The Depths of Despair
Clunk! "Ugh… Uweeegh! Hack, cough, cough…"
"Ung-ssi!"
I flung the door open and stumbled out, collapsing onto the floor as I vomited everything I'd eaten for lunch onto the pristine white surface. Even after that, the nausea wouldn't stop, leaving me retching on the isolation room floor for what felt like an eternity.
…It hadn't been like this from the start.
Prisoner No. 13, the clumsy kidnapper, had been cooperative with counseling, just as I'd expected. She'd only touched the spot where her horns had once been, looking puzzled. I'd thought the session would go even smoother than the morning one.
But her closed-off, self-protective attitude made conversation difficult. Frustrated, I tried using my ability to connect with her—and that was when it happened.
"Cough… Ugh… Cough, cough."
"What happened in there?!"
"It… wasn't her fault. Cough…"
I barely managed to hold back the team leader, who looked ready to rush inside at any moment, and tried to calm my spinning head.
What I'd touched inside her was… a horrifying, gloomy self-loathing that bordered on abuse. The moment we connected, those emotions flooded my heart—feelings too terrible to describe as mere emptiness, loneliness, or depression. The simple fact that I was still alive filled me with such overwhelming guilt that I felt compelled to end my life immediately.
And this was only after Mini Undine had filtered it somewhat. Even that filtered version had been too much for me. I'd left her behind and fled the counseling room to throw up.
I couldn't understand how anyone could carry emotions like that and still function normally.
"…That's enough for today. Your face has gone pale."
"No, no… We only just started. If I don't use my ability… Haa… I can still keep going."
I was terrified. If possible, I wanted to live without ever knowing what had driven her to this state. But I couldn't just leave her like that either. If it were me, I'd have gone insane already. How was she still holding on?
"…I'll just rinse my mouth and come right back."
"No. We're stopping here for today."
"But…"
I looked up at her with pleading eyes, but the team leader's expression made it clear she wouldn't change her mind.
"If you want to show that face to your counseling subject, be my guest. But I wouldn't recommend it."
"…Is it really that bad?"
"For the rest of the afternoon… Yes. Why don't you go see Harpy or Rav?"
"…"
The gloomy residue still clung to me. In the staff lounge, I took my toothbrush and toothpaste from my personal locker and stood before the sink, staring at my reflection. Just as the team leader had said, my face looked haggard and unhealthy. Even my hollow, lifeless eyes made me look like a patient suffering from severe depression.
I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…
Her trembling voice still echoed in my ears. What could possibly make her repeat those words so desperately? At first I'd thought it was just a habit, but now I understood.
I'm sorry for still being alive… Someone like me…
"Haa… I can't let it be like this."
I couldn't let it be like this. How could anyone say they were sorry just for existing? The Inquisition must have subjected the prisoners to severe brainwashing and abuse based on the Vatican's biased doctrines. I'd heard there were archangels in the Inquisition too… How could they allow something like that?
"Huu…"
I let out a long sigh, and fatigue seeped up from the floor, heavy and cold. There was always a risk of being swallowed by the other person's emotions instead, but only three seconds? Five at most? I'd thought I'd grown somewhat used to the discomfort of feeling emotions that weren't mine, but clearly I hadn't. Receiving that much negativity all at once had triggered a full-body rejection, complete with vomiting. There was nothing more to say.
Still, I considered it a valuable experience. Counseling was ultimately about understanding the other person, after all.
"So… what now?"
The team leader had already ordered me to stop for the day, and since it had happened so early in the session, I now had far too much free time until the end of my shift.
…I might as well take her advice.
"Welcome, darling."
"Darling…?"
"You look like you've got a lot on your mind… Why don't you sit down first?"
After leaving the staff lounge, I'd pressed the elevator button after much deliberation. I'd considered visiting Harpy and Harpia, but no matter how many smiles I forced in the mirror, my expression remained lifeless and drained. So I'd ended up heading to Rav's isolation room instead. I didn't want to burden Harpy, who already had enough worries with childcare.
When I opened the door to the "pitch-black box," I found… a bar? The lighting was softer and more subdued than the flashy setup from her bunny-girl appearance, creating a calm, elegant atmosphere. Even her outfit looked like a bartender's—neat and polished—with her pretty lavender hair tied back in a tidy ponytail. It was the kind of mood that made me want a drink.
"Not a little kid today, Rav."
"It means your lower half is overflowing with energy again, doesn't it?"
"Ah…?"
When I'd visited Rav's room after being thoroughly drained by Undine, she'd always appeared as a child. I'd suspected it, but it seemed she really was influenced by my sexual desire. The moment I escaped that draining routine, she appeared before me in a mature, sisterly form radiating sensuality.
"So you came because you wanted to fill your stomach after so long… But your expression looks so dark today."
She guided me to a seat at the glossy bar table beneath the lights, then circled around behind it. With a gentle smile, she took both my hands in hers.
"I'll always be whatever you want me to be, in whatever form you desire… If something's bothering you, will you tell me everything?"
"Haha…"
The way Rav was acting made me realize I'd been more shaken than I'd thought. Her leading tone, her caring touch—it meant I'd been craving comfort from someone. My face felt strangely ticklish. A counselor receiving counseling instead…
"Thanks, Rav. For worrying about me… But I'm fine."
I really was fine. These negative emotions weren't mine. Without their original source, they couldn't take root inside me forever. I'd only needed a little comfort, and the fact that she'd approached me with concern, suppressing her own desires, was already more than enough.
"If you say so, then I'm glad…"
Swish, pop, click.
"If you're really grateful… I'd like some kind of reward."
The hair she'd tied back came undone on its own, cascading down and gleaming beautifully under the brighter light above her. At the same time, the bartender uniform's neck ribbon loosened and fell away, several shirt buttons popping open without being touched, revealing the deep valley of her cleavage.
"Ah… No, not today. Just a little—"
My counseling session had been cut short because of me. Even if the team leader had told me to go, my conscience wouldn't allow it.
"Not even a kiss…?"
Rav raised a finger and slowly traced her lips. They glistened with a provocative color, as if she'd applied red lipstick, and she leaned forward invitingly. Her lavender eyes were drenched in desire. The fact that she'd started making sexual advances meant I was feeling the same way. With every movement and gesture, she was seducing me in exactly the way I wanted.
"…"
Even knowing better, I found myself leaning in as if entranced. I tried to pull back at the last second, but it was too late.
"Hah…"
It wasn't a hand, but something unfamiliar pressed against my back and yanked me forward. Before I knew it, our lips met. The question lingered, but the moment her moist lips touched mine, my head tilted naturally, my mouth opened, and our tongues intertwined hotly between our joined lips.
"Mmm… Chuup, juup…"
I hadn't brushed my teeth so thoroughly just for this… But as I tormented her wet mouth and soft tongue tip, savoring her sweet saliva, I stopped caring. There was just one thing…
"Rav… Wait, ever since earlier… Mmph…?"
"Chuuuh… Chuut, jyook… You mean this?"
Yeah. When she'd pulled me forward earlier, and even while we were kissing, something had been sliding stickily over various parts of my body… What on earth was—
"…Huh?"
That… Could it be, tentacles? They writhed and swayed like tails, transparent and smooth, with a lavender hue. The texture looked sticky to the touch… No matter how I looked at it, they resembled Undine's tentacles, just in a different color.
"Weren't you hoping for this?"
"N-no… Even if I was, it's not right."
"Really…? How strange."
No, it wasn't strange at all.
"…"
Had my body really been trained by Undine? It had felt good—unbearably good—but this wasn't okay. Never again…
"Well… For now, just enjoy my mouth."