I Was Falling Apart
It was the night of my twentieth birthday. Back then, I was praying with all my heart. Thinking that this was my last chance, that if my wish didn't come true by the end of the day, I'd truly stop loving Master Kyle. I prayed so desperately.
'There's no way anyone could love a woman with a body like this anyway.' God, mage, demon—anyone, please. I begged for my wish to be granted right then and there.
And perhaps that desperation reached someone. Right before the day of my birthday ticked over into the next, a demon appeared before me. One who said she could make my wish come true.
"Wh-who are you?"
{Asmodeus.} When I first heard her name, I thought it was just some woman making it up. Logically, there was no reason for the Seven Deadly Sin of Lust, the demon king of the 32nd realm, to show up and grant a single wish. But the overwhelming pressure and mana radiating from her made it impossible to deny the truth.
{You want to be with your master, don't you? To make that love come true?}
"Y-yes... I love her so much... But because of this cursed futanari body, there's no way she'll ever love me as a woman..."
{Then just turn your master into a woman and seduce her. Problem solved, right?}
Asmodeus's eyes gleamed sharply. Her voice was low and seductive, laced with a strange playfulness.
"Turn her... into a woman...?"
It wasn't something I'd never imagined. Marriages between futanari and women were legal, and not uncommon around here. If Master Kyle became a woman, I could seduce her, love her, and even marry legally.
{Exactly. Turn her into a woman, and you seduce her. With a face like yours, it shouldn't be hard at all.}
I was tempted. I knew it was selfish to do this without Master Kyle's consent. I knew it could destroy everything we'd built together. But at first, since I didn't have the confidence to betray the Master Kyle I'd shared so much with, I asked Asmodeus,
"Wait, I have a question."
{What is it?}
"Couldn't I... become fully female instead?"
Me becoming a woman would mean not betraying Master Kyle. And I could still claim that love. But...
{No can do. I'm offering this contract because of what's hanging between your legs.}
Asmodeus smiled and answered without hesitation. It was a hopeless situation. Keeping Master Kyle as a man meant I'd never be loved. The alternative meant betraying her.
As I agonized over what to do, Asmodeus whispered softly into my ear.
{If you let this moment slip away, you'll never get another chance like it. You're standing at the one and only opportunity to seize what you want most.}
"I... know that, to some extent..."
{Then you know that if you pass this up, you might never get that love. Ever.}
It was a sweet temptation I couldn't shake off.
{You prayed for any way to make the love happen, didn't you? So why hesitate, Rita?}
In the end, after a brief hesitation, I decided to seal the contract with Asmodeus. The fear that if I let this chance go, I'd never love Master Kyle again overwhelmed me.
"I'll... do the contract."
{Good choice. Everyone who's contracted with me ends up without regrets.}
Asmodeus smiled in satisfaction and handed me a paper with something written on it, along with a needle.
{Your condition: Turn Kyle into a woman. My condition... If you don't get her pregnant within a year, you'll gradually demonize until you become a full demon.}
"A de-demon...?"
{Yes. A demon stripped of self, driven purely by instinct.}
The unexpected condition made my hand tremble slightly. As if noticing, Asmodeus asked in a low voice,
{Scared?}
To be honest, yes, a little. Failure meant losing my sense of self and becoming a monster that abandoned humanity entirely. But...
"...No."
It was still less frightening than a future without loving Master Kyle. Without much hesitation, I pricked my finger with the needle and signed the contract.
{Perfect. Contract sealed.}
Asmodeus clapped and laughed. Her eyes sparkled like a predator who'd hooked its prey.
{Your wish is granted, Rita. Good luck with it.}
That night. The final moments of my birthday. I made a contract with a demon for love. I thought it was selfish, cowardly. But what hit me harder was the terror that I might never love that person forever.
And so, cabin life began with Master Kyle, who had been abandoned by her family. It had been exactly one month since the contract. She said demonization would progress slowly, and with no real symptoms, I wasn't too worried...
"...Huh?"
Exactly one month and one day later, my nose suddenly gushed blood. I'd overworked myself endlessly at the mansion without ever getting a nosebleed like this. Suddenly, my vision spun wildly, blood pouring nonstop from my nose. My head throbbed like someone was hammering my brain.
"Ugh..."
Thinking maybe anemia from all the blood loss, I headed to the bathroom to stop it. I wiped the streaming blood and lifted my head to the mirror.
"...Ah."
There I was in the mirror, subtly changed. Unlike my previous blue eyes, now tinged with yellow. Seeing it, I knew for sure. The demonization was progressing slowly. And my body was rejecting it with these abnormal reactions.
But I could still endure it. The yellow tint faded quickly, the bleeding stopped, and the headache vanished soon after.
However, starting around the two-month mark, the problems escalated dramatically.
"Ugh...!"
A headache incomparable to the one at one month. And now blood wasn't just from my nose—it streamed from my eyes too. It was truly unbearable agony. When I looked in the mirror, I barely looked human anymore. Even though it was clearly me standing there.
"...I don't even look human anymore."
The blood stained my pale skin red. My pupils had nearly turned fully yellow, taking on a shape too inhuman to call human.
I couldn't deny it anymore. I was falling apart. Turning into a demon.
And yet, I had no regrets. Because my choice had shattered everything Master Kyle had built. It was like I'd crushed one person's entire life. I endured it as the price for my greed. And at the same time, I vowed to make her as happy as possible.
The silver lining was that sex made it better. The relentless headaches day and night would vanish easily after that.
{Rita, how does it feel turning into a demon?}
About two and a half months in, Asmodeus appeared while Master Kyle slept and asked.
"...Can I be honest?"
{Go ahead, go ahead.}
"It's fucking awful."
Asmodeus burst into laughter at that. A thin, choking sound, her tongue teasing the corner of her mouth—like my pain was just amusing entertainment to her.
{Right? Becoming a demon while wrapped in human skin is beyond imagination. Most give up around this point. You're still holding on, though.}
"If I was going to give up, I wouldn't have made the contract."
I took slow breaths, propping my chin on my hand. The crusted blood on my fingertips stung.
{Your responses are so cold. I even personally acted via telepathy to keep Irene from catching on last time. You gonna keep acting like that?}
I had been a bit panicked when Irene nearly found out last time. If Asmodeus hadn't told me via telepathy to play along, I'd have been executed on the spot. Though she probably would've killed Irene first.
"...I'll try to be gentler."
{Hehe, thanks. My kitten-like contractor, Rita.}
"......Don't use weird nicknames like that."
Asmodeus giggled, then stared at me intently and asked,
{By the way, why not just do it?}
"Do what?"
{Kyle. Stop giving her the contraceptive pills and impregnate her. Your pain and demonization would vanish.}
It was entirely possible. My ejaculation volume was enormous. Skip the pills, and one go would probably knock her up.
I'd even lost control a few times, hoping for pregnancy during sex. But...
"...I don't want to force it if she doesn't want it. I've already ruined one person's life..."
Having already wrecked her life, I didn't want to do it again. I didn't want to see her that despairing.
{Hmmm.}
The air in the room chilled the moment I finished speaking. Asmodeus touched her lips, mulling my words as she gazed down at me quietly.
{Sigh. That's your human side, Rita. That's why I want to break you.}
"......You're a true demon."
{I'll take that as a compliment.}
Asmodeus smiled and approached. In the darkness untouched by moonlight, only her eyes shone clearly.
{But don't delude yourself. You didn't just trample someone's life—you stole it completely. At this point, what's planting one seed in her belly gonna make worse?}
I didn't answer. I'd thought it through in my head hundreds of times already. She was right—I'd crossed the line, reached a point of no return. But...
"I won't ruin her any more. And I won't give in to your temptations anymore, Lady Asmodeus."
I didn't want to break her further. Asmodeus watched me silently, then let out a small laugh.
{Fine. Keep playing human, then. But a warning: Don't forget who that 'noble' choice is really for. If it's for her, not you—}
Asmodeus tilted her head slightly.
{—when she finds out, there's no guarantee she'll accept it the way you want.}
"......That's on me to bear."
I answered curtly, and Asmodeus shrugged without another word before vanishing into the darkness.
How long had I been asleep? Zap—! Just before my eyes snapped open, pain like a needle stabbing my brain flashed through.
When I inhaled, a wet, sticky sensation rose from deep in my lungs.
"Kuh...!"
Only after some time in that state did my mind clear. Since I was still standing, I'd blacked out briefly. To check my condition, I looked up at the bathroom mirror.
In the shattered mirror, my face was a bloody mess. My eyes were fully golden now. An inhuman, dazed pupil wrapped in flowing gold light. And parts of my hair had turned white, unlike its original black.
'When did I break the mirror...?'
Oh, right. The urge to kill Master Kyle. That twisted impulse... I'd smashed it myself to suppress it.
"Hoo..."
I fixed my gaze on the mirror, staring straight at myself. Face stained red with blood. Golden eyes. Hair partially faded to white.
The old me was gone. And if the remaining nine months passed—or if I couldn't hold out before then—even this me would vanish.
That fact... it would be a lie to say it didn't scare me. But after countless bloody nights and mornings soaked in blood, I'd realized: This was a price I had to bear alone. The cost of my excessive greed.
"Ugh...!"
Another headache brought the impulse surging. The massive urge to kill all humans. To tear every last one apart without mercy.
But again, I suppressed it by thinking of Master Kyle. No matter the pain, no matter becoming a demon.
I had to protect her, no matter what.
"Haa, haa..."
I wiped my face with my bloodied hand.
She didn't need to know. About the contract I'd made, the pain I endured. The temptations I fought off every night, writhing in bed.
She could just live on, unaware. I'd bear it somehow, endure it.
Even if I became a beast.
I'd protect her, no matter what.
"Rita!"
"Yes, Miss."
Today, too, I'd somehow hold on.