million... Eris...! I... I was really... going to sell at 250 million.... Hic! ...But it suddenly... crashed... Hic..!”
Whack!
“What do you mean, unfair?!”
“Te-heeeeng! ...Hic...!! ...You hit me! ...I-Ian... Oppa... hit me! ...It... it hurts! ...Hic! ...You hit... my head! ...Hic-waaaah...!!”
I’m really not the type of person to use violence recklessly...
But before I knew it, I had instinctively given Poporing a sharp rap on the head.
“Hic-waaaah!! ...N-now... it’s really over...!! Hic...!! I-Ian... Oppa... has abandoned me too...! ...Hic, sob...!!”
Seeing Poporing cry even more sorrowfully as if she felt betrayed made me feel a slight twinge of guilt, but now was the time to be firm.
‘This girl is hopeless. If I don’t do something quickly...’
I could overlook her trolling as MojitoDelivery■ on the Gallery, but for the sake of world peace, the real-life Poporing couldn't be allowed to live like this.
It was unacceptable for her to quit now after making me into someone who couldn't live without the adult products she manufactured!
“Poporing.”
“Hic, sob! ...Hic! Hic!”
“Poporing.”
“Hic-waaaah!! Hic, sob!!”
“....”
Poke!
“Hic-kyahhh!!?♥”
I used a form of shock therapy—purely without any ulterior motives, of course—by sticking my finger into Poporing’s inverted nipple to snap her back to her senses.