Chapter 180
Chapter 180
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 180
Chapter Title: The Cowboy Outfit Flop
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While teaching the fresh-faced newbies and finishing up the samples for our ads, I immediately dressed Caterina in the outfit and set off for a desert about five hours from the Imperial Capital.
You might think it's nonsense to have a desert near the Imperial Capital, where the seasons are so distinct. But this wasn't a natural desert.
Our empire's elite knight orders had artificially created this modest 1km-by-1km patch to conduct highly varied training in scorching heat.
For reference, there's a jungle 5km to the east of this desert, and my father's territory has an artificial permafrost zone for extreme cold training.
It would be a project costing hundreds of billions with modern technology, barely feasible. But here, with a snap of magic, they made it for just tens of billions.
An incredible place where you can see jungles and deserts without traveling far in midwinter, or Arctic landscapes in midsummer.
The one downside? It's a military facility, so entry is strictly controlled.
But who am I?
Honorary Imperial Knight, certified by His Majesty the Emperor himself.
As long as I get proper permission, no military site is off-limits to an Honorary Imperial Knight.
Of course, being military, companions are extremely limited—only Caterina and I could enter. But that was plenty.
All we needed was the desert backdrop; we had no reason to venture deep inside.
"Baron William Henry Howard, and your companion Miss Caterina Fairy. Identities confirmed. Only the two of you may pass beyond this fence. The rest, please wait in the designated area."
"Mm."
At the knight's gesture after ID check, soldiers cleared the barriers blocking the entrance, creating a gap just wide enough for one person.
The knight then beckoned us lightly to follow and strode toward the gap.
"Wow..."
Following cautiously behind, we were greeted by a small desert enclosed by 3m-high walls.
The biting cold vanished in an instant, replaced by scorching air that dried our noses and skin.
Crossing just one entrance led to such a stark change—even knowing about the desert magic, it felt wondrous.
This is why I wanted to be a mage...
Witnessing feats like this made my talentless body sting just a little with regret.
"It's really nothing but sand and gravel. So there are truly places in the world where not a single blade of grass grows."
"Not entirely without plants—cacti exist, though rarely."
"Plants surviving in such harshness... Nature is truly magnificent. Is that green lump poking up over there a cactus, by any chance?"
"Hmm... Sir Matthew, is that really a cactus plant?"
"Yes, not many, but we transplanted a few."
"Hoo..."
Sir Matthew's confirmation that it was indeed a cactus made Caterina's eyes sparkle brilliantly.
"William, can I take a closer look, just once?"
"Sorry, photos first, then you can look."
Unfortunately, today's goal was photos, not desert exploration.
I had to get the work done before any distractions.
"Ugh... It's a new plant...! Can't I look first, then shoot?!"
"Nope~"
Caterina stomped her feet, gazing up at me with wide, pleading eyes, but I ignored her and stopped near the entrance to prep the camera.
"You've probably heard, but please ensure no outposts appear in the shots."
"Mm, just to be safe, mind checking the photos after?"
"Of course."
As I pulled out the photo magic tool and framed the shot, Sir Matthew relayed a few precautions and stepped back to avoid interfering.
"Gaaah...!"
While scouting a good backdrop and waiting for Caterina to change, a horrific scream—like something from the afterlife—erupted beside me.
"What's wrong?"
"William, this thing is seriously tight! Without breaking it in for weeks, I feel like I'll suffocate."
"It's leather. Can't be helped."
Caterina, twisting her arms to stretch the leather even a bit, grimaced at my words and pointed to the laced leather vest.
"The jacket's fine except the shoulders, but this vest? It's no vest—it's a corset!"
"What can I do? Your waist is so slender. It'll mold perfectly to you after a few weeks. Hang in there."
"I won't wear it that long. Off the second we're done shooting."
"Ah, fine..."
I gave a wry smile and looked at Caterina, now fully dressed.
The denim pants tailored skinny-style for her, specially.
The fitted jacket and vest, too.
The scarf styled close to a cravat.
The leather leggings accentuating her legs.
Everything fit perfectly without a single flaw.
Why does everyone hate it so much...?
"It looks pretty no matter how I see it..."
"That prairie-elf vibe just doesn't suit us."
"Khn..."
I'd hoped elf Caterina might get my aesthetic a little, but total rejection.
Has anything ever skewed so unanimously negative?
Oh, right—the pantyhose fiasco.
"Tsk..."
Wait a second.
Even so, comparing cowboy gear to crotch-baring pantyhose? That's crossing the line...
"William, hurry up and shoot so we can go. This vest is choking me."
"Got it. Stand over there."
"...Here?"
"A bit more to the right... Yeah, perfect."
Caterina took position, legs apart, hands lightly on her hips at the waistline.
She flashed a confident smile straight at the camera.
I'd have loved a pose tipping a hat with a gun or mid-ride, but no gun available, and no horses in the desert.
That thing in the right holster? Not a gun—a wooden chunk hastily carved from a broom handle to mimic one.
For cowboys, the leather jacket and hat are key anyway—not a big deal.
And on another note, overtly dueling-themed elements spelled trouble.
Not everyone approves of duels.
His Majesty doesn't favor them, and the Church bans them unless absolutely necessary—like 'heathens mocking the divine,' making it effectively prohibited.
Advertising duels outright would draw fire from both sides.
A holstered prop could pass as hunting gear—safe.
It feels off, like a kitchen knife mosaicked in dramas when murder intent shows.
"Ready? Shooting?"
"Yep~"
-Click~!
The shutter sound came about three seconds after Caterina's reply.
"Okay, done!"
Confirming a satisfying shot, I skipped the second one and signaled Caterina to wrap.
"Can I go see the cactus now!?"
"Yes, but be back in 20 minutes."
"Thank you! Yeehaw!"
Caterina flung off the jacket, unlaced the vest, got permission from Sir Matthew, and bolted toward the distant cactus.
"Forest elf sensibilities are hard to grasp..."
What's the big deal with grass...?
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇ Defying everyone's concerns and opposition, I pushed through with the cowboy line. Conclusion? It bombed spectacularly.
How bad? By mid-February—after Mother's birthday congrats ad, Father's birthday congrats ad, and getting Hayes's dinner dress specs—not a single inquiry.
Leather and denim piled up as toxic inventory. Spurs and boots? One order, then crickets. Our newbies' practice pieces faced the scrap heap.
"What went wrong? It was a perfect plan..."
Unpopular?
I get that.
Everyone hated it, so bad results were expected.
Toxic stock and wasted ad spend?
No biggie—just a month in the red.
"Perfect? It was a mess from start to finish. You didn't even do proper market research."
"Even so, zero interest? That's ridiculous."
But utter disinterest was shockingly hard to swallow.
"Yeah... I didn't expect total failure. Should've stopped when everyone warned you."
"Argh, why can't nobles see the coolness...?"
"I don't get why you think this is cool. You've been fine so far."
At Elizabeth's repeated assessment, I slumped my shoulders and stared at the discarded leather jacket in the corner.
Why, Empire...?
Why can't you appreciate this outfit's beauty...?
"Aah..."
The Empire isn't ready for the wild allure of the central plains yet...
"Hng..."
I wanted to cry.
Guess my artistic soul burns on...