Always Check the Embers, Even After the Fire's Out
The old saying went, Be careful with fire whether sleeping or awake, and even check the extinguished flames again.
“General, all one hundred men of the Great Shun detachment have assembled. The rest have begun withdrawal.”
At his adjutant’s report, the general frowned. “One hundred? Didn’t I say thirty?”
“They were all but coming to blows over who got to stay. We couldn’t exactly let comrades start punching each other, could we?”
“Ha. Stupid bastards.”
“It’s not as if they’re marching to their deaths. They simply want to escort you a little longer before returning. How could we possibly talk them out of such devotion?”
Deaths. The word made the general’s face harden like stone.
In the first place, who would risk their life watching a wildfire like this? And if it meant staking the lives of a hundred precious subordinates along with it…
“This is not a place to die. That’s right. What greater dog’s death could there be than to stand here watching a mountain fire spread and then get swallowed by the flames? For the Northern Army that guards the north to die a meaningless death would truly be the height of disloyalty.”
An imperial command was to be carried out exactly as given. Once you started trying to read the emperor’s intentions, loyalty would eventually twist into self-interest and be used however convenient. Therefore, even if the imperial decree was an order to leap into a pit of fire, it had to be obeyed.
Which meant the words this general was speaking right now were precisely an act of defying that imperial command.
“What about the Golden Guards?”
“They ran off first, of course.”
“Once the final withdrawal team leaves, we’ll depart one hour later. They told us to watch until the flames rose, so watching this long should be more than enough, no?”
“Wise words, sir. In that case, there’s no point in wetting our clothes, is there?”
“Exactly. Make sure everyone arms themselves properly. We might run into bandits on the way back.”
“Bandits. Of course. Understood. Loyalty!”
The meaning was clear: if their significantly earlier-than-scheduled withdrawal was discovered, they would simply silence any witnesses. The adjutant, understanding perfectly, snapped a crisp salute.
The imperial warriors, wearing nothing but their underclothes, each sipped hot tea to warm their bodies. Makseok apparently found the sight distasteful. With a loud crash, he smashed an innocent section of wall, then scaled the neighboring building’s wall and vanished around the corner.
The warriors frowned, thinking it was actually for the best. The doors were already shut to keep the cold air out, yet he punched a hole in the wall only to go around and use the door because he didn’t like the draft. What a petty son of a bitch. His narrow-mindedness couldn’t fit even a single grain of rice.
One might wonder how a man of the Eight Blood Cavalry could be so childish and petty. But men are pitiful creatures whose sensitivity only increases with age, which inevitably makes them more childish.
Even back in Cheong’s hometown, one could easily observe so-called “managers” throwing tantrums for all sorts of reasons—leaving doors open on purpose or turning off the air conditioner while claiming to save electricity they never cared about before.
One of them dragged over the debris from the broken wall and built a roaring fire with it.
It was then that someone spoke up.
“Anyone want to take a lap around the village? Who knows? There might still be a girl among the country bumpkins who didn’t leave. If we’re lucky, we might get some fun out of it.”
“What? Why bother?”
“There he goes again. Is your dick hard already?”
“You guys just don’t get it. It’s always in these remote little villages that you find peerless beauties hiding. The kind of country girl who doesn’t even know she’s beautiful.”
His adjutant clicked his tongue. “Country girls look like country girls. They all resemble either a cow, a chicken, or a pig. Besides, the ones who ran off without even putting out the fires probably didn’t leave their women behind.”
“Then maybe there’s some kind of treasure? These are bumpkins. They might have brought something valuable without even realizing its worth.”
“Bumpkins have eyes too. The moment they get their hands on anything valuable, they all rush to the city with it, desperate to stop being bumpkins and become city folk. In a closed-off clan village like this, you could shake it down until the dust flies and still only find a handful of grain. Nothing worth taking.”
“Still, you never know.”
“Well, if you’re that set on it, I won’t stop you. If you see any dried tea leaves, bring some back. I ought to at least prepare a bowl of tea for the captain. And don’t bring back dried radish leaves claiming they’re tea like last time. If you’re going to bring radish, get some fermented soybean paste and rice too.”
A burst of loud laughter erupted.
“Still, it wasn’t bad, was it? You even fished out all the solids and ate them. You must be hungry, Captain. I’ll take a look around.”
The man who stood up joked around.
“So, anyone else going treasure hunting?”
“Have a good trip. If you find a girl, don’t keep her to yourself.”
“The Golden Guards’ loyalty is dead and buried. Just watch. I’ll come back with the seventh concubine of the realm’s greatest beauty.”
And so the frivolous Golden Guard threw on his still-damp golden winter uniform and stepped outside. No one imagined that this would be the last time they saw him.
This was the limit of primitive, ancient, uncivilized Murim. If the entertainment culture of the Central Plains had undergone a revolutionary development and movies had already been invented, even a man wouldn’t have dared to go alone. It was an ironclad rule that the first victim a serial killer targets is always the woman bathing first. And if there were no women, it would be the most frivolous bastard in the group.
Old men with children of marriageable age couldn’t help but unconsciously evaluate people around their children’s age.
A relatively gentle old man might see a decent person and think, If only our son-in-law/daughter-in-law were like that, they’d get along so well with our so-and-so. Conversely, upon seeing a bad person, they’d think, I hope we don’t bring in a wretch like that, then laugh at themselves for being so meddlesome and let it go.
However, extremely fussy old people who had somehow grown more childish with age would assign points to every little thing and make a complete spectacle of themselves.
In truth, Yeon Pa had not thought very highly of Cheong at first. And why would she? Aside from a plausible face and hips that looked good for bearing children, there was nothing about the girl that satisfied her.
Of course, even that was enough to raise expectations. How beautiful the prince’s children would be, and if the royal residence was filled with such grandchildren, there would be no need to look to heaven—the prince’s household would already be paradise.
Five points added to Cheong for face and figure.
But because her appearance was so outstanding, it demanded equally outstanding conduct. Yet this girl was not only unladylike, she was downright crude, swinging her fists without restraint. And those watermelon-sized breasts on top of it all.
For a primary wife, it was a serious flaw. It was common knowledge that women with large breasts were lewd and vulgar by nature, not to mention vicious and even stupid. Of course Cheong was not like that, but how would the world know? It was a massive defect that would have the entire realm clicking their tongues and pointing fingers, asking how anyone could take such a monster as a principal wife.
Ten points deducted from Cheong for face and figure.
Still, if the prince had taken a liking to her, there was nothing to be done. She would have to educate the girl thoroughly later, until tears flowed, and instill proper manners.
One element she evaluated positively was loyalty. The child had caused such a commotion at the Tang clan to protect her friend. A girl who valued her friends so fiercely would surely cherish her husband even more.
Five points added to Cheong for loyalty.
Adding and subtracting, the total came to zero.
In fact, it wasn’t even zero. Her speech was rough, her bearing was like a general’s, she didn’t show proper respect to the prince, her learning was clearly lacking after only a few words, and so on. The score kept plummeting lower and lower.
But now? A massive addition to the loyalty score. If one insisted on numbers, it would be one hundred out of ten, ten thousand out of one hundred.
What person in this world could be so devoted as to keep sacrificing herself for a friend even while her own body was rotting away?
In Yeon Pa’s eyes, Cheong’s side was already pierced by a spear and rotting severely. If Cheong had heard this, she would have asked, Huh? Me?
Moreover, the foolish and stubborn girl refused to act like she was in pain even when she clearly was, pretending to be cheerfully energetic instead. Wasn’t that consideration to keep others from worrying?
Now that she thought about it, there was no better woman in the world to be paired with the prince. She would keep her loyalty for a thousand years and live with him until their hair turned white. Just the fact that they had met again in a dangerous moment and saved each other’s lives proved they were a match made in heaven.
A person could not defy the will of heaven.
Therefore, one thousand points to Cheong. No, that wasn’t right. How could a lowly servant like herself dare to score the precious daughter-in-law, no, the mistress of the prince’s household?
If Cheong had heard all this, she would have called it the ultimate bootlicking—far beyond simply drinking the kimchi soup before the meat was even served; this was pouring broth straight into the jar and gulping it down in one go. Royal bootlicking at its finest.
“I’m going to check the grain storage. At this time of year, there might still be something in the warehouse. That’s right—sweet potatoes. Roasted sweet potatoes! Wow, roasted sweet potatoes. I’m losing my mind. I’ll be right back.”
Why roasted sweet potatoes would make her lose her mind was unclear. But if the young lady said she was crazy, then she was crazy.
However—
“Stay here. I will go.”
Yeon Pa stopped Cheong.
“No, you should rest. Your wounds have reopened. You need to circulate your qi at least a little more.”
“Your body is no better off than mine. It would be better for this old, worn-out body to take the damage.”
“Aigoo, this is strategic judgment. A high-level expert needs to conserve strength for when it’s truly dangerous, doesn’t she?”
“……You only know how to speak beautifully. That stubbornness of yours is like steel wire. Steel wire. For a woman to have such a strong will. Hm. Still, that’s much better than a spineless girl with no principles.”
Five points deducted. However, ten points added! One could call it an interpretation on the level of “there’s still half the water left.”
“Let your friend rest. You seem to like sweet potatoes? Since this old one’s qi is still pure, I will go and bring some back.”
“His Highness is so kind. That’s right, His Highness said he would personally come for the young lady. Your body isn’t well, so you should rest. By the way, Your Highness, do you know what sweet potatoes look like? They’re long, plump crops with a dull purple color.”
“Sweet potatoes are purple? Not yellow?”
Jayu felt a strong sense of unease. That was only natural since Yeon Pa had practically pushed him from behind. But the shock of the sweet potato’s true nature was greater. Purple? How could a crop with such an auspicious color exist among the common people? Did the color fade to yellow once cooked?
At that, Cheong shook her head. He really is a young master who knows nothing about the world. How can we send him alone?
“You rest too, Jayu. I appreciate the thought, but honestly, right now you couldn’t guarantee victory even against a wild dog. No, to be completely honest, you’d lose to a wild dog.”
Yeon Pa’s expression turned fierce. To speak so rudely to the prince! What kind of language was that to use toward such a noble person!
But if someone who spoke honestly without hiding anything was by one’s side, was there any greater blessing in the world? Bitter medicine is good for the body, after all. Yeon Pa’s expression softened again.
“Ahem. Even a wild dog would be nothing to this old one.”
“What? Are you looking down on wild dogs? Even a healthy adult runs away when they encounter one. If it bites you, you’ll get rabies and die. There’s no cure for rabies. Don’t you know that even the greatest doctors can cure madness but not rabies?”
“Wild dogs were that dangerous?!”
“Watch your tone.”
“I had no idea wild dogs were so dangerous.”
“You must be tired. Get some more rest. I’m a high-level expert and Yeon Pa is an ultra-high-level expert, but you aren’t.”
“……Understood.”
In truth, the two of them had already seen the giant sweet potato properly sprouted at Cheong’s side without needing to search the storage. It was the right color and shape, only the size of a pumpkin. Here she was with a rotten pumpkin attached to her side, yet still trying to work.
But Cheong’s words made sense. She usually spouted nonsense the moment she opened her mouth, yet at times like this she spoke only correct principles.
Cheong had already started imagining roasted sweet potatoes. Whatever had burst open at her side, she needed to at least smell a sweet potato first. It was already December. The sweet potatoes harvested in November might very well still fill the warehouse. Even if they took grain for the evacuation, sweet potatoes would be the last priority, so surely some remained.
But did they have aluminum foil in the Central Plains? If you just threw them in the fire they’d become charcoal sweet potatoes instead of roasted ones. Was there nothing to substitute? Should she boil them with less water like potatoes and shake them vigorously?
Cheong headed toward the grain warehouse, drooling while lost in happy contemplation.
Thus, with a chest swollen with anticipation—no, swollen far too much from having far too much anticipation—Cheong excitedly flung the door of the grain warehouse wide open. The violently opened wound responded with a chorus of furious pain, making her body tremble with a sharp heuk.
And then—sweet potatoes. Were there any? There were!
Cheong’s face bloomed into a bright smile. To have deduced the presence of sweet potatoes from the season alone and actually found them. Had she not become a completely seasoned, experienced warrior?
Only the greatest experts with abundant experience in the gangho could steal sweet potatoes from someone else’s warehouse like this.
Who am I? The Divine Thief.
Who is the Divine Thief? Seomun Cheong.
A great achievement befitting the Divine Thief—the Great Sweet Potato Heist!
If Cheon Yuhak, who was currently preparing for the spring semester in Tae-won, knew about this, he would be so furious he’d collapse from a fit of anger.
While Cheong was grabbing a sack of sweet potatoes and casually examining other things, she thought, What’s this? Taro? Is it taro? It seems a bit thin for taro. Maybe a type of mountain ginseng? Let’s see.
“Uwek, eurp, ptooey, ptooey! Ptui! Kahk, ptui!”
Bitter. So bitter! Why would anyone store Cheonma in a granary? It was completely inedible and useless, yet they’d left it here to confuse people.
Cheong shuddered at the truly horrific flavor—bitter, astringent, pungent like ginger, and overall just awful. According to the Yellow Emperor’s Inner Classic, it contained all the terrible tastes in the world. It was considered the most flavorless medicinal herb under heaven.
While Cheong was retching and making all sorts of faces after tasting the Cheonma—
Tap, tap. The sound of leisurely footsteps, like someone strolling without a care.
What? That Jayu guy. I told him to rest, but he followed anyway to help?
Cheong turned around.