29. Why With Another Girl and Not Me...?
29. Why With Another Girl and Not Me...?
Desire.
The primal instinct inherent in all living beings — the concept most heavily suppressed by those who possess reason.
In many ways, it is deemed the greatest hindrance to their lives.
-Tring-ring!
But the Clown rejects such assertions.
It is desire that gives one goals; it is the possibility of releasing those desires that gives meaning to effort.
So what worth could there possibly be in a life spent doing nothing but repressing them?
"Come to think of it, you've still never paid me back that money you borrowed, have you?"
"You're the one who ruined the woman I had my eye on right in front of me...!"
"Aaargh!! All of you, just drop dead! Why the hell do I have to live like this?! It's because of you bastards!"
"That's my line! Why do I have to rot in this cesspit with beggars like you?!"
Even if troubles followed, at least in this moment, they wouldn't have to think about any of it.
As the desires they had kept bottled up boiled over in that filthy alley, the Clown continued her performance — as if pouring oil onto the flames.
Thus she erased their reason.
Dismissing all worries, all anxieties, all conscience.
"Aargh! Just die! You sons of bitches!!"
The sounds of flesh being torn apart, even the laments shrieked out as they lost their humanity.
A performance so intense, so utterly addictive, that every ounce of it was washed away.
"Ahaha~!"
Just as desire sprouts in the places gnawed away by reason, a crimson flower bloomed from it and burst open upon the stage.
At the corner of the Clown's lips as she advanced, seeming to dance upon it, the pleasant smile she had kept hidden all along began to reveal itself.
"This lowly Clown now sings~"
A laughter brighter than ever before.
Painting a rapture that shone more clearly even than the moonlight — which illuminated this festival of madness like a spotlight.
"She sings of her own life~♬"
And so, as her spirits soared, she revisited old memories and strummed the strings.
"A beggar born of chaos grasps a hand extended in search of salvation. A street ruffian drunk on victory becomes a hero, and soon after, the journey to becoming a king — I watched it all from behind, and I remember..."
A recollection of a long life, a flashback, a fairy tale recounting the saga of a hero, a heroic biography from another's point of view...
It hardly mattered what one called it.
Bestowing a name upon it would be a luxury for a song meant only to enliven the banquet.
"Yet, fearing it would be swept away by the ages, I wove it into a merry song, and now it will linger in this world longer than mere memories, passed from mouth to mouth~"
So that even those who do not know the song may feel its excitement, and pass its resonance on to the next, and the next...
Wishing that, even without conscious awareness, its renown would remain in this world.
"Oh King, I am but a Clown for thee~ In the very moment this song rests upon my lips, I too recall those glorious days spent with you..."
-Tring-ring, tring~♬
"...So even now, I hope. That the emptiness felt by the person you have become, built upon those memories, might one day be filled — and that a smile might once more grace those lips."
The moment the lyrics concluded and the strength gradually left the hands plucking the strings.
The silence that followed was so utterly still it contrasted sharply with the commotion that had reigned before.
Save for just one person.
Amidst the lumps of meat still spewing unwithered blood, the sole man who had kept his senses — frozen in terror.
"Ah, aah..."
Was his terror directed at her?
Or was it the belated realization of what he himself had done in this place?
"...You're trembling."
Neither was necessary here.
The Clown thought so, and soon laid her slender fingers upon the strings of the lute in her hand.
"Amidst a scene where you should be celebrating, what is it you're so worried about?"
"S-stop..."
"Let yourself be liberated."
-Tring~
"P-please..."
"Let yourself be released."
-Tring-ring~♬
"Ah, aaaah!!!!"
"You cannot turn back, and if you lack even the courage to resist, then fleeing can also be a valid answer..."
A sweet whisper harmonizing with the performance.
And so, within the man who felt his mind being buried by it, only a single thought soon remained.
"Heu, hahahaha!"
Yes, this is a dream.
If it's not a dream, then you just have to bury it.
Do that, and everything will be resolved.
-Crack!
The moment the weapon in his hand burrowed into his own throat, snatching away his last lifeline.
Once the convulsions of the corpse that had collapsed, cackling at its end, had subsided — the corners of the woman's mouth, her body now spattered with that blood, began to slowly rise.
"...Fufu."
As if taking the place of the applause from the audience that should have followed the performance.
"Ahahaha, hahahahaha~"
She, who had burst into laughter with all her might, her voice raised with all her strength, stretched out both arms wide and gazed upon the faces of the strewn corpses.
Ignorant fools who had died with their reason buried.
Yet what was etched onto their faces was unmatched exhilaration.
Though they met death faithful only to their desires, caring for nothing — at their very end, which they themselves had already forgotten, there undeniably existed joy.
"That's right~ There's no need to live suppressing it, is there? Whatever your life may be, let its finale be joyful and exciting~♬"
Having fallen into this cesspit, they ended that journey in their final moments — the hour when they should have looked back on their lives — by forgetting every worry and anxiety...
If pursuing happiness is truly the purpose of life, then why is an end met while faithful to desire condemned as such a sin?
"To think you'd savor the moment of liberation so thoroughly that it crushes you so wretchedly."
A bright smile painted itself once more upon the bard's lips as she looked upon the hideous traces left at its conclusion.
Deeper, and brighter.
"This is truly, truly~"
She, who empathized with their ends, whispered that her own appreciation had reached its peak as well.
"...How dull."
The exaltation that had soared with pleasure proved a lie — her heart plummeted uselessly, crashing into the deep abyss.
Just as the heat of a body inflamed to climax cools in an instant.
What awaited at the end of liberation was, as always, nothing but an empty heart.
-Tring.
Yes, a desire that ends after just one time is truly so dull.
However passionate a masturbation may be that one can only perform once in a lifetime.
If it leaves nothing behind, what meaning could that act possibly hold?
-Tring-ring!!
Thus, she journeys on.
Finding a new audience at every turn...
Hoping that the intense pleasure which can only be awakened at life's final curtain will connect endlessly throughout her journey.
-Tring, crackle!
And if even that eventually fades into nothing but futile memories, then at the least, she would stitch such stories together like rags...
Hoping that one day, they will become a tale that her lord, whom she serves, might enjoy.
-Crackle, crackle!!!
Repeating it, and repeating it.
Endlessly repeating only that tedious, unknowable stretch of time.
-Twaang!!
The moment the lute's strings snapped roughly under a gesture struck out of sheer exhaustion from even that time of waiting.
Soon, having flung it to the ground, her gaze slowly turned skyward.
It drifted toward the moonlight illuminating the dark crimson flowerbed that filled this street.
"...Why is that?"
Her lustrous amber eyes, holding the shining light, began to glow with increasing clarity.
As if she had found a path through this empty journey that had stretched on for an eternity for the very first time.
"We only met by chance, but from the moment your existence was imprinted on my eyes, I haven't been able to forget you."
For the first time on this journey, where she had repeatedly encountered only those whose desires flared up and flickered out as fleeting connections...
Because she felt that a person who should have drifted away and been lost had remained so vividly in her mind.
"Hyosung, can you teach me? A way to fill this endless hunger I feel."
Yes, if true immersion is something established because it can continue without end, then that man just might be the existence she had been searching for.
For a life faithful to desire, if it cannot be continued without end, can only be lived suffering from unquenched thirst — never able to feel satisfaction.
"I hope that's the case. I'm growing weary of wandering around laughing without a thought."
So she wishes that somewhere in this world, there exists a well that can endlessly quench that thirst.
Such sincerity was imbued in her whisper just now.
****
Meanwhile.
Inside a tent on the outskirts of the city.
-Crackle.
There, before ending her day, Airi had been reading her own fate in case of emergency — and now furrowed her brow at the scene that appeared in her crystal ball.
'What... is this?'
The predetermined future had twisted at some point...
Not that this was the first time.
After all, a future in which this entire empire was reduced to ashes by a whim from the very dragon living in this city had unfolded before.
But what was occurring now was a sight hard to dismiss as merely the future shifting.
-Crackle, hisss.
What she could see was a scene jumbled as if paints had been mixed together, and what she could hear was nothing but harsh noise.
It was a phenomenon she had never witnessed during her divinations.
No — it was a phenomenon so alien she felt certain that no other fortune-teller would have encountered it either.
'Could it be that the Ancestor has become unable to foresee the future ahead?'
Yes, the ability he possessed was indeed something worthy of being called omniscient, but even that did not reflect instantaneously.
Whenever a variable arose — such as the sudden whims of a Transcendent — the observed future had to be revised accordingly.
For such a prolonged disturbance to arise in the future like this meant that something more than just one Transcendent indulging a whim was occurring.
The strongest possibility she could immediately think of was not one, but two, or perhaps more...
'Whims caused by multiple Transcendents have collided.'
Just as her breath caught in her throat at such an extreme notion, the crystal ball began to clear again.
The crackling noise vanished, and soon she could confirm that the scene she had seen before was restored.
"Ah, it's back."
Yes — this was the future she had been checking until now.
The bed adorned with lace, the lighting that created an exquisite atmosphere.
And herself, dressed only in undergarments, panting heavily as she was embraced by a man...
"Ahhn~♥"
...But why was it?
Why was her heart so complicated, even as she saw that the future confirming her safety had been restored?
"Ugh, uugh. Why won't this part change...!"
No matter how many times she had checked since first meeting him, the fact that she would be bound to him in the future remained the same.
And in a manner she could never have imagined for herself — she, who had lived an austere life while practicing astrology...
Of course, if she kept this future in mind and remained wary of him, she could easily avoid a future where she fell into such a vulgar state.
If all else failed, she could even seek direct counsel from the God of Destruction to pinpoint exactly how to change the future.
Changing the future to one's liking required a great deal of power, but it would also be a necessary step toward her purpose.
'But the reason I can't recklessly change it is because my future self most likely hasn't forgotten that purpose either.'
If she hadn't forgotten her mission, then practically speaking, it meant he was destined to be the hero who would save this world.
However, examining that process in detail was no easy task for her at the moment.
Because the future shown in the crystal ball wasn't something occurring right now — it was scheduled to happen in the distant future, and the further removed it was from the present, the harder it became to confirm the process.
'Yes, it will be revealed with time. The reason why I end up entangled with him...'
If she had forgotten her mission, it was simply a matter of regaining her senses and getting as far away from wherever he was as possible.
But if, by chance, the presently unremarkable him was destined to one day save the world — then even if a future of such a vulgar state was foreseen, she would have to steel her resolve.
'I... become bound to that person...'
Woo Hyosung.
A figure who had come to mind time and again since their first meeting — one who kept drawing her attention.
And a person who hadn't dismissed the words of a fortune-teller like herself, but had taken them at face value and even offered words of thanks.
'I-it's not that I dislike it... but still, we don't properly know each other yet...'
Was it because she had seen the scene of their bodies intertwined so many times?
Now, whenever she recalled his face, Airi felt her own face flush red without knowing why.
'S-still, doing it like that as I saw in the future is a bit... I-if we're to form a relationship, then something more modest, more gentle...'
Since she had always focused only on training and her mission, she had put such matters out of her mind — but now that she felt the time approaching, she couldn't help worrying about many things.
And because of that, her curiosity was only bound to grow.
Just what kind of events would unfold later to make her court a man she had no prior connection with so eagerly?
-Heuu, heuu~
The voice that had only trembled with sexual excitement now even began to carry an exaggerated coquettishness...
'Huh? Wait... This isn't my voice?'
It was clearly the same future as before, so why had a voice she had never heard suddenly intrude?
Feeling a sense of doubt, her gaze gradually moved forward.
The crystal ball still reflected herself, panting, engrossed in the act with him.
And also — a pale woman watching that scene from the side, putting on coquettish airs.
-Hyosung sir~ I-I can't hold it in anymore~ P-please do me too quicklyyy~~♡
"...Huh?"
Just what on earth.
This unidentified pale woman crawling on all fours beneath him, gasping with her tongue hanging out.
"...Why has the number of people increased by one?"
And why was it?
That if she did nothing, the man destined to be bound with her...
"Why is Hyosung with another woman, instead of me...?"
Why was she seething with anger at a future where he was, at some point, getting involved with yet another woman?