Finding Room to Breathe
"Aren't you going to academy? You have classes today."
"I told them I was sick."
Jua replied, slurping down the ramen. In the end, I didn't get to eat a single bite.
"No kimchi?"
"Do you think I'd have that? Aren't you asking a bit much from an orphan?"
"No... I didn't mean it like that..."
"Forget it. Just finish up and go."
"Sorry... I guess I must have misseen the necklace."
"Fine. I accept your apology."
"But seriously, you make amazing ramen. This is the best I've ever had."
"Flattery won't get you a second bowl. There's no more ramen. That's the end of it."
At my words, Jua's expression suddenly turned incredibly apologetic.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I'll buy you some ramen next time."
"Forget it. I can afford to treat you to that much."
I only ate ramen because you were here. If you weren't, I would've been eating raw fish or beef. I swallowed the words before they could escape.
Thinking she might feel uncomfortable eating with me staring, I went to gather some fallen branches from the hillside. Then, I lit them.
Crackle, crackle. The wood began to burn. The yard, which had grown dark as the sun dipped below the horizon, lit up warmly. Since my house had no electricity, I often lit fires like this when spending time outside.
"Wow, this is so nice. It feels like we're camping."
What? Did she come here to play? Is she not leaving? Once you leave, I need to eat my raw fish, my beef, and do all my other stuff. Hurry up and go.
"What's it like living alone?"
"It's miserable. Or maybe I'm just a beggar? Anyway, nothing about it is good. My dream was literally to go to an orphanage. Haha."
"I've never met anyone like you. You're really fascinating."
"How so?"
"I don't know. You're just... unique."
"Whatever. If you're done eating, go home. It's dangerous once it gets completely dark."
"Can't I stay just a little longer? Sitting here watching the bonfire and looking at the night view... it feels so healing. Do you have anything to drink?"
"Did you actually come here to camp?"
"Honestly, this is better than a real campsite."
I silently agreed. This was better than a campsite—though I had no idea what a real campsite actually looked like.
But something to drink? I quickly scanned my Inventory. All I had was beef. There wasn't really any beverage suitable for drinking. Besides, if I gave her a drink, she'd probably stay even longer. I needed to send her away now.
"I don't have anything."
"Really? That's a shame."
Jua looked genuinely disappointed. How much more of my meager household did she want to plunder? Was one pack of ramen not enough?
"Oh? What's that?"
Scanning her surroundings with hawk-like eyes as if searching for a consolation prize, Jua spotted something.
"Huh?"
Oh, I forgot I had that. I had seen so many people on YouTube talking about coffee, Americanos, and espressos that I'd grabbed some from the mart out of curiosity. I had taken one sip, immediately spat it out, and abandoned it.
After that single sip, a serious question had plagued my mind: Why on earth do people pay money to drink something this bitter? It was one of the world's great mysteries.
Jua scurried over and picked up a bottle of espresso concentrate. It had come in a six-pack, and I had only opened one.
"Oh, it's espresso concentrate!"
"Do you drink that?"
"Yeah. I don't drink it straight, but I use it to make hot Americanos or iced Americanos."
Hot Americano? Iced Americano? I'd heard those abbreviations somewhere before, but I didn't actually know what they meant.
"You have water, right?"
Why wouldn't I? Of course I did. I had a container of tap water I'd hauled from the public restroom.
"Want me to get it?"
"Yeah."
Jua poured water into the kettle and lit the portable burner. Once the water boiled, she poured the hot water into a cup and added just a splash of the espresso concentrate. It was an absurdly small amount compared to the volume of water.
Ah, damn it. So you were only supposed to pour that much. No wonder I'd cursed when I drank the concentrate straight from the bottle.
Jua held the mug with both hands, blowing gently on it before taking a sip.
"This coffee is really good. I should buy some of this. It's perfect for my taste."
Watching her drink made it look incredibly delicious. Following her lead, I blew on my cup and took a sip. It tasted awful. I'd been tricked.
Granted, it was better than drinking the raw concentrate, but it still wasn't something worth keeping in my Inventory. Even so, I didn't say it tasted bad out loud. I had at least that much tact.
With the crackling of the bonfire, the glittering night view of Seoul, and a warm cup of coffee in my hands, a strange sensation washed over me. Even though this was my own dilapidated house, it truly felt like we were at a campsite.
Gazing into the distance in silence, Jua spoke softly.
"Being here makes my mind feel so at ease. It feels like I've become free. I used to feel so suffocated. It was hard to even breathe, but coming here, I feel like I can finally take a breath."
"Isn't that the kind of stuff you write in a diary?"
"Is it? Well, you can just be my diary."
"Being Yang Jeongwon's shuttle is exhausting enough. Give me a break."
Jua looked at me and asked.
"Can I come here sometimes?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's dangerous, and it's not like we're close friends... Anyway, no."
"But I like it so much here..."
Jua truly loved this place. She had been to all kinds of famous, beautiful places with her parents, but none of them had ever given her this sense of liberation. She realized this was what it felt like to truly breathe. This was what it felt like to escape the watchful eyes of others.
After a brief pause, Jua continued.
"I know I shouldn't say this, but sometimes... I envy you."
"Why me?"
"I live my life just to meet my mom and dad's expectations. I've never even thought about what kind of life I want for myself. Ever since I was little, my parents set the goal of medical school for me, and I've only ever walked that path. I can't stray from it, and I'm not allowed to."
"For someone who can't stray, isn't this a pretty big rebellion?"
"This is actually my very first time doing something like this. It never happens, but my parents' schedules clashed, and they both had to go on overseas business trips. They won't be back until tomorrow. So, today is my one day of freedom. Can't you give me just one more hour of this freedom?"
"Fine. I'll give you an hour."
"Thanks."
Jua took another sip of her coffee. I quietly observed her profile.
They say life is a comedy from a distance, but a tragedy up close. Jua, who had always seemed smart, confident, and perfect, looked different now. She looked exhausted, fragile, and precarious. I could see just how much weight she carried on those small shoulders. Being close to her and actually talking like this revealed things that had been invisible before.
. . .
Jua touched her cheeks, which had grown slightly flushed from the heat of the bonfire. She hadn't planned on this. She had genuinely come out of curiosity about the gold necklace that had vanished in the blink of an eye. She wanted to know how he did it. She had figured that if she threatened to search his house, he would get scared and reveal his secret. If it were her, she would have, because she was a coward.
But she never expected him to bring her to his house so easily, nor did she expect a single bite of ramen here to taste so incredibly delicious. And she certainly hadn't expected this place to bring her so much peace.
Being here gave her a sense of liberation. It felt as though all the shackles binding her had been unlocked, freeing her from the crushing pressure that constantly weighed her down.
The Americano she usually drank like water had somehow coaxed out her deepest thoughts today. Though she had just rambled aimlessly, In-bae was the first person she had ever shared these feelings with. She couldn't even say these things to her closest friend, Ji Minseo. They had casually labeled each other best friends, but she had never truly opened her heart.
Yet, with In-bae, she felt like she could say anything. It felt like she had found a new hideout. It felt like she had made a new friend.
I still hadn't spent the 3 million won I received as settlement money. Well, maybe 2.99 million won now, since I'd topped up my transit card?
Usually, whenever I got money, I was busy spending it on food. But now that I could just take whatever I needed from the mart, I had no real expenses.
As I pondered what to do with the cash, I decided to learn martial arts. At the very least, I needed to escape being a bread shuttle before graduating high school, right?
There were plenty of options—judo, jiu-jitsu, boxing, MMA—but I chose boxing. I recalled reading somewhere that boxing was the absolute best for street fights between amateurs. As a certified amateur myself, choosing boxing was a no-brainer.
When I registered at the boxing gym, they handed me a jump rope. I jumped rope endlessly and learned how to jab. I practiced my jabs over and over in front of the mirror.
The best part about the boxing gym was that I could shower there. Since my house had no running water, my hygiene had consisted of quick, miserable washes in public restrooms. Here, I could use as much hot water as I wanted. On top of that, there was no time limit on how long I could train.
Every day after school, I headed straight to the gym. I stretched, jumped rope, practiced my jabs, one-twos, and hooks, and did basic strength training. I could feel my physical stamina improving.
The head coach and the trainers patted my back, telling me I was doing great. It was the first time in my life anyone had ever praised me for being good at something, and it felt amazing. It made me want to do even better, to push myself even harder.
For two months, I went to the gym every single day without a break. I trained for two hours, sometimes three, on each visit. One day, as I was shadowboxing intensely in front of the mirror...
"In-bae, you've improved a lot."
"Thank you, Coach. It's all thanks to your guidance."
"Now that I look at you, have you gotten taller? You've put on some healthy weight, too."
"Really?"
"Want to measure it?"
"Sure."
I had a vague feeling that something about me had changed, but had I really grown? When I stepped on the scale and height rod, it read 176 cm. I had been 170 cm during the physical exam at the start of the year, meaning I'd grown 6 cm in barely ten months. And here I thought I was done growing. It felt great to be taller. I'd felt like I was shooting up lately, and it turned out to be true.
I wasn't sure if it was because I was finally eating well thanks to my Inventory, or if the exercise was stimulating my growth plates. Whatever the reason, it had to be one of the two. Driven by a sudden greed to grow even taller, I resolved to double down on both. I ate better, moved more, and trained harder.
Before I knew it, winter break arrived. In the past, I would have dreaded winter break. It was a cold, hungry season. But now, I was perfectly fine. I had my Inventory.
After Jua introduced me to the "romance" of camping, I visited supermarkets, warehouse discount stores, and specialty camping shops to stock up on gear. Honestly, my daily life at home was basically camping anyway. No electricity, no water, no gas. Plus, I lived on a mountain. If that wasn't camping, I didn't know what was.
While I had previously focused strictly on utility, after Jua's visit, I upgraded to more aesthetic, well-designed gear. YouTube was full of recommendations for top-tier camping products.
I also continued making money on the side. When I stole pens from stationery stores, they didn't sell very well, but camping gear was surprisingly popular on Danggeun Market. Tents, in particular, fetched high prices, making them quite lucrative.
Having cash on hand started making my mind wander. It wasn't that I wanted to squander the money—after all, any physical item I needed could just be slipped into my Inventory. Instead, I wanted to use the money to learn something.
Academic studying was out of the question. I was terrible at it, and I had zero interest in it anyway. As for physical training, boxing was enough for now. If I wanted to learn another martial art, I'd consider it only after reaching a decent level in boxing. I did have a vague desire to try MMA or jiu-jitsu eventually, but not yet. Boxing was plenty for the time being.
That left me wondering: What if I learned a foreign language? Even if I was bad at school, a foreign language seemed useful. When I was younger, I had always envied the kids who spoke English well. Plus, it might help me utilize my Inventory ability even better. We were living in a global era, after all.
So, I registered at an English academy. The tuition was expensive. I wondered briefly if I was wasting my money. But then they told me the textbooks were all in PDF format, meaning I needed a laptop or a tablet. What? Can't we just scribble on paper? Well, whatever. I figured I could just go to an electronics store and grab one.
I walked confidently into an electronics store. Wait. This isn't going to work. Even in warehouse discount stores and large marts, high-end electronics weren't just sitting out on shelves; you had to ask an employee to retrieve them for you. There were display models, of course, but stealing those would be far too obvious, so I couldn't bring myself to do it.
In the end, I had no choice but to buy a tablet. I bought a stylus pen, too. It cost a fortune. An English academy and a tablet for someone living in a house without electricity... Even I found it absurd, but it still gave me a strange sense of pride, like I was actually doing something productive with my life.
I had zero interest in grammar or vocabulary lists. I just wanted to be able to communicate. I focused entirely on conversation. Surprisingly, studying English turned out to be quite fun. I was glad I bought the tablet, too. Watching English-learning videos on YouTube made it even easier.
During the day, when the boxing gym was quiet, I would go work out. Then I'd attend my English classes, take the bus or subway to a large mart to stock up on supplies, and head home to "camp." That was my daily routine throughout the winter break. It was, without a doubt, a highly productive vacation.