You Can't Let Baseless Rumors Ruin a Friend's Marriage Prospects
One could not allow baseless rumors to ruin a friend’s path to marriage. Cheong launched a full-scale offensive to eliminate any future repercussions.
“Oh my, is that from personal experience? You seem to have extensive knowledge of matters between men and women.”
“Uh… it’s just something I heard from my uncle.”
“If it were that simple, I would laugh it off. But what if my friend already has someone in mind?”
“Huh?”
“Once words leave the mouth, they cannot be taken back. If even a rumor spreads, won’t my friend end up unable to meet a potential partner?”
“That’s…”
“And then my friend grows old alone, living in miserable solitude, reflecting on the past and thinking, ‘If only that brother hadn’t run his mouth, I wouldn’t be this lonely without a wife or children. I guess I’ll have to cook for myself again.’ How exactly do you plan to take responsibility for that?”
“Good heavens! I apologize!”
Hwangbo Uncheok crumbled beneath Cheong’s barrage.
“Brother! I am sorry to you as well! This foolish older brother nearly doomed you to a lonely old age with my careless tongue!”
Paeng Daesan tilted his head at an odd angle.
“Why does receiving an apology feel so unpleasant? And this situation feels strangely familiar.”
“Brother Paeng, that is known as déjà vu. It is when the Upper Dantian briefly glimpses a potential future while breathing. This aligns with what the Buddhists call the Heavenly Eye, which corresponds to the Three Supernatural Powers—knowing the future through foresight, understanding past lives through the knowledge of karma, and sublimating them into the ability to freely manipulate such sensations as the introductory stage of—”
“I’m going to lose my mind. Seriously.”
Jegal Ihyeon jumped in the moment a familiar topic arose, his lips moving at blinding speed. Yes, this was exactly the kind of guy he was.
At that moment, Cheong shot up from her seat.
“Where are you going?”
“To take a shit. Be right back.”
Paeng Daesan rubbed his forehead. Was she actually insane?
“What a refreshingly straightforward young lady!”
“…Can you truly call that straightforward?”
“I have no idea!”
Cheong vanished with quick steps. Hwangbo Uncheok changed the subject.
“Anyway, this worked out perfectly! Brother Paeng, you’re also heading to Mount Hua, correct? Then we can travel together from now on!”
“Brother Hwangbo, you are going to Mount Hua as well?”
“Of course! Why else would I be here!”
The Hwangbo Clan did not belong to the Five Great Clans, but it was part of the Ten Great Clans of the Central Plains. That meant the opening of the Sword-Carving Cliff had been extended to the Ten Great Clans. What matter required borrowing the power of so many great clans? It was possible something unusual was stirring in the martial world.
And behind the teahouse, something truly unusual was indeed taking place.
One of the things Cheong could never accept in the Central Plains martial world was the toilets. But she was powerless. What could she do if she couldn’t accept them? It wasn’t as if she could fight the toilets themselves. Still, she refused to endure it forever. When she eventually became the greatest expert and held the entire Murim in her grasp, she would carry on the will of the late Sim Jae-deok—former mayor of Suwon, founder of the Korea Toilet Association and the World Toilet Association—and lead the modernization of Central Plains restrooms.
Her ambition was grand, but it did nothing to solve the immediate crisis before her. This was a matter of human dignity, and it was—
Please let it be clean. Please, please…
A filthy toilet could kill a person’s soul. Cheong steeled her heart and grabbed the door to the privy.
It was then that a cold voice spoke.
“You.”
Cheong turned around. A woman who looked like trouble incarnate was pointing a finger at her. She was flanked by two men with sleazy faces. At a glance, she was a thug of a woman. Still, one should not judge by appearance alone. Perhaps she was actually kind but suffered because of her fierce face.
Instead of judging by appearance, Cheong checked the woman’s karma.
Woman: -498
Left Thug: -621
Right Thug: -455
Ah. She really was a bad woman. As expected, physiognomy was a proper science.
Cheong did not hold back in front of villains, no matter how beautiful they were. However, she currently faced a far greater crisis. The possibility that the toilet might be dirty was a matter of personal dignity.
Before opening the door, the state inside the toilet existed in a superposition of clean and dirty. It was called an indeterminate or mixed state, and the imperfect image would collapse into one reality depending on the observer’s measurement. Humanity had longed to overcome this chaos since ancient times. The belief that good deeds brought good fortune was the result of that desperate effort. In modern times, this methodology had evolved into reading coin graphs to collapse future market states toward profit, or playing sacred music while staring at a game developer’s photo before doing gacha pulls.
Cheong followed that same methodology. If polite speech could grant her even slightly cleaner facilities, she could be kind even to villains.
“If it’s a small matter, please go ahead first.”
“What the hell is this girl saying?”
“I can’t handle a big one. But if you’re really desperate and confident you can finish in one go…”
The woman exploded at the continuing stream of nonsense.
“You—do you even know who I am, you wretch?”
People spoke with their expressions as well. Cheong’s face clearly said, How the hell would I know that? The person who answered was not the woman but the man on her right.
“This person is the cherished daughter of the Black Shadow Society. A lowly thing like you shouldn’t even dare meet her eyes.”
Cheong let it go in one ear and out the other. If meeting eyes was forbidden, then she was either Medusa, a Gorgon, or the late Michael Jackson. If it were Michael Jackson, Cheong was confident she would faint like one of his fans from that era.
“Oh, that. Isn’t it a bit embarrassing to reveal your identity with your own mouth?”
“This bitch…!”
“Young miss, please calm yourself. There is no need for you to deal with such trash personally. If a commotion arises, the young master will hear of it.”
“Ahem. True. Nogal.”
The wicked young lady of the Black Shadow Society jerked her chin. The villain called Nogal tossed a pouch from his pocket. The clear clink of coins rang out. Impressively, it landed exactly at Cheong’s feet. This was clearly not his first time doing so.
“Take that and disappear cleanly.”
Cheong quickly picked it up and checked inside. One yellow gold coin nestled among silver. A smile spread across Cheong’s lips.
Goodness. Throwing an entire money pouch just to get someone to yield the toilet. Was this the dignity of the rich? Of course, it wasn’t just for yielding the spot. It probably included the cost of buying her silence. A high-born lady frequenting a public toilet would certainly be a slightly—well, very—embarrassing sight. Or perhaps she suffered from severe constipation.
“Aigoo, I failed to recognize a noble person. I saw nothing at all. Please take care, young miss.”
Cheong bowed deeply at the waist and retreated.
This was what they meant by a triumphant return in golden robes. Cheong puffed out her magnificent chest, smiled brightly, and strode back with majestic dignity. All three men averted their eyes. They knew exactly where she had been.
Cheong interpreted those gazes differently. Since they were all men gathered together, they must have been sharing some naughty stories. Cheong liked naughty stories too. How dare they discuss something so important without her! Still, she understood that erotic talk was inherently awkward to share with someone you didn’t know well. Even if it stung, she could endure it.
Instead, Cheong proudly pulled out the money pouch and showed it off, even opening it at the entrance. Paeng Daesan glanced inside. It was a trivial amount. To the heir of one of the Five Great Clans, it wouldn’t even cover a day’s allowance. Seeing her so smug over such pocket change was a little cute.
Suddenly a chill ran down his spine and Paeng Daesan froze. What the hell was that just now?
While Paeng Daesan confronted cosmic horror, Cheong declared proudly.
“Look at this. I earned some money.”
“Wait, Sister.”
“Sister?”
“If you are Brother Paeng’s friend, then to me you would be an older sister, would you not?”
The title “sister” felt strangely unfamiliar. Still, it was better than “young lady.”
“Oh. Then can I speak casually?”
“By all means. But how exactly did you earn this sum from a visit to the privy?”
“Someone gave it to me. They were in a hurry and asked me to yield the spot. They offered money, so why refuse? I’ll go again later.”
“No, I mean… just how desperate were they…”
Jegal Ihyeon’s voice trailed off. Even to the precious gem of the Jegal Clan, it was indeed a paltry sum that wouldn’t cover a day’s allowance. However, he understood it was far too much to simply hand over for one trip to the toilet. Income and economic sense were two different things.
At that moment, the baby-faced Hwangbo Uncheok cut in.
“Young lady, taking advantage of someone’s difficult situation for personal gain is not proper conduct.”
“But she was from a very wealthy family? The one in difficult straits is me. I’m the one eating thanks to my friend’s generosity because I have no money.”
“Regardless of wealth, the fact remains that you obtained unjust profit, does it not?”
“Come on, how can you separate wealth from the situation? Then, Brother So? What if you were on the verge of shitting your pants right this instant?”
“That’s…”
“If you shit your pants, Brother So, how do you think the world would look at you? They might not say it to your face, but behind your back wouldn’t they mock you as Great Hero Shit or Young Hero Chamber Pot?”
“Uh, that’s…”
“Face is social status, and shitting your pants would be an irreversible, severe damage—an indelible brand for life, wouldn’t it?”
“That does seem…”
“I see that as a social death sentence. Have you never heard the saying that a person dies not when their life ends, but when their name is forgotten? If you’re remembered not as a hero but as a shit-stain, wouldn’t that be a greater humiliation than death?”
“That is certainly…”
“Therefore, I protected a value more precious than life itself for that person. In gratitude for that, they gave me—wait, there was only one gold coin? Then doesn’t that mean I was the one treated rudely?”
“One gold coin does seem a bit…”
“But when one’s life is on the line, mistakes can happen in desperation. Since they gave the entire pouch, they must have offered everything they had. Therefore, I cannot possibly complain that the amount was meager.”
Cheong fired off her words like a machine gun. Hwangbo Uncheok answered with a serious expression.
“Indeed! Your generosity is as vast as the sea! I have committed another great discourtesy!”
Jegal Ihyeon, who had been listening beside him, marveled.
“Magnificent! Sister! To elevate pure nonsense to the level of natural truth through such logical leaps! And yet the bizarre development of naturally elevating yourself throughout is truly unpredictable, ever-changing! A superb verbal battle that has reached the realm of grafting flowers onto trees!”
Cheong’s ability to read the room had been legendary since her military days. Observing the opponent, subtly probing, and accurately measuring exactly how far she could push before consequences arose—it was a supreme martial art. Despite being a mere private with a terrible service number, she was a giant of her generation who could laugh and joke with Corporal Kim, the demon squad leader whose temper was compared to a rabid dog.
And that giant now rose from her seat.
“Sister? Why are you standing up so suddenly?”
“Why? To finish what I started earlier, of course.”
“Ah.”
Jegal Ihyeon’s face turned red. Cheong slipped out through the teahouse’s back door. As if on cue, she ran straight into the grateful person from before. The woman trembled violently and pointed a finger at her.
“You, you bitch! How dare you mock me?”