The Villainess Eats Mala Tang
There is a saying that a woman's tears are beautiful. That's bullshit. In truth, no such saying exists. A crying face naturally pulls the brows downward while the cheeks rise upward, as if locked in combat, causing every wrinkle around the eyes to surface in alarm. Meanwhile, the mouth twists into a wretched shape, carving deep lines into the cheeks. The complexion flushes crimson, and tears stream down both sides of the eyes in four distinct trails. In severe cases, snot even bubbles forth in a catastrophic mess. Jin Jangmyeong had already proven this through her own tearful demonstrations. Therefore, the kind of weeping seen in the Central Plains' nonexistent visual media—where tears flow gracefully down a beautiful face, prompting onlookers to think, "Even like this, she is lovely"—almost never occurs. The reason it almost never occurs is because it does occur in specific instances: when sorrow must be swallowed with a smile, or when the tears are forced and artificial.
Dang Nan-a was clearly sobbing "hic, hic" as if at a loss, yet her tiny face remained beautiful. Moreover, with her moist eyes gazing up pitifully and tears dripping steadily, even Cheong found herself thinking, "Whoa!" Thus, as Cheong watched Dang Nan-a, she thought: Wow, how does she switch emotions so instantly? In front of all these people? Meanwhile, Dang Nan-a herself felt a chill of horror at her own wickedness.
Originally, a woman's scheming falls into two major categories. One is the "who's the bigger bitch" division. The other is the "who's the bigger victim" division. Though the term and usage of "first to shed tears wins" had yet to be established in the Central Plains, truth has a way of shining across eras. This was the secret technique that had forged the Sichuan Number One Beauty and the current Understanding Poison Flower. Mancheonhwaru! With flower tears filling the entire sky, who in this world could fail to feel pity? In an instant, she had captured every eye and transformed into a pitiful, pitiable beauty. A veiled woman too ashamed of her looks to show her face and a Harmonious Realm grandfather could not possibly compete in pitiableness. This fight—had she won it?
Dang Nan-a roughly gauged her opponent's flustered state and raised her sobs even louder. "I'm sorry. Sob, gulp, waaah..." "......" "Hic, hic..." "......" "I'm sorry, please, forgive me, sob." "......" What the hell? Why aren't they forgiving her? If they left her like this, they'd only be hurting themselves. They'd just get cursed as heartless grandparents. Didn't they care about their reputation? Were they willing to throw it away?
Dang Nan-a had underestimated her opponent. If the other party cared about reputation, they wouldn't have bounced off the floor three times, flailed about, and neatly pocketed a gold ingot afterward. "Hic, sob, gulp, sob, I'm sorry." Yet now, facing a formidable foe, Dang Nan-a realized the fatal weakness of Mancheonhwaru. It consumed an enormous amount of mental and physical energy. If she couldn't end the battle quickly, she herself would suffer. Human tears were not infinite, and her tear ducts, now emptied, were throwing a fit demanding she stop. Dang Nan-a drew poison from the poison pill in her dantian and redirected it to her eyes, overworking her tear glands. These flowing tears were an extension of her poison art. At the same time, she kept thinking sad thoughts. Right, like when Father scolded her for breaking that precious thing of his. During memorization practice, she'd only placed the most expensive items beside the target to create a sense of urgency. It wasn't like she'd broken them on purpose, yet he'd still gotten angry. That had been really too much. It was the same when she'd roasted the thousand-year-old he shou wu. The world's most precious daughter should be allowed to roast a spiritual medicine or two, shouldn't she? How precious could a guest possibly be for him to fly into such a rage? A daughter's importance outweighed any sixtieth birthday gift. It really had been too much.
With sorrow as her driving force, the duration of Mancheonhwaru stretched out once more. "I'm sorry, sob, please forgive me, ugh, hic, gulp, sob, waaah..." These were truly the tears of the Sichuan Number One Beauty. The spectators clutched their chests at the heartrending sight, their hearts softening to the point of thinking, "At this rate, forgiving her wouldn't be so bad." Beauty was indeed power and authority. If even one person had started chanting "Forgive her, forgive her," the whole crowd might have joined in.
That was when Cheong finally opened her mouth. "Ah. Now that I think about it, doesn't this mean we can go eat mala tang? Grandfather, let's go. They say it's the Heavenly World's Number One Cook's own creation. We have to try it." "Even so, how impressive could mala tang possibly be?" "Come on, don't say that before you've even tasted it. Our friend should come too. That doesn't mean the promise to treat for dinner has disappeared. A man shouldn't say one thing with his mouth and another with his actions." "You're right. At this rate, I feel like even the price of admission for the show wouldn't be worth it. My insides feel completely refreshed." With that, the three of them slipped into the Azure Dragon and disappeared. Left kneeling alone, Dang Nan-a was flustered. Huh? What was she supposed to do now...?
Paeng Cho-ryo was starting to feel that time was being wasted. If she swung her great saber one more time in this moment, it would all become nourishment for her robust body. She didn't know what this mala tang thing was, and a true Murim hero should roast an entire suckling pig or young calf and slice it up to eat. At that moment, Dang Nan-a, who had gone out, was nowhere to be seen, and instead three unfamiliar people were entering while chuckling. Paeng Cho-ryo quickly scanned the three. Cheong met her gaze directly. It would probably be proper to greet her, right? She also needed to clear up the misunderstanding about being an impersonator. "Hello? Um, you're Daesan's older sister, right? I'm Seomun Cheong, Daesan's friend. I haven't heard about you from Daesan, though. He never really talks about himself."
Paeng Cho-ryo asked with a puzzled expression. "Hm? Daesan? Did that brat let you call him that? That doesn't sound like something he'd allow." Ah. They were definitely siblings. Under Paeng Cho-ryo's suspicious gaze, Cheong hurriedly rummaged through her robes and presented her guest token. "I really am Daesan's friend. He gave me this and said it was proof we're friends, see?" Paeng Cho-ryo examined the token Cheong held out. Gold-leaf characters engraved in bold strokes came into view. Nangong! Paeng Cho-ryo's eyes narrowed. What was this? Showing off? Was she claiming to be a precious guest of the Nangong Clan? "Nangong...?" "Ah. I must have taken out the wrong one." Cheong offered the correct guest token this time. Deeply carved characters filled with red pigment appeared on the gold-leafed plaque. Paeng. The attached red and blue tassels confirmed it was the guest token belonging to the direct heir, Paeng Daesan. Moreover, it was the highest grade among the upper-middle-lower ranks. "My word, this is real? You're really Daesan's friend? That brat's... girlfriend?" "If putting the two words together sounds a bit strange, could you just say 'female friend' instead?" Cheong replied with visible disgust, shuddering as if genuinely repulsed. It was exactly the same reaction as someone else. Paeng Cho-ryo burst into hearty laughter. Judging by the sound alone, it was closer to a mountain bandit chieftain's laugh than that of a noble lady from one of the Five Great Clans. "So, friends? Just pure friends? Well, that brat deserves to have that kind of thing happen to him at least once."
Paeng Cho-ryo's gaze had become considerably warmer.
Dang Nan-a returned after quite some time had passed. Going straight back wouldn't make it feel like she'd reflected enough through her tears, but she couldn't keep kneeling outside awkwardly either. The crowd had kept growing, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Sichuan Number One Beauty, yet the person who was supposed to accept her apology had casually gone inside. It was an unprecedented situation. Thus, as Dang Nan-a ground her teeth and slowly rose after gauging the atmosphere, she was met with an unexpected sight. A warm, friendly atmosphere filled with laughter, and Paeng Cho-ryo's previously indifferent expression—while she had been lazily peeling garlic—now sparkled with unprecedented vitality. What the hell? Why was the mood so good? New sister-in-law, you never treated me like that. Dang Nan-a shed bloody tears inwardly.
Even for the Tang Clan, renting out an entire establishment like the Azure Dragon was somewhat excessive. It was a gathering she'd half-threatened into existence by asking if they intended to block a marriage, yet some random girl had waltzed in and devoured the spot she'd secured by kneeling and squeezing out tears. Dang Nan-a's eyes burned. This humiliation—she could not endure it. She had to show them the true terror of the Sichuan Tang Clan. Crimson Flame Fierce Poison? Or Intestine-Melting Powder? Or perhaps Eyebrow Eruption Poison? Dang Nan-a recalled the poisons she possessed. Crimson Flame Fierce Poison heated the nose and unleashed a waterfall of snot. Intestine-Melting Powder lived up to its name by causing a storm in the outhouse. Eyebrow Eruption Poison was an utterly horrifying toxin that caused volcanic pimples to erupt between the eyebrows—the very embodiment of a woman's tears. Dang Nan-a was the world's greatest villainess and the Understanding Poison Flower, who always carried such extremely dangerous deadly poisons.
"Ah. Nan-a. This is Cheong-ah—that is, Lady Seomun Cheong. Have you two met already?" A! "A" was originally a term of endearment parents used for young children, usually attached to the front or back of the final character of their name. When attached to the front, it conveyed formality suitable for official occasions. When attached to the back, it emphasized affection. For example, with Paeng Daesan, it became A-san or San-a. It was also used for younger siblings who were as close as blood relatives. However, an older male must never, under any circumstances, attach it to the back when addressing a younger male. The word "never" had been emphasized three times for good measure. Hey, A-san. (O) Listen, San-a. (Murim Public Enemy)
"You two... were already... acquainted...?" "No? We met for the first time today." "Ugh..." "What? Are you hurt somewhere? Does your stomach hurt? You're groaning, kid. Anyway, Cheong-ah, so back then, when I was slaughtering those bandit bastards..." "Ah, I think I know that one. If you cut off the limbs first, the way they twitch..." "Right, and you lay the head down like this..." "I know. When you smash it, that cracking sensation..." "Oh, you know! Then make the entrails come out through the mouth..." "Not there, hit the spleen harder..." Though she couldn't understand, some kind of gruesome conversation was taking place. It didn't seem like a topic women should discuss, but she could tell they were getting along very well. It wasn't her stomach, but her stomach hurt terribly. Cold sweat streamed down at the same time. This wouldn't do! She needed a topic that could break through the situation! Just then—Aaaagh!!! Aaaagh!!! Aaaagh!!!—a scream filled with despair suddenly echoed. It was a shriek that sent chills down the listeners' spines. The horrific sound came from the kitchen. Thanks to it, the conversation stopped and all attention turned toward the kitchen. Dang Nan-a shot a sparkling gaze at Yeom Jo-ang, who served as both her escort and, incidentally, her maternal uncle. As expected of Uncle, I knew I could count on you! You do it once in a while after all! Yeom Jo-ang replied via sound transmission. —It wasn't me. Get rid of that look in your eyes.