Deserved Acceptance (2)
Childhood memories surface. Not from this life, but the previous one. Eternal Eclipse wasn't a game advertised on TV, yet its reputation for solid gameplay was so strong that it occasionally appeared on display at large supermarkets. I see my younger self, holding my mother's hand while shopping, spotting the game on the shelf.
“Mom, Mom! That one! Buy me that one!”
“No. You already have plenty of games.”
I hadn't even reached puberty yet. Just a little kid who'd barely started elementary school. My brain wasn't fully developed, so I couldn't have understood otaku sensibilities, but something about Eternal Eclipse drew me in. Looking back, it must have been the massive illustration of the man and woman—Eclipse—on the cover that captivated my young heart. I'd never seen such a cool and beautiful picture before. Back then, I didn't even know how to use the internet.
“Oh my, ma'am. This is rated for ages fifteen and up. It's too difficult for children, and the content isn't exactly educational.”
“Aaaah! Mister! If you say that, Mom might not buy it!”
“...Well, it's just a game, isn't it? As for the educational part, the kid's going to grow up and learn these things anyway. It doesn't really matter.”
“Whoa! Mom, you're the best! The absolute best!”
My beloved mother was a good-natured laissez-faire parent. She taught me responsibility while never restricting my freedom. Despite the clerk's half-hearted warning, she bought me the game—on the condition that I do my chores at home, of course.
“This is gonna be fun!”
And so I played Eternal Eclipse. Just as warned, it was far too heavy for me to handle. It had been made for adult otaku, after all. There were plenty of words I didn't know, the gameplay was brutal, and the story was mercilessly cruel.
“Aaaagh, no! Why do I keep dying?!”
Still, I clung to Eternal Eclipse until the very end.
“Is there really no way to save Karalin? Come on, there has to be some method...”
For the first time in my life, I learned determination and the will to win. Maybe that was when my tastes were formed. Children are easily influenced by their surroundings, after all.
My first playthrough was a mess, but it was fun. I grew up playing the game at least once a year—sometimes more—becoming a heavy user. If anyone asked me for my favorite game of all time, I would name Eternal Eclipse without hesitation.
Looking back, those days felt happy. I had no worries, simply enjoying games and living a carefree life.
But what about now? This second life wasn't one I chose. I came to a world I loved, yet it has never been particularly kind to me.
Urgh... ugh... ugh...
Even as I recall those happy memories, thinking about my current situation makes my chest tighten painfully. The external pressures. This world that seems determined to kill me. It feels like everything would be easier if I just died, as I wish.
But I can't do that.
I am Yohan Kim... no, Yohan Kim...
The sole servant and knight of Lady Karalin, the one who could never be saved. The devout existence meant to prove that she was never wrong.
I have to save her. I have to help her. I must stay by her side—she who is more pitiful than I am...
This was to prove the existence of the one person in this era who had treated me as precious. That was all I wanted.
Yet none of it had been easy. Of course not. I had once been nothing more than a faithful player who enjoyed this world as a game. Now that I was inside it, I had to keep struggling just to survive.
I feel like vomiting.
[“Yohan.”]
Then Burga's voice echoes in my mind. No—it's not Burga. It's my own voice from childhood.
[“I'll stay by your side. Don't die.”]
Even that comfort doesn't make me feel better. So I think to myself: Don't die, my ass. I want to die, you bastard. If it weren't for Lady, I wouldn't have hesitated.
[“Really...?”]
Still, I live because I cannot die.
[“Why do you push yourself so hard?”]
......
......
It was I who wished for all of this. I promised Lady that I would bring her happiness.
Then Burga asks about the doubts and worries I once held.
[“Is that why you have to endure this pain? They're just game characters, after all. You could give up. You could end everything like turning off a game and finally be at peace.”]
At those words, I grind my teeth. Absolutely not. That argument had already been refuted back in the North when I was covered in filth and raging. Since I came here, this world is mine. No matter how much they are original game characters, their existence cannot be false. If I were to lightly dismiss such people as mere game characters, I would be a fool with a broken brain. At the very least, I never wanted to become that kind of person.
And I had to keep the oaths I made. Hadn't I always lived thinking that way? The greatest reason I can exist as myself is because I strictly uphold the principles I set for myself and remain unchanging in the same place.
Therefore, I could not let go of myself.
[“Then you'll return to that world and live diligently?”]
Without looking back, I nod.
[“Yes. Then... goodbye.”]
The voice carries a hint of regret, yet also sounds as if it had expected this. It speaks with detachment.
[“Thank you for always being you, Yohan Kim.”]
Flash—!
In that instant, light fills my vision.
I am in the intensive care unit. My body doesn't hurt as much as expected, but contrary to what I feel, my entire body is wrapped in casts like a rolled kimbap, as if every bone had been broken. Soft breathing sounds reach me.
Lady Karalin, who must have been nursing me so diligently, is asleep beside me despite it being broad daylight, bathed in sunlight. She lies right next to me on the same bed, still in her clothes.
Without time to feel flustered or surprised, still half in a dream, I reach out to her without thinking and pull her into a tight embrace, as if I would never let go again.
“Hrk, h-hrk?!”
The surroundings grow cold. Startled, she must have accidentally released frost. Yet to my body, it feels like nothing unusual. I haven't fully awakened yet. Everything still feels like a dream.
So I end up muttering. After that awful dream, my ability to hide my true feelings in front of Lady seems paralyzed.
“I love you, my lady. Please don't leave my side. You're all I need... I'll become someone truly worthy of you...”
“Y-Yohan?! A-are you fully awake...?!”
“No matter how lacking I am, don't abandon me... Love me. Cherish me. Please...”
“......U-uaaah.”
But my body is too exhausted. Without even realizing what I'm saying, I fall back into deep sleep. Lady Karalin stands frozen in place, unsure what to do, ice forming around her—though I remain unaware.
Sleep is sweet. I wish I could sleep like this forever.
***
The news that I had awakened spread throughout the academy in an instant. I had lain in bed for about a week—quite fast for someone in intensive care—so I soon heard that everyone had come to see me being discharged.
“...Why, my lady?”
“Why what? What do you mean?”
I stand before the mirror in the hospital room, straightening my uniform. When I voice the obvious question of why everyone wants to see me, Lady Karalin looks strangely flustered.
“I-if you're talking about that thing on your cheek, it's really nothing at all, you know?”
“On my cheek...?”
I check the mirror and find a strange red mark. What is this? It looks like some kind of medicine residue. The fact that I hadn't noticed it means my mind had been that clouded. I tap my cheek a few times and wash it away with water.
“Hoo... hoo...”
“The emergency staff who were nursing me must not have wiped it off properly.”
“Really? That must be it...”
Lady Karalin lets out a sigh of relief. Why is she acting like that?
“...That aside, that's not what's important, my lady. Why does everyone want to see my discharge? I simply woke up from a hospital bed like any other injured person. There's nothing special about it.”
At my words, Lady Karalin finally shows her characteristic decadent smile.
“It's because the achievements you accomplished this time are so great. Many people feel they owe you a debt.”
She rises from the bed and walks over to me, straightening the collar of my uniform as she continues.
“And even I, your master, feel the same.”
“You were the one who presented the clear path to lure out Bancite, so all of this is your achievement...”
“Do you truly think so?”
“All I remember is flying through the sky with Hilken to carry out your will and clapping along with Cryan.”
Then Lady Karalin looks up at me with precious eyes. How beautiful that gaze feels—only God would know, besides myself. Normally I would feel so honored and overwhelmed that I would avert my eyes, but after this incident, I have come to understand Lady's preciousness even more deeply. Therefore, I firmly believe that she herself needs to know how valuable a person she is.
“You know, you look especially beautiful today.”
“...D-don't tease me.”
She lowers her eyes first.
“This is the first time we've been able to look at each other so peacefully since I appeared before you riding the Jabberwock.”
“...It is.”
“I imagine you have a lot you want to say. I'd like you to tell me anything at all.”
“No. I think it would be better to stay as we always have. Even if you defeated the Six Swords and saved everyone, nothing between us has changed. Isn't that right?”
Lady taps my chest lightly as she speaks.
“For the sake of your stability, that would be better... That's what I think.”
“...Is that so.”
She means that, so I won't be too shocked, she will treat me as usual—like a home I can always return to. Thank you. Just hearing those words makes me feel how much she has thought of me, and it feels as though the efforts I poured into this incident have been rewarded.
So I speak.
“Even knowing that staying the same is good, there was one thing I wanted to tell you.”
“W-what is it?”
“...Just... thank you for always staying by my side.”
“Why...?”
“I had a dream. About the reason I must keep living.”
Then Lady Karalin smiles with unadorned happiness.
“...Hehehe. Let's go now. Everyone will be waiting.”
“Yes.”
Thus, I open the hospital room door and step outside. I had already undergone thorough examinations multiple times, and there were no particular abnormalities. Once I finish being dragged around by the professors who had been closely monitoring this incident, I hear that I can soon return to my normal daily life.
However.
The moment I step out the door, what I see is—
“Congratulations on your discharge!”
“Congratulations, Yohan!”
“Are you really okay?”
Countless people I don't even know, holding flowers.
“...Hah.”
Honestly, it's too burdensome. What exactly did I do for them to go this far? Everyone is shouting congratulations while looking at my face. In their voices, I can sense guilt and hesitation, as if they regret something...
I simply want to live my own life. People who never paid attention to me before—why are they doing this now?
So I take Lady's hand and quickly head toward the dormitory. But then—
“M-my baby...!”
Someone rushes out from the crowd and throws herself at me.
Thud—
“Aack?!”
“Baby, you're alive... you're alive!”
Black and white two-tone hair. A familiar voice and a slightly strange scent. It is Casacos.
“Mom is sorry. Sorry for not being able to do anything. Sorry for not noticing sooner...!”
“...Excuse me? Mom?!”
This woman. What on earth is she saying all of a sudden? Completely baffled, I can only stare at Lady, who stands awkwardly beside me.
Why is she acting like this all of a sudden, this auntie?