Elves: The Shitty Reward for All That Toil
The reward for my suffering? Elves. What the hell are elves in the modern world? Guardians with rings granting absolute power and strength? Or the smoking-hot babes from doujinshi? Nope, neither. In today's world, getting the "elf treatment" was nothing more or less than a massive pain in the ass.
These fuckers first popped up from that huge country to our west, and they must've soaked up the local vibe because they acted just like them. Not all elves, sure. Or... are they? ...Whatever. The point was one thing.
Elves' favorability has increased by 10.
"...Whoa! I feel like I could fly!"
The extra reward after putting me through that hell? This garbage.
"What, go buddy up with elves and go pirating?"
I'd heard the northwest China spot where elves showed up wasn't so bad. But fuck that right now. This is Korea, not China. Most crimes here are by those elf bitches.
What good's some favorability gonna do? Western piracy? Elves. That Descartes crew from before? Elves. Every damn crime in the world is elves.
I let out a deep sigh.
"Yeah, you can't always give me the good stuff."
I stared at the floating message.
"But isn't this too fucking much? You should've tried eating that Poison Fang Spring Onion Bibimbap yourself first!"
Rage surged as all my hard work felt like it went down the drain. I lunged at the message, but my hand passed right through. Not even a hint of contact.
I clutched the back of my neck and glared at the goddamn blue window. It just sat there, unflinching.
"Grrr— fuck... Fine, I'll let this one slide."
I calmed my skyrocketing blood pressure. Venting changes jack shit. Better to check the other rewards instead of wasting emotions.
Composed, I swiped to the next one. Like turning a page, the window vanished and popped back up.
Acts all responsive when I want it to, but ghosts me when I try to grab it. What a weirdo.
The message reappeared.
You have consumed Poison Fang Spring Onion Bibimbap.
Strength and Agility stats have each increased by 10.
Acquired Poison Resistance (Advanced).
Exactly the reward I'd foreseen. Not that it sucked or anything.
I just hated the system's bullshit intent to force that bibimbap down my throat. But damn, the actual rewards were solid—anger fading a bit. Especially that "Advanced" tag next to Poison Resistance. Not basic or intermediate. How tanky was this thing?
"Hmm. Gotta test it out somehow."
Problem: nothing poisonous around... right?
Wait, among my dishes, there was one lethal poison. Barbecue sauce. Weird pairing—cooking and poison—but yeah, deadly stuff.
Rummaging for a ziplock bag.
Pip!
"Huh?"
A black dustball floated up to me. Blackie. Why the sudden visit? This guy doesn't just drop by.
Gave it a suspicious once-over and spotted why. Behind it, peeking out like it thought I wouldn't notice: barbecue sauce.
"What's up?"
Pretended ignorance. Needed justification first. Slim chance, but maybe it was bringing it for me.
Approached with a polite, professional smile. Step by step, Blackie's grin widened.
And when I was right up close—
Peeep!!Splash—
Sauce straight at my face in its signature shrill screech.
But such a predictable noob move. I didn't dodge.
Purple liquid hurtling right to my nose.
I let it hit my face.
"Nom."
Gulp.
"Oh, this is tastier than I thought?"
Pip, peeep?!
Never imagined I'd eat it—staring like I was a monster. What a dumbass expression.
"Heh, prank failed. Time for punishment, buddy?"
Pip?! Pip!!
"Don't raise your voice."
Grabbed its dumb tuft as it freaked and tried to bolt.
Quik? Kicking futilely, no forward progress. Slowly turned its head.
"Heh heh. So, Blackie, how many whacks you want?"
There I was, grinning like eating sauce was nothing.
Wriggled wildly. No escape.
I hoisted it higher.
"You little fucking shit!"
Yeeted it straight into the mattress across the room.
Flew fast—thud.Splat— bounced off the underside and dropped.
Looked fine, no injuries. I wasn't heartless—didn't chuck it at the wall.
Checking its state, then—absurd sight.
"Huh? The psycho's smiling?"
Eyes spinning, but mouth grinning wide. Loved the flight? Or just the prank thrill despite failing? Total dopamine junkie either way.
Wonder who it takes after... I looked away from Blackie.
Then—pip...
Whitey emerging from the tight space behind the mattress.
"What the... you were hiding there?"
Unbelievable. Hiding from bibimbap, one pranks with sauce, the other sacrifices the prankster and hides.
What a goddamn duo.
Pip...!
"Hah— for real."
Whitey grabbed Blackie's leg and dragged it back into the crevice. Up to what? Scoffed and turned away.
Back to the kitchen. Pulled a ziplock from the fridge.
Confirmed ingestion safe via Blackie. Time for the next test.
Skin contact okay? Records showed barbecue sauce was acidic. Wouldn't melt steel, but dissolved scorpion chitin and flesh.
Resistance blocked that, or my guts would've been purple jelly by now.
Opened the ziplock.
"Sip—won't melt, right?"
A twinge of worry, but no hesitation.
Tilted carefully. Drip— a couple drops on my hand.
"Yeah, that's more like it."
Just as expected: nothing. If skin was excluded, I'd be raging. Lucky break.
Done testing Poison Resistance, time for the big one. Looked up.
"I ate that hellish shit for this."
Trembling fingertips. Heart pounding with hype, slowly swiped the window.
What function unlocked? Tension rivaled checking a stock at limit-up.
Blue window vanished.
Chest tight. Already brutal difficulty—hoping for something good.
"Fuck, hurry up already!"
You have cleared the quest.
"Oh, yeah. Rewards?"
Message popped up with my gripe. Quest clear, then reward details below.
I looked down slowly.
"Oh! Selective buy!"
10 shop points? Already knew, no thrill. But "selective purchase" grabbed me.
Purchase? Why not just "select"?
Opened the system window to check.
Shop (NEW!)
"What, a shop sub-feature?"
Summoned the system, and gold "NEW!" gleamed next to Shop. Obviously where the function got added.
...But hold up, hilarious? Giving selective and purchase rights? These fuckers nuts.
"Lemme see, you double-gacha bastards."
Clicked Shop, pissed.
"Fuck, a hundred? One hundred?!"
My hype? Utterly crushed. Not even 10—straight 100.
Head throbbed like I'd been scammed proper. At this rate, hypertension'd kill me before the tower.
"...Nah, get it together, Jiha. That's like tteokbokki territory."
Reframe it. Like tteokbokki—worth trying once in life.
No limits in the text either.
"Friend Elixir too?"
Means I could rake in billions. 100 points for 100 bil? Solid trade.
Sure, draw skills/recipes for cash might net more, but fuck entrusting fate to gachas again.
Burned once already. Those damn duds...
Scared? Hell yeah, fucking terrified.
But still. New goal for conquering the tower and gate? Felt pretty good.