The Heaven-Ascending Fish Frenzy
Anyone who had ever tasted the Sichuan Tang Clan's flower tea would have its flavor seared into their mind, impossible to forget. Still, whether that memory lingered because the tea was genuinely delicious or was merely a fleeting burst of excitement brought on by their physical and emotional state could only be confirmed by drinking it again later. Much like the snacks from the school store during one's cafeteria days.
For Cheong, such a memory had been born the previous night with the yuzu honey cold tea. She couldn't tell whether the tea—with its secret ingredients—was truly that good, or if her sweat-drenched body had simply gone feral for something cool. That was why she had dropped by the Tang Clan Medical Hall to find Dang Nan-a and casually ask for another glass. But were there always this many patients?
The line of patients crammed shoulder-to-shoulder through the seven great gates had the servants and maids running themselves ragged hauling herbs and decoctions. As a result, Dang Nan-a looked utterly exhausted. Her normally flawless, powdered skin was pale and bare, her hair unwashed and sloppily tied up. Her lips, free of rouge, were dry and cracked, and the dark circles under her eyes were so deep that anyone would assume she hadn't slept in days.
She had clutched her stomach and vanished last night. Had she come down with some stomach ailment? They did say physicians couldn't cure their own illnesses.
"You don't look so good. Are you okay?"
"Wh-what?"
Dang Nan-a practically leaped out of her skin. Her eyes were full of resentment, and they even began to glisten with tears.
"Am I okay? After what you did to me last night. Yesterday—"
She opened and closed her mouth, unable to finish, then a single tear rolled down her cheek.
"If it's that hard on you, take a break."
"Hmph. Do you think I'm as free as a certain someone? There's chaos because of the oyangjeuk juice. I can't just skip work because I'm a little tired."
"Oyangjeuk juice? That carp juice?"
"Yes. Mild symptoms of combined poisoning are spreading everywhere right now, but we still can't figure out where the bee venom is coming from..."
Oyangjeuk juice, as the name suggested, was harmless on its own. It caused no harm even after entering the body. However, when it interacted with the venom of the red-headed twin-tailed bee, it triggered raging fevers and rashes that could leave a person bedridden for days. Add in the venom of the blue ant and it became a lethal poison that put victims at death's door.
That was why they had been wary of the Five Poisons Sect bringing in those bees. They had sprinkled boric acid in the flowerbeds throughout Chengdu and shaken down every tree. Yet despite finding no trace of the bees, over the past few days people showing symptoms of mild combined poisoning had begun streaming through the seven great gates.
"How?"
"It looks like some crazy bastards grew vegetables with it."
Since the Tang Clan Medical Hall was the only clinic in Chengdu, they had examined all the patients and reached a conclusion. Every one of them had eaten the same vegetables. When those vegetables were tested, traces of bee venom were found. The shocking verdict was that someone had mixed bee venom into the water used to grow the crops.
"Then shouldn't we just stop people from eating them?"
"We've already confirmed it in several varieties. If they keep switching crops, our response will always be one step behind. For now we've told people not to use river water and we've dissolved neutralizers in the wells, but..."
Since the water wasn't stagnant, it was like trying to put out a fire with a cup of water.
"Then can't we just get rid of the oyangjeuk? Isn't there some poison that only kills oyangjeuk?"
"Are you going to keep saying stupid things? Where would such a convenient poison even exist?"
"What if we mobilize all the fishermen?"
"We already put out a bounty—one silver per fish—to reduce their numbers, but ten gold bars have already been paid out and the river is still full of them. It seems the bastards aren't catching them in Dujiangyan at all. They're buying them from Yunnan."
"Then explain the situation and ask for their cooperation."
Dang Nan-a gave Cheong a look that said she was an idiot.
"If we did that, half the people in Chengdu would flee, half of the ones who stayed would turn to robbery, and the rest would end up bleeding for no reason. You know that, right?"
"Ah. Right."
Cheong realized her mistake. This was primitive, uncivilized, barbaric China. It was a world where one could neither expect nor demand mature civic consciousness.
Then a thought occurred to her.
"Anyway, we just need to get rid of the oyangjeuk, right?"
"What, are you going to slaughter them all with that fancy sword technique of yours?"
"No. Just spread a rumor that it's great for virility."
Dang Nan-a frowned.
"What? Does that even make sense?"
"Why wouldn't it? Look at those vigorous, special carp that swam all the way up from Yunnan against the current. They're practically leaping up the river! Straight to heaven! It's really good stuff, but I don't know how else to explain it."
Dang Nan-a's face turned bright red.
"Th-that's vulgar. How can you say something so embarrassing out loud?"
"Either way, it can't hurt to try, right? If it works, great. If not, oh well."
"And if we do it that way, the people who eat it will end up properly pickled in oyangjeuk juice."
"You have that neutralizer stuff, don't you? Tell them to boil it with the neutralizer and eat it."
"Hmm...?"
Dang Nan-a seemed to be thinking hard. Then her eyes suddenly sparkled.
"Wait. You're saying I can tell people it was your idea?"
"Were you planning to pretend it was your own brilliant thought?"
Maybe it was because her eyes resembled a cat's, but whenever they sparkled they looked positively wicked. Or was her face just naturally spiteful? Cheong thought to herself as she nodded.
----
A few days later, at Dujiangyan.
Countless fishermen stood with their ankles in the river, casting their lines again and again. Not just along the banks—boats filled with anglers were spaced out across the water, their eyes bloodshot like prospectors hunting for gold.
"Ooh, got one, got one!"
A fishing rod bent like a bow. After a fierce struggle with the wildly whipping pole, a plump oyangjeuk was hauled up with a hook through its forehead. While envious glances flew his way, several fishermen began stealthily inching closer.
By the basic laws of fishing, one was not supposed to invade another's territory. Doing so only tangled lines, bred grudges, and let the fish steal the bait and escape. The fishermen who broke this rule were, strangely enough, always the old geezers who had come out for a neighborhood stroll. This seemed to be true in the Central Plains as well. Or perhaps that particular personality trait had spread from the continent to every region. The truth lay at the bottom of the deep river and could not be known.
Some were even casting nets. They released the worthless fish they caught, because the only species they were after was the heaven-ascending oyangjeuk.
Heaven-ascending oyangjeuk! It was said that if you boiled it thoroughly and ate it, even your "little brother" would ascend to heaven with it—hence the name. People claimed its incredible virility must have come from swimming upstream all the way from distant Yunnan. Thanks to that, the Tang Clan patriarch had supposedly fathered seven sons in a row and seen his yang energy soar. Dozens of people had already claimed to see effects, so the rumor had spread like wildfire. Even if it was fake medicine, belief alone could produce great results, so it wasn't entirely a lie.
There were some who said it had no effect. But the accepted theory was that they had simply bought counterfeit goods from the market.
And so, in the middle of harvest season, a sudden craze for wild oyangjeuk swept the land.
----
Dang Nan-a was a jackal—no, perhaps not quite a jackal, but a cat that had lived about six months—constantly watching for any chance to embarrass Seomun Cheong. That was why she had presented Cheong's method at the clan meeting with absolute confidence.
"You know! Lady Seomun! She offered a solution! She even staked her own name on it! Her honor too! She said she'd take full responsibility if it didn't work, even putting her sect and master's name on the line! So, um, what it is... is that we should spread a rumor that oyangjeuk is good for... you know. For that. For there. I mean, for that place. Ah, for the... the male member! ...For yang energy, I mean."
She had been mortified saying it alone in the back, not knowing what to do with herself. Still, the clan members had scoffed. Would people really drop everything during such a busy season just to catch fish over such a simple trick? One elder had even shown clear displeasure, asking if she thought the people of Sichuan were complete idiots.
That had been two weeks ago, when Dang Nan-a's face had burned crimson while she secretly cheered inside.
"Heh heh. Indeed. Since it concerns what a man cares about most, that Seomun girl struck the perfect weakness. Just as she boasted."
"I never realized Lady Seomun possessed such wisdom. I thought her words and actions were frivolous."
"Isn't it fair to say everyone living in Chengdu has received her grace?"
"To solve a problem that twenty gold bars couldn't fix with a single rumor!"
Thanks to that, Cheong's reputation had shot straight up from "pretty beggar who only eats our food" to "remarkably wise young lady whose depths cannot be fathomed."
"Why the hell did it work?!"
Only Dang Nan-a was left fuming by herself.
However, once the water cleared and the medical hall grew quiet again, another side effect appeared.
"By the way, would you perhaps like to go boating together tonight—"
"You bastard. Who do you think you're trying to seduce, huh?"
"Elder Brother, must you interfere like this?"
Because the oyangjeuk population had been wiped out in less than two weeks, the Tang Clan Medical Hall had returned to normal. Which meant the burdensome flirtations from the five brothers, the pitiful youngest, and the watchful eldest had begun once more.
If they had been truly bad men she would have slapped them with a fiery palm and told them to keep their eyes to themselves. But these were the brothers who had sacrificed sleep to treat patients during the chaos caused by the combined poison of carp and twin-tailed bees.
The one safe place in the Tang Clan for these brothers was the women's treatment ward in the corner of the medical hall. There were officially no female physicians in the Central Plains. This was because physicians did not recognize women as doctors. Instead, women who practiced medicine were called "medicine hags," which essentially meant old women who only boiled herbs. It was also used as an insult implying a hunched, shabby pauper who dug for medicinal plants.
Hey, you medicine hag of an old woman. That sort of thing.
However, saying such things in Sichuan was a good way to die before one's time, because the women of the Tang Clan were all female doctors who had properly studied medicine. As a result, they absolutely hated men entering the women's clinic. Even the seven direct descendants of the Tang Clan avoided the place because of the pressure.
That was why Cheong had fled straight to the women's treatment room. Choe Ri-ong ended up receiving a lot of dirty looks for no reason, but since he was a gentle elder who always lowered himself and showed courtesy unless the other party was a rude young man, he was soon treated with respect.
While Cheong watched treatments from behind Dang Nan-a, using it as both shelter and entertainment to annoy both the physicians and patients, the next patient entered and quietly approached. The evil karma was visible only to Cheong's eyes, and it was none other than...
"The archenemy of my senior brother! Die!"