Pitiful Souls (2)
“………Yohan.”
There was the usual tremor in Abel’s voice as he called my name, but something else lingered there too—an eerie stillness.
He parted his dry, cracked lips, then stopped. He set the report he’d been holding back down on the table, pressing it flat with his palm, and spoke.
“I….”
But at that exact moment, Hawk, who had quietly followed me to deliver his report, shot me a subtle glance. I understood its meaning instantly.
「I only came because you told me to follow. What am I supposed to do in an atmosphere like this?」
Something along those lines. Still, if I had been in his position, I would have felt just as awkward, so a wave of guilt washed over me. If I had to make an excuse, I’d want to tell him I never imagined this little heir would show up. But it was far too late for that now. The damage to my dignity was already done.
Apparently Abel had picked up on Hawk’s discomfort as well. So, perhaps to ease the tension, resolve the situation, and because he had something he wanted to ask, he turned to Hawk with an oddly detached tone. What he said next was completely out of left field.
“……Hawk, you who are called a splendid hero. There is one thing I wish to ask you.”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
“To whom do you owe your loyalty, that you would do something like this?”
Just moments ago he had been trying to recruit me, and now he was suddenly shifting to this topic. Naturally, Hawk could only tilt his head in confusion. Still, he answered honestly.
He was a free man from the North, not registered to any estate.
“I belong to no fief and therefore owe loyalty to no one at present. The reason I took part in this matter was simply to exact revenge.”
Abel nodded as if he had expected exactly that.
“I thought as much. She is a subordinate of one of the Six Swords. To fight her head-on would have been no different from suicide… but revenge is the kind of thing worth staking your life on. People can become infinitely brave in the face of rage.”
“…Yes. Thank you.”
Then, suddenly, Abel said,
“…Hah, but you know…”
“…?”
“If there existed a person who would willingly step into such danger not for themselves, but for someone else’s sake, would you say that makes sense?”
The moment I heard those words, I thought:
‘Is he talking about me?’
The person who would gladly do such a thing for someone else’s sake. That was me.
But Hawk couldn’t have known what I was thinking, so he answered decisively.
“Such a person cannot exist.”
Even if his mouth was crooked, he still spoke the truth. It must have been a family trait.
Abel nodded again, as if he had known that answer too.
“…I thought so.”
“What Your Highness seems to be referring to is a kind of ‘mental fortitude,’ but those who claim to do such things, or say they can, are usually insincere. They are the sort who, the moment their own lives are on the line, tuck their tails and flee without a second thought. Cowards. No matter how powerful a human may be, they always act that way in the face of true despair.”
“You believe so?”
“Yes. That is what humans are. Nothing but fools who love to put on airs. Therefore, I believe no such person exists in this world.”
“…You seem to know that type who claim they can risk their lives quite well.”
“I’ve seen plenty of them, so of course I do.”
At that, Abel smiled.
“…Pfft, pffft─. Y-you’re a little off the mark. What if such a person really does exist? What then?”
“……….”
“Anyway, Hawk. Forget this conversation. The promise I made was not a lie, so you will receive ample reward. You may leave now. Your business here is finished.”
The moment those words left his mouth, Hawk gave a light bow and retreated backward out of the audience chamber.
That left only two people in the room: Abel and me.
With those haggard eyes, Abel stared at me and spoke the words he had not said in front of Hawk.
“………Lord of Steel.”
“Your Highness.”
“The question I just asked was born purely out of curiosity. Because it is a question that pierces straight through my life.”
“I thought as much. Though I don’t fully understand the context…”
Abel cleared his throat and continued.
“…I, well. I haven’t lived very long, but… I think I’ve seen about two beings who live the kind of life I just described—the kind where they live for someone else. Yohan.”
But to single me out like that in this situation… it was so uncomfortable I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Then, suddenly, something in his words caught my attention.
‘…Two people?’
I wasn’t completely dense. I could tell one of them was me. But who was the other?
“U-um, as you’ve probably already noticed, one of them is you.”
Then Abel launched into a long, rambling speech about his perception of me.
“I heard that even before I was born into this world, you saved my sister and were chosen as her attendant. Your martial prowess, character, achievements, and even the way people perceive you—all of it surpasses everyone else.”
“…Th-that’s not entirely true, Your Highness.”
Grind─.
But at my words, Abel clenched his teeth hard.
“………No. You were even acknowledged by Father. So what more could I possibly add?”
Moreover, those were all things he himself had never once possessed. The emotions swirling across Abel’s face as he spoke were so complex they defied description.
What was I supposed to say in response? If I uttered even a single word of humility here, it would only provoke jealousy. So the only thing I could do was shut my mouth and listen.
“…And yet the reason you can stand in that position and receive such unwavering recognition is because you have fought solely for my sister, isn’t it?”
“Of course. She is my everything.”
“Yes. Somehow that sight of yours looks both magnificent and… perhaps even cowardly to me. Hateful. Hateful. So hateful…”
To my words, Abel let out an unpleasant, giggling laugh.
“Wonderful! I, I…!”
“…Your Highness?!”
“Heh, heheheh─. Hahahak, hahahak─!!”
With eyes that looked exactly like Karalin’s, Abel stared straight at me and laughed where he stood. The way he remained completely motionless while laughing made him seem less like a human and more like something else entirely. The fact that tears were streaming from his eyes only intensified the discomfort.
“I’m a fucking idiot!”
“…Please don’t say such things. Aren’t you the heir who will one day carry the entire North on your shoulders?”
I had no idea what this sudden madness was about, but I still offered empty words of comfort. Abel, without even wiping away his tears, continued.
“…And the second of the two people I mentioned is me.”
“………….”
“You see, Lord of Steel, I have never once lived for myself. Every single moment of my life until now has been lived for my father.”
I already know that. There was no need for him to say it out loud. I understood everything without the words.
“When I was born, my sister was the light of the world. Father quite liked that light. But if I hadn’t been born a boy, could I have surpassed her?”
“Enough. Please stop, Your Highness. I will pretend I heard nothing of this.”
“The answer is, ‘Absolutely not.’Lord of Steel.”
“……….”
“I… am nothing but the pathetic shadow of my sister. Even though expectations were placed on me, I never once received a word of praise. I barely managed to rise to the position of heir… but that was only because I was carried there on the hem of my mother’s skirt.”
“But you are making an effort, aren’t you?”
At that, Abel twitched.
“Yes. I did try. Because I wanted to live up to everyone’s expectations! I wanted to meet those expectations and live for the father who would create a world for me. B-but do you know how that turned out?”
“……Your Highness. You seem overly agitated.”
“No, you must hear this. This is the best part. Lord of Steel…”
Abel looked up at the throne beside him, which seemed far too large, and said,
“I… fuck… it was because of you.”
“……….”
“At the starting line, I clearly had the advantage. The moment I was born, I received Mother’s support and became the crown prince. I was supposed to become the great being who would lead the North, wasn’t I?”
For a moment, he looked at me, then buried his forehead against the table.
“Even the way we think is the same. I wanted Father’s recognition. You wanted my sister’s. We were both filled with the desire to be acknowledged and to become their strength.”
Still lying there, he whispered with raw sincerity.
“But I was a coward. A talentless fool. And you… you…!”
Abel slowly lifted his gaze toward me and slammed his fist down on the desk he had been leaning on.
CRASH─!
The desk didn’t just crack. It shattered into pieces.
“You took everything I could have had.”
“…I never took anything.”
“You had nothing. You were nothing but a commoner… yet you obtained everything. A person with no family, no bloodline, is praised as the bravest and most steadfast in this entire country…”
“This is something I earned through my own effort…!”
It seemed he thought I had obtained this position easily. The disgust surged within me at the thought that he could spout such nonsense without knowing how much I had suffered to get here. So I simply narrowed my eyes and stared at his childish tantrum.
But Abel said,
“That’s why I’m in so much pain, Lord of Steel.”
“……….”
“I can’t breathe. I can’t even wake up properly.”
Thud─.
He collapsed on the spot, covering his face with both hands, and began to sob uncontrollably.
“So, you—who are far more outstanding and superior than I am—couldn’t you save me? I… I also carry the same blood as my sister… Even if it’s only one-hundredth of what you do for her, couldn’t you take me away from this hellish royal castle… and bring me somewhere else…?”
With unfocused eyes, he simply looked up at me.
“That’s why… I said I wanted you by my side. No matter how pathetic I am, if you were there, I thought I might be able to fool myself into believing I had become something.”
“That’s not how it works.”
“If you… followed my orders and stood by my side… then maybe… I could win Father’s heart too, couldn’t I?”
At that moment, I finally understood his true feelings.
This wasn’t an attempt to recruit me. It was a plea for rescue. A very fragile one, tangled with jealousy, humiliation, and inferiority.
“…Your Highness.”
So I gently placed my hand on his shoulder.
Tap─.
I was about to tell him my honest thoughts.
“……L-Lord of Steel!”
When I warmly wrapped my arm around his back, color rushed back into Abel’s face and a smile bloomed.
“You mustn’t expect something so easy and comfortable. You already know I cannot do that, don’t you?”
“………….”
But at my following words, Abel simply stood there with his mouth agape, frozen like a wooden puppet. It was as if something inside him had shattered.
“The seat of a ruler is not that simple.”
“…Ah, aah─.”
“Come now. You seem to be having some difficulty moving. This Lord of Steel will escort Your Highness back to your chambers.”
“A, aaaaaagh─!!”
In the end, after essentially telling him to go fuck himself, I was promptly ordered to leave and had no choice but to return to my own room.
From what I’d heard, Abel and I actually had quite a few things in common. But he seemed to mistakenly believe the difference lay in innate talent.
Because he approached things that way, he would forever remain exactly as he was.
The difference between him and me was clear and simple.
‘The difference between someone with resolve and someone without it.’
He seemed to be suffering in his own way, but I didn’t feel the slightest bit of pity for him.
Because ever since Abel was born, I had been the one secretly wiping away the tears Karalin shed in private. The salt from those tears still lingered on my calloused, scar-covered hands to this day.