A Mother's Dangerous Game
"Why are you still here?"
"Woong's mother said I should at least have a meal before leaving. Should I refuse?"
Right now, I'm sitting on the living room sofa in our house.
"Of course you should have refused. Don't you think it's shameless for another woman to barge into the home where your girlfriend is living with you?"
"We were never really dating to begin with. If anything, I'd say I'm closer to being his girlfriend than you are."
My ears were starting to hurt.
"I sleep with Master every single night, you know? Just because you spent one night together—!"
"One night is still enough to make you jealous, isn't it? Fufu, don't tell me you're still—"
"You, you! If you say one more word—"
Was this just an extension of their morning argument? Caught between the two of them, I could feel a headache coming on from trying to read both their moods at once. It might have been entertaining if Founder had been squeezed in the middle too, but thankfully she was currently perched on Father's lap.
"Ehehehe~"
She had been calling Mother a "squishy" and clinging to her like a cicada earlier, but now she had gone over to Father to demand head pats instead.
"It feels like I suddenly have a granddaughter."
"Don't stop your hand, you old man. It's just a degraded copy of your son."
"...Alright, alright."
If it weren't for her adorable appearance that covered everything, that rude way of speaking would have been a serious problem. If I had talked like that when I was little, I wouldn't have gotten a gentle "alright"—I'd have been hung upside down from the persimmon tree in the backyard and beaten black and blue. Judging by the happy look on Father's face, though, it seemed like everything was fine.
"..."
As for Mother... she was busy preparing dinner. Her hands had always been generous, and apparently the hospital food had left her wanting, so tonight's meal was bound to be overflowing. She had already come back with two armfuls of groceries before even coming upstairs, after all. It was her first time using her son's card, and she had been thrilled about it. I had offered to cook since I was the one who invited everyone, but Mother never took back a decision once she'd made it, so I had no choice but to surrender the kitchen and sit on the sofa for now.
"In the end, you have to get his parents' approval, right?"
"That does sound right. Then...!"
This time, the conclusion had taken the most troublesome direction. Yerin immediately stood up and headed toward Mother, who was still preparing the meal.
"Before that, my opinion is..."
That it didn't matter. Truthfully, I could have made Yerin quiet down with just a single whisper in her ear, but for some reason watching her act so bold in front of Nero was amusing, so I had left them alone. Before I knew it, it had turned into a full-blown competition.
"Mother, is there anything I can help with?"
"Oh my, oh my... Nero, you can just sit and relax~"
Even as her hands continued chopping ingredients at the same steady pace, Mother turned her head with a warm, smiling gaze to greet Nero. This was exactly why she hired experienced people.
"I couldn't possibly do that. Please, just tell me what to do."
"I...! I feel bad just eating without helping..."
"Oh my~ Even Yerin too..."
From my perspective, knowing everything, it was far more entertaining. They looked like they were trying to earn points by helping with the cooking, but... those two still didn't know. They didn't know that while Mother might look like the ideal, gentle and kind mother on the surface, she could be just as eccentric as Father when she wanted to be.
"I see... Then..."
I was worried. Maybe I should stay nearby.
"...Shall we take turns sharing one good thing about Woong each?"
"Of course, that's— what?"
"...?"
Staying right next to them would be too embarrassing. I would eavesdrop out of curiosity, though.
"Ah, now that I think about it, this must be a sudden request for Yerin... I'm sorry, I really have no tact..."
"N-no...! I'm always indebted to Woong..."
"Oh my, Woong? That's so cute~ Is that a nickname? Are you like his office wife, Yerin?"
I choked. That was basically calling her his mistress, this auntie... Was she doing this on purpose? And she was gradually mixing in casual speech, trying to drop the formalities with Yerin. Her skill at naturally closing the distance was extraordinary. Even in a small mountain village, maybe you needed that level of thick-skinned conversational skill to become the women's association president.
"Ah...! No! How could someone like me dare to be called his wife..."
...And she actually responded to that. At a level that made me want to immediately stuff something in her mouth to shut her up, no matter what it was.
"Oh my, why not? I quite like you too, Yerin. I'm sorry to Nero, but... I still haven't gotten over the fact that you two started living together without permission..."
"Ahaha... I suppose so..."
She said it like that, but... deep down, she wasn't bothered in the slightest. Not even a little. Not one bit. Even if it was a lie, she had introduced Nero as the girlfriend he was living with, yet she was openly saying she liked another girl in front of her. Anyone could see she was leaving room for something. It was probably because Yerin couldn't hide how conscious she was of me... and because of that, Mother's mind—being the morning drama addict she was—was now filled with impure expectations of witnessing a messy plot unfold with her own eyes.
'A strong-willed girlfriend he's living with, and a compliant superior from the same company who lives right upstairs and seems willing to do anything... I can see it now~'
What exactly could she see?
'...Tired of the relationship, exhausted from being pushed around by his girlfriend... The two of them, able to commute to and from work together legally because they live close, grow closer and closer. The man gradually finds himself drawn to the obedient side of this other woman, different from his girlfriend...'
And that man was supposed to be her own son. Did she really want her son to experience the kind of tragic ending that morning dramas inevitably led to?
"This is a secret, but actually, my husband... I stole him from another woman, you know? Hohoho... Maybe that's why I understand it so well. I understand it very well."
...That was the first time I'd heard that.
"They say there's a reason women become mistresses, right? Then there must be a reason for men to become taken too."
It was quite a dangerous statement, yet both of them were nodding along as if enchanted by her gentle, intimate tone.
...Nero, you're supposed to be the girlfriend here, so you shouldn't be nodding along.
"So Nero, you need to stay sharp and properly guard against thieving cats. Yerin says she has no such intentions, but feelings between a man and a woman can spark in an instant. Besides, our Woong looks just like his father did when he was young—handsome, isn't he? Right?"
They say women show a different side of themselves when they're with other women. Was I witnessing that right now? I had never seen Mother, who usually just smiled and said "oh my, oh my" and "hoho" with her hands behind her back, push her own opinions onto someone like this.
"Then shall we start with Nero? Cooking can get boring, and this way we can share all the different good sides of him—his work self, his cohabiting lover self, and his family self, all at once, right?"
It was a little funny for me, who could hear everyone's inner thoughts, to say this, but the idea of sharing various strengths from different sides of me actually sounded pretty convincing. Maybe it was because I was just expecting to hear compliments about myself. I had wondered if it was even possible to win against the person who had raised me the longest, but since there wasn't actually anything at stake...
"The winner gets to go on a date with Woong for a whole day! Of course, this auntie will do her best to win too. No holding back, alright?"
...The moment I thought that, something had been put on the line. And it was me, who wasn't even participating in the game, being used as the prize.
"...He gives really good head pats. His hands are big and warm, and more than anything, his gentle personality shows through in the way he touches... I like it."
"Oh my, oh my, how sweet~ Nero, you were secretly the house-cat type? How cute~"
She was a house cat, alright. More importantly, it had finally begun... Was it Yerin's turn next? Even in the middle of all this, it was amazing that Mother's hands never stopped cooking.
"Woong... listens to what I have to say. He's the first precious friend I ever made..."
What on earth had I done to her? Aside from the slight guilt pricking at my chest, this suddenly started bet actually felt rather heartwarming. At this rate, there was no need for me to step in. A date wasn't that difficult anyway...
"Our Woong... has a really big thing down there, you know? I've seen it since he was little, so I knew right away. When he grows up, he'll make lots of girls cry just like his father did, ohohoho..."
"Mother!"
...The moment I decided not to get involved, this woman proved there was nothing she wouldn't say.
"Oh my, were you listening? You shouldn't do that~ A woman's heart is hard to read, which is what makes it charming."
By that logic, I shouldn't feel any charm toward women at all.
"I'll call you when dinner's ready~ Go wait over there."
"I can't do that. How would I know what else Mother might say?"
"...Are you sure? Hearing yourself being praised is more embarrassing than you can imagine."
I had already heard the worst possible thing, so I doubted it could get any more embarrassing than this.
...And I really wished Yerin would lift her head soon. She was making that face like she was recalling pleasant memories, as if she already knew what was coming. I wanted her to stop that too. Nero, who was actually introduced as the girlfriend, was just sitting there blankly, but if only Yerin acted like this, it would definitely raise suspicions.
"I'd rather just listen. And since it's my story, it makes sense for me to be the judge too."
"Oh my... It seems like Woong's personality has brightened up a lot while I wasn't looking~"
"Ahem... Well, having the person involved here will make it less embarrassing to talk about, so this awkward game will probably end much faster too."
Mother would never be embarrassed about bragging about her child, and both Nero and Yerin already knew that I could hear their inner voices. But actually saying it out loud in front of everyone would still be quite difficult.
"We'll see about that, hoho. Then it's Nero's turn again~"
So from now on, I expected her to only say things that weren't too embarrassing to say out loud...
"...He's really good at spanking."
What the—
"Can we just stop this already? Hey? I can go on as many dates as you want...!"
She was probably talking about the butt pats I often gave Nero because cats supposedly liked them, but when said in human form, the genre had completely shifted.
"Hngh..."
Yerin let out a strange sound and buried her face completely. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't the thing she was thinking of at all, so she shouldn't misunderstand and should lift her head quickly. Actually, no—let her keep it down a little longer. If anyone poked at that bright red face again, it would probably turn into that vulgar female expression she usually tried so hard to hide.
"Next is Yerin~"
...So she was really going to keep going. Her son's girlfriend had just said that spanking was one of his good points, yet as a mother she wasn't even bothered?
"I... I... Still, his voice..."
"His voice~ I wonder what kind of voice it is?"
"When he gets much more serious than usual... and scolds me with that voice..."
I thought it was finally going normally for once, but what was she saying now—
"Because you have to be serious when you're working! Yerin makes a lot of mistakes, so I'm just helping her...!"
"...That's right... I'm lacking... and careless... The only thing I have to offer is this pathetic body... and Woong is always helping me..."
"Oh my, oh my... I see. Colleagues at the same company should help each other, after all."
"..."
...This was exhausting.
"Hah... hah..."
We hadn't even gone two full rounds yet, and I was already tired. Was this inevitable because a cat and a masochist were the ones talking about their master's good points...? But more than anything, the biggest problem was...
"There was one time when Woong wet the blanket, so I sent him out to get salt..."
Our mother, who pretended to be on my side more than anyone, but in reality was anything but.