Chapter 8
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 8
Chapter Title: The Best Way to Cover Up the Controversy
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[Anonymous]
(It's not a festival. It's a funeral. meme)
Hey, I'm busy right now, come back later ㅡㅡ
Huh? Why are you so busy?
Because all the jobs worse than alchemist are climbing into their coffins as a group!!!
Warrior, screw you! Mage, screw you! Archer, screw you!!! Thief... hyung, get out. If you don't wanna die.
...Thanks....
I won't complain even if Thief hyung gets a bit happy.
By the way, dual wield weapons maybe?
Not dual wield, but I can split it to use.
(This ain't human con)
(Contemptuous frog con)
[Anonymous]
I just saw the server-wide alert, gathered with guildmates, bet drinks on who could run floor 1 fastest?
But aside from mage (magic warmup) and archer (5-min charge), no one broke 3 seconds lol
Considering our guild's average is mid-15th floors,
that alchemist matches combat job potential from floor 1 to 15.
Conclusion: Does that even make sense??? How tf did they do it?
Combat job here, feeling relative deprivation;
What job?
Room guard who tenses up at footsteps outside the door
You're beyond help, just do whatever lol
Hey don't give up;; Don't give up!!!
So how did they really do it?
Didn't bring a gun or something?
Nah, modern weapons don't work inside the tower
Bomb then???
Bombs made from non-tower materials don't explode either
[National Alchemist☑]
Rushed over thinking alchemists were blowing up,
but as a fellow alchemist, I can't do it.
Too painful, still crying.
Take my life, just tell me the method.
Please contact me.
Already early morning hours?
Still evening, dude lost it from shock lol
Geez, elder at it again...
Eat some food before elder breaks all limbs
(Sobbing alchemist con)
[Tower Knowledge PhD☑]
(Seriously... ran into you again? meme)
Nothing major today, just analyzing and summarizing a fun bait topic.
Why analyze this crap? Because it's fun.
(I need dopamine too, you bastards.)
Let's start the fun bait analysis.
Everyone knows about the alchemist's insane 0:03 record that's set the gallery ablaze and sparked floor 1 speedrun challenges.
Gallery reactions split into two camps:
"How the hell did they do that crazy shit?" vs "That hard? Meh, no biggie?"
FWIW, I'm in the first camp ("How the hell...?"), and the reason is simple.
Ranking = clearing the 'highest' floor solo relative to your level.
Climber level = floors climbed in that tower. (Floor 1 = Lv1)
So current #1 Trashbin2 (short for Trashbin No.2) made that 0:03 record at initial Lv1 state.
Can't fully rule out external help suspicions,
but even then, Lv1 with that record is undeniably insane.
So how? Probably high-rank crafting skill (instant-kill poison or bomb type) or equivalent trait.
Of course, pure speculation from my brain; truth comes when they show up.
TL;DR
That record is legit world-class insane.
Overseas galleries in uproar too, so we just wave Taegukgi and bask in national pride.
Fla~~g~~~
Fla~~~g~~~~~
Fla~~~~~~g~~~~~~~
The alchemist god Trashbin2 has graced us! Bring booze and broads!!!
Golden hahaha!! Time of heroes!!!
Innkeeper! I'll buy out the place today, shots on me!!!!
Trashbin2 is god? Trashbin2 is god? Trashbin2 is god? Trashbin2 is god?
"Hmm, I see."
After devouring two chickens while scrolling the gallery,
I got a rough grasp of the situation.
"Who would've thought updating the ranking sends a server-wide alert."
I figured it just left my name on the leaderboard.
Turns out, like a game server megaphone, it blasts an alert to every Korean climber the moment you register a new record.
"That was close."
If I'd casually slapped my real name down without a thought,
I might be side-by-side with some black-suited guy signing shady contracts right now. The thought gave me chills.
"Shouldn't they warn you about stuff like this?"
Pop a warning or give prior notice or something.
I just wrote my name like they said, no way I knew it was a death trap.
"This is some serious bullshit."
Couldn't trust anyone right now.
Genius is lonely by nature, sure, but this is too much.
How can I have zero allies to watch my back?
"Sigh... At least my verification post got buried."
Wonder if this counts as fortunate.
Thanks to gallery folks churning alchemist bait nonstop,
my verification slipped into oblivion naturally.
Doesn't seem my "cover controversy with bigger controversy" theory was totally wrong.
"Just to be safe, let's browse a bit more."
Scanning the hot bait posts,
worried if any speculated on my identity,
I dug around.
"Hm? What's this?"
Found a comment that piqued my interest.
.
.
.
.
Isn't Trashbin2 handling summons or something?
Alchemist with summons?
Alchemists have summons? Artificial lifeforms or whatever
Tower Knowledge PhD☑: Homunculus maybe?
Oh that? Saw a post about an alchemist with one
Tower Knowledge PhD☑: There's one in the US, but I think it's just for show with money.
Why? Spill, doc!
Tower Knowledge PhD☑: Argh, you pingpong bastard.
Tower Knowledge PhD☑: Short version: 1. Stupidly hard to make. 2. Materials cost a fortune. 3. Even then, meaningful ones rarely come out. Ok?
Thx! Thx! Thx!
"Homunculus?"
Hm... so...
Stupidly hard to make, materials insanely expensive, and even then meaningful results are rare. Peak inefficiency.
But flip side: if skilled enough, I could craft my own custom summon.
"That's..."
...practically made for me, right?
After realizing homunculi exist,
thrilled at the prospect of a reliable back-watcher companion,
but soon plunged into deep thought on the optimal homunculus.
"Hmm... better aim for high potential ceiling?"
Strong from the start is fine,
but not knowing material costs per creation, something that grows with me might be smarter.
"Needs to tag along outside too."
Future trusty partner and all.
Nothing weird-looking to outsiders.
Humanoid... nah, too off.
Cute animal preferable.
"Size shouldn't be too big."
This room's cramped anyway.
Smaller body advantageous for mobility.
"Hmm... that's what comes to mind for now?"
Incorporate that into a recipe,
and it'd look something like this.
[Please enter what you want to synthesize.]
Cute Small Animal Homunculus (Growth)
...Typing it out, it looks like some online game cash shop pet.
This okay?
"...Let's make it anyway."
Ignoring qualms, proceeded to generate the recipe.
['Emerald Cauldron' has registered materials available.]
[Generate recipe prioritizing registered materials?]
"Oh?"
Alert offering to prioritize Emerald Cauldron registered materials.
"This... seems pretty useful?"
No need to sift thousands of recipes manually like last time.
Gonna come in handy.
"Let's test it."
Proceeding with owned materials to check the feature—
Hold up.
Wait a sec.
Made with tower materials?
Does that mean...?
[Searching recipes for 'Cute Small Animal Homunculus (Growth)' using main material 'Goblin'....]
"W-Wait! Stop! Stop it!"
No way!
Cute small animal made from goblin?!
[Found 3032 related recipes....]
Argh, fuck!
3 thousand of those horrors exist?!
No! Such abominations mustn't enter this world!
"Cancel!! Can-Cel-!!! Please cancel-!!!"
Desperately yelling to halt the calamity I'd summoned,
[Cancelling recipe search.]
Thankfully, it sensed my sincerity,
skill cancelled midway, averting worldly disaster.
"Why the hell are there 3k of those recipes...?"
Felt like peering into forbidden depths I wish I hadn't.