The World’s Most Common-Sense-Lacking Person Teaches a Child Manners
“Do you know this beggar?”
“Uh, you should’ve woken her up.”
“But she was sleeping……”
“She wasn’t sleeping. She was just lying there.”
“Um, then now—”
“Stop! Cease the sexual harassment! Cease the sexual violence!”
Cheong declared firmly, thrusting her palm forward. This was a miraculous solution from her hometown: a single gesture that instantly stopped bad behavior, made the offender shed tears of remorse, turn over a new leaf, suddenly realize the joy of friendship, and resolve every problem at once while everyone studied diligently together.
It had been devised by the great officials of the Korean people. Among these miraculous inventions was also the legendary Laughter Bell, a mysterious device that, when rung, made people burst into laughter from pure happiness.
Aigoo, the sexual equality education still isn’t properly organized yet.
She had expected him to arrive in a few days, not suddenly show up in the middle of the night. When was the last time she had heard that phrase? It was before she had left for Murim, so about five years ago. As for what she remembered……
Thinking back, she at least knew what attitude she shouldn’t take. Something like not treating the audience like sex offenders.
“Mm. For now, I’ll return this, so let’s end the breast talk here. Got it?”
“Ah. Yes……”
Here he was, accepting it without throwing a tantrum. One might say it was rather un-childlike. He seemed to listen well, at least.
“And sit down here for a bit. Hyung will tell you an absolutely awesome story.”
“You’re a hyung?”
“The word hyung can also mean an older person.”
“Ah……”
Moyong Jun plopped his butt down on the ground.
“First, let’s start with a diagnosis. So, is there no one who taught you what you should and shouldn’t say to others? Is the foundational education of the Five Great Families that lacking? What exactly do they teach in your clan?”
Even Dang Nan-a at least knew what not to say. She knew, but simply did whatever she wanted and then offered a splendidly formal apology if there was a problem.
Come to think of it, this kid had at least asked first. Dang Nan-a had straight-up groped her in secret. There really had been an actual sex offender.
“Martial arts!”
“Mm. And?”
Moyong Jun made a face that seemed to ask if there was anything else to learn besides swordsmanship.
“How old is our little kid?”
“I’m nine!”
“And you haven’t learned anything besides swordsmanship?”
“Yes! They say I’m the clan’s hope! They say I just need to train hard in martial arts. And martial arts are fun!”
Having seen his divine movement technique during the day, his proficiency was unbelievable for a nine-year-old. He was probably a martial arts genius or prodigy or something. Still, they should have taught him basic common sense.
This was Cheong’s thought while targeting the adults of the Gangho—the person most likely to rank first in the world for lacking common sense.
But well, it wasn’t that surprising. In her hometown, weren’t there plenty of parents who didn’t care about their child’s usual behavior as long as their grades were good? They just assumed the kid would grow out of it.
If all you learned was how to study, there was no way you’d improve just by getting older. It was the sight of parents beaming at report cards while unknowingly preparing to be abandoned in the mountains in their old age.
“Alright. Listen carefully. In this world, there is something called chastity……”
Cheong carried out what could be called a somewhat Sinicized sexual equality education.
She wasn’t so lacking in common sense as to suddenly teach complete gender equality in the Central Plains. However, she fully agreed with Seomun Su-rin’s radical ideas—though they were radical in the Central Plains, they were simply common sense by modern standards.
The primitive, ancient, barbaric Central Plains level was exactly this: if a woman showed her bare feet, it was the same as losing her chastity, so the husband could beat her and kick her out as grounds for divorce. (And it wasn’t much different in the West if you looked past the Chinese era.)
At first, Moyong Jun’s expression was full of curiosity about what she was saying, but it gradually turned into a tearful one.
“……So if it weren’t for my broad-minded self, our little kid would have committed a terrible act worthy of being stabbed to death with no excuses. Understand?”
“Uh. Then…… did I do something wrong?”
“Yes. If you did wrong, what should you do?”
“Um…… this is just a small token……”
The child fumbled with his small hands and held out the gold ingot she had just returned. Look at those hands! They’re literally half the size of mine! If I attached four of them, they’d match mine perfectly! Goodness!
But cute was cute, and shameless was shameless. As a sensible adult, Cheong had a duty to teach him that there were things in the world that cuteness couldn’t solve.
Thwack!
It was the refreshing sound of a bamboo stick striking.
“Aack!”
As expected, Moyong Jun clutched his head and rolled on the ground.
The Shaolin monks didn’t need to learn useless divine arts like the Seventy-Two Ultimate Techniques just to guide evil people. One application of the Seomun Su-rin-style Radioactive Fist Bombardment Technique was enough to reform villains. This unparalleled method should be spread widely throughout the Murim.
“I-It hurts……”
Large teardrops welled up in Moyong Jun’s eyes.
“If you did something wrong, you should apologize first. Offering gold comes after. Got it?”
“Yes…… But Beggar Sister, am I not bleeding?”
It was exactly the reaction someone else used to give. I know that pain.
Cheong held back her laughter and scolded him.
“There’s no blood, so stop rubbing it. And remember this pain. My heart hurt just as much. What on earth is a ‘courtesan’ to say to someone you just met? Yes, being called a beggar was funny. But what’s a courtesan? Do you even know what the word means?”
“Uh, someone who does anything if you give them money……”
“Wrong. Ignorance is not an excuse. You shouldn’t try to understand it by yourself. You should have asked an adult first.”
“Yes…… Then, are you an adult, Beggar Sister?”
It was a request for confirmation.
“Of course. There is no adult as excellent as me. Mm. In this world, there are good words and bad words……”
Cheong delivered what could be called an age-appropriate education for a child of the old world. It was childish content at the level of “You shouldn’t say bad words. It hurts the person who hears them.”
However, it was also precious education that no one had given Moyong Jun, even though someone should have.
It wasn’t that the people of the Moyong Clan were crude. A genius who would clearly become the future number one under heaven had appeared in the family, so they were thrilled that he absorbed martial arts like a sponge. They took turns teaching him from morning till night, all wanting to later boast, “I taught the greatest under heaven.”
Thanks to that, everyone thought, “Someone else will teach him common sense,” which led to this disaster.
“……So you mustn’t use those words.”
“But the adults already use them all the time.”
Cheong was momentarily speechless.
Aish. So this is why they talk about mirrors and such.
Of course, since they didn’t know the child was eavesdropping, the clan members must have spoken freely. Was that damn secret passage the problem?
“Mm. Still, adults already know those are bad words and use them anyway.”
“Then isn’t that doing bad things?”
“Yes. That’s right. But when a problem arises, they take full responsibility themselves. Mm. Yes.”
The child was too young to be taught about personal responsibility. Since Cheong had never thought this carefully even after coming out to the Gangho, if Seomun Su-rin had seen it, she would have praised her, saying she had already become an excellent teacher.
“They’re bad adults. So, do you want to become a bad adult too, little kid? Do you want to become a bad adult together?”
“Mm…… I don’t want to.”
“Good. Well done.”
Cheong gently stroked Moyong Jun’s head. It would have been better if her hands weren’t dirty. Mm, his crown seems a bit bumpy. Did she hit him a little too hard?
“But, um, you know……”
“Yeah? What?”
“About breasts.”
Mm. This kid is a bit persistent, huh.
But the words that followed were pitiful.
“Then doesn’t that mean I have no way at all? I don’t have a mom, so I can’t. And since I’m not married, I don’t have a wife. If I do it to other people, it’s a bad thing, so if that’s not allowed……”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“That’s unfair……”
It was a pitiful thing to say, but he was right. But how should she explain this? She couldn’t possibly say something like, “A young master from a rich family born with the best silver spoon in the Central Plains is complaining about his blessings.”
“Mm. You really don’t have a mom at all? Aish, why does this sound so weird. You don’t have any other mothers? Don’t rich families usually have multiple mothers? Ah, right, a wet nurse! You must have a nanny, right?”
“She…… became my aunt-in-law……”
Did the wet nurse and uncle fall in love? Cheong thought simply, but the reality was a bit complicated.
A wet nurse held a position similar to an honorary wife. She wasn’t a servant, and although her name wasn’t recorded in the family register, she was practically family. What neither Cheong nor Moyong Jun knew was that a man had taken his brother’s honorary wife as his main wife, overcoming everyone’s opposition in a great victory of pure, devoted love.
The only pitiful one was Moyong Jun, who had lost both his mother and his nanny.
“Sorry. There’s no other way. The only option is to get married quickly, right?”
“Yes. Um. But……”
Moyong Jun looked at Cheong. Cheong’s expression behind her face veil became troubled.
Goodness gracious. She really didn’t understand why all these kids liked her so much. That was why she thought they had cute sides.
“Let me say this in advance. I have no intention of getting married. Even if you look at me like that, I won’t accept a marriage proposal.”
“Ehh. I don’t want to marry you either, Beggar Sister.”
Cheong’s eyes twitched.
“What? Didn’t you just look at me with eyes that said ‘Even if it’s you’? Is there a ‘changing your words out of embarrassment’ option here? Yes or no?”
“I was going to ask because if you’re marrying because of breasts, it seems like it would be bad for the other person……”
“Mm. They say teach one and they know ten. Our little kid had a truly excellent thought. The dream tree of a sex demon has now become the top groom candidate of the Gangho.”
Cheong wiped her hand on Moyong Jun’s hair again. It was still bumpy. No one would come chasing after her later asking who hit him, right?
“Hehe……”
The child let out a clear laugh, happy with the praise.
It’s a kid, after all. But what needs to be clarified must be clarified.
“But you don’t want to marry me? How dare you?”
“But you wear a face veil, Beggar Sister. People who wear face veils cover their faces because they have faces that might offend others when seen……”
“Who told you that? Another eavesdropped story?”
“Father said so…… A long time ago, there was someone wearing a face veil, so I asked why they covered their face, and he answered. He said that since they covered their face for the sake of others, we mustn’t point fingers or recklessly lift the veil to peek.”
“Mm. Yes. You know it well.”
This was why you had to listen to everything people said. In the Central Plains, that was the general perception of people who wore face veils, and the conclusion was excellent, so the Spring Father had given the correct answer. Cheong covering her face simply because it was bothersome was a special case.
There were indeed people who used it for that purpose, but there was no need to emphasize such a rare minority.
Suddenly, the corners of Cheong’s mouth drew a mischievous arc.
“So you don’t want to marry an ugly person like me? Now that I think about it, I could marry our little kid right now. Want to reconsider?”
“No. I’m going to marry a pretty woman.”
“Wouldn’t personality be more important than looks?”
“Um…… Then I want to marry a woman who is pretty and has a kind heart. Not you, Beggar Sister.”
The child pondered for a moment before answering. It was truly a clever response.
“Aigoo, a young master from a rich family leaves me speechless. So you’re going to marry a woman who is both pretty and kind-hearted? Think carefully. This is your last chance. If you reject me this time, I’ll be so, so hurt that I will absolutely never marry you.”
“Um…… I’m sorry.”
The child bowed while still sitting. Seeing that, it seemed the education had gone well.
“Really? Then there’s nothing I can do. I don’t want to marry you either, you know? Even if you cry and cling to me later, it’s useless.”
“I don’t think that will happen……”
“It’s over now. Completely over. Eternal friends. Got it? Don’t expect anything more than friendship from me. Understood?”
“Eh? We’re friends?”
Moyong Jun’s expression brightened with joy. Cheong’s expression also became pleased.
“Yes. Do you want to be secret friends with Noona?”
“No. Not secret friends. I want to be regular friends.”
“You really are quite firm about some things……”
“Then, since we’re friends with Beggar Sister, you can call me A-Jun. And what should I call you, Beggar Sister?”
“I shall specially permit you to call me Flower Beggar Noona.”
“Yes? Flower Beggar……?”
Moyong Jun looked at Cheong’s face veil with an awkward expression.
But seriously, this little brat. Why does he always go off on a tangent right when he’s being cute?