The Ones She Couldn't Save

I listened in silence as the Saintess spoke.

This was her true self — the pure, unguarded girl I would only ever get to see now, before the villains abducted her and stripped away every last memory, leaving nothing but a vacant husk. There would never be another chance to hear her lay her heart bare like this.

"It's so hard… keeping this up…"

Her hands were trembling.

What, exactly, was so hard about it? I decided to ask.

"People keep appearing in my dreams."

"What kind of people?"

So the biggest problem was restless sleep. No — not merely restless. Nightmares.

"The people I couldn't save. The ones I was never able to reach. They come to me as corpses and cling to me, over and over."

"Don't you save tens of thousands of people every year? And they still come to you like that?"

That caught me off guard, if I was being honest. The only reason I ever suffered nightmares was because the vengeful spirits of people I had killed still circled around me.

"I heard you treated wounded refugees in a conflict zone just last week."

But I couldn't see anything like that around the Saintess. As far as I knew, she was the only S-Rank Hero who had never killed anyone. Of course, her ability didn't have any real lethality to begin with, and her bodyguards handled that side of things for her.

"…The people I've saved are only a tiny fraction. By the time I arrive, more than half of them are already gone."

The Saintess drew a small notebook from her clothes. It looked like a journal she had kept herself.

"And even when I am there… I still can't save everyone."

The pages were filled with names. People who had been right in front of her, and whom she still hadn't been able to save.

As long as someone was still breathing, the Saintess could bring them back even if their body had been torn in two. She could even cure most of the incurable diseases modern science had given up on. That did not mean she could save everyone. There were rumors she could raise the dead, but that came with so many restrictions it barely counted — and the burden it placed on her was enormous.

I sat with what she had said. Thinking back on her backstory, the root of all this was almost certainly the environment she had grown up in.

The Saintess was a war refugee, same as me. She had been fleeing with her family by plane when it was shot down. She had awakened her power and miraculously saved them — but they had crashed in the middle of a battlefield.

She had tried everything she could to get them out using her own strength, but the enemy had been Federation troops who slaughtered civilians without discrimination. In the end, an S-Rank with zero combat ability had no choice but to ask someone else for help.

"No matter how hard I tried to save people, there were always more I couldn't."

And the problem was that the someone she had asked for help had been the Church.

In conflict zones, churches put on a show of charity work so they could snatch up any decent awakeners among the war orphans and raise them as devotees. I had been approached a few times myself. Once, they had nearly dragged me off by force.

The Saintess, if I remembered right, had fallen for their sweet-talking nonsense and gone of her own free will. Thanks to that, they had advertised her as a woman chosen by God, and she had ended up stuck with that childish title — Saintess. In reality, she was just an awakener with the best healing ability in the world.

"The Church said awakening was a blessing from God. I received that blessing… and I still could only save a handful of people."

Awakening, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a blessing from God?

Bullshit.

The Church's specialty was dressing up bullshit until it sounded almost plausible. If you considered that the origin of every monster in this world was an animal that had awakened, it was closer to a curse. If the concept of awakening had never existed at all, the world would at least have been more peaceful than it is now.

She asked me again, her voice catching. How should I answer? Tell her the truth, or lie? Whether it was true or false didn't really matter. What mattered was which one would actually help her.

"Before I give you my answer, let me ask you something first. Are you doing this work because you want to?"

"Me? I do it because I want to save people. But there are always more people I can't save than people I can…"

She answered with a bitter smile. I had a pretty good idea of the situation.

"Then that's enough. If it's work you genuinely want to do, there's no problem."

"Is that so? If it's what I want to do…"

"Yes. Who's going to criticize you for doing what you want? Especially when it isn't hurting anyone — when it's saving people who are suffering."

I stood as I comforted her. I was her bodyguard; sitting around like this didn't feel right.

Her circumstances were pitiable, and I understood how she felt well enough. Her reaction was the normal one, honestly. Compared to everything I had seen so far, Lena was far too mature for her age, and the other S-Rank Heroes thought in ways ordinary people simply didn't.

The Saintess was still only high-school age, when you thought about it. The weight on her shoulders was far too heavy for that. All of it had come from wartime PTSD and the constant indoctrination the Church called education.

"…That said, you should think carefully about whether this is truly what you want."

The Corvo Family's brainwashing was terrifying. Watching the Saintess, though, this kind of brainwashing was pretty terrifying too. Unlike Lilac, who had clearly felt off from the start, the Saintess didn't even realize anything was wrong with her.

The two days passed surprisingly uneventfully. Unlike the Titanic, passenger and crew identities had been thoroughly verified this time, so the hours slipped by without anyone needing to draw a weapon.

"…Ah. What time is it?"

"Eight o'clock. We'll arrive at Belir at nine, as I understand it."

"Is that so. Ah — I slept so well last night, thanks to you. Thank you, Miss Bella."

And we were almost at Belir. An island of engineers that had come together as a nation and declared independence. Belir had very few S-Rank awakeners of its own, but its technology was enough to stand as a proud neutral country.

"Um, Miss Bella."

"Yes?"

"We'll be arriving at Belir soon. Would it be all right if I went outside for some air?"

We would have to disembark anyway once we arrived. The only real concern was someone sniping the Saintess from a distance — but she had been abducted without being killed or seriously injured, so maybe that wasn't something I needed to worry about.

I nodded and went outside with her. I had been cooped up inside long enough that I was getting restless myself.

"Have you ever been to Belir, Miss Bella?"

"This is my first time."

"I see. Belir is a better place to live quietly than people give it credit for. The villages and forests especially — they look like something out of a fairy tale."

Centuries ago, the smartest engineers in the world had all gathered in Belir. They had needed a place to research without answering to any nation or the international community, so a coalition of scientists had pioneered what had once been an uninhabited island. Unexpectedly, the pioneers had also cared about conservation, developing the island only as far as they could without destroying its nature. That was why Belir was famous for its scenery.

"You can see it now, can't you, Miss Bella? ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠That's Belir. Even though it's a well-built harbor, the walls and the brick houses stretching out from it look just like an old fairy tale."

Was her eyesight good even if her body was ordinary? Belir's harbor still looked like a tiny speck, but the Saintess had already spotted it. I was an A-Rank awakener, so of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠course I could see it — but the Saintess's body was at a civilian's level. That was a little surprising.

"Ah, the clean air… I've always been soaked in the smell of blood and gunpowder. Coming somewhere that has nothing to do with war feels so good."

The Saintess stretched, drinking in Belir's clean air. As recently as yesterday she had been in a bad way, drowning in self-doubt — but I had held her hand and sung her a lullaby the way I used to with Lena when she was even younger, and it had helped. I honestly hadn't expected to end up doing that as a bodyguard, but if it solved the problem, fine.

I had felt a wave of self-loathing afterward, of course. Comforting a girl my own age like a little sister, holding her hand, singing her a lullaby… it was enough to make anyone cringe. I had only done it because her sniffling at night was too loud to sleep through.

"Ah, Miss Bella! I can see people down there too!"

Looking at her like this, she really did seem like a child. Capella wasn't even twenty yet, but add in my original age and I was about as old as Bella the bodyguard was supposed to be — so of course she looked like a kid. At that age, she still was a kid.

"Fortunately, I don't see anyone who looks like a sniper or an assassin. If they're hiding in a window somewhere nearby, though, I wouldn't be able to confirm it from here."

"Haha, don't make scary jokes like that. You don't have to worry about that in Belir. Firearms are illegal, and awakeners B-Rank and above are strictly regulated."

She was right. Belir's public safety was excellent compared to most places. That didn't mean there were no thieves or muggers — it meant incidents like villain terrorism and murder were rare. Entry for B-Rank and above awakeners from outside was already subject to extremely rigorous screening, and security robots patrolled the island around the clock, so the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠crime rate was quite low.

"Saintess."

"Yes?"

"You might get hurt. Take three steps back."

"Huh? Ah… all right."

I moved her away from where she had been leaning on the railing. As she had said, Belir had few awakeners and dangerous weapons were illegal. Hero City was relatively safe because it was managed by Heroes; Belir had no Heroes at all, and was far safer.

But that was only true if you limited the threat to human beings…

A spear slammed into the deck where the Saintess had been standing a moment before. Her face went deathly pale as she stared at me, wide-eyed.

"Th-that's a spear, isn't it?"

Monsters prioritized awakeners with high-purity mana. An S-Rank like the Saintess being targeted first was only natural.

"Yes. That's a weapon mermaids favor — carved from the bones of sea monsters."

"Mermaids…?"

Belir was an island nation, but it had surprisingly few fishermen, and the reason was its public safety. Few awakeners, few weapons. Which meant few effective means of dealing with monsters — which meant the ones that lived in the sea ran wild.

"Th-the ones they call the cockroaches of the sea?"

"Yes. Those mermaids. The cockroaches of the sea."

The hull shuddered. Mermaids began hauling themselves up out of the water. Fortunately, unlike last time, nobody was controlling them. These were scouts, so there weren't many. Scout mermaids almost never surfaced under ordinary circumstances, but if they had been drawn by the Saintess's S-Rank mana, that tracked. This passenger liner was a rowboat compared to the Titanic, too — easy pickings for marine monsters.

"I-it'll be okay, right?"

She was S-Rank, and she was still terrified of C-to-B-Rank mermaids. Probably because the Hero Association and the Church had only ever sent her to places where her safety was already guaranteed. That was why she always arrived after the dead already outnumbered the living, and why she tortured herself with that sense of inadequacy.

"…Don't move on your own. Stay behind me."

"What?"

I pulled on the gloves I had been issued. Mermaid blood was sticky as oil; once it got on your skin, water barely washed it off.

Seawater sprayed across the deck.

"M-Miss Bella?!"

A mermaid launched itself from the water, lunging at the Saintess. High-purity mana was gourmet feed to monsters. To them, a Saintess with no combat ability would look like a first-class meal.

I seized it by the throat. It let out a strangled shriek as I snapped its neck and hurled the body back into the sea. This way I didn't even have to get my clothes dirty.

"Are you all right?"

I offered my other hand to the Saintess, who had collapsed in shock. Come to think of it — had she never been attacked by marine monsters on previous visits to Belir? I was pretty sure she had come at least three times. Why did she look so startled?

"Um… Miss Bella, didn't you say you were a D-Rank awakener?"

"Ah. Yes. I did."

Right. I was a D-Rank awakener right now.

Now I understood why she had been so worried. Even a C-Rank awakener struggled to take down a single mermaid, and the only bodyguard next to her was D-Rank. Fair enough. The other bodyguards were busy knocking mermaids off the outer hull…

"Miss Bella?"

"Come on, let's get you inside. These are only scouts. They'll be dealt with soon."

I tried to usher her into the cabin as naturally as I could.

"You're definitely D-Rank, so how did you take down a mermaid so easily—"

"I just exhausted myself fighting that mermaid. Please, evacuate."

Come to think of it, the head of the security team had told us that if monsters appeared, the top priority was to get the Saintess inside. Don't forget. Right now, I am a D-Rank awakener. Even at less than half my usual strength, I could be mistaken for an unregistered. Not mistaken, actually. That was exactly what I was. Capella's ID listed her as a C-Rank awakener.

"This mana…"

Just as we were about to enter the cabin, I felt a considerable surge of mana approaching from Belir's direction. Not quite on Cheonma's level, but this was definitely mana that surpassed an A-Rank.

"Miss Bella, I don't think we need to evacuate just yet."

The Saintess looked toward Belir, a little tense. She had noticed the approaching mana too.

"A pleasure, Saintess! Welcome to Belir!"

A trident came flying with the voice. It shot up from the waves and began skewering the mermaids that had boarded the ship, and in less than thirty seconds every last one of them had been forcibly returned to the sea, spraying blood.

I knew who this was.

A muscular giant of a man with blue hair, wearing an unseasonal Hawaiian shirt, landed right in front of the Saintess.

"You're not hurt, are you?"

He was Belir's S-Rank awakener. The one they called the Ruler of the Sea. Kaitos.

"Yes, thanks to you, Sir Kaitos…"

The Saintess greeted him with the same smile I had seen on broadcasts, but behind her back, her hands were trembling with unease.

The look in Kaitos's eyes as they fell on me was anything but ordinary.