The Witch's Brew
A few days later, I found myself back at Arke's containment room. The moment the door opened, the first thought that struck me was how eerily similar it looked to a witch's workshop I'd once seen in a movie. I picked my way forward carefully, trying not to step on anything, and soon encountered all manner of strange sights. Was that a frog…? Beside it hung the upside-down carcass of some small creature I'd never seen before, suspended by a string. Whatever it was, the smell was foul. There were also plant roots that looked disturbingly human, their chests rising and falling as though they were asleep. The shelves were crammed with glass jars of every size, their surfaces coated in grime. Inside floated snail shells, clusters of leeches, two-headed snakes, and what might have been human eyeballs, all submerged in murky liquid. The sheer volume of things that looked like they would curse you if touched made me tense up even more as I moved deeper.
Glug, glug, glug…
After navigating the maze of shelves and ingredient piles, I finally reached a clearer space where something was boiling vigorously. A voice called out from behind a massive cauldron.
"Perfect timing, Counselor."
"Arke?"
She popped her head up from behind the enormous pot, gripping a long stick. It seemed she'd been standing on some kind of high stool on the other side. Leaning far forward over the cauldron—far enough that I worried she might fall in—she stirred the contents in lazy circles before murmuring something under her breath. Sensing this was a moment of concentration, I stayed quiet. Between the bubbling sounds, her voice rose in a language I'd never heard before. I could only assume it was the witches' tongue. Was she casting a spell?
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh…
Once she sealed her lips, the suspicious liquid filling the cauldron rapidly shrank away with a sound like a flushing toilet. A puff of white smoke rose dramatically, and at the very bottom, a tiny amount of shimmering golden liquid remained, as though someone had spilled it there. Only when the cauldron was nearly empty did I realize the "stick" in her hand was actually an extremely long-handled ladle.
"Hup-cha."
With practiced ease, she scooped up the remaining liquid and poured it into a small brown bottle without spilling a single drop. While I watched, mesmerized, she capped the bottle with one hand, hooked the ladle onto the cauldron's handle with the other, and kicked over a pile of blue soil at her feet to extinguish the fire.
"So? What do you think of my workshop? It's quite unique, isn't it?"
She descended from the stool with an air of self-importance, clearly expecting praise. The scene had been mysterious and impressive, but if she was asking about the workshop itself…
"Well… it's not organized at all."
To an outsider's eye, it was nothing more than an artistic mess.
"Wh-what?! Everything here is essential for alchemy, and every single item is exactly where it needs to be…!"
She trailed off, perhaps remembering that it had always been Makatasrama Zuhsamudea who handled the cleaning. I offered an awkward smile and extended a hand.
"If you need an extra pair of hands, I'd be happy to help."
"Huh…?"
I was genuinely worried she might one day be buried under a collapsing mountain of ingredients and get seriously hurt. I didn't think we could finish everything in a single day, but if I tidied up a little more each visit, we might eventually make progress—assuming she didn't immediately create new chaos.
"Whew… Where did all these things even come from?"
After sorting similar items into rough piles in one corner and finally straightening up, I couldn't help but ask. Many of the objects looked ancient.
"Ah, those. I finally retrieved the recovered items from my previous workshop."
"I see."
Her old workshop had been cleared out during the nest-cleaning operation, so these must have been returned to her.
"Given how cluttered it is… your previous workshop must have been bigger than this one."
That would explain why everything had been crammed in so haphazardly.
"Hm? No, this place feels quite spacious and comfortable to me."
…Apparently not.
"How much did you make Nero work?"
"Ahem, ahem."
Her embarrassed laugh conjured an image of Nero with her face buried in ingredient piles, desperately searching for whatever Arke had requested.
"More importantly, you're here for that item we discussed, correct?"
"Well… yes."
This time it was my turn to be interrogated.
"That unsteady, swaying body of hers is practically a living portrait of affectionate lust. Holding her at night must make falling asleep quite easy."
"Only if you can endure it."
"…Indeed."
"I meant Nero has to endure it."
It wasn't as though I felt nothing when Nero pressed that body against me, but she was usually the one who couldn't hold back and started tearing at my clothes. Aside from that, her soft, warm form was undeniably perfect for sleeping with.
"Anyway… yes, you arrived at just the right moment, like a flower blooming in season."
Far more quickly than I'd expected, she finished her questioning about Nero and me. She shook the small brown bottle, letting the liquid inside slosh audibly. From the way she spoke, the potion she'd just finished brewing was the very one I'd requested last time.
"Since a witch created it, the effect is guaranteed. However, there will always be some minor side effect."
"Side effect…?"
The item in question was, of course, the aphrodisiac I'd asked for. The word "side effect" made me hesitate before accepting the bottle.
"Yes, side effects. For example, a hair-growth tonic might cause all the hair down there to fall out instead."
"Down there"… right. That made sense.
"The nobles of that era apparently used it under the pretense of cleanliness for oral relations with their wives and concubines. It became such a trend that they started shaving themselves, which was rather amusing to watch."
"…Haha."
"Thinking back, I don't think I've ever laughed as hard at our witch gatherings as I did then."
Minor? Well, maybe by her standards.
"A lotion that restores skin to its youthful firmness and clarity causes a large pimple to appear on the bridge of the nose once every four days. Compared to regaining youth, I'd say that's a very small price to pay, wouldn't you?"
"Well… I suppose so."
"The old ladies back then would all shut themselves inside their homes every four days. At the time, people simply assumed the noblewomen were holding study sessions for self-cultivation."
Hearing old stories from a witch was genuinely fascinating. She seemed delighted to have someone to talk to. Still, what concerned me most right now was the side effect of the liquid inside that small brown bottle.
"So… what exactly is the side effect of this one?"
"Hm? Ah… Aphrodisiacs have been in such high demand that the recipe has been modified over the centuries whenever ingredients became unavailable. I haven't made one in the last hundred years myself."
"…Which means?"
"It means even I don't know."
…?
She smiled brightly and puffed out her chest with confidence. I barely stopped myself from pointing out that she'd previously called herself a genius. Even if she claimed the side effects were minor, the thought of something affecting my health made me extremely reluctant. Yet she only laughed lightly, as if to reassure me.
"At worst, both testicles might swell to the size of ostrich eggs, the glans could turn a deep purple and taste like blueberries, or perhaps your semen will come out in five colors with a floral scent, like urine."
"…"
"Once the aphrodisiac's effect wears off, the side effects return to normal as well. So there's nothing to worry about, right?"
No, no, there was plenty to worry about. Ostrich eggs? I hadn't misheard, had I?
"Now that I think about it, some people actually seemed to enjoy those side effects… The ostrich-egg variant had quite the demand."
"Stop… That's disgusting."
I'd already imagined it. Ostrich eggs…
"So you really don't know what the side effect will be. Are you at least certain it'll be one of those three?"
"Hmm… Well, I used the materials I had on hand, but it's been so long… As a cute genius alchemist, I can guarantee the main effect will work perfectly."
"…"
Further questioning seemed pointless. Reluctantly, I accepted the brown bottle, though I already suspected I would never use it. I shouldn't have to. Arke, whether she understood my feelings or not, simply looked refreshed after talking so much and gave me an elegant farewell.
"May you spend a mysterious day accompanied by a witch's magic. I shall await your next visit."