Gacha's Cruel Joke
I rode the pickup truck and the disaster car far away from the camp before summoning my SSR-grade summon, Solaris. There was no time to hesitate if I wanted to claim the treasure right away! Besides, I'd made a decent amount of money. If push came to shove, I could always go collect the commission fee from Ranea.
“W-what the hell is that…”
“How do you like it? My flying hotel—no, my ironclad airship and bomber, Solaris.”
> Would you like to move inside Solaris with your party?
“Of course.”
A magic circle appeared beneath my feet, and in an instant we were inside the airship. It had been a while since I'd been aboard Solaris. I'd missed it.
“Tirga, take Lati to the bath and get her cleaned up.”
“Got it, Master. You coming?”
“I've got some things to take care of. And ask the crew if they've got any spare clothes for Lati.”
Come to think of it, it had been way too long since I'd done a gacha pull. Relying on the SSR-grade Solaris and the SSS-grade cheat summon Tirga had gotten me this far, but in gacha games, more high-performance characters are always better, right? If something happened and I couldn't use those two, my combat power would hit rock bottom and I'd be in serious danger.
“Let's see… Gacha window, open!”
The command worked as long as the meaning got across. The window popped up. The pickup banner had changed. Pickup periods seemed to last about a month, just like regular gacha games. Which also meant I'd already been in this other world for over a month. Between working as a mercenary under those Nazi elves, I'd been so busy I hadn't even noticed the time passing.
Should I check out this new pickup?
> Pickup Summon: SSR-grade ‘Deimos Power Armor’ available!
> The Deimos Power Armor transforms its wearer into a walking tank of destruction. Crafted from cutting-edge mithril alloy, this reinforced suit protects the wearer while multiplying combat power by dozens or even hundreds of times…
A badass sci-fi power suit with a design so terrifying even the demons of hell would tremble? Those gacha bastards really knew their audience! There was no way I could resist pulling for something like that. A real man wouldn't skip a summon like this.
I'd earned some money working as a mercenary, so why not roll? Heart pounding, I hit the 10-pull button. Ten cards spread across the screen with a flourish. Not a single gold card in sight.
“Yeah, that happens. Can't expect to hit the jackpot on the first try!”
I'd gotten Solaris for free last time, after all. I tried another 10-pull. Still no SSS or even SSR. The only decent pulls were a few SR-grade summons here and there. My wallet grew lighter while my pity counter kept climbing. 30 stacks, 40, 50…
Stacks didn't actually mean anything. My gacha had no pity system. Did it at least have some kind of probability adjustment? Ten-pulls guaranteed at least one SR, but some games increased your odds the more you pulled. Had the devs' conscience been launched into Andromeda? Even the notoriously greedy game companies didn't run their business this dirty!
This was the last one. I had no money left for more pulls.
“Please! It's about time!”
I could feel it coming! The gods were about to grant me an SSR. And my intuition was correct. A single card glowing brilliantly gold caught my eye. Nothing else mattered. I checked the SSR immediately.
Give me the Deimos Power Armor right now!
[Grade: SSR]
The combat power of these angels—superior versions of military veteran high school girls—is immense. It takes three tanks to handle even one angel. And now those angels are driving tanks themselves. They know exactly how to deal with rebels, Satan, and demons: armor-piercing rounds and high-explosive shells. These angels have taken the tanks that once made the Allied front lines tremble, blessed and modified them with holy power, and turned them into even more terrifying weapons of slaughter and destruction.
What the actual fuck, I hit the pickup! My sleek, badass power armor! This was rigged. That shady dwarf and the gods must have tampered with the rates. I should report them to the Fair Trade Commission and get them hit with a massive fine. Those dirty scammers!
Hoo… No, calm down. Calm down and count primes like a priest. 2, 3, 5, 7, 9… Wait, 9 isn't prime! I couldn't calm down at all. I felt like some retail investor who'd dumped their life savings into coins and stocks. I couldn't contain my rage.
“That filthy Nazi elf money I bled for…”
It felt like the world was ending. If anyone had the audacity to say “I got it without spending money” right now, I'd turn them into an electric grill on the spot.
“Master, why are you sitting on the floor like you've lost everything?”
“That damn gacha sucked up all my hard-earned money. And on top of that, I got screwed by the pickup…”
“Pickup? I don't know what you're talking about, but I washed Lati like you said.”
She looked much better now that she'd been properly cleaned and dressed. Lati was a rather cute and pretty beastman. Since there weren't any clothes that fit her, she'd been given a sailor's uniform from the dwarf crew, and it suited her surprisingly well. A rabbit beastman in a sailor's uniform? I couldn't resist.
“Thank you, Master.”
“Yeah, you look decent now. But since Tirga already calls me Master, just call me Boss.”
“Understood, Boss.”
As the leader of a mercenary group with a summon like Tirga, “Boss” wasn't a strange title. “Boss” or “Chief” felt a bit off, though.
“Alright, let's go eat—”
At that moment, a loud bang shook the ship violently. Had we been hit by anti-aircraft fire? This world shouldn't have anything like that… unless some otherworlder like me had brought one in. A dwarf crew member rushed over and reported that the air currents were extremely unstable and controlling Solaris was becoming difficult.
What the hell?! Getting screwed by the pickup was bad enough, and now this disaster had to happen too.
[Warning: Solaris hull integrity critically damaged.]
“Commander, you need to evacuate immediately! It's too dangerous to stay!”
Come to think of it, Solaris was loaded with missiles for bombing runs. If we crashed like this, we'd all go up in a massive explosion. With no other choice, I grabbed Tirga and Lati and ran through the violently shaking airship following the dwarf's guidance. Sure enough, there was an emergency escape pod waiting. The massive cylindrical capsule looked big enough for the three of us.
“Good luck, Commander.”
With that farewell, the three of us huddled together inside the escape pod and began our descent to the ground. We had no idea what lay beneath the sky or what fate awaited us. This goddamn life. Just when things seemed to be going smoothly…
The escape pod, which had been plummeting like a drop tower ride, suddenly began to slow dramatically. We couldn't tell what was happening from inside.
> Solaris has been unsummoned. Repair costs must be paid before it can be summoned again.
What the fuck, my SSR summon! My luxurious flying hotel and ground-incinerating bomber had been reduced to scrap! And the repair cost was a whopping 100 gold—enough for ten ten-pulls.
With a thud, the escape pod's hatch opened. What greeted us was a frigid snowfield.
“Damn it, where are we now?”
“Hmm. This familiar cold air… feels like I've returned to a warrior's homeland.”
“B-Boss, it's so cold here.”
I'm cold too, Lati. My robe and clothes weren't nearly enough to fend off the chill. Tirga wore highly revealing armor yet showed no sign of feeling the cold. Lucky bastard. I hadn't felt cold this intense since my military days. We couldn't stay cramped inside this tiny escape pod. I needed to check what usable summons I had. Earlier I'd been so blinded by the SSR that I hadn't paid attention to anything else.
Fortunately, I found something that looked perfect.
[Grade: R+]
A camping car built on the chassis of a highly capable off-road truck. Any off-road enthusiast or camping lover would drool at the sight. No matter how remote the location, this vehicle will get you there without worry. Though rugged on the outside, its interior is practical and stylish. Embark on a world tour with this camping car!
The gods hadn't abandoned me yet. The perfect summon for this situation had come out of the gacha. When I summoned it, a red-bodied camping car with four large wheels appeared in a flash. The escape pod that had safely delivered us to the ground vanished like a ghost.
As expected of an off-road truck, the wheels were huge and the body sat quite high.
“Master, it looks similar to the one you summoned before.”
“This one's got living space added to the truck. We'll be staying in here for a while.”
Opening the door revealed a foldable ladder that doubled as stairs, making it easy to climb aboard. The interior was clean and stylish, welcoming us inside. In my previous world, buying a luxurious camping car like this would have cost hundreds of millions. And I got it with a single gacha pull—what an amazing ability! Of course, compared to Solaris the facilities were modest, but I had to forget about the crashed airship or I'd just start crying.
“To think such a space could exist inside a giant carriage…”
“Shoes go in the storage compartment. Don't want to dirty the floor.”
“Master, can't I just keep my shoes on and lie on the bed?”
“Absolutely not!”
How dare she try to climb onto the sacred bed with her shoes on? I could never allow that. Still, once I cranked up the heater, things started feeling livable. Truly, highly advanced science was indistinguishable from magic. To the people of this fantasy world, this camping car probably looked like some kind of magical artifact.
I rummaged through the camping car like I was farming loot. Let's check the kitchen first. The fairly large refrigerator was stocked with water, drinks, and all kinds of food. I wouldn't have to worry about rations for a while. The kitchen cabinets also contained modern snacks, canned goods, chocolate, and combat rations—exactly the kind of food you'd see in a survival game. This was a jackpot. There were also warm clothes neatly folded in the drawers.
“Lati, change into these right now.”
“Understood, Boss.”
I tossed her winter clothes suited for the cold weather. No matter how sturdy a beastman she was, that thin sailor's uniform would leave her sick in bed with a cold. Working a subordinate I'd worked so hard to obtain to the bone was something only an idiot small-business owner would do.
Lati, looking embarrassed, turned her back and began undressing. Her light brown hair was tied in a ponytail—probably Tirga's doing—accentuating her cute rabbit ears. Following the line of her hair down revealed her pale, slender nape. Below that were delicate shoulders that stirred protective instincts, and a smooth back with visible shoulder blades. Her slim waist contrasted with her firm, elastic hips, as if to say she wasn't a child…
“Master, keep staring and your eyes will fall out.”
“Ahem.”
Being a rabbit beastman, her lower body was probably more developed than her upper. Her figure made it clear she was definitely an adult. Of course she was. A child wouldn't have an S-line. Which meant looking, touching, and sharing love with her wouldn't be a problem.
A sudden question popped into my head. If we had sex in the camping car, would that count as car sex?