The Nuclear Option
The hero candidates tilted their heads at the combat rations placed in their hands. The packaging alone made it obvious they were food, which made them look exactly like an attempt at bribery.
“#%@$@##!!!”
She spat something out, but it was completely unintelligible.
“Kang Sian, you got a translation bud on you?”
“Didn’t you bring one?”
“I didn’t exactly plan for this.”
Kang Sian pulled a translation bud from his pocket and handed it over. Cheon Mari slipped one into her own ear and jammed the other into the ear of the woman who kept spewing what sounded like nonstop curses.
“—You filthy demon bastards! You think I’d fall for something like that?!”
The endless stream of ranting suddenly came through crystal clear. Cheon Mari translated the words spilling from the woman’s mouth.
“Demons again? Why are they all the same no matter who we run into?”
“Maybe that’s literally all they know.”
The hero candidate’s face twisted into a deep scowl. She clearly had no idea what kind of position she was in and wasn’t bothering to control her expression.
“Then call yourselves demons if that’s what you are! Or should I call you beast bastards instead?! Huh?!”
She kept going—how they were beast bastards who mated with beastmen, how their height and weight were basically barbarian-level so how could anyone call them normal humans, how they were insane bastards who’d inflated the elf population after completely breaking their spirit, how they were heretics who carried around bundles of erotic illustrations that sexually harassed the saintess, and how they shoved konjac and tofu into the World Tree sapling’s knot hole and just—
“Even we think the last one’s weird.”
“Shut your mouth! In any case, aren’t they your people?!”
The logic of lumping every single one of them together as one entity was astonishing. It was the kind of thing even a neighborhood kid wouldn’t say, and it left them speechless.
But she wasn’t done. She spewed even more ridiculous nonsense, growing more and more aggressive. The arrogance was off the charts.
Kang Sian dragged a chair over from behind. He sat her down without ceremony, tore open the combat ration packaging, asked Shannon for hot water, and poured it in.
“Ha, hahaha!!! I told you I wouldn’t fall for it! The longer you keep this up, the better the chance the other hero candidates have of coming to rescue—”
“Then we’ll just have to make you fall for it, won’t we?”
The moment he received the translation from Mari, he gestured for the porter woman standing behind them to come closer. Sensing that something unpleasant was about to happen, she hesitated. Still, no matter how much she disliked it, she couldn’t refuse her employer. When Kang Sian frowned in warning, she scurried over.
“There should be a container of spicy sauces in the bag. Take out something appropriate.”
The porter woman pulled out the sauce container. Inside were several post-its and sauce bottles. She looked them over and reached for the one that seemed literally the most “appropriate.”
The pink packaging that emerged was already a bit much for beginners.
“No.”
Kang Sian shook his head. Not enough.
The familiar, vividly red packaging looked plenty strong, but humans were creatures that never understood the concept of “too much.”
“Still no.”
He shook his head again, deeming it weak. In the end, only one bottle remained.
Gulp.
The porter woman stared at the top of the bottle with its folded post-it note.
SUPERHOT
CAUTION: MAY CAUSE DEATH
Just looking at it screamed “insanely spicy.” She had no idea what he planned to use it for, but it definitely wasn’t for anything good, so she offered the hero candidate a silent moment of mourning.
“Yes, that one.”
She opened the reddish-brown cap and dumped the entire contents into the combat ration. The once-pale seolleongtang turned a violent red, as if announcing its own death.
“Wait, you’re seriously putting all of it in?”
“Judging by what this bitch is saying, we’re gonna need it.”
He finished “cooking” by giving it a few stirs with a spoon. In an atmosphere thick with the promise of destroyed taste buds, he shot the hero candidate a searing glare. Pure British eyes.
Only then did the hero candidate realize something had gone terribly wrong. Unfortunately, once a job started, there was no turning back. The only thing left was to accept it as her own karma.
“W-wait—what the hell did you just mix in there?!”
“It’s good stuff. Really good.”
Of course he didn’t specify what it was good for. Saying it was excellent for raising the incidence rate of stomach ulcers probably wouldn’t get through to her anyway.
“Shannon? Prepare some water magic, please.”
“Water magic?”
“We’ll need an appropriate amount for a human to drink.”
They also prepared regular water—the universal answer to everything. Finally, they tied her firmly to the chair so she couldn’t thrash around. Since it was metal, there was no fear of it breaking.
He handed the seolleongtang to Cheon Mari and gripped the chair himself.
“Uh, um… wait, I think I might have said some rather aggressive things earlier—mmph?!”
And so began the burning hours in a twisted hell.
Her eyes had rolled back. Her tongue hung out obscenely. Liquid poured from every hole in her body. In the end, tears streamed down over her sweat-soaked skin.
“G-geheeeek.”
Agony. Despair. Pain. It was torture taken to the extreme. The sensation spreading from her destroyed taste buds, the soul-cleansing feeling, the sensation of visiting a tasteless English household. The experience felt like circumnavigating the globe, dragging them from the surface straight into true purgatory.
There was only one way to escape the horror: reveal everything, engage in self-criticism, and stay completely honest.
“Cough, cough! Please… please stop…!”
“So? Feel like sharing the information you know now?”
But the reality of having to speak the truth felt far too repulsive. How could she possibly bow her head to those demon bastards, those demon king army scum?
She tried to endure with pure hatred.
“No? Should I mix in more spice and feed you again?”
“I-I’ll tell you everything I know!!! Just please give me water…!”
It wasn’t working. The state of her mucous membranes—looking like an arsonist had gone to town—couldn’t be overcome by human willpower. So she decided to lower her pride just a little.
‘Those sons of bitches. I’m definitely not giving them any real information.’
They seemed to be asking random questions anyway, like they didn’t even know what they should be asking. If she pretended to tell the truth while feeding them lies, there was no way they’d figure it out.
‘No, if I can just guide them toward him while he’s resting at the intermediate base…!’
She could survive. More than that—she might even repay the humiliation she’d suffered.
“Water comes after you finish answering. Is there a gate or boss-level prey around here?”
“O-of course there is! I know exactly where!”
“Oh, really? How do you know?”
“B-because! I saw it while traveling!”
She left out a lot, but they didn’t seem suspicious. When they nodded like they believed her, relief washed over her face, and she started spewing even more lies.
Cheon Mari whispered into Kang Sian’s ear. Then, in a voice just loud enough for the prisoner to hear, she added that she thought so too and that it would probably be fine to just accept it.
‘Did it work? Success?’
Whether it was a definite success or not, the restraints came off. She turned to look at the man who had been tied up beside her.
“Let’s turn this guy in as a prisoner later.”
“Sian, what if he runs?”
“That’s why we’ll make sure he can’t.”
He spoke casually as he slashed the other prisoner’s arms and legs. He severed the tendons, then tied him up multiple times on top of that.
“#$%#$%#$%!!!!!”
“Oh, right. We should cover his mouth too.”
After wrapping the man’s head completely in special duct tape, things finally quieted down. Without sparing a single thought for how the prisoner would ever get the tape off his head, they shoved him straight into the closet.
The remaining prisoner panicked. She pointed at the closet that had been not only shut tight but sealed with duct tape.
“W-wait! What about my comrade?!”
“I’ll pick him up after we’re done. Got a problem with that?”
“N-no…”
She wanted to argue, but doing so might get her killed. In the end, she had no choice but to lead them with a heavy heart.
They left the building and walked down the street. Past the burning-hot road, toward the place where her savior should be waiting. It wasn’t far.
The building had once been an inn. When they opened the door and stepped inside, they saw a man sitting in the corner.
“Oh—you’re ba—”
The man turned at the sound of the door. His eyes landed on the three people dragging the student he was supposed to protect and teach.
“Rope?”
They weren’t exactly “bringing” her. Her hands were bound tight, and the rope around her neck suggested she’d been dragged along like a dog.
“What the…”
While the man was still processing, Kang Sian studied his appearance. An extremely small, lightweight steam engine. Leather clothing that seemed to rely more on the wearer’s natural durability than on defense. A face covered in scars from countless battles. And most tellingly, the armband with three tree branches drawn on it.
He saw through the man instantly.
“Huh? A High Sword Expert?”
A formidable knight had appeared. An ambiguously formidable one, at that.
Shannon froze on the spot. Cheon Mari, on the other hand, didn’t seem particularly impressed, and neither did Kang Sian. The porter woman took a horrified step backward. The prisoner subtly slid to the side.
‘No matter how much they rampage claiming they can win, how could mere cadets possibly defeat a High Sword Expert?’
A High Sword Expert was a High Sword Expert. Not an opponent ordinary cadets could face. Especially not an upper-tier one on the verge of becoming a Low Sword Master. He could practically pass himself off as a Sword Master.
This was a crisis. The atmosphere should have grown heavy.
“How strong is a High Sword Expert, roughly?”
“Based on Hero Academy standards, somewhere between C-Class and B-Class Hunter. If he’s just civilian-raised, he’s barely scraping C-Class.”
“Just that much?”
In the end, it was no big deal. They treated him like an opponent they could handle, which forcibly kept the mood from sinking. A sigh did escape at the realization that this had veered away from monster hunting, but it was only momentary.
Kang Sian weighed the two beings—monster and knight—on an invisible scale.
“By the way, did our tournament rules say anything about not being allowed to submit people?”
“I don’t remember any rule like that…?”
Huh. Maybe this wasn’t a crisis after all.