Chapter 47
Chapter 47
A vice-commander, huh…
Honestly, I had never seriously thought about it.
Going further, I had never even dreamed of becoming a knight commander.
It wasn’t because I disliked being a vice-commander, or because I didn’t want to be a knight commander. To be honest, the title of knight commander wasn’t something I hated at all. If anything, it sounded good. The pay would be great, and it was a position that earned respect from others.
It was just that Belarck was a “ruined territory.”
Putting aside my gratitude toward my benefactor for a moment.
Let’s define what kind of person I am first.
I’m someone with a modern mindset, and on top of that, someone with strong ambitions for success.
The reason I once chased a championship belt. The reason I stubbornly stayed in a heavier weight class even when it didn’t suit me.
It all came down to greed. A lightweight championship wasn’t enough for me.
If I was born a man, then I wanted to be the strongest man on earth. That kind of challenge was exactly what I wanted.
So, staying in this small territory for my entire life was completely against my nature.
No matter how hard I tried here, it would still be like a frog in a well.
Or a man wandering around trees without ever seeing the forest.
Like only staring at the finger pointing at the moon.
I couldn’t help but feel a lingering thought in my mind.
“I want to play in bigger waters.”
There was also curiosity about how far I could go with a unique trait instead of aura.
Some might say this to me.
Did I forget the kindness of the people who raised and fed me?
That would be a fair point.
But let’s be honest.
If you were born in the countryside, does that mean you automatically want to stay in a local university? If you grew up in a rural area, does that mean you never visit the capital? Then what about going abroad?
There’s no rule that says a country bumpkin can’t aim higher.
So I saw no reason to devote my entire life to this small territory.
Iden? He’s my family.
My master? Also my family.
My peers? Also my family.
Everyone in Belarck is like family to me, even if we aren’t blood-related.
That was an undeniable fact.
But did my liege have to be Iden?
And did I have to remain bound to this land as a retainer?
That was a completely different matter.
In this medieval, feudal world, it might sound unreasonable.
But from my modern perspective, I could understand “respect” and “affection,” yet “loyalty” was something harder to fully grasp.
The reason I became a knight was ultimately because success would bring both fame and wealth.
Unlike natives, I wasn’t someone deeply devoted to chivalry or grand missions like holy crusades.
No matter how I thought about it, my motivation was far from that.
I shouldn’t forget that I used to enjoy wuxia novels.
Righteousness and chivalry. Those were enough for me.
And even if it was unlikely, let’s assume I did become a knight of Belarck.
Then all I would really do is guard the lord and protect the silver mines.
That wouldn’t help Iden financially in any meaningful way.
I’d be far better off working as a mercenary in terms of money.
Even if I served another lord, if that lord was wealthy, I could attach myself there and still be a nominal retainer. I could return to Belarck on vacation as if visiting my hometown.
When I became an adult, I might end up serving at least a count, or if I was lucky, even a marquis or higher noble.
While I was at it, I should probably invest in intelligence and wisdom as I grew older. Communication skills and flexibility would matter too. If I was going to get a job, I needed to know how to sell myself properly.
Besides…
The bastard who blinded Iden in one eye was unlikely to ever return to this territory.
Which meant that if I wanted revenge, I would eventually need to leave this place for a long time.
If that was the case, becoming a free knight would be far more efficient than binding myself to Belarck.
I could temporarily serve Belarck, then later switch masters if needed. It wasn’t impossible to stay flexible like that.
However…
“The act of a knight changing the lord he serves is the greatest disgrace and shame to both himself and his former lord!”
I remembered my master’s words during training.
He was so deeply devoted to chivalry that he had put it in very harsh terms.
In this world, changing lords was not something taken lightly.
From what I could tell, the psychological reaction of a lord recruiting a knight who had served three previous masters would be similar to a man marrying a woman who had dated over a hundred ex-boyfriends.
And a knight with no previous masters was valued like someone pure and untouched.
People here valued purity and loyalty, whether in marriage or in service.
So if I served Iden and later changed masters due to personal reasons, it could damage my career.
Unless there was an exceptional reason, it simply wasn’t acceptable.
Still, I knew this much for sure.
My home was Belarck, and what I should prioritize above all else was Belarck.
That alone felt like enough.
Decision made.
I turned my thoughts back and answered Conrad’s question without difficulty.
“No, I don’t intend to become vice-commander.”
“Then you mean you’ll wait until the master returns and take over later?”
“No, I’m saying I don’t want any official position at all. I think Bentley will become commander, and you’ll probably end up as vice-commander.”
“What are you talking about? Among us, Serah is clearly the most skilled.”
“Skill and leadership are different matters.”
“Different matters?”
“I’m too young, and I’m a woman. To become a commander, you need leadership ability, yes, but also the right image.”
If a woman became the commander of this knight order, the territory and even the lord would become an easy target for ridicule.
People would say things like, “How desperate must they be to put a man behind a woman’s skirt…”
Just imagining my important people being pointed at made it unpleasant.
“There are cases like that, but our master is merit-based. Since we are his disciples, it makes sense to go strictly by skill ranking,” Conrad said.
I appreciated the way he and Anna and Pan nodded beside him.
“Thanks for thinking highly of me, but…”
My goal was never to become a knight of Belarck anyway.
I wanted to become a free knight and rise in the world.
But I didn’t say that out loud.
It would disappoint me, and it would disappoint them too.
Everyone in the household would be shocked.
And before that, I needed permission from Iden and my master.
“My master, and Iden too… they’ll probably hate it even if they don’t show it,” I thought.
Still, I just needed to make my position clear.
If they refused… honestly, I didn’t know what I would do.
They were my lifesavers, after all. I couldn’t just answer however I wanted.
That was exactly why I hated owing people favors.
No matter how rough my personality was, I couldn’t ignore a debt.
“Maybe… I might end up working as a mercenary if Belarck’s situation gets worse and we need money,” I said, carefully steering the conversation.
So that I didn’t want the vice-commander position for now.
“So you want to be a mercenary instead of a knight?” Conrad asked.
“That’s not what I meant. I’m saying I might have to do other jobs depending on the territory’s situation. That’s what real loyalty is, isn’t it?”
“Oh, I understand now. As expected of Serah. Your insight is remarkable despite your age,” Conrad said warmly, patting my shoulder.
It seemed like he was praising my ability to lead.
He really was a thoughtful guy among the retainers.
Maybe I was the childish one, not him.
“Whenever you feel ready, I recommend you speak to the master. If you’re too embarrassed, I can even plead on your behalf. You are certainly qualified.”
This guy…
He was too thoughtful.
Almost suspiciously so.
“Hey… how many lives have you lived? Or are you just lying about your age?”
“Fuhaha, what are you talking about? I am indeed fifteen years old. Pan has known me since childhood,” he said.
“…Pan, is that true?”
“I get confused sometimes, but yeah, it’s true,” Pan replied.
Well, if there’s a witness, what can I do?
I have to believe it.
“Anyway… thanks,” I said.
“It is nothing. A knight’s duty is to be the shield of a lady—ah, sorry, Serah. That wording might not suit you.”
“It’s fine,” I chuckled.
Is this guy flirting in knight language?
Having someone like Conrad willing to serve under me was honestly tempting.
A fighter like me throwing spears from the back while Conrad tanks in front… that actually sounds like a solid combo.
Camping in the mountains together. Swimming in the sea. Living through hardships side by side like true men…
“Nice idea…”
Honestly, people like Conrad weren’t common.
But…
No.
I shouldn’t get carried away. I need to stay grounded and follow my own path.
“Speaking of which, why don’t you reconcile with Bentley? It’s not good for teammates to stay at odds,” Conrad said.
Huh?
Wait.
Is he actually not that great?
A strange sense of déjà vu hit me.
“No way. How many times have I trusted your judgment and wasted my time?”
“It wasn’t wasted time. You just approached things the wrong way,” he replied.
“What do you mean?”
“Bentley clearly has goodwill toward you. Continuing to treat him coldly is… honestly pitiful from an outsider’s perspective.”
“Goodwill? You mean hostility, right?”
“No, I mean goodwill.”
“Then why is he glaring at me and constantly lurking around?”
“Ever since you reached adolescence, his behavior has become more noticeable, hasn’t it?”
“Well, I’ve also gotten stronger this year.”
“Huh?”
“He’s probably just jealous. Watching me for openings, analyzing my sword. That level of obsession is basically interest.”
“…It feels like I’m talking to a wall. No, talking to a wall might be better.”
“Hey, what’s with the sudden attitude change? I’m not wrong.”
“You truly understand nothing about men, Serah,” Conrad sighed.
Tch.
There he goes again.
He’s usually reliable, but whenever Bentley comes up, his brain seems to short-circuit.
And I may not be some deep, wise person like Conrad…
But I’m not letting that “you don’t understand men” comment slide.
If I don’t understand men, then men in this world might as well not exist.
While I was thinking that—
Ah.
I figured it out.
The problem was right next to me.
“Conrad, stop hanging out with Bentley. I think his madness is rubbing off on you.”
“……”
“You’re too kind for your own good. You should be more careful about who you associate with…”
“……”