The Happiness Evangelists (4)

As the KKK departed in high spirits, eager to showcase the glory of white supremacy across Asia, the U.S. State Department was celebrating an unprecedented opportunity.

“This is it. This is the moment for the United States of America to become the dominant power in Northeast Asia.”

“Those Europeans are always the problem. They have no idea what truly matters.”

The year 1863 had been an absolute circus for Europe, a nonstop barrage of crises and disasters.

It began early in the year with a massive uprising in Poland that set fire to Russia’s feet. This was no minor disturbance by a handful of rebels. It was a full-scale conflict that required Russia to commit tens of thousands of troops just to suppress it.

Russia had intended to crush Poland without mercy, but Britain, France, and Austria—ever watchful for any chance to hamstring their rival—issued a joint statement warning Russia not to overstep in its suppression.

Already stretched thin, Russia now found itself unable to maintain even the status quo in Asia while dealing with its western border and the rebellion.

France, meanwhile, was squandering its national strength in a futile attempt to expand its influence in Mexico as agreed in its dealings with Britain and America.

Spain, driven by a delusional, anachronistic dream of restoring its empire, had plunged into the Dominican Restoration War.

To be precise, Spain had taken advantage of America’s civil war to swiftly re-annex the Dominican Republic in 1861. But it now found itself overwhelmed by a massive guerrilla uprising that refused to recognize Spanish rule.

“Excuse me, Spain? Who gave you permission to start a multiplayer game in our backyard?”

“Well, you see…”

The number of troops Spain had poured into the Dominican Republic exceeded fifty thousand. For a nation already reduced to a mere gatekeeper among the great powers, sending such a force across the Atlantic was an unbearable burden.

On top of that, the United States—having now stabilized after its own civil war—could, if it chose, support the Dominicans and sweep Spain entirely out of the Caribbean.

Within the State Department, there had even been voices calling for direct support to the Dominican guerrillas. But Secretary Seward assessed the situation with cold clarity.

“According to the latest reports from the Dominican Republic, Spanish forces are suffering heavy losses from diseases like yellow fever. If we simply leave them be, they’ll collapse on their own. So rather than wasting effort there, we should focus on securing recognition of our leadership in Northeast Asia, where we’ve already invested so much.”

“When you put it that way…”

“I’ll speak to the President myself. In any case, the Europeans can no longer interfere here even if they wanted to. Make no mistake—our real focus must be the Pacific. Everyone, engrave that in your minds.”

The era when Europe could plunder the New World and amass vast wealth was long over. The proof was right before them: France bleeding itself dry in Mexico, Spain doing the same in some backwater like the Dominican Republic.

Cuba and Puerto Rico would follow in due time.

Seizing the moment, the Lincoln administration concluded negotiations with Spain following those with France.

“We will pay no attention whatsoever to the Dominican situation, so Spain should refrain from meddling in Northeast Asia for the time being. In exchange, we ask that you permit our merchant vessels to use Philippine ports as ports of call.”

“…Very well. But the agreement must be strictly honored.”

If America openly sided with the Dominicans, Spain would lose every last one of its remaining South American colonies. It had no choice.

Having effectively neutralized both France and now Spain, the United States grew confident.

Europe was becoming a tiger with only its jaws still functional. Its powers were too entangled in their own conflicting interests to project real strength.

When Denmark and Prussia began clashing over Schleswig, even Britain’s attention became tied down in Europe. The Americans began to wonder if this wasn’t a sign from God Himself.

Otherwise, how could Britain, France, Spain, Prussia, and Russia all find themselves simultaneously hobbled?

“Your Excellency, you must make a decision. 1863 is drawing to a close. We cannot predict how the board will shift next year. Whether we seize this opportunity or let it slip will determine if the United States remains trapped in the Atlantic or comes to command the Pacific.”

Seward personally visited the Oval Office, pointing at maps and speaking with fiery passion. With Europe entangled in its own swamp of infighting, this was the one and only golden window for America to claim hegemony in Asia without interference.

Lincoln could not deny it.

“It really does feel as though God has granted us this chance. The timing is almost too perfect.”

“Indeed. We opened China’s doors in cooperation with Britain and shattered Japan’s locks. All that remains is to build a system that pushes our goods through those open doors and brings their resources back to us.”

This was not merely about next year’s presidential election. The election’s outcome had essentially been decided the moment victory in the war was secured.

But Lincoln’s gaze extended far beyond the election.

To truly heal the rift between North and South and advance as a single union, they needed a vast sea of economic opportunity—one large enough for everyone to prosper.

The United States had no choice but to swim toward that vast land of opportunity where Southern cotton and Northern manufactured goods would dance together in the marketplace.

“You are correct on all counts, Mr. Secretary. However, I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠wish to avoid overly harsh or cruel methods. We have criticized the imperialists. It would not do for us to become the same kind of monsters.”

“Of course. We are not seeking territory. We are defending the freedom of commerce and trade.”

“In that case, we must carefully listen to the opinions of experts familiar with the region and proceed with caution…”

The moment the word “experts” was mentioned, Seward’s expression twisted subtly. Not because he disagreed with Lincoln, but because the so-called “experts” in Washington were woefully inadequate.

“To be frank, Your Excellency… every so-called Asia expert crawling around Washington right now is either a fraud or a blowhard.”

“That bad?”

“Most are former whaling captains who claim to have ‘caught a few whales over there’ or merchants pretending to be missionaries. All they spout is nonsense like ‘the Chinese love opium’ or ‘the Japanese resemble monkeys.’ If we base policy on their drivel, we’ll only drain the treasury.”

Scholars who had never set foot in Asia but read a few books and pretended to be authorities. Retired soldiers who exaggerated their exploits. These were not the people to entrust with America’s future in Asia.

What was needed was someone with real, battle-tested ability.

Someone who had charmed Qing royalty into signing favorable treaties, accurately read Japan’s political situation to maneuver fleets, and even earned a fortune in the process.

But there was only one such person. Both the President and the Secretary found it difficult to hide their awkwardness.

Especially since that one man was stubbornly refusing to take any proper public office, claiming he had no desire to get involved in politics.

“So, what do you think of the idea of utilizing James Serget more proactively?”

The KKK, that grand organization which counted the South’s hope and savior James Serget as its highest executive, proudly called itself the Invisible Empire.

Its Grand Wizard and senior Grand Dragons arrived in Yokohama burning with a sense of mission to conquer Asia.

“O Great Grand Wizard, the time has finally come to begin our sacred expedition.”

“Indeed. Let us bestow upon those inferior yellow monkeys the mercy of using the pure white cotton we have created. However, we must not let our guard down. Those inferior monkeys may yet prove hostile.”

Unlike the other Grand Dragons, Nathan Bedford Forrest was a man tempered by real battlefields. He had no intention of running wild in unknown territory. His plan was textbook: first, assess the local situation.

“Fortunately, our Invisible Dragon has made every preparation. We won’t be left floundering, wondering what to do.”

“As expected of our noble Dragon, who orchestrates everything from the shadows…”

James Serget had meticulously established a new company to give the KKK’s activities even greater flexibility.

He had deliberately not made it a subsidiary of Serget Cotton, because there was a clear need for them to appear completely separate.

“Remember this. We must be the pure white knights who demonstrate the greatness of the white race. Otherwise, we would be spitting on the goodwill Mr. Serget has shown us.”

“Of course.”

On the surface, Serget Cotton and the KKK were entirely separate entities. The more the KKK distinguished itself, the more white Southerners would draw courage from their example.

Serget had even given permission for them to freely utilize the abilities of Serget Cotton employees stationed locally if necessary.

Still, Forrest intended to proceed cautiously at first. Charging in too aggressively from the start could backfire.

However—

“Grand Wizard, aren’t you being overly cautious? Who are we? We are the knights of the Invisible Empire!”

“Exactly! Even if those primitive monkeys know how to swing a sword, they’re nothing but lumps of meat before the gifts of civilization. Hasn’t our fleet already proven that?”

Inside the company office in Yokohama’s foreign settlement that Serget had prepared, the Grand Dragons voiced their dissatisfaction.

Nathan Bedford Forrest frowned as he stared down at the map.

“War and business are different. You can break down castle walls with naval guns, but opening a man’s wallet is another matter entirely. Besides, this is a foreign land thousands of miles from home. If we act rashly and earn their hostility, we could be driven out before we sell a single bolt of cloth.”

No matter how much of a KKK leader he was, his soldier’s instinct for prudence remained.

But to the executives already drunk on the idea of “conquering Asia,” his words sounded like nothing but cowardice.

“Hostility? Ha! That’s only a concern when you lack power. When you display overwhelming might and dignity, fear becomes reverence and hostility becomes submission.”

“Behold! The perfect uniform we have designed together!”

They pulled items from their bags.

Pointed white hoods.

Head coverings with holes only for the eyes.

And flowing robes that reached the ankles.

To any sane observer, these were not garments ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a rational person would wear. But in their eyes, they shone brighter than the armor of holy crusaders.

“The moment we step out wearing these, those monkeys will be overwhelmed by our sanctity. Grand Wizard, you may command from here. We shall sweep across the field ourselves!”

Before he could stop them, the hulking men in white hoods grabbed torches, whips, and sample bolts of cotton and rushed into the streets.

“Haa… Those men really went and…”

Forrest clutched his head.

An international embarrassment was all but guaranteed. In the worst case, they would likely be cut down by samurai blades and die in a foreign land.

But, astonishingly, Forrest was wrong.

When the white monsters appeared on the streets of Yokohama, the Japanese reaction was the complete opposite of what he had expected. It exploded.

“H-hiiik! W-what is that?”

“It’s an oni! A shiro oni!”

In the East, white ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠clothing—mourning attire—symbolized death.

And now giants covered from head to toe in white cloth were approaching while shrieking?

This came right after they had witnessed the British and American naval bombardment that set Kagoshima and Shimonoseki ablaze.

Terrified Japanese merchants mistook them for “oni that bring death” and flattened themselves against the ground.

“I am Ku Klux Klan! We are the White Knights!”

“Buy this cotton or face divine punishment!”

When a Grand Dragon cracked his whip and shouted, a Japanese merchant nearly wet himself as he bowed deeply.

Of course English meant nothing to them, but the murderous glares and bizarre attire communicated everything necessary.

And in the midst of that chaos, the people actually doing business moved in.

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry for the fright. Our… partners are rather unique in character.”

Black employees of Serget Cotton who had been following behind the KKK members emerged, speaking in somewhat clumsy but intelligible Japanese.

“Those gentlemen are a kind of priest. In the West, they perform such rituals before concluding major transactions.”

“Priests?”

“They pray. Before big deal. Um… before very important trade, they perform ceremony!”

“Ah… is it like a European custom?”

“Custom! Yes! Here, contract, special discount. Buy now, very cheap.”

For Japanese merchants who were clearly about to be crushed by British textiles anyway, there was no real choice.

Before Western capital flooded in and destroyed the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠market, they had to sell as much inventory as possible and stockpile profits.

“I-I’ll buy! I’ll buy everything! Just please take those men away first!”

Seals were stamped in rapid succession. The cotton fabric piled in warehouses flowed out like the tide.

Once the situation was resolved, the Grand Dragons removed their hoods with triumphant expressions and wiped away their sweat.

“See that? The moment I glared, they submitted on their own. As expected, yellow men cannot move a muscle before the spirit of the white race!”

“Magnificent! Did you see how the Japanese were moved to tears?”

The Black employees of Serget Cotton pretended to know nothing, fanning the executives and wiping the sweat from their faces.

“The charisma of our leaders is truly incredible. The contracts were completed in an instant.”

“Of course! That’s how it should be! On to the next shop! Today we will sweep up all the money in Yokohama!”

This bizarre circus repeated itself all day long.

The KKK would cause a scene and create an atmosphere of terror, then the employees following behind would secure the actual contracts. It was a perfect division of labor.

That evening, the day’s sales ledger was thrust before a nervous Forrest, who had been waiting back at their lodgings.

“…What… the hell is this…”

Forrest’s hands trembled.

“See, Grand Wizard? This is exactly how it should be done here!”

“Tremble, O yellow monkeys, for the KKK shall bestow upon you the mercy of cotton.”

“Just look at how they prostrate themselves and beg the moment we appear in our uniforms. The Grand Wizard and the Chairman’s insight that we must turn Asia into our doormat was absolutely correct!”

Was this… really acceptable?

Forrest felt as though his entire sense of common sense was being violently contradicted, yet he had no grounds to refute it.

The numbers in the ledger proved everything. What was the point in doubting them?

Besides, after spending so much time with the KKK, his own reason and common sense had already been significantly eroded by chuunibyou sensibilities.

“V-very well. At this rate, it won’t take long before these Japanese monkeys find themselves unable to clothe themselves without our Southern cotton.”

“Kuhahaha, excellent, excellent! Let’s keep this momentum going! Will you join us next time, Grand Wizard?”

“After we conquer this pathetic little country, we’ll need to start thinking about our next objective.”

Drunk on unearned success, they had already begun searching for their next target after Japan.