Poison Fang Spring Cabbage Bibimbap

I checked Whitey's status window, and something different from Blackie's caught my eye.

"Ooh! Whitey, you did it! But how?"

I spotted the message next to the skill: 'Partially unlocked.' Blackie's was still locked, though. Why had Whitey's partially unlocked while Blackie's hadn't? I rubbed my chin, deep in thought.

Then, a memory flashed in my mind. That subtle energy I'd felt in the ravine. My gaze slowly shifted to Whitey.

"You... you little shit! You pretty little bastard!"

The memory hit me, and I scooped up the drooping Whitey. It looked up at me from my palm with confused eyes.

"Come here, you cutie—!"

I plopped Whitey on my palm and showered it with affection like a maniac. Piiing...

Startled by my sudden antics, Whitey squirmed but didn't try to escape.

Why the sudden fuss? That fleeting warmth I'd felt in the ravine popped into my head. Hell, I'd been practically comatose, barely conscious. One mana jelly couldn't have revived me that much. So, the source of that warmth had to be Whitey.

I had no idea what emotion triggered the skill awakening, but it was definitely worry for me. I went nuts petting Whitey—no, loving on it—then set it back down.

Pii... Exhausted, Whitey hung its head. Faintly, but its face area had turned a bit red.

"You must be wiped out."

Looked like it needed rest. I averted my eyes and turned to Blackie.

"...Hmm. So how do you unlock your skill?"

From what I could guess, Whitey's unlock came from worrying about me in a crisis. And both were the same level anyway.

"Hmmm~"

Pii?

That meant Blackie needed a trigger too. I grinned at it, and Blackie backed away.

"Nah, don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything right now. Heh heh—"

Pii-?

A trigger, a trigger. If Whitey's healing skill unlocked from crisis and worry for its master... then a combat skill might need...

Uhihihi— A phrase I'd seen somewhere came to mind. All answers lie in the tower. Now I finally got what that meant.

"Nah, just play."

I beckoned Blackie, who was still eyeing me suspiciously like a feral cat, basically shoving it to go play. It couldn't tear its gaze from me even then, but eventually figured it was pointless and started scampering around again.

"Kekeke—look forward to it."

I watched Blackie's retreating back with a sleazy grin, then turned away from both slimes and headed to my bag.

I opened the bag tossed carelessly in the kitchen corner, and the contents came into view. The poison fangs, magic stones, and poison sacs were all packed neatly. I dumped the stones and sacs anywhere and pulled out a poison fang.

"Damn, this thing looks fucking nasty."

I'd only glanced at it before, but up close, the pitch-black thing looked perfect for screwing someone over. One tooth was as big as my arm.

"Holy shit... what the hell am I supposed to do with this?"

That was the real problem. Not just the looks, but my head already hurt thinking how to use it. Sell it? Process it? Or...

...eat it?

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Even if the recipes were all batshit insane and full of hard-to-eat crap, this was too much. The others at least looked vaguely edible... well, minus the goblin head smoothie, they were doable shapes. But this? No way it'd come out looking good no matter what. And it's a poison fang. Eating it would kill me for sure.

"...Fuck it, who knows."

I shook my head and used Appraisal first.

"What the actual fuck is this description?"

My anxiety spiked. No bullshit, seriously. They want me to eat this? For real?

"Nah, it's just the description. Elves would probably love buying it."

It had to be just flavor text. If it was really for eating, it'd give a recipe or quest or something. I nodded and went to stash the fang back in the bag. Or tried to.

"Understand my ass. Ha... fuck."

A sigh escaped me. They really wanted me to eat that shit. Rage boiled up. You eat it yourselves before shoving it on me! And make me cook it with my own hands? Deep in my soul's abyss, a desire to murder the System surged.

Just don't eat it if you don't want to, right? I want to. But that sneaky System's intent was crystal clear. Shop points alone, maybe I'd skip. But an unknown function unlock? In other words, it forced me to eat it no matter what.

"Aah... Lord, please let me kill all the elf bitches with my own hands."

I prayed to a god I never bothered with before. Let me personally execute the elves who inspired this garbage fang-eating System gimmick.

"So what's the recipe, tsk—"

I clicked my tongue and hit the view button next to the quest.

"...Fuck the function unlock, should I just quit for real?"

I seriously contemplated it. Making and eating that sounded awful, and now it wanted me to go buy spring cabbage too? ...No fucking way.

Poison fang bibimbap my ass—I wanted to chuck the fang at that message right then.

"No... I'm the tough-as-nails Lee Jiha. I can do this...."

I calmed my mind. Deep breath in, out...

"This isn't humanly possible—!"

I clutched my head with both hands. Despair. Terror. Fear. Nice resonance, huh? Not doing it! Can't do it! Even if I'd ground up goblin heads for a smoothie and choked it down, this was a no-go.

Just as I flopped on the floor ready to give up...

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"How bad do you want me to eat this shit?"

A new message that hadn't shown before. No clue how desperate it was to make me eat it.

"Fine, let's see what this effect is!"

I hesitated... nah, with shaky fingers, I hit Y.

"Ha... fuck."

A heavy sigh. That effect text screamed how bad it wanted me to eat it.

"Fine, you win. Goddamn it."

Effects that good? Gotta choke down the garbage. I took a deep breath and headed inside the room. I scanned around for the slimes.

Blackie was parked in front of the computer, sucking on its dumb tendril while watching some weird shorts. Whitey was still staring at the Companion Egg.

"Oi, shorties—fall in front of me."

I called them over. My voice carried, and Whitey came right away. Our troublemaker Blackie was still lost in short-form hell. The screen showed some Southeast Asian kid dancing on a belly—wtf.

"Ha— this little shit forgot my temper."

"Thre—"

Pii-!

"One."

Flick— Piiing-!

I flicked its forehead, and Blackie shot me an aggrieved look. Should've hustled over. Short body making it love shorts so much? No idea.

"Anyway, we're heading out, so hop on."

Pii...?

Whitey tilted its head innocently, eyes full of question.

"Like I'd leave you two behind."

Bullshit excuse. I just couldn't handle the aftermath of leaving them. House with just them? Nightmarish accidents waiting to happen. No thanks.

So I stuffed both into my hoodie pocket and pulled the hood down. They nestled against the back of my head inside. Good thing I bought oversized men's hoodies—didn't show much. Shoulders felt heavy, but way lighter than their potential chaos.

I stepped out and entered the mart in the city center. No veggie shop near home, and the Store Manager's convenience store was gone, so had to come here.

"Lemme see, spring cabbage..."

Pii-!

"Ow, shut it!"

Hunting for spring cabbage in the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠veggie aisle when Blackie squeaked. I startled and checked around—no one seemed to hear. Good.

'Lonely loli loli kami koorin...'

The mart's song drowned it out, probably. Otherwise, busted for sure. I patted my chest and stretched my fingers—prepping to flick Blackie later.

"Phew—now homeward."

I'd picked the cabbage and hit the checkout conveyor when—

Bzzz—bzzz—

Right before placing the cabbage, my phone vibrated. What now? Sion texting already? I checked.

Over my sky-blue haired ribboned weeb character wallpaper, the message popped up.

Really, super fucking unwelcome news. Not at all. Very much not.