The Joy of Plunder and the Diary of a Castaway
The waves of the Yangtze River crashed endlessly against the hull as the creak of a cabin door echoed through the silence. A blood-soaked figure stepped inside with a gentle smile plastered across his face.
Cheong glanced around the cabin and let out a snort of laughter. “Whoa. I know this one. Serial killer collecting trophies, right? This guy was seriously the fucking worst in the world.”
The walls were draped in silk, with women’s accessories—hair ornaments, sash ties, and all sorts of feminine trinkets—nailed up like some grotesque display. Either that, or the guy just had a hobby of collecting women’s belongings. Either way, it wasn’t exactly a wholesome pastime.
Cha Nam-jeong hurriedly spoke up. “L-Lady! Please, just listen to me for a moment!”
“Lady? Laaady? You still haven’t come to your senses, huh?”
In the Central Plains, calling a woman ‘lady’ was a term reserved for someone at least more than a friend but less than a lover. ‘Miss’ was closer to a polite honorific. Throwing around ‘lady’ from the first meeting and acting all chummy was basically announcing yourself as a frivolous playboy with an eye for women.
“No, I mean, Miss. Please listen to what I have to say. Even though we may have met under unfortunate circumstances—”
“Hold on.” Cheong cut him off. “This body is thinking. Wait a sec.”
“……?”
“Never mind. Let’s just ask directly.”
Her eyes, which had been spinning wildly, locked onto Cha Nam-jeong. “How do you want to die? I’ve tried all sorts of things, but nothing really satisfies me.”
“W-Well, is there any chance I could not die at all……”
“Nope.” Cheong cut him off firmly. “Don’t you think the owners of those keepsakes over there would feel too wronged if only you got to live? Besides, you’re the one with the highest cultivation point here. Who the hell eats only the side dishes and leaves the ribs behind?”
He didn’t quite understand what she was saying, but he at least understood that she had no intention of letting him live. Cha Nam-jeong squeezed out his last bit of courage.
“I-If you touch me, my father won’t stand for it! My father is the Buzha Duweishi!”
Ah-Cheong tilted her head at an odd angle. “Isn’t that obvious? A father who stays quiet after his own son gets beaten to death would be the weird one. So what? Tell your dad to get moving too. Middle-aged health is all about exercise, you know. Kyaa, the birth of a fiery dutiful son.”
“You’re crazy! You’re completely insane! Captain, what are you doing?! Hurry up and take care of this bitch—”
Cha Nam-jeong’s voice trailed off as he tried to urge his guard on. At some point, only the two of them remained inside the cabin.
“Ah, that guy slipped out quietly earlier. Not like there’s anywhere to run on a boat anyway. No point.”
“That son of a bitch……”
“It’s fine. The order’s just a little different, that’s all. Whatever.”
It was then that Cha Nam-jeong threw himself flat on the floor and screamed.
“Please spare me! From now on, I will truly live with a repentant heart and be a good person!”
“Ooh……”
It was a perfectly executed, full-bodied kowtow that left his crown completely exposed. Cheong couldn’t help but admire the impeccable posture. But that was that, and this was this.
---
When Cheong dragged Cha Nam-jeong up to the deck by his hair, she was met with sailors who fidgeted nervously, unable to meet her eyes. They were all men with double-digit evil karma.
Cheong tossed Cha Nam-jeong toward them. He flew roughly through the air and landed at their feet, twitching violently. Because when a person’s arms and legs have been shattered to pieces, twitching is pretty much the only thing they can do.
Ah-Cheong, who had gathered a bottle and cups and was now leaning against the railing, casually tossed out another remark.
“Cut it off.”
It was an abrupt statement. The sailors exchanged hurried glances before the smallest one among them spoke up.
“When you say cut it off……”
“What else would you cut off a man? His dick, obviously. His dick. It feels a bit weird for me to do it myself, and none of you have a hobby of staring at other guys’ junk, right?”
At those words, Cha Nam-jeong—who had been lying there twitching—went into another seizure.
“Agh! Aaaagh!”
The desperate effort of a man with a severed tongue and dislocated jaw trying to speak was truly impressive. Even after becoming mute and a cripple, it seemed that thing was still precious to him. If it was that precious, he should have treated it more carefully.
Despite Cheong’s polite request, the sailors only looked at each other, unsure what to do. Cha Nam-jeong was the only son of the Buzha Duweishi. Castrating him would be the same as ending the family line. How could they bear the consequences?
Cheong smirked and urged them on. “Becoming a eunuch versus making someone a eunuch. Ah, that’s basically rock-paper-scissors. Anyway, it’s one or the other, so decide quickly. Come to think of it, if I just stab him with a knife, I won’t have to watch.”
The sailors flinched. No matter how afraid they were of the aftermath, other people’s things weren’t more precious than their own.
“I’ll count to ten. Begin. One, two, three……”
The sailors rushed toward Cha Nam-jeong. For a while, awkward screams rang out—awkward because he had no tongue and a dislocated jaw. But even if the screams were clumsy, the desperation in them was real.
Ah-Cheong drank her liquor while using those sounds as accompaniment. It was still bland, but drinking while watching the beautiful moonlight over the Gu Dang Gorge with such exquisite background noise gave the alcohol a special flavor.
“Ah. This is nice……”
Life at the Sinnyeo Sect was enjoyable, but she only truly felt alive when she occasionally bathed herself in blood like this. It would be nice to live laughing and getting along with everyone, but well. In the end, she was still an outsider. Strangely enough, the more harmonious things were, the more frustration built up inside her.
Aish, damn it. Why am I getting all sentimental at a time like this?
Cheong forcefully shook off the bitter emotions spreading through her and clapped her hands sharply.
“Alright. Then let’s head to the nearest port and go our separate ways. Where’s the nearest port?”
“It would be Uichang, but……”
“Then let’s go there. Come on, let’s get moving.”
However, the sailors only hesitated and didn’t move.
“Gentlemen?”
“……”
“……”
No way. It couldn’t be.
Ah-Cheong spoke with forced cheerfulness. “Anyone here who knows how to sail a boat, raise your hand!”
“……”
“……”
“Don’t be shy, just be confident.”
“……”
“……”
Ah. Damn. She must have killed them too thoughtlessly.
Seomun Cheong, day of the shipwreck.
---
These bastards scammed me. They said there were thousands of boats on the Yangtze and I could just ask for help. Thousands my ass—there isn’t a single one. And the guys on this boat don’t even know how to sail it. This is truly unforgivable.
Since I hated seeing them lazing around doing nothing, I made them clean the ship and dispose of the bodies. The idiots kept throwing up every time they saw a corpse, which only created more cleaning work. Still, after making them do it repeatedly, they got used to it and now they’re tossing the bodies into the river—plop, plop—without hesitation.
I finally understand the deep meaning behind the supply officer who made us clean the floors, do laundry, and sun-dry everything during weekend duty. Supply Officer-nim, I miss you.
I found the guy who ran away and hid earlier. It was pretty fun.
No boats today either. The banquet food is starting to go bad. It reminds me of the time I first woke up in the Central Plains. Those were the days I survived by eating food waste. Still, there was a certain romance to it back then. When I crushed those beggar bastards and proudly claimed the victor’s rights, I felt like I owned the whole world.
Thinking about it that way, a little spoilage doesn’t seem so bad. A person shouldn’t lose their original spirit. Besides, it’s not like my constitution gets upset from eating anything anyway.
Come to think of it—those Half Moon Inn bastards. I swore I’d burn them down once I became a master. The day I return to Geonpyeong, the Half Moon Inn will finally meet its long-awaited destruction. No, even thinking about it again pisses me off. When a person is just trying to survive, the bastards who steal their food to feed pigs deserve to die. Death penalty.
I think we’ve entered the sea. There’s water in every direction, but the fog is so thick I can’t see anything. They call it a lake, not the sea. But weren’t these the same bastards who lied before, saying thousands of boats passed by every day so there was nothing to worry about? At this point I really can’t trust anything they say.
Anyway, since the banquet food had maggots in it, I bent a knife into a hook and tried fishing. It works amazingly well. I made several fishing hooks and gave them to the lying bastards, and they went wild with joy. The banquet food is only a little spoiled, yet they’re so happy about freshwater sashimi full of parasites. I just don’t understand it.
Today—Boat! It’s a boat!—Over here! Please save us!
At the commotion coming from far away, Cheong’s fingers stopped. She had been writing in a diary for fun after finding ink and a brush in the cabin.
When she went out to the deck, the sailors were going wild. They had looked like they were about to pass out earlier, but now they were suddenly full of energy. And then, cutting through the thick sea fog, a massive ship appeared.
Cheong was genuinely shocked. Was that a boat or a fortress? No, did primitive China even have this level of technology? A ship of unimaginable size revealed its overwhelming presence.
At the same time, a thunderous voice rang out. It was the voice of an expert infused with inner energy.
“How dare you violate the Golden Thread Command of the Waterway Fortress! You bastards really must have your livers hanging outside your bodies!”
The Yangtze River Waterway Fortress was the organization that controlled the Yangtze. In other words, they were water bandits. The Waterway Fortress claimed to be the true owners of the Yangtze. The Golden Thread Command was the perfect example of that arrogance. It meant they wouldn’t allow any boat to pass through the Yangtze—a declaration only someone with no sense of ownership could make.
Of course, government ships were an exception. If they touched a government vessel, a fleet armed with the latest cannons would come rushing in, completely destroying the Waterway Fortress and everything else. For the same reason, the Golden Thread Command usually only lasted about two days. If they caused trouble for any longer, they would taste the fiery wrath of the government’s latest cannons.
Though they said two days, considering that boats stopped appearing entirely after the declaration, the period during which ships vanished from the Yangtze was bound to be much longer. That was exactly why Cheong had been drifting.
“You scoundrels! Stop the boat and kneel immediately!”
However, the drifting was still in progress. Because there was no one who could control the boat.
“Stop, stop I said! What the hell are you thinking?! Damn it! Everyone brace for impact!”
The expert’s voice grew urgent. Watching the Waterway Fortress’s massive ship rapidly approaching, Cheong thought to herself:
Ah, I get it now. It’s a ramming tactic.