126. I Love You Too, Mom
126. I Love You Too, Mom
Tasian Paleoi.
The one who taught my other self love, then abandoned her and awakened her hatred.
And in the end, she sought to destroy humanity—personal circumstances aside, she might well be an existence that deserves to be excluded for humanity's sake.
Facing her now, the impulse to exclude her was inevitable.
'And yet, you're going to leave?'
And yet, the origin of my other self—even while feeling the same impulse I feel now—chose to forgive her.
Even though that resentment was vast enough to become a Great Calamity threatening this world.
At the very end of her life, she suppressed it with reason and chose forgiveness.
'I'm not leaving. I'm just entrusting everything that comes after to Daddy.'
'...Philoi.'
'You don't have to feel sorry. I didn't expect us to mingle this directly, but in the end, stepping back like this suits the meaning of my existence.'
Even after death, it could have fought for control of my body for the sake of that impulse.
Yet it did not, because it considered this to be its role.
Unlike its previous life, where it was forced, it reached the conclusion by its own will to entrust everything to me.
'Daddy, you probably know this, but a soul is really no different from an elaborate record that has developed an ego. If a life is a story, a soul is just that story forcibly stretched out.'
Nothing more than a forced extension tacked onto a story that's already concluded, just in case.......
Knowing itself to be such an existence, that child must have harbored a heart willing to respect the will of anyone qualified who appeared.
'In the end, as long as I'm nothing more than a record, I mustn't be the one to seize the reins of someone else's path forward.'
Unlike its naive appearance at first.
Because it deemed me—who came seeking it even after accepting all its memories—qualified.
'Philoi.'
'It's okay. I'm not disappearing. I'm just trying to finish my calling by passing things on to you, Daddy.'
Even though it might be irreversible if things didn't go according to its will.
That child shed its naive awkwardness and smiled at me with a far more mature expression.
'Daddy, you know, don't you? The things left behind by her—who has already departed this world—are still being passed on to someone in this world.'
With that face, it tried to teach me.
Just as someone inherits history, carries on a tradition, or receives a lesson.......
That even if you lose your life in vain at the end of a painful existence, if someone carries it on, it leaves meaning in this world.
'...They say humans have no choice but to live on, inheriting things from someone in that way, but in the end, the final choice is made by one's own will, not by what others have left behind.'
Though a story already written down cannot be corrected.
It becomes the foundation for the sequel to be newly written afterward.
'So from now on, don't mind me, and focus on Daddy's story. Not obsessing over the story I passed on, but Daddy's own story, inspired by the stories of people, including her.'
I understood that this was why that child acknowledged me and was leaving, but even so, I couldn't help but feel a sudden fear.
Was it really okay for me to make decisions alone?
Was it truly possible, in this cruel world, to not collapse and to carry on the will of a noble hero like her?
'...And how to accept Mom's story, too.'
The hand I reached out to that child who was about to leave in such fear was soon withdrawn at the smile it turned back to me.
A clear smile proving that its words just now were no pretense.
'Whatever choice you make, I will support you, Daddy.'
Because the existence projecting the most human hero in this world...
had made me realize it trusted me.
***
"...Tachia."
"It's not Tachia."
My hatred, remembering that smile.
The spear of magical power, formed from the fusion of the disgust I felt as a human, finally vanished from this hand as if evaporating at the tipping point.
"It's Woo Hyosung. Not Tachia......."
With my hand thus emptied, I gripped her shoulder, turned her, and conveyed it.
Just as that child said, that I am not her daughter but a separate being who has merely inherited her memories.
That withdrawing the spear's tip pointed at her was also a conclusion I reached by my own will.
"...So it was."
Even realizing this, Tasian traced a line of loneliness on her face, as if unable to shake off her lingering regret.
But only the target had changed; what she intended to do would not change.
"Still, you know what kind of existence I am, don't you?"
"I do know, because I saw her memories."
"You may not resent me, but you'll at least feel disgust. For me, who has trampled countless humans like you......."
As she said, she had committed unforgivable acts by human standards.
No matter how specially she might regard me, since I am also human, I could not completely shake off that judgment.
"Then why......."
"Because I don't know everything."
But does defining her...
Does defining the life of the individual named Tasian Paleoi mean she can be defined solely as a monster who slaughtered humans?
Does the fact that the lingering regret left by her daughter escalated into a calamity threatening the world mean that even her past as a Hero who confronted a dragon becomes nothing?
"Because I don't know in detail what state of mind you were in when you committed those acts."
Even for her, who slaughtered humanity, that daughter still felt love for her.
She inferred that living an empty life all along had made her clumsy with unfamiliar emotions, and in the end, relying on the humanity she possessed, she decided to set aside her resentment toward her.
"You don't have to try to understand. I, too, rampaged without caring about such things, so you should honestly follow your heart......."
"War is what was caused by people who didn't understand others like that."
It's a truth I know all too well, having lived the most brutal of lives.
That the age back then—an era when humans killed humans—could not help but be so stained with madness because they did not understand each other.
"...I know. I don't know about you, but I know well about your daughter."
Only the beginning allows holding the instigators accountable. As time passes, those who have inherited only someone's hatred point their blades at strangers they've never even seen and repeat nothing but biting and tearing at each other.
Because they know nothing, guilt is absent, and because they don't understand each other, they cling even more obsessively to what they have inherited.
Tachia was a victim of such an era.
The Tasian before me was also someone who, having been placed precisely in such an era, lost the leisure to think and rampaged.
"...That kind of world is the place I live in."
That alone doesn't erase her sins, but was I ever someone so righteous and great that I could hold anyone accountable for their sins?
The reason I sought to become a Hero was because I was far too weak myself to survive in this cruel world.
For I was nothing more than a pathetic Foreign Worker, who could easily have crumbled long ago without someone's help.
"A world like that... it makes even living on feel frightening."
That's why the goodwill she had shown me touched me all the more deeply.
"I'm afraid to live in a world without you. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have grown this much."
"It wasn't for your sake. That was also for my own......."
"Then why did you prepare meals for me?"
A flinch. The trembling I felt from her body pressed against mine.
It was telling me that all the attitudes she had shown me until now were not merely for the sake of her own death.
"It was an unnecessary act for that purpose alone."
It wasn't just me thinking as I pleased.
Tachia's memories.......
Because I had the conviction that at the end of her life, she forgave her foolish mother because she had awakened her love for herself.
"Even so, you gave me food. Did you deem it necessary for the tool that would grant your wish?"
"......."
"Did you, every moment, see me—who inherited her memories—only as an existence projecting your daughter?"
Just as I suppressed my hatred based on such grounds, I too intend to evaluate the one before me based on the trust of that child who believed in me.
That even though her innate birth might be beyond human reach, at the very end of her life, she was a pitiable existence understandable to humans.
"If that's not the case, then look at me. Not Tachia, but Woo Hyosung.... Look at me, who is looking at you right here, right now."
Only the form differed from what Airi and Marilyn expressed; I don't want to kill her—she who clearly bestowed upon me an emotion that can be defined as love.
I want to continue being with someone who loves me. Because it's a cruel world, I couldn't help but think that even more.
"Please......."
In this moment of pouring out such desperate feelings, I felt a vague anxiety surge up from a corner of my heart.
What if even this goodwill of mine wasn't conveyed to her? What if, putting all the facets she had shown me so far to shame, she poured out her resentment toward me?
"...Please, don't let the one I've given my heart to leave me any further."
As the fear of whether I could truly handle the responsibility that followed crept upon me, my slumping body began to tremble slightly.
Was it really okay to do this?
If it were her, could that child who passed this moment on to me......,
even seeing her mother who seemed about to crumble at any moment, respect my choice?
"...Really."
A voice that reached me—who was thirsting for such an answer—before I knew it.
At the same time, the hands she had cupped around my cheeks slowly pulled away, directing my head upward.
Brushing against lips where a faint warmth could be felt, unlike the cold and delicate fingers.
And breathing in a breath warmer than the gentle breeze blowing at this moment.
"Really, you're a bad child, aren't you."
At the end, having parted her lips, she took a step back and showed her figure without concealment.
"Ever since that child disappeared, living has been nothing but pain, yet you tell me I mustn't become at ease yet......."
Even while pouring out resentment toward me, she wasn't emotional.
As if unburdening her heart's load, she wore a smile lighter than before.
"...Tasian."
"But still, perhaps even if that child had been alive, she might have said the same thing as you do now."
Yes, because although it's different from her own wish, she might have had such an ending in mind as well.
Thus, as if resigning herself to something, she closed her eyes and spoke to me in a low voice.
"So, could you make one promise with me?"
A promise.
Something that could never be taken lightly for her.
For even if decayed, her core is a being called a dragon, and to a dragon, a promise is absolute.
For it was through that absoluteness of promise that she had straightened her own will, which would otherwise break, and endured the pain until now.
"Just promise me one thing. Just one......"
Even so, in this moment, she sought to forge a new covenant with me.
In order, even in that way, to carry on this painful life.
"...What is it you want me to do?"
In order, in that way, to live up to the expectations of the man she had given her heart to—and who had a heart.
"Become my son."
The bond of family that could be called a curse upon that life.......
In this moment, she was trying, by her own will, to repeat it.
"...Tasian."
"Even as a pretext is fine. Just let me do for you what I couldn't do for that child."
But how could that be called foolish?
Unlike back then, when she was thrown into confusion and committed an irreversible act, she is now acknowledging her sins.
And if she has thus acknowledged her sins, what must follow is not liberation but atonement.
"Give me a chance to prove that even what that child left behind has meaning."
Yes, the dragon was still in love.
Even if it was with a shabby body that had nothing left to burn, because she wished for the love for that child to continue.......
****
"...It ended up like this after all."
And a certain bard, watching that entire spectacle from where she hid in the nearby bushes.
Seeing their figures reflected in the sunset, a bitter smile began to spread across Marilyn's lips.
A heart awakened by a dragon, whose existence is bound to be empty, at the end of its life. Even though she considered it a curse, the sight of her choosing once again to carry it on by her own will.......
The reason it didn't feel like someone else's business was probably because, in this moment, she herself was feeling what one could call empathy toward them.
For though the forms might differ, what they felt could clearly be defined as love.
"While I welcome an increase in love rivals, Miss Airi, you're being unusually quiet. Usually, whenever I get close to Mr. Hyosung, you always take such a sharp attitude."
Watching this from a distance under a tree, Airi Heven.
But in her hand, there was no crystal ball to foresee the future.
For she had already predicted that such a conclusion would come about, knowing the minds of the two people, and that resolution, too, was firmly set.
"The road ahead is long, so the more helpers, the better. Moreover, since Tasian's sense of loss from losing her child is deep, she would never betray someone she's taken as family."
"Hmm~ Helpers, you say~?"
Marilyn, letting out a nasal hum at the blunt voice and leering lazily at her.
"Is that really all? From what I see, there seems to be some other reason......."
Feeling that gaze, Airi held her breath for a moment, then soon withdrew her attention and directed her eyes back to the two people.
Swallowing the mixed feelings arising from the sight of them going forward, holding each other's hands, with their backs to the sunset.
"...Because I know. At least, what the sorrow of losing family is like."
For she, too, had lost her mother at a young age and had been raised by the hands of her chieftain father and the tribespeople.
How could she commit such an act as bringing up her own circumstances to throw cold water on the relationship of those two?
"Mr. Hyosung also came to this world separated from his family; wouldn't he be able to summon his strength only if there's someone to stand in their place?"
Yes, because a person cannot live alone.
For only when one has a companion and comrade to share the arduous journey, and someone to guard the home they always return to, can one muster the courage to boldly set out on that journey.
-Shoo-ah.
As if blessing the sprouting of the seed for him, a warm wind began to blow between the two people gradually coming down the hill path.
As if blessing their relationship, the leaves of the trees fluttering in that wind also gradually parted, opening that path.
"...Son."
While walking such a path.
She whispered toward her new adopted son.
"Do you love Mommy?"
In place of a daughter she could never meet again.
Hoping to hear that answer, if only from another child of hers.
"...I love you."
At the wistful answer that came in reply.
The mother, steeped in nostalgia, endured the throbbing in her heart and showed a radiant smile.
"Yes, Mommy too."
Holding within herself the words that could no longer be conveyed.
"...Mommy loves you too."
Hoping that, to the new bond she had found at the end, at least,
she might honestly reveal her heart going forward.