Ladder Kicking at the Dragon Phoenix Gathering
In any culture, the ruling class forms its own little society. What that little society does is simple enough that, in the terms of Cheong’s homeland, it could be summed up in one phrase: ladder kicking. After all, it was an alliance meant to let them cling to their power for a thousand years, ten thousand years. The Dragon Phoenix Gathering was no exception. It was nothing more than a place where the scions of great houses could deepen their friendships and build the finest network of connections under the banner of “you and me, us together.”
That was why not just anyone could attend. The Ten Great Clans and Nine Great Sects did not lavish such hospitality on their disciples for free; the participation fee for the Dragon Phoenix Gathering was a hefty part of that price. And on days like today, when a grand banquet was held, that debt came due.
Even though they had rented out an entire seven-story pavilion, the crowd was considerable. Of course, in the Central Plains banquet culture, people did not stand around shouting from their seats, so the seating had been arranged with plenty of space. Since the Central Plains was a seated culture, one was expected to pull up a chair and sit at a table rather than sit on the floor.
“Wow, there are so many people.”
“Hmph. Just a bunch of nobodies. The first floor is full of people who aren’t worth a second glance anyway.”
“Nan-a, can’t you say it a little more nicely?”
Dang Nan-a was the Understanding Poison Flower, a peerless beauty, and the daughter of the Tang Clan that ruled Sichuan. Naturally, the moment they stepped into the pavilion, every eye turned toward her. Her remark was delivered under that concentrated spotlight.
“Fine, fine. Come on, Cheong-ah, let’s go up.”
Dang Nan-a linked arms with Cheong and pulled her along. Cheong, feigning reluctance, ascended the stairs with light, graceful steps.
On the second floor, people began offering awkward greetings to Dang Nan-a. No one had assigned the floors, but the youths on the second and third were still from sects and clans with some local renown. From the fourth floor onward sat the scions of truly famous factions. It would not be an exaggeration to say that the real Dragon Phoenix Gathering began here.
After climbing one more floor, familiar faces finally appeared.
“Oh, Sword Friend! If it isn’t my Sword Friend!”
“Young Master Namgung. It has been a while, hasn’t it? Though we met yesterday, we only exchanged brief greetings, so I suppose today is the day we properly catch up.”
“Hm? Sword Friend?”
“I have this feminine talent too, so I thought I might forget it if I didn’t use it now and then. Does it feel awkward?”
“Good heavens. With your face covered like that, I could believe you were someone else entirely. I never thought you’d know how to act like a proper lady. Wait, is that right? Knowing you, Sword Friend, you might have sent someone else to imitate you.”
“Young Master Namgung, do you think everything that comes out of your mouth automatically becomes clever? Even dogs have tongues, you know.”
“I believe you. You really are my Sword Friend.”
At that, Cheong shrugged and extended her sword. Namgung Sinjae clashed scabbards with her, unable to hide his pleased smile.
“Ah, right. Is Changbin up there too?”
“Ah. Senior Brother Changbin is on the fifth floor. He went up to avoid the women, it seems.”
The fifth floor was usually used by the Azure Dragon Society, while the very top was reserved for the Phoenix Society. Of course, there were no strict rules, so members of the Heavenly Martial Alliance could join either regardless of gender. Still, having women among only men looked improper, and vice versa, so unless one had a close friendship or was a couple, it was difficult to intrude. For Cheong, however, it was easy.
Cheong climbed the stairs with Dang Nan-a, who wore a distinctly displeased expression, her veiled head peeking out as she surveyed the fifth floor. When Cheong raised a finger to her lips, the men who saw her all pretended not to notice. Then a loud voice rang out from the middle of the room.
“Hah, that’s why you don’t have a woman. Women, you see, the female heart is like a loach. If you try to grab it gently, it’ll slip right out of your hand. You have to squeeze it tight! Really tight, until it’s firmly in your grasp. Understand?”
“Ooh, as expected of Senior Brother Changbin. So you’re saying I should push harder with Miss Yang?”
“Of course. When a man pushes, a woman will eventually open the door to her heart. Grab her wrist and go! Whether it’s the lakeside or the garden, somewhere quiet with a nice atmosphere!”
Cheong crept forward with her finger raised like a spear, moving with light, dainty steps. Everyone around her wore mischievous smiles and looked the other way. Changbin, unaware of the woman approaching from behind, continued his passionate speech, drunk on his own words.
“You have to grab her by the shoulders and speak like a man. Miss, please become the mo—”
“Oh my, isn’t that Instructor Changbin? Heavens, aren’t you the living legend who has mastered the female heart and makes women faint with a single glance?”
“Uh.”
“Come now, don’t be like that. Since we’ve met like this, allow me to pour you a drink.”
“Y-yes, thank you……”
“Here. Drink it all down. My, how bold. Hey, Nan-a, what are you doing? The right side and the cup of the Central Plains’ greatest expert on women, the Mount Hua’s Swift Hero and Female-Heart Slayer Instructor Changbin, are both empty. Fill them both.”
“Huh? Me?”
“Hurry up.”
“Uh, yeah……”
Dang Nan-a scurried over and sat to Changbin’s right, pouring wine with an awkward posture. The great Dang Nan-a pouring drinks? It was a sight few had ever witnessed. Poor Instructor Changbin, trapped between the two flowers on his left and right, sat ramrod straight, staring directly ahead like a man with both arms in casts.
“So, what was the rest of that speech? Could you let this maiden hear that magical confession that melts the female heart?”
“Well, that is…… I-I mean, my child, no, that is to say…… Mother, Mother……”
“Your mother? The Lady wishes to see me? It is certainly a terrifying statement that would melt any woman’s heart.”
“That’s not what I……”
“But Instructor, don’t you recognize me? Ah, how disappointing. Was I truly nothing more than a passing woman to the great Female-Heart Slayer Instructor Changbin?”
When Cheong spoke in a sulky voice, Changbin began sweating profusely. Snickers spread through the room.
“Th-that young lady, I’m sorry…… My memory……”
“You always said we should watch the plum blossoms of Mount Hua together forever, yet how could you forget so heartlessly? Have you truly forgotten all the time we spent together?”
“No…… Even if you say that…… Th-that is, your name……”
“This maiden is called Seomun Cheong. Do you remember now, Instructor Changbin?”
“Eek. Miss Seomun? Ah, I thought your voice sounded familiar…… H-how have you been?”
“I’ve been well. Ah, by the way, the young lady on your right is the Understanding Poison Flower of the Sichuan Tang Clan, Miss Dang Nan-a. Nan-a, this is the Central Plains’ foremost expert on the female heart, Instructor Changbin.”
“This guy? The female heart? What, Dang Nan-a.”
When Dang Nan-a revealed her name, Cheong counted silently in her head. One, two—
“The Understanding Poison Flower!”
“The Understanding Poison Flower!”
“The Understanding Poison Flower!”
There it is! Now things were getting interesting. In truth, repeating someone’s epithet like that carried a meaning of respect.
“I-I’m Changbin……”
Changbin spoke in a voice so small it could barely be heard and nodded stiffly like a wooden doll. One of the Taoists across from them, who had been holding back laughter, finally burst out laughing and turned to Cheong.
“Come now, Senior Brother Changbin. You actually had a woman? And you never once introduced her. Young lady, I am Hwan-yuk of the Wudang Sect. Senior Brother Changbin seems too embarrassed to continue, so if it’s not too much trouble, could you introduce yourself?”
“Ah, I am Seomun Cheong, an outer disciple of the Goddess Sect. My master is the Venerable Seomun Su-rin. Hm, and what is your standing in the sect?”
At once, a chaotic chorus of chairs scraping and toppling echoed through the room.
“This one greets the Venerable One from Wudang.”
“This one greets the Venerable One from the Qingcheng Sect.”
“This one greets the Venerable One from Zhongnan.”
“This one greets the Venerable One from Zhongnan.”
“This one greets the Venerable One from the Kongtong Sect.”
………
……
It seemed the Taoist disciples who found women difficult to deal with had all gathered on the fifth floor. Cheong answered in a gentle voice.
“Oh, there may be some difference in seniority, but this maiden is merely a young girl who has just come of age this year, so there is no need to be so formal. Excessive courtesy is discourtesy, after all. I would feel more uncomfortable.”
“Y-yes, Venerable One.”
“Do I really look that old? Calling me ‘Venerable One’?”
“Yes, Senior.”
Ah, this was the joy of being a senior. No wonder the landing specialists were so desperate to show off their rank.
“Miss Seomun? You said you came of age this year?”
“Sword Friend? Came of age?”
Namgung Sinjae cut in, startled, but since Cheong had not given permission, she ignored him and continued teasing Changbin.
“You seemed to be getting better, but you’re still mixing up your honorifics. Come on, just relax. We’re friends, seniority aside.”
“How could I be casual in a place like this……”
“For goodness’ sake, Changbin, are you going to keep this up?”
“……Understood. No, I’ll do that.”
“Good. Have you been well? From what I heard earlier, you’re still the same. So what was it? That great confession that melts the female heart in one shot.”
“Please become the mother of my child……”
“Mm. Nan-a, what do you think of this confession? If you heard it?”
Cheong asked the genuine woman, Dang Nan-a, for her opinion. Her evaluation was scathing.
“It sounds completely idiotic. Like a man with a child looking for a second wife.”
Cheong had thought it was rather decent, but apparently the locals did not agree.
“Changbin, that’s what she says.”
“Then…… please give birth to my child……”
Still, because they had traveled together, he managed to speak, albeit in a small voice. It was such an astonishing sight that even the Taoist disciples, who had been uncomfortable in the presence of their senior, stared at Changbin with wide eyes.
“Mm. The child part is a bit ambiguous. It’s still unclear whether it’s as a proper wife or a concubine.”
“You’re awfully concerned about that.”
“Of course. If I get engaged, he’ll come as a live-in son-in-law anyway. But if I were to go to his family instead, it would have to be as the legitimate wife. Nothing less.”
At that, Namgung Sinjae cut in again.
“Miss Tang, since we have the chance to hear a woman’s honest opinion, I too have something I’ve been pondering. How about this confession? I wish to share a sword with you until death. Krgh, a fine line.”
Dang Nan-a gave him an incredulous look.
“If you share a sword until death, isn’t that just a life-and-death duel? What kind of grudge is that?”
“Goodness, this is why one cannot converse with those who are not swordsmen.”
“What did you say? Then why did you even ask?”
“You’re right. It was my mistake. I’m sorry. I should have asked a female swordsman. Sword Friend, what do you think? Ah, more importantly, Sword Friend, you said you came of age this year?”
This guy was oddly sensitive about age, wasn’t he? Cheong smiled sweetly and answered in a gentle tone.
“You might want to choose your words more carefully. If you’re about to say I look old……”
“No, I’m not that tactless. Hm. Besides, what does age matter to a swordsman? Sword Friend, how does this confession sound? Until death, I wish to share a sword—”
“At first I thought it was fine, but after hearing Nan-a, all I can think is that it’s a life-and-death duel. If two people fight until one dies, that’s a life-and-death duel, isn’t it?”
“Indeed, now that I hear it, I do feel a pang of regret. Then how about…… for life. I wish to share a sword for life. Oh. This too is a fine line. Miss Tang, how about this one? My ultimate confession.”
“It’s better than the life-and-death duel. But do you really have to share a sword? Is a sword some kind of token of love?”
A token of love referred to the once-popular custom of splitting a single ornament in two and keeping the pieces. It was used between lovers, and also frequently by men who kept concubines and maintained two households as gifts for their illegitimate children.
Then Sword Friend took it one step further.
“Oh. That’s a good idea too. If we split a sword and use it as a token of our vow…… Hm, no, that won’t work. Splitting a sword would leave us with half-swords.”
“Indeed, a half-sword is a serious matter. Besides, if you split your sword, you can never achieve absolute victory.”
Cheong nodded in agreement.
They had reached the fifth floor. The sixth was said to be a resting area. The seventh was where the women of the Phoenix Society gathered, weary of the men’s crude behavior. Since they were already here, she figured she might as well take a look. Honestly, she was also curious what the White Lily of Understanding was wearing. Yesterday, her outfit had been so splendid that it was a pleasure to behold. She hadn’t been able to look properly because she had business with Gongson Yoye. Well, she was probably wearing another daringly low-cut dress today too.
With a heart pounding in anticipation, Cheong climbed the stairs with eager steps.