Sion Lee Takes You Out
Friday, August 7, 1998. 9:00 PM, prime time.
Viewers who tuned their channels to MTV as usual were greeted by a brand-new broadcast. A shaky camera captured the iconic Hollywood sign and the bustling streets below. Amidst the crowd, Sion Lee, wearing dark sunglasses, was chatting with someone. A beat later, he turned back to face the camera and flashed a highly confident smile.
Immediately after, a striking logo flashed across the screen, burning itself into the viewers' minds.
A low drum and bass line kicked in as Sion began walking toward an unknown destination. The moment he reached out his hand to "take out" the viewers, a montage of teasers for today's episode flashed by. Brief glimpses of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Elena Asimov flickered across the screen, and the viewers watching at home couldn't contain their excitement.
"Whoa, the guest lineup for the very first episode is insane!"
"Arnold and Elena..."
"Are those three actually doing something together?"
Then, a classic 90s-style voiceover introduced the show.
A beautiful, serene village landscape that stirred a sense of nostalgia rolled across the screen. As the camera locked onto the scenic backdrop, Sion Lee stood tall in the frame and gave a thumbs-up.
And then, Sion muttered his line.
It was a perfect opening, capped off with a punchline that would change with every episode.
"..."
"..."
The viewers' souls had already been thoroughly "taken out" and pulled straight into the television screen. Thus began the talk and variety show.
The episode officially kicked off with Sion arriving in a rural Austrian village—Arnold Schwarzenegger's hometown. Arnold himself was already waiting there to welcome Sion.
"This is the village where I used to live. How does it feel to be here?"
"The smell of cow manure is absolutely killer."
"..."
Arnold, currently in his "mid-life crisis" phase, looked instantly dejected by Sion's cold, blunt reaction. Soon after, Elena arrived, and Sion Lee Takes You Out truly got underway.
After exchanging greetings, the three sat in the yard for a while, catching up and chatting. Then, out of nowhere, Sion spoke up.
"Shall we go work out?"
Work out? What kind of workout?
They said this wasn't just a simple talk show, so I guess this is where it starts.
Viewers eagerly anticipated seeing Arnold, the undisputed GOAT of bodybuilding, working out alongside Sion Lee, who had recently bulked up significantly to cement his status as a new-era action star.
...But the scene they actually witnessed was entirely different from what they had imagined.
"One more! Just one more!"
"P-please...!"
"The point of failure is exactly where the real workout begins!"
"Ohhh!"
Elena was caught in the middle, agonizing between two massive, muscular men.
"...Why on earth did you invite me here? Please let me go home."
The show then cut to a hilariously edited montage of her on her knees, completely exhausted.
"Bwahaha!"
"Ah, Elena is so cute!"
"I had no idea she had a side like that!"
Viewers burst into laughter at this fresh, unexpected side of Elena, who was usually seen as noble, proper, and elegant even when delivering sharp, confident remarks. It was a bold, unconventional style of hosting that could only come from Sion Lee.
Furthermore, the subsequent scenes showcasing Arnold's warm, fatherly side thoroughly captivated the audience. As the three grilled and ate barbecue together, they engaged in natural conversations tailored to the setting, allowing the actors to build a completely new, endearing image in front of the public.
While Hollywood stars and the public always needed each other, the limited nature of contemporary media usually kept a certain distance between them. Poking right at that boundary, the show utilized the fresh, accessible image of its young host to bridge the gap.
As a result, the premiere exploded with a massive Nielsen rating of 2.5.
The Nielsen rating measured viewership by calculating the percentage of total television-owning households tuned into a program during its time slot. In the United States, which currently had roughly 99 million TV households, a 2.5 rating meant that approximately 2.5 million households had tuned in to watch the debut of Sion Lee's show.
It was a score that even major network programs struggled to achieve easily.
"This is practically an industry-shaking event..."
"It's Sion Lee, though. We should expect nothing less."
Inside MTV, the staff was astonished, yet there was a collective feeling of "the inevitable has arrived." Currently, MTV's average prime-time rating hovered between 0.8 and 1.2. A rating of 2.5 was more than double that average, and the subsequent reruns generated an even greater wave of influence.
Newspaper articles poured out from all directions, and MTV was in a state of absolute celebration.
"We had to pull at least these kinds of numbers," Sion remarked, looking rather nonchalant.
"We didn't just have one Hollywood star; we had two of them appearing together. It would be weirder if people didn't watch. Plus, since I'm hosting instead of a professional talk show host, it feels like a special event. People wouldn't want to miss it."
"It feels the same way for us, Sion."
The man speaking with a serene expression was Jim Carrey. He was currently in the middle of a yoga pose.
Unlike his wildly energetic public persona, his vibe in daily life was... well, he felt more like a quiet plant or a tree than a human being. This tendency was especially pronounced when he was around people he felt comfortable with. Ever since their time on Batman Forever, Jim had recognized Sion as someone who truly understood him. Consequently, he rarely made his signature wacky faces around Sion, instead speaking in a calm, contemplative manner, letting the conversation drift naturally.
"Appearing on a show is a major event for actors like us, too. Especially when it's your show."
"Oh, you flatter me."
Sion watched Jim smoothly transition into another pose, feeling a bit like a scientist observing a Venus flytrap slowly digesting a fly... before quickly scolding himself for the rude comparison.
Well, Jim's words weren't wrong. Sion was receiving $6 million for this 12-episode contract. While this was the most expensive hosting fee in MTV's history, it was actually a drop in the bucket for Sion, who was now commanding a $10 million guarantee per film in Hollywood. The scale difference between film and television made it unavoidable.
However, Sion had taken on this project not for the money, but to network with other actors and solidify his status as a cultural anchor. He had no complaints.
"It was quite therapeutic, too," Jim Carrey said calmly, his legs intricately crossed in a complex pose.
...Speaking in that posture made him look bizarrely and uniquely hilarious.
"I had a wonderful time."
Episode 1 featured the Schwarzenegger & Miss Asimov duo. Episode 2 featured the Mrs. Asimov & Frederic Patterson duo. With both episodes having already caused a massive stir, the upcoming Episode 3... starred Jim Carrey & Jim Carrey.
...Literally.
When Episode 3 finally aired, viewers sitting in front of their televisions cheered as the energetic Jim Carrey made his entrance.
"Yes! Jim Carrey!"
"I've been waiting for this ever since I saw the teaser!"
But when the next "Jim Carrey" walked out, they tilted their heads in confusion.
"...Who is that?"
"What's going on?"
He was a chubby, white man in his mid-50s. He simply shared the exact same name: Jim Carrey.
As the show got into full swing, another guest, an elderly man in his 80s, was introduced.
"The name's Jim Carrey. WWII veteran."
Two months prior, the film The Truman Show had been released, allowing Jim Carrey to finally establish his identity as a serious "actor" rather than just a "comedian." Since he was currently in the middle of promoting his work, Sion had deliberately designed the concept of the episode with Jim's schedule in mind: "A show featuring ordinary Jim Carreys where the real Jim Carrey never laughs."
And that made it terrifyingly hilarious.
"Let's keep it serious today, Jim. In line with your usual image."
"Sounds good, Sion. I'll show you the real me."
At this point in his career, Jim Carrey was gradually moving away from his traditional slapstick comedy and beginning to deliver jokes with a bit of a sharp, intellectual bite during public appearances. Because of this, he threw himself into the broadcast with immense passion, grateful for a concept that allowed him to show his true self rather than the caricature the public expected.
Before this, he had felt as though he were living inside his own version of The Truman Show, but through Sion, he had finally found a sense of freedom on television.
...Of course, that didn't mean his urge to make people laugh had vanished entirely.
"Let me do my Jack Nicholson impression."
"Bwahahaha!"
The chubby, middle-aged Jim Carrey burst into uncontrollable laughter. Immediately, he was swapped out for another Jim Carrey.
They had recruited over ten different Jim Carreys for this single broadcast. Amidst the rotation, a young woman stepped forward, standing shyly on stage. Sion, acting as the host, asked her a question.
"Excuse me, what is your name...?"
"Anna Carrey."
"I'm sorry, but this show is strictly for Jim Carreys."
At his words, Anna smiled warmly and pointed to her pregnant belly.
"He's in here. I really wanted to give him that name because of someone standing right in front of me."
The other Jim Carreys smiled warmly, while Sion and the real Jim Carrey stood there, slightly dazed and deeply touched.
"It honestly felt like being on SNL, but I also got to share some of my serious thoughts," Jim recalled, smiling at the memory as Sion nodded in agreement.
"That's exactly why I brought in ordinary people instead of other actors. I wanted to free you from the pressure of always having to be funny in front of the camera."
"...My childhood family issues left me with a bit of affection deprivation, so it can be tough sometimes."
"Oh, you too? Me too. Don't you feel like you'll go crazy if you aren't joking around?"
"Heh, exactly. Sometimes I really don't know who I am."
They were under the same agency—essentially a business family. Spending time with Sion, who understood him better than anyone else in the industry, Jim's face looked significantly more relaxed than before. Looking at the "King of Comedy" who had changed so much since they first worked together on Batman, Sion thought to himself:
I'm really glad we ended up working together.
In his past life, watching Jim's movies had allowed him to laugh, if only a little, during his darkest times. He had always wanted to repay that debt of gratitude.
To accommodate Sion's incredibly expensive and packed schedule, Sion Lee Takes You Out was structured to shoot next episodes continuously with minimal downtime. Rather than filming in a Hollywood studio, the crew traveled wherever the guests requested.
While the rapidly shifting atmosphere of each episode kept viewers glued to their screens, it also occasionally produced unexpected side effects.
One such incident occurred due to a specific proposal.
"Ah! I don't really care what we shoot! But can I choose the guest to join me? Haha!"
It was a proposal from Tom Cruise, a massive Hollywood leading man who was currently focusing heavily on producing. Thinking it was an interesting counter-proposal, Sion accepted, which led to the casting of a completely unexpected figure.
"...Why the hell is it me?"
Jack Nicholson looked openly displeased. He was currently dressed in a skydiving jumpsuit.
"Who knows? They wanted you, so we brought you along."
"Then you should've turned them down! Why drag an old man who just won a cool Best Actor Oscar and wants to rest into a godforsaken place like this?"
"Oh, come on. You're the coolest guy we know, so we had to accept Tom's proposal."
Sion's smooth flattery instantly brought a wide grin to Jack's face.
"Haha, you little punks. Flattery will get you nowhere."
"That's fine, Jack! I don't want anything from you anyway!"
A man entered the scene like a movie protagonist, delivering a line that made him seem slightly oblivious to the mood. It was none other than Tom Cruise.
Jack, who put on a rugged American macho exterior but harbored a bit of inner melancholy, grumbled continuously at him. However, Tom simply ignored the grumbling, his signature bright eyes sparkling as he casually slung an arm around Sion's shoulder.
...Fortunately, thanks to the high-heeled boots Tom was wearing, the height difference didn't look awkward on camera.
"Let's just enjoy skydiving today!"
"Wow. Sounds fun. Right, Jack?"
"Well, I got paid, so I'll do it. It's probably no big deal anyway."
Despite his casual words, Jack had been looking a bit pale for a while now.
"But once you try it, it's seriously so much fun!"
Tom, completely oblivious to Jack's discomfort, flashed a bright, refreshing smile.
...It was a two-shot that heavily implied this would not be an easy shoot.
Following the producer's suggestion to "completely blow the viewers' minds right from the start," the filming began inside a plane that had climbed to an altitude of 4,000 meters. The setup looked like a promotional film made in collaboration with the military. Inside the civilian aircraft, the three "experts" began their talk.
"Wow! We're pretty high up! Jack! How do you feel!"
"Absolutely thrilling. Feels just like when I was divorcing my wife."
"Haha! Jack, you're not even married! Love is a beautiful thing!"
"...Sure it is."
The grumpy veteran character actor and the bright, oblivious leading man beside him created an surprisingly entertaining dynamic.
Finally, the aircraft reached the designated altitude. The jump door opened, and a massive gust of wind roared into the cabin. From that point on, the ambient noise made it nearly impossible to hear, so they communicated using hand signals they had learned beforehand.
Sion watched as his jump instructor stepped up behind him, gave an "OK" sign, and secured the harness. Across from him, Jack Nicholson shouted something over the wind before raising a thumb. Sion responded with a hand signal of his own, tilting his head with a thumbs-up.
Is it great?
In response, Jack drew a finger across his throat.
Does he mean he wants to die, or that he's going to kill me?
Either way, Jack was more likely to have a heart attack before he even hit the ground, so Sion figured it didn't matter. Chuckling to himself as he made off-camera jokes in his head, Sion saw Tom Cruise—who was jumping solo without an instructor—approach him with a bright smile, also raising a thumb.
"Awesome! Ultimate thrill!" Tom mouthed enthusiastically.
Tom walked up to the open door to face the rushing wind. Sion, feeling a sudden surge of excitement, was about to follow him when...
"No! I hate this! I have a medical condition where I die if I fall from high places!"
...Jack Nicholson's voice boomed so loudly it pierced right through the roaring wind.
Sion turned around and smirked, watching Hollywood's greatest character actor desperately trying to back out, when his instructor gave him a gentle nudge to move forward. Tom Cruise, who was already holding onto the edge of the open door, saw Sion arrive beside him and immediately began mouthing something as if he had been waiting.
Sion squinted, trying his best to read Tom's lips.
...You can't beat me, you little punk?
Realizing Sion had misread him, Tom frantically shook his head. Then, he leaned in close and yelled directly into Sion's ear.
"If you jump from here! You're starring in the movie I'm producing!"