Training
At the subway station entrance, Yongjin waved and went inside, while Myeongsuk and I walked on toward the bus stop. Unlike a moment earlier, her pace had slowed. I matched her steps and eased my own. After a while, Myeongsuk spoke, eyes on the ground.
"Jisin-nim, are you dating that shaman?"
Startled by the sudden question, I turned to look at her. She did not look back.
"Shamans tend to be a bit loose by nature. And that one is young and pretty on top of it."
I answered in a voice that betrayed some fluster.
"Yoonchae isn't like that. And we—"
Myeong suk lifted her head and regarded me with an odd little smile.
"It doesn't matter. From now on, Jisin-nim has to share love with everyone around him. That shaman is no exception."
I had no idea what she was talking about, so I couldn't even form a question. We walked on in silence a little farther before she spoke again.
"I have a wide network. Among them are people who won't come to our gatherings on my stories alone. And some of them want something else entirely. With those people, you have to be able to handle them without hesitation."
I was not understanding a word of it. Myeongsuk clearly sensed as much.
"What I mean is, from now on you won't only be dealing with women your own age. Of course you won't feel any real attraction—but for the sake of our future, you need to be able to handle them as if it were nothing."
I laughed lightly.
"I'm not the type who puts walls up with people. And I don't get shy around strangers either."
Myeong suk stopped walking. A little startled, I stopped with her.
"I'm forty this year. Does that mean you could embrace me, too?"
I was rattled, but I tried not to show it and forced a smile.
"Forty? You don't look it. I thought you were much younger. And treating people and that kind of thing are—"
I tried to joke us past the awkward turn. Myeongsuk refused to move according to my wishes.
"I have a child, too. An elementary schooler. And a husband. Even if people worse than me throw themselves at you—could you embrace them lovingly?"
It was uncomfortable. But I did not want to show any aversion. We had banded together today to scheme something, and I had no desire to sour the mood over a conversation this trivial.
"If that situation arises, I'll do my best. I won't give you cause for worry."
Myeong suk shook her head.
"For starters, drop the formal speech with me and treat me roughly. From now on, the people around Jisin-nim are all gathering to receive your grace—people seeking salvation from you. Maintaining excessive politeness in a relationship that one-sided only damages the other person's sense of reverence, if you ask me."
It solidified my conviction that she was absolutely not an ordinary middle-aged woman. I should not take this woman lightly. Myeongsuk looked straight at me and took a step closer.
"While we're at it, shall we try some of that training right now?"
"What?"
I nearly toppled over in surprise. What on earth was this woman saying?
"What are you talking about? Don't joke around."
I mumbled vaguely, meaning to turn it into a joke and shut the conversation down—but Myeongsuk's expression only grew more serious, more taut, as she closed another step. I backed away and spoke in a rush.
"Myeong suk-ssi, you have a family, and you're older than I am—"
She cut me off.
"Thinking about it, this is actually a better situation. Think of it as practice while things are still awkward. And it'll also be practice for being able to have relations even without any affection involved."
I could not tell whether she was serious. While I hesitated, Myeongsuk seized my wrist and pulled.
"I can't stay out all night either, so hurry up."
She dragged me along. I found myself following. Honestly, I could have shaken her off, gotten angry, yelled, and gone home. Even without losing my temper, I could have reasoned with her and turned back. That I did neither was something I could not deny—I was a little moved myself. At the peak of my prime, no matter how much older the woman was, when she was offering her body for free it was not easy to refuse. If I had been a man with countless women around him, with the looks and the wealth to take them whenever I pleased, there would have been no reason to feel curiosity about an older woman like this.
Myeong suk did not look back at me once as she led me by the wrist into the entertainment district alley. We passed the lane packed with bars and turned onto the back street, where countless motels came into view. She walked into one of them as if she knew it well. It happened to be an unmanned motel. Myeongsuk slid a card in and checked in with practiced ease, then picked up the key that dropped below and glanced at me.
"Fourth floor."
She took my wrist again and boarded the elevator. It was extremely narrow and small—barely room for two or three people. When the doors closed, Myeongsuk spoke while staring straight ahead.
"I have absolutely no intention of catching Jisin-nim's weaknesses or toying with you. That Yongjin-ssi earlier is probably thinking the same as I am. The center of what we're planning is Jisin-nim. Now we're in the same boat. I and that shaman both have to live like Jisin-nim's slaves."
It was strangely persuasive, but I was still dazed. To be completely honest, my heart was hammering at the time, and her words were not reaching my ears at all. My chest raced with the mingled sense of immorality and anticipation of sex with a woman who had a child and a husband.
We entered the room on the fourth floor. Myeongsuk looked at me.
"For the time being, I'll take responsibility for Jisin-nim's nighttime affairs. That shaman is too young for that kind of work. I won't interfere with whatever you do with her privately—but for anything related to the work, I'll take responsibility."
Having finished speaking, Myeongsuk began to undress. With an utterly unbothered expression, she stripped very quickly. Forty years old. By my standards she was more than a full twelve-year cycle older than me—someone I had never once considered as a partner. And that woman was undressing in front of me right now.
Myeong suk was not a typical soft, heavyset middle-aged ajumma. Up close her face had plenty of fine wrinkles and she looked her age, but she was not at an unwatchable level. From those lines I could sense that her past and present had not been entirely smooth. These days, women with money to spare poured enormous sums into dermatology and plastic surgery clinics, clinging to the looks and figures of women in their twenties. She was a far cry from those women, but I thought she was not at rock bottom either.
Down to only her bra and panties, Myeongsuk spoke to me.
"I sweated a lot today, so I'll wash up first. I'm already old—if I smell on top of that, it'll kill the mood."
She went straight into the bathroom. Once she was inside, I sat limply on the chair at the table. Honestly, this was the first time I had ever set foot in a motel. It was cleaner than I had expected, and the interior was excellent—almost a waste, I thought, to come in just for a one-night stand and leave after finishing the business.
I wondered what I was doing. Everything was progressing at breakneck speed without brakes. My relationship with Yoonchae, the sudden lecture by the middle-aged women, Yongjin's scheme… The peak of that ultra-fast progression was this ajumma, Go Myeongsuk. She had approached us with that strange air, joined us proposing we form a team, and then—right up to this very moment. Was what Myeongsuk said sincere? Or was she thinking something else? As I had told myself many times, since I had nothing, I had nothing to lose, so I was not afraid—but honestly I did feel a flicker of is this really okay? And more honestly still, I did not want to miss a free opportunity. With free, the other person's age or appearance did not matter.
The sound of water from the bathroom stopped, and my heart rate climbed. When I could feel my pulse all the way up into my throat, the bathroom door opened and Myeongsuk appeared with a towel wrapped around her body. She was wearing a shower cap, so she had probably not washed her hair. She looked at me.
"Why aren't you undressing? Shall I undress you?"
I stood up from the chair in a daze and headed toward the bathroom.
"I was going to wash up too—"
Myeong suk caught my arm. With all her makeup wiped away, her face showed even more fine wrinkles. Since she had never worn heavy makeup to begin with, she did not look drastically different from before—but I thought that when she was a little younger, she must have been a face people called pretty.