The Sword Idiot's Lecture on Sword Words
The clash of wooden swords rang out sharply before one of them snapped cleanly in half, spinning wildly as it flew into the air. Namgung Sinjae stared at the remaining half in his hand with a dumbfounded expression, then tossed it aside with a flick of his wrist. That was the fifth wooden sword destroyed.
Cheong scratched her head, looking a bit sheepish. “Are the wooden swords too weak?”
“They’re carved from ebony wood, yet… hm. This is going to be problematic. Sword friend, relying purely on strength will not improve your sword force.”
“What am I supposed to do when I’m this strong? Should I just pull out a steel sword meant for sparring?”
“The whole point is to use wooden swords on purpose. Isn’t it because human strength is weak that we use tools in the first place? Of course, in a real life-or-death fight I would lose immediately, but since this is merely a spar to determine a victor, it cannot be helped.”
Namgung Sinjae could be called the Yeopo of sword sparring. In pure sword-only matches where all tricks and techniques were stripped away, no one could stand against him. His understanding of the sword was simply on another level. The Sword King had evaluated that if he could just gain a bit of flexibility in using his hands and feet, he would reach the Transcendent realm immediately.
Martial arts were the art of using the body, and swordsmanship was merely a small part of that. This wasn’t a father praising his son—it was an extremely cold, objective assessment from one of the Ten Great Masters of the World, the Sword King himself. Yet because this fool clung only to the sword and struggled endlessly, he was also the main culprit behind the Sword King’s ever-increasing wrinkles.
“By the way, Lady Gongson’s sword force is truly sharp. You said it was the Heonwon Emperor’s Sword? It truly deserves to be called the sword of an emperor.”
“You flatter me. I too have gained many insights from facing your sword, young master. As expected of the sword force befitting the greatest sword clan in the world… By the way, has the term ‘sword force’ always existed?”
“What meaning could there be in asking if it existed from the beginning? It is a word that any swordsman can understand, so it is simply sword language, the tongue of swordsmen.”
Cheong chuckled and threw in a joke. “Then why not go all the way? Eating becomes sword meal, resting becomes sword rest, and sleeping becomes sword sleep. Why stop there?”
“Hm? Since one does not eat swords, sword meal doesn’t work, and since swords do not sleep, sword sleep is a bit forced. Hm. Sword rest, though… that could work for resting during sparring. Sword friend, do you have any more?”
“Um. They say Cho Ryeo married Ban Geom, so they call her Ban Geom Ryeo. So she told me to call her Do Ryeo instead?”
“Sword ryeo! Ugh, using sword ryeo now would feel like plagiarism. As much as it pains me, I must acknowledge Paeng Noona’s victory! And as the one who will inherit the clan, I cannot neglect my duties either.”
“Wait, so you were planning to get married?”
“Actually, I had no such plans. I wished to devote my entire life to the sword. However, as the eldest son of the Namgung Clan, I must continue the family line. Once I reach a suitable level in the Harmonious Realm, I intend to begin seeking a bride.”
“You do realize there’s one person at the late Peak stage and another who has surpassed Peak right here, right?”
“Haha, a swordsman’s life is long, but enlightenment comes quickly. If one becomes too fixated on the achievements of the moment, only impatience will surge forth.”
Coming from a guy who was completely fixated on the sword, it had zero persuasive power. Still, it was clear he felt absolutely no pressure from his own achievements, so Cheong found his confidence and composure truly impressive.
Gongson Yoye was a master at the late Peak stage, after all! She had picked up a sword at age five and done nothing but swing it ever since. It wasn’t just a figure of speech about training hard. After grabbing a sword at five years old, she truly had not taken a single step outside the walls of her home.
Her daily routine was morning training, breakfast, training, lunch, training, dinner, training, then sleep for two hours before waking up to repeat the cycle endlessly. Just hearing about it left Cheong feeling suffocated.
“My original plan was to reach the Transcendent realm and then travel the world as a hero to raise the name of my clan. However, a spot among the Ten Great Clans happened to open up, which is how I was able to meet Cheong like this.”
“It’s… something. It’s really something.” Cheong frowned behind her face veil.
No matter how much it was about restoring the clan name or fulfilling a long-held wish of the family, taking away a person’s most joyful years like that was too much. If even a single hint of resentment or complaint had mixed into Gongson Yoye’s words, Cheong would have agreed a hundred times over that it was truly excessive. But the fact that she herself considered it completely natural showed just how deeply it had been drilled into her mind since childhood.
Yeah, this was straight-up child abuse. Well, she was all grown up now and a proper young lady, but still.
Even Namgung Sinjae looked fed up. He was obsessed with the sword, and training itself was his job, specialty, and hobby all rolled into one—he simply enjoyed it. He wasn’t the type to train under some heavy sense of duty. By nature he was relaxed and free-spirited, the kind of idle wanderer who would diligently goof off and play whenever he wasn’t training.
There’s a real sword idiot right here, so I should yield to her, he thought.
Moyong Juhee’s heart was shattered. No, it had already been shattered back on the seventh floor of the Dragon Phoenix Gathering.
“Uwaaaaah! Uwaaaaaaaaaah! Uwaaaaaaaaaah, uwaaaaaaaaaah, uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Hic, uwaaaaaah, aaaaaah……”
This wasn’t crying. It was a scream of pure resentment and humiliation. It was exactly the kind of monstrous roar drunkards made when they got wasted and decided the world had wronged them. Where in the world was there a person who would wail at the top of their lungs using only one syllable purely from sorrow?
At least she had buried her face in a pillow, so not much sound leaked out. However, words spoken at night are heard by rats, and words spoken during the day are heard by birds—Moyong Clan sounds were heard by Moyong Jun.
Upon hearing his older sister’s wails, Moyong Jun burst through the door of the guest room and rushed in.
“Noona! What’s wrong? Are you okay!? Why are you crying!?”
When her little brother came running with a face full of worry at the exact moment she wanted to cry, the tears didn’t just well up—they exploded. Moyong Juhee’s sobbing poured out in a flood.
“J-Jun-ah! Hic, huuuuuurgh……”
There was a time when this little brother had driven a nail into her heart with harsh words, but knowing there was no malice behind them, and because Moyong Jun literally had no chest, Moyong Juhee had forgiven him. Of course a boy wouldn’t have breasts, but the fact that she wouldn’t forgive even men who did have them was exactly why the viciousness of the Golden Light Sword Flower, Moyong Juhee, had spread so widely among the later-generation geniuses.
“What’s wrong!? Who bullied you!? Who dared to bully my noona!?”
“Hic, Jun-ah…… That evil bitch, hic, to me, huuurk……!”
One of the advantages Moyong Juhee saw in Moyong Jun was that he was the perfect size to hug. So her pathetic older sister clung to her little brother and wailed her heart out.
In response, Moyong Jun gently patted his sister’s back with his tiny hands.
“Who bullied noona? Who was it!? I’ll scold them for you. Okay? Noona, don’t cry.”
“Hup, yeah. Our Jun-ah, as expected, there’s only our Jun-ah, hup, for me. My kind little brother……”
“Are you feeling better? What happened? Did someone really bully you? Tell me everything. I’ll scold them real bad.”
Anger rose on Moyong Juhee’s face once more.
“Yes, that bitch—no, that woman. Listen, Jun-ah. Do you know what kind of humiliation this noona suffered today? Ah, do you know what humiliation means?”
“Um. I don’t know.”
“When something is incredibly sad and infuriating and embarrassing and unfair all at the same time, you call it humiliation. And what that evil woman did to me today was exactly that. That wicked bitch.”
“You’re not supposed to say bad words……”
“It’s okay to say bad words to a bad bitch. And when comforting a woman, you’re supposed to unconditionally take her side. So if you want to comfort noona, hurry up and repeat after me. Evil bitch. Kill-worthy bitch.”
“E-evil bitch. Kill-worthy bitch.”
Surprisingly, this was faithful advice that an older sister should properly give her younger brother. When comforting a woman, you must unconditionally take her side—even if that woman is the most evil public enemy of Murim. That is the duty of a close man. Any man who carelessly says something like “You were at fault too” will usually remain single for life.
However, one must stop at simply empathizing, taking her side, and defending her. You must never actually believe what the woman says. Because nine times out of ten, what a woman says in moments like these is nothing but fabrication tailored entirely to her own advantage.
Occasionally, if she adds a preface like “I know I was a little at fault too,” then you can understand that this woman actually did something that deserved a beating, got beaten, and came to vent to you. Only then should you take her side.
“Yes, that’s right, evil bitch. How could she do that to me? Jun-ah, listen. Today noona went to watch the Dragon Phoenix Gathering, and some crazy woman suddenly started hurling insults at me.”
“Suddenly? Even though you didn’t do anything?”
“That’s right. Noona only greeted her because I wanted to get along, but she suddenly started cursing at me. Then she said, ‘Why is a bitch with no breasts pretending to be a woman?’ and called me a monster that was neither man nor woman and told me to get lost, then she hit me and poured water on me…… Hic, uuuuugh.”
If Cheong had been there, she would have witnessed the exact moment one point of Moyong Juhee’s karma dropped. But Moyong Jun couldn’t see that.
“Don’t cry, okay? I’ll, I’ll get revenge for you.”
“No. This has nothing to do with Jun-ah.”
“Why doesn’t it? Noona’s business is my business. Leave it to me. I’ll be really mean. Humiliation? That’s what it was, right? Yep! I’ll give her humiliation.”
“Just hearing our Jun-ah say that makes noona happy. But it’s okay. Noona has to handle noona’s own business. Wow, when did our Jun-ah become so reliable that he can comfort his noona like this? Yeah. That’s right. Want to take a bath together after so long?”
This was what it meant to have a good family. Moyong Juhee, whose resentment had somewhat subsided, smiled as she looked at her adorable little brother.
“I-I’m all grown up now too.”
“Oh my, look at you acting all manly. Then, want to sleep with noona?”
“Uh, is that okay? I heard you’re only supposed to do that with a married woman……”
“It’s fine between family. A married woman is still family, so it’s okay, right?”
“Yeah! Then let’s sleep together!”
“Even though he’s my little brother, how can he be this cute?”
Moyong Juhee hugged her brother tightly. That’s right. She hadn’t lost yet. This was all-or-nothing. She would pay her back properly. So what if her reputation got a little ruined? She still had her beloved family.
Paeng Daesan was sitting in a spot with a view of the street, watching the sunset over the city. In Paeng Daesan’s field of vision, women were always throwing themselves at him, so a street where people moved busily without paying him any attention felt incredibly fresh and entertaining. So this is how normal people live, he thought.
Then, over there, a woman wearing a face veil. With a stride as large as a man’s, she strode confidently right down the center of the main road. Suddenly her head seemed to turn this way, and she raised her hand high, waving it vigorously to show her delight.
The corners of Paeng Daesan’s mouth lifted without him realizing it. It was a smile so magnificent that any woman who saw it would faint.
“Hm. Looks like you had fun.”
“Of course. I ate delicious things, ate more delicious things, and then… hm. It was good. Aren’t you going, San? It was really tasty.”
“I wouldn’t know. There’s no point in talking about it meaninglessly. The Dragon Phoenix Gathering is just a bunch of familiar faces getting together anyway.”
“Hmph. That’s exactly what someone with no friends would say.”
Cheong giggled as she sat down.
“Actually, I’m not sure either. Everyone was too busy flattering each other, so there wasn’t really anything interesting to talk about. Plus, because of what my master said, I had to act all prim and proper, so it was incredibly uncomfortable.”
“Prim and proper, huh.”
“Prim and proper, right? Or is it disguise? Transformation?”
“It’s closer to transformation. But for someone who says it wasn’t fun, you stayed quite late, didn’t you?”
“I ended up just sparring the whole time with Sinjae and Yoye. It’s been a while since I had a proper spar, so it was pretty satisfying. Nan-a went to see her family because the Tang Clan arrived midway through.”
“Hmm.”
“Ah. That’s right. I saw the Golden Light Sword Flower. Didn’t you say the Paeng Clan was coming together with the Moyong Clan? So has the Paeng Clan arrived too?”
“They arrived last night, I heard. I was thinking of heading back to the guest house soon as well. We’ve reserved plenty of rooms, so use them however you like.”
“What? Can’t I go see Cho Ryeo too?”
Paeng Daesan shook his head. “Now that I think about it, what that woman Dang Nan-a said wasn’t entirely wrong. Besides, since you came as a representative of the Sinnyeo Sect, you should be given separate guest quarters. I’ll come by tomorrow morning, so let’s go greet the Alliance Leader together.”
“Is that so?”
Then Paeng Daesan stood up from his seat.
“You’re leaving already?”
“What would be the point in staying? Ah. If you get hungry, I left some xiaolongbao and dumplings in the kitchen under your name, so go get them.”
“Ooh. San! Wow, thanks! I’ll enjoy them!”
“It’s nothing. See you tomorrow, then.”
And with that, he left without even looking back. Left alone, Cheong leaned back in her chair and stared at his retreating figure for a moment before suddenly jumping to her feet as if she had remembered something.
“Waiter! Please bring out the dishes ordered under the name Seomun Cheong!”