The Villainess Eats Mala Tang
The villainess eats mala tang.
Central Plains Five Flowers. It meant the five greatest beauties of the Central Plains. In other words, no further explanation was necessary.
Then a thought suddenly occurred to her.
“Ah. It’s not actually the Sichuan Five Great Beauties or anything like that, right?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Why did you call the World’s Greatest Cooking Competition the Sichuan’s Greatest Cooking Competition earlier?”
“That’s certainly true when it comes to cooking. But the women of Sichuan are a bit different. It really is the Central Plains Five Flowers.”
“Oh.”
In that case, Cheong—the manliest of men—could hardly be left out. Traveling with that Paeng fellow at least made the view pleasant, after all.
“But if it’s Hae-eo-hwa, why call her Hae-eo-dok-hwa? Does she use poison or something?”
“No. It’s because her personality is filthy.”
“Ah.”
Indeed, anyone who could casually bump another person’s reservation had to possess a temper far beyond ordinary levels of nastiness.
If you wanted to eat something delicious, you should just show up with two or three people, shove aside the other customers, and eat. The richest family in Sichuan turned a food tour into a company dinner? And with a large enough group to rent out the entire restaurant?
No. Thinking about it again made her blood boil.
Cheong stepped in front of the displaced diners and shouted.
“No, where in the world does such an outrageous thing happen! The country has its laws, Murim has its rules, and businesses have their own clear ethics, don’t they!”
“The young lady is right!”
“Exactly, business ethics are still ethics!”
The displaced diners chimed in with enthusiasm.
Cheong shouted again.
“Is there food without people? Restaurants make their living by serving customers, which means we customers are the very foundation of any dining establishment—the highest of the high, the ‘gap’ among all ranks! Anyone who doesn’t understand that and arrogantly cancels reservations on a whim deserves to go completely bankrupt!”
“She’s right! They should go bankrupt!”
“Treating customers like dogs is going way too far!”
“Everyone! This isn’t just about whether or not we get to enjoy one meal! If they keep making money and thriving with this kind of fucking behavior, every restaurant in the world will eventually treat customers like dogs! We must drive these dog-like establishments into the ground and show that justice in the Central Plains is still alive!”
“Ooh! Well said! Those words are correct!”
Cheong poured out her passionate oration, advocating for the rights of customers with a heart burning like fire.
Previously, the displaced diners had simply gathered together to vent their anger and comfort one another, killing time. But Cheong’s speech had opened their eyes. They now embraced the great ideology of customer-centrism and were reborn in this moment as warriors fighting for their rights.
Thus the young warrior asked:
—However, madam. That insolent establishment enjoys such a high reputation that its reservations are already half-filled for the next month and a half. Even if we raise our voices in condemnation, will their prosperity truly diminish?
To which the madam replied:
—That is precisely why we must treat as pathetic fools those who grovel on their knees begging for dishes from a shop that uses the mere excuse of “delicious food” to regard us as pigs and dogs. They are no different from petty scoundrels and swine who sell their self-respect for mere cuisine and harm the public justice of the world; thus their character is evil beyond measure.
Therefore, if everyone despises and curses those who claim to have eaten the food of the Blue Dragon, shaming them, will they not then feel the shame and cease their patronage?
The warriors finally slapped their knees in admiration and committed the words to memory, engraving them deeply into their hearts.
Cheong’s wicked tongue was a fresh shock to the simple-hearted people of the Central Plains. It was an atrocity that might one day be recorded as the origin of mindless tyranny. If that happened, following Confucius, Mencius, Zhuangzi, and Han Feizi, her title might become something like “Consumer.”
Anyway, as Cheong watched the displaced diners burn with their newfound mission, she felt quite satisfied.
“I had no idea my friend possessed such talent for sophistry and incitement.”
“Ahem. Sophistry and incitement, you say.”
Cheong continued.
“It’s true, though. Anyway, if they go bankrupt because of this—or even if their sales just take a sharp drop—my mood will improve. So isn’t that enough?”
“Now that I look, my friend is also a woman harboring quite the wicked heart. As the Master once said…”
“Ahem. Friend. Your tone is gradually becoming that of a superior. Won’t you come back down?”
“Ah. I did it without realizing. Right. I’ll keep it in mind.”
Meanwhile, the displaced diners united and formed a pact. As their first step, they resolved to shower the mysterious big customer responsible for today’s disaster with a storm of jeers.
That was when a massive carriage appeared in the distance.
On its luxurious black walls, large characters inlaid with gold leaf stood out boldly.
Tang.
The momentum of the displaced diners, who had been ready to jeer, suddenly collapsed. They began glancing around nervously, slowly putting distance between themselves one by one and pretending they had nothing to do with it. Thanks to that, the heated debate about customers’ rights also abruptly died out.
“What’s with these people? They were so fired up earlier. Suddenly…”
“Is there anyone in Sichuan who would dare insult the Tang Clan?”
Cheong’s voice grew fierce.
“They really act like emperors. Anyone would think a king was passing through.”
“…That’s true.”
Jayu agreed with a somewhat somber expression.
The carriage looked big from afar, but the closer it came, the more enormous it grew. Being pulled by eight white horses, its grandeur was inevitable.
“The carriage looks really nice.”
“Of course it does. It’s the highest-grade limited edition from the Ilcheon Merchant Guild. They don’t even accept orders unless you possess considerable influence. That is one of only three ‘Eight Horse Power’ carriages in the Central Plains. The exterior uses ebony wood seasoned by master artisans and fitted without nails, and furthermore…”
Suddenly Jayu’s words poured out like a waterfall.
Oh. He was a carriage enthusiast.
Anyway, since it clearly meant the carriage was amazing, Cheong let the words go in one ear and out the other. Whether in the Central Plains or the modern world, people who lost control when their favorite subject came up behaved exactly the same.
Meanwhile, Choe-ri-ong subtly hinted.
“Ahem. Kid. Do you perhaps want that one?”
“Huh? Old man. Don’t you have no money?”
“I have no money, but that doesn’t mean there are no ways to obtain a carriage.”
“Eh. Forget it. What would I do with something that needs eight horses pulling it? And how would I take care of them? It’s enough to just rent one when I need it.”
“That’s true, but…”
Choe-ri-ong looked regretful.
The Ilcheon Merchant Guild was one of the Heavenly Demon Cult’s disguised businesses. The ride quality of the prisoner transport carriage Cheong had once ridden was the culmination of that very technology.
Cheong had zero interest in carriages.
Instead, her interest lay elsewhere.
“So one of the five prettiest women in all of Murim is riding in there?”
“On the surface, that is certainly the case.”
Cheong’s expectations rose at those words. Even though Jayu clearly disliked the Sichuan Tang Clan, it sounded like he still acknowledged her beauty.
Finally the carriage rolled to a stop, and one of the coachmen leaped down with an impressive movement technique.
What? They’re using a Peak realm expert as a coachman?
Cheong snorted.
No, why would a high-level expert with that much pride be playing coachman? Do they pay that well? One gold coin per hour or something?
As Cheong was thinking this, the coachman politely opened the door.
And at last, the Central Plains Five Flower, Sichuan’s greatest beauty, the infamous Hae-eo-dok-hwa revealed herself.
The foot of Sichuan’s greatest beauty touched the ground first.
Her long skirt with side slits was the style favored by women of Murim. An unslit skirt made movement too inconvenient, so it couldn’t be helped.
Because she stepped forward with one leg first, a truly massive thigh appeared between the slits.
Huh? Massive?
It was an extraordinarily massive leg. The thigh was thicker than Cheong’s waist, and muscles of every kind bulged, each asserting its own presence with clear definition and sharp boundaries.
A woman as giant as the massive carriage revealed her full form.
She stood roughly eight cheok tall, yet possessed an aura of pressure that exceeded even that height. The forearms left bare by her sleeves were also extraordinarily thick. She was a beauty with a bold, heroic expression set atop broad shoulders.
She was definitely a beauty, but…
Wait, where had she seen her before? Why did this feel so familiar?
There was no way she could have forgotten seeing a woman that huge.
Anyway, she was pretty enough to think oh, she’s pretty and move on—not at the level where one would turn their head or steal repeated glances. Though that overwhelming physique would definitely make anyone rub their eyes and look back.
Ah. Cheong realized her misunderstanding.
“The Central Plains Five Flowers are ranked by strength?”
“Hm? What do you mean by that?”
“That makes sense. A martial artist must claim their place through combat, after all.”
Cheong stared at the giant fist of Sichuan’s greatest beauty. It looked like it could knock out a bear with a single punch.
Since it was the Central Plains Five Flowers, it had to be a position female martial artists claimed through duels.
Jayu spoke as if he found her utterly pathetic.
“Anyone can see that she is none other than the Reincarnation of Xiang Yu, Paeng Cho-ryeo. I heard rumors that Yeo Hang-jeok had appeared in the underground death match arena recently, but I didn’t realize they were true.”
“Uh… Yeo Hang-jeok was an actual living person?”
Cheong, who had unintentionally impersonated someone else’s nickname and thus become an impostor, glanced around nervously. In Murim, impersonating another’s title was a grave offense tantamount to declaring enmity.
“This is my first time seeing her in person as well, but indeed, she is a woman worthy of her nickname.”
Then he muttered with a worried tone.
“Still, for the daughter of the Paeng Clan to emerge from a Tang Clan carriage… if there is even talk of a marriage alliance, it would be extremely troublesome…”
Cheong only caught the parts she could hear.
“Huh? Paeng Clan? That Paeng Clan?”
“Indeed. The one from Hebei.”
“Tone.”
“Right. It is the Hebei Paeng Clan. She is the eldest daughter of the Paeng Clan.”
Yeo Hang-jeok, Paeng Cho-ryeo. Her name used the characters for “sparrow” and “beautiful.” She had been born after only eight months of pregnancy and was unusually small and dainty—like a baby sparrow—hence the name. No one, however, could have imagined she would grow up to be this enormously large.
“Ah! No wonder. She looks exactly like Daesan.”
She was the female version of the world’s most handsome man, Paeng Daesan. So while she was a beauty, she belonged to the “handsome” category of beauty.
Cheong let out a sigh of relief. She had unintentionally impersonated her friend’s older sister. But since they were practically family, if she confessed honestly, apologized, and explained the situation properly, maybe they would let it slide.
It was then.
A woman who had alighted from the opposite side of the massive carriage appeared, circling around it from behind.
She affectionately linked arms with Paeng Cho-ryeo’s thick forearm and spoke in a coquettish voice.
“Sister, you shouldn’t look down on it just because it’s mala tang. I’m certain that once you and your family try it, you’ll come back again.”
“Family aside, only one of them really matters.”
“Ehehe… But if you try it, sister, you’ll be genuinely shocked.”
Cheong was shocked too.
Wow! She’s really pretty! This is insane! Is that even human!?
Is that the true caliber of the Central Plains Five Flowers?
Yes. Central Plains Five Flowers—I acknowledge it.