The Drinking Duel Catastrophe
While the Dragon Phoenix Assembly carried on, Cheong rose alone, brushed the dust from her daoist robes with a few quick pats, and spoke.
“Oh my, Lady Moyong? Have you perhaps had too much to drink? Why on earth are you rolling around on the floor? You startled me so badly I shot straight up. Ah, was that some ingenious new technique meant to help me to my feet?”
“Th-the floor was a little slippery. Lady Seomun is surprisingly! Considerably! Heavy, it seems. I lost my balance while trying to pull something so heavy, it felt like a chunk of iron! So heavy! I never imagined Lady Seomun would weigh that much, your weight!!! Oh no, I’m sorry. That was a slip of the tongue. I truly meant no harm.”
Yesterday Cheong had mercilessly zeroed in on every weak point and fired away, leaving her opponent stunned into silence. But Moyong Juhee’s acid tongue was no lightweight itself. Weight is something only women fuss over. Does she actually think I’d care about that? It doesn’t sting at all and I’m not even annoyed. You should at least know your opponent before you charge in, you stupid, empty-headed, damn woman. It really didn’t upset me even one tiny bit, you know?
Completely unaffected, Cheong answered, “Not at all. It’s the truth, so what is there to apologize for? Especially with those heavy lumps of flesh hanging from your chest. I’m honestly envious, Lady Moyong. Your shoulders must feel so wonderfully, incredibly, impossibly light.”
Cheong’s superhuman hearing caught the distinct sound of Moyong Juhee grinding her teeth.
“Ah! Oh dear! No, no! Are you all right!? When I fall, I at least have something to cushion me. You don’t have that, do you, Lady Moyong? It must hurt far more for you. I feel terrible. These wicked things—if I could, I’d share them with you.”
Cheong slapped her own chest with loud smacks while blaming them, and a vein throbbed visibly on Moyong Juhee’s forehead.
“I-I don’t need them, ugh. Fine. Today… I’ll drink until I die. Let’s settle this once and for all.”
Moyong Juhee’s voice trembled. Even so, she desperately told herself, Endure it. Just endure. After all, before the drinking duel I drank tea while this wench stupidly guzzled liquor. I still have the advantage.
After returning to her seat and emptying two more jars, the woman who had gone downstairs earlier announced that the drinking duel preparations were complete.
Cheong tilted her head. There’s nothing here. What exactly did they prepare?
Moyong Juhee puffed out her chest with a wicked, triumphant grin and declared, “Shall we go have ourselves a real duel now?”
In the Central Plains, a man’s drinking capacity was a matter directly tied to his pride. One needed only look at Zhang Fei. After drinking himself senseless and throwing a drunken fit, what happened to him? While sleeping off his stupor, assassins placed a blade to his throat. Thinking it was a mosquito, he slapped the flat of the sword with all his strength and sliced his own head clean off. In other words, it wasn’t assassination—it was suicide. One can only imagine how dumbfounded the two assassins must have felt after risking their lives to behead him.
One could say his two older brothers killed Zhang Fei by failing to discipline their younger sibling earlier. Despite his constant heavy drinking, what did his sworn brothers do when others complained? They acted like overprotective parents, roaring that a hero was allowed to drink and act wild, so why were they trying to undermine their brother’s spirit?
Because drinking capacity was a man’s pride, and a younger brother’s pride was his older brother’s pride. Thanks to that, Zhang Fei evolved into a complete bastard who whipped every subordinate he saw the moment he got drunk. Only then would Liu Bei pretend to scold him—saying he might get stabbed in the back if he kept acting like a dog. In truth, even that was out of worry for Zhang Fei. The lowly subordinates who were whipped half to death could be replaced, but he only had one younger brother left and could not replace him.
To Liu Bei, even a son was a trivial thing that could be replaced by simply having another (though he wasn’t the one giving birth), so what did he care about some nameless military officer? One must never forget that after losing both sworn brothers, Liu Bei became the worst ruler who discarded all his subjects and citizens like garbage.
In any case, whenever Zhang Fei drank, his sworn brothers would clap and praise him as the strongest little brother, sending him out at every banquet to establish dominance through sheer drinking capacity against both enemies and allies alike. That was what drinking capacity meant to the men of the Central Plains.
In fact, this was true not only in the Central Plains but across the entire world. Thus, drinking capacity could be called an instinct that transcended cultural boundaries and touched the very core of manhood.
Therefore, drinking duels in the Central Plains had developed a fairly established set of rules. The rules were as follows:
A wine jar was placed on the table, and beside it floated a gourd in a large wine vat. One could only put their mouth to the jar once; afterward, they had to pour the remaining liquor over their own head. Since soaking one’s upper garment meant defeat, it was crucial to empty the jar cleanly in a single go without spilling. There were many other conditions for defeat: admitting you could drink no more, breaking the jar because you lost control of your body, vomiting, or being caught trying to secretly dilute the liquor with water—all resulted in loss. If the liquor ran out, the first person to leave for the latrine was declared the loser. Naturally, going to the latrine before the liquor ran out meant immediate disqualification.
This was the true trap Moyong Juhee had prepared. The friend (lackey) she had sent ahead had gone from floor to floor enthusiastically spreading word of the drinking duel between the Golden Light Sword Flower and the Veiled Woman.
Incidentally, the very choice of wording—“Golden Light Sword Flower versus Veiled Woman”—was malicious. It was a brilliant move that framed the contest as a duel between one of the Five Flowers of Murim and a masked, ugly girl.
Thus, a duel arena was created on the first floor. The Heavenly Martial Stage and Earth Dragon Stage participants of the Dragon Phoenix Assembly, along with the young talents from smaller sects who had not yet joined either, all crowded in. They had to clear away every table and chair.
It was only natural. A formal drinking duel between two women was something one might never see again in a lifetime. In a world where it was rare to even hear women boasting about their drinking capacity, they were about to hold a public contest in front of everyone.
And so Cheong and Moyong Juhee sat across from each other at a table bearing a wine jar. Between them—Cheong tilted her head. Who is that person standing in the middle acting as referee?
The answer was the owner of the pavilion. But neither Cheong nor anyone else cared, so it remained unknown.
“One cup!”
The pavilion owner scooped liquor from the large vat with a massive ladle and filled the jar. The word “dou” referred to the ladle used to serve wine; the Big Dipper constellation was named for resembling a northern ladle made of seven stars.
Moyong Juhee was confident. She had already secured a certain degree of victory on the seventh floor. Drinking tea so diligently had been the real hardship. In comparison, her opponent had emptied seven jars of that vicious strong liquor.
Cheong simply felt a touch of admiration. So this was the plan she built up. Not just to get me drunk and mock my weaknesses, but to thoroughly humiliate me in front of all these people.
Unfortunately for her, the opponent was simply too formidable. The strategist who had preached “know yourself, know your enemy” was once again stacking up an unbroken record of victories.
Just as Cheong reached for the jar—
“Wait! Lady Seomun, shouldn’t you remove your veil? Isn’t this too unfair to me? Even if a little remains on your head, if the veil absorbs it, I’ll be at a disadvantage. Silk is a precious material; it can hold quite a lot of liquor.”
The woman who had made Cheong drink while she herself sipped tea was now saying this. All eyes in the audience turned to Cheong.
“Well said!” someone shouted.
Cheong gave a soft laugh and shot back, “Shouldn’t Lady Moyong be willing to accept at least this much? After all, even if Lady Moyong spills while drinking, her upper garment will never get wet, will it?”
Cheong made a gesture as if stroking a beard. In truth, it depicted water droplets falling from a chin. The audience immediately understood the meaning. Their gazes busily darted back and forth between Cheong’s chest and Moyong Juhee’s chest.
“Well said!” someone shouted again, and loud laughter erupted throughout the hall.
Moyong Juhee’s tightly clenched fist trembled violently.
Thus, one jar.
“Two cups!”
Then two jars.
“Three cups!”
“Four cups!”
“Five cups!”
By this point, some spectators were beginning to look pale. Moyong Juhee set down the jar, staggered slightly, and barely managed to steady herself by taking a step back.
“Oh dear, Lady Moyong? Aren’t you overdoing it? I’ve only just begun to feel a slight buzz. How could someone as delicate as you possibly challenge me to a drinking duel?”
“Who’s… drunk? I’m not drunk! Next cup!”
The spectators thought, She’s drunk. Definitely drunk.
“Six cups!”
“Seven cups!”
By now the outcome was becoming clear. Moyong Juhee’s narrow-sleeved red jacket was half-soaked and clinging to her body. In contrast, not a single drop had touched Cheong’s martial uniform.
“Lady Moyong, wouldn’t it be wiser to recognize your limits and withdraw? If you were to show an unsightly appearance before all these people…”
“Shut up! Who’s… drunk…”
“I never said you were drunk. Though you do seem quite intoxicated, my lady…”
“Next cup! Bring the next cup!”
“Eight cups!”
The pavilion owner announced as he began scooping more liquor. Cheong let out a deep sigh.
She found the woman’s desire to humiliate her in front of so many people utterly despicable, but if things continued like this, it would end badly. If the woman had accumulated any evil karma, Cheong would have finished her off without hesitation. But since that wasn’t the case, tormenting an innocent woman was not something an adult should do.
Cheong lifted the jar, drank, then suddenly let go. The jar shattered loudly against the floor with a tremendous crash.
“Oh dear. It seems I’ve lost. Since Lady Moyong has won the drinking duel, I shall withdraw now.”
Although Cheong said this, not a single spectator believed it. Anyone could see she had deliberately lost out of concern for her opponent. Whispers spread everywhere that the veiled woman had a truly kind heart.
Ugh. I’m so full I could die.
Cheong forcibly suppressed the urge to rub her belly as she headed for the stairs. Even if she was withdrawing, she couldn’t just leave the unconscious Gongson Yoye behind. She thought she should ask the Mucheon Pavilion to prepare some hangover soup. Would a clear broth be better, or a spicy one?
“Hey! You! Stop right there! What the hell is this?!”
“Doesn’t the loser withdraw silently? I find it difficult to control my body, so I’m leaving. As the victor, please show some generosity.”
“You—you! Are you mocking me?! Just because your tits are a bit bigger, you think you can show off?! Yeah, I’m a flat-chested bitch! I have no chest, but have you ever given me any of yours?!”
It was a magnificent self-destruction. Good grief. I withdrew precisely so I wouldn’t have to see this.
Cheong let out a deep sigh. “My lady, you’re very drunk.”
“That’s right, these are fake too! So what?! You wicked bitch! Digging at someone’s sore spot. Damn it, what’s the point of any of this!”
She shoved her hand into her chest, pulled out the sewn bundle of cotton padding, and hurled it away. Then, breathing harshly through clenched teeth, she suddenly burst into tears that streamed down her face.
“Damn it… I… I also… damn it…”
Because she had only removed the padding from one side, the contrast was stark—one side remained modestly rounded while the other lay flat like a man’s. If she had removed both, it might have been better, but the comparison only made the flat side look even flatter.
Unable to watch any longer, Cheong spoke again. “Perhaps Lady Moyong’s close friends should…”
The bewildered group immediately swarmed around Moyong Juhee.
“What are you doing?! Let go! Let go of me!”
“Juhee, stop. We all understand how you feel. We’re upset too, so please don’t do this. Let’s go upstairs first…”
“How would you know?! You all have at least a little! No one understands my feelings! No one! Besides, it’s not just my chest that’s small! I have something big too—mmph!”
One of her friends, unable to listen any longer, firmly clamped a hand over Moyong Juhee’s mouth. With both arms securely pinned and her mouth covered from behind, Moyong Juhee was completely subdued and dragged away.
A solemn silence descended upon the hall. Thanks to that, only the muffled sounds of her continued struggling stood out sharply.