The Banquet of Beasts
The strategist Bang Jeom-myeong was thrilled. It had been so long since he last tasted fine wine poured by a woman that his filthy hands were already groping the gisaeng’s chest before the first toast could even be made.
In response, the leader of the Salwol-pa, Lee Wang-chul, chuckled. “Hmm, it’s not like the gisaeng is running away. Looks like someone’s been starving for a long time.” He added that Bang was never one to enjoy the company of men anyway, which explained the dirty looks he always gave him. Or maybe the maid he brought along was actually his favorite concubine, and the way he constantly fawned over her showed he was completely whipped. What a disgrace to all men. Rumors had been swirling because the strategist never showed up to any of the dinners, but after seeing him today, those dirty rumors would probably die down. Still, watching him paw at her like a wild animal that hadn’t eaten in ten years made Lee hope the man would at least try to maintain some dignity as the strategist of their faction.
Anyway, the Salwol-pa dinner was fun. Extremely fun. It was loud, obscene, and thoroughly unhealthy in every possible way. A true feast of beasts! A gathering of animals! Disqualified as humans! Certified as beasts!
Then, suddenly, the strategist staggered to his feet.
“Ugh.”
“Strategist Bang? Where are you going?”
“Just need to… take a leak…”
The former general manager and current training head of the Salwol-pa, Wang U, flashed a meaningful smirk. “Ah, I see.”
The Salwol-pa thugs burst into laughter. Men of the unorthodox path always obsessed over the most useless parts of life. One of those obsessions was drinking. Righteous warriors would cover their cups or step outside to sober up when they felt they’d had enough, but these bastards drank until they dropped. Because vomiting up what you’d already drunk was unmanly. A real man would rather die from alcohol poisoning than spit out what he’d swallowed. That was their strange fixation.
Veins bulged on Bang Jeom-myeong’s forehead. “It’s not like that. I’m literally just going to piss.”
“That’s what they all say, then come back looking perfectly fine. Right? Making excuses like a woman and puking up all the good liquor they drank.”
“Hmph. Then why don’t you come with me and check for yourself?”
“Why the hell would I want to look at another man’s dick? I’ll just count how long it takes you to finish. If it takes too long, we’ll all know what happened.”
“My piss stream is as powerful as the Yangtze. Come listen if you want. You’ll hear something like the heavens themselves have opened up. Your soul might even leave your body. Everyone, if Head Trainer Wang comes running out later screaming that the sky is falling, just remember it’s because of the sheer force of this strategist’s urine.”
Loud laughter erupted across the room. Wang U’s face crumpled like he had bitten into a rock. He might win in martial prowess, but trying to beat a scholar who lived by his wits in a war of words was pointless. Having easily crushed the man who had picked a fight with him, Bang Jeom-myeong puffed out his chest with pride and staggered out through the sliding door.
He looked left and right, confirmed the wooden sign indicating the latrine, and took one step, then another. Suddenly, the door slid open with a rattle, revealing a pale, expressionless face.
“Consumption of more than one bottle of alcohol detected. You have broken your promise. You are a liar.”
“Lady! You scared me. What the hell? When did you get here?”
“Rangrang was performing her duty. You have far exceeded the promised alcohol limit. This constitutes a serious act of deception.”
“Hmph. Weren’t you using the mission as an excuse to slack off too? Why don’t you wipe the grease off your mouth first?”
The corners of the normally expressionless Rangrang’s mouth were stained orange with chili oil, and a thick black sauce dripped down her left cheek. She had clearly been devouring skewered meat.
“This is merely caloric replenishment required for mission execution. Regardless, this Rangrang will classify this as active fraudulent behavior.”
“Ahem. That’s why I’m going to sober up right now. As long as I don’t get drunk, it’s fine, right?”
“Do as you wish.”
With that, Rangrang slammed the door shut.
Bang Jeom-myeong clicked his tongue. “What, is she sulking? Ha. Unbelievable. A jiangshi monster that isn’t even human, yet she gets offended and starts imitating human emotions. A jiangshi stuffing her face with expensive food, no less.”
Grumbling to himself, the strategist walked down the corridor. Then, a woman quietly slipped out of the latrine. Bang Jeom-myeong forgot all about his urge to piss and stopped in his tracks, staring at her in a daze.
Judging by her utterly seductive appearance, she had to be a gisaeng. But in a backwater like Gwangju, there was a supreme-class—no, an ultra supreme-class—gisaeng like this?
Bang Jeom-myeong’s misunderstanding was perfectly natural. In the Central Plains, a seductive appearance was considered extremely shameful for a woman, so they usually covered it with heavy makeup. However, there were women who proudly displayed it instead of hiding it—the flowers who bewitched men. Gisaengs.
“Y-you. What is your name?”
Gyeon Po-hui looked at the middle-aged man who had suddenly started speaking informally. Her unique thought process unfolded. You were spoken to casually. Is he an elder? No. If not, is he an acquaintance? No. If not, is he a master? No.
“Me? I’m Gyeon Po-hui. Who are you?”
Gyeon Po-hui returned exactly what she received. If you wanted to put it nicely, it was like a mirror. To Cheong, it just looked childish.
“Ahem. I am Bang Jeom-myeong, strategist of the Salwol-pa. Though I am called a strategist, I am essentially the second-in-command.”
“Salwol-pa? I think I’ve heard of it. Yeah, so? What do you want?”
“Are you currently accepting guests? No, never mind. What does that matter? How much? I’ll pay however many gold pieces you want. Here.”
He abruptly grabbed Gyeon Po-hui’s wrist.
“Hey, why is a woman so strong? What are you doing just standing there like a wooden statue?”
Gyeon Po-hui was a master. She had simply chosen not to counter a weakling who could barely qualify as second-class. She tilted her head at the pathetic force trying to pull her arm.
“Where are you taking me?”
“Heh heh heh. When a man and a woman meet, what else would we do? Hehehe.”
Gyeon Po-hui tilted her head again. “What do men and women do when they meet?”
“Are you seriously asking because you don’t know? Come pour me drinks, kiss me a little, huh?”
“Why? I don’t want to.”
“What the hell? Why are you acting like a stupid bitch? When this elder tells you to follow, you should say ‘yes sir’ and obey. Do I really have to force myself on you? Can’t you just listen when I’m being nice? The result will be the same anyway. Can’t you tell which option benefits you, you stupid bitch?”
The moment Bang Jeom-myeong yanked her hand with those words, all previous resistance vanished. The hand he pulled came forward without any weight, as if he were swinging at empty air. The momentum didn’t stop there. It suddenly transformed into a thousand-pound force that twisted his wrist. The rotational power amplified from his elbow to his shoulder, growing larger and larger until it became an unstoppable torrent that flung his entire body.
Bang Jeom-myeong’s body spun around his own arm like a water wheel. The world flipped upside down, heaven and earth swirling until his mind grew dizzy…
In his fading consciousness, Bang Jeom-myeong barely managed to recall a legendary divine art based on the same principle.
The Great Shift of Heaven and Earth. Grasping the heavens and earth to flip and move them.
At that moment, a cold voice reached him.
“I’m the stupid one, but what did I ever do to you? You know, the type that’s attractive but stupid and worthless. An idiot. You know what an idiot is, right?”
It was a stupid remark that struck at his intelligence, making him completely lose the grip on his fading consciousness. As his mind went blank, Bang Jeom-myeong’s final thought was this:
It must be that idiot beauty, you stupid bitch…
Fortunately, Bang Jeom-myeong was not left sprawled on the cold floor for long. Since the strategist who had gone to “take a leak” had been gone for far too long, the leader of the Salwol-pa told someone to go find him. After all, if a weak scholar who couldn’t hold his liquor had passed out in the latrine, it would be a disaster.
Surprisingly, the person who volunteered was none other than the former general manager, Wang U.
“Head Trainer Wang? You?”
“Big Brother, we can’t keep growling at each other forever, can we? We’re all family in the Salwol-pa. It’s about time one of us takes a step back.”
Of course, Wang U had no murderous intentions. The man was obviously drunk and passed out in the latrine or some empty room. So he would drag him out after dunking him in the cesspit. Calling him the idiot who fell into the shit tank would ruin his reputation as a strategist in an instant. In a way, killing him might be kinder. At least until the leader added those unnecessary words.
“Yes, my brother. You’ve thought well. He may be a pathetic weakling, but he is still a necessary talent. You should soothe and coax him a little. That’s what a real man does. I know you’ve been upset. Here, have a drink. The strategist has always been narrow-minded, so I pretended to listen to him. I’ll restore your position as general manager soon.”
Lee Wang-chul offered the drink with a proud look. Wang U downed it in one gulp and flashed a savage smile.
Yes. That bastard threw a tantrum and got my position taken away.
It was the moment he gained clear evidence for what he had only suspected until now.
When he stepped into the corridor, he saw a man sprawled on the floor in the distance. At first he thought the drunkard was simply sleeping in the middle of the hallway. But the man’s eyes had rolled back, showing only the whites. Bubbles foamed at his mouth, and his arm was twisted and shattered by some unknown technique.
The corners of Wang U’s mouth rose to his ears.
For men of the unorthodox path, a comrade’s untimely death was practically everyday life. This bastard must have messed with a master he couldn’t handle and got wrecked.
Wang U drew his dagger, thinking it was for the best. At that moment, the strategist regained consciousness.
“Ugh… Head Trainer Wang…?”
“You son of a bitch. Yeah, it’s Head Trainer Wang. Does it feel good knowing you got me demoted? You messed with the wrong person.”
“Not demoted, it was a conspiracy—urk.”
The blade that grazed his neck made Bang Jeom-myeong clutch his throat with his uninjured hand.
“Whether it was demotion or conspiracy, you should have started with an apology, you fucking bastard.”
Wang U spat on the ground, kicked the writhing Bang Jeom-myeong hard in the back, and turned away.
“Krrk. Glurk.”
Bang Jeom-myeong desperately tried to scream, but with his throat properly cut, blood flooded his windpipe and no sound would come out.
The sound of a door slamming open violently, followed by Wang U’s urgent voice.
“Big Brother! This is bad! It’s really bad!”
At that moment, the sliding door right in front of Bang Jeom-myeong opened silently. Below the open door, at floor level, an expressionless face met his eyes. It was Rangrang, lying on her stomach with her chin resting on her hands.
“This is why mutual trust is important. Because one might be betrayed at the most critical moment. Do you understand?”
“Glurk…”
“Unfortunately, this Rangrang lacks the ability to infer conversation from human facial expressions. However, judging by the shape of your mouth, it appears you are saying ‘save me.’”
Bang Jeom-myeong’s eyes filled with desperate hope, and he frantically nodded his head despite his slashed throat.
Then his pupils dilated. The face that had always been expressionless and inhuman—because she truly was not human—showed emotion for the first time.
The corners of Rangrang’s mouth stretched all the way to her earlobes.
Between them, she brightly revealed rows of sharp, pointed monster teeth.
“I refuse. This monster jiangshi that is not human has decided not to imitate humans in a displeasing manner any longer. Therefore, ask a fellow human instead of this displeasing jiangshi.”
The sliding door slowly closed.
Bang Jeom-myeong continued foaming at the mouth, making wet, gurgling sounds as blood boiled in his throat.
In his fading consciousness, urgent voices that somehow sounded very far away rang clearly.
“Strategist Bang! What is this! Get a hold of yourself! The blood—damn it, stop the bleeding—fuck. This is a proper knife wound. Shit. What the hell are we going to tell the Sadoryeon…”