Don't Leave Me Behind
All at once, Nina remembered number three. If the Duchess meant to poison Adrian, would it not be now? Of course she had followed him.
I had pictured it so beautifully—striking the poisoned food aside, crying out, This is poison! And instead...
She had drunk it before she knew what she was doing. Then again, without drinking it, she could never have gotten them out of that place.
"Nina. Nina, you're alive, aren't you? Please. Don't leave me."
The voice came faint, and Nina fought to answer. It did not sound like him at all. Every trace of ease was gone; what remained was pleading.
Adrian was afraid of Nina like this—limp, and cold. If she died this way, if she went and left him behind...
He was tall and long of limb, but he was still a boy of sixteen. He kept walking, forcing a path through the snow, and when the horse collapsed from exhaustion he left it where it fell.
Night. He had never in his life begged for night to come. Damn snow lay in every direction—no shadow, no dark. The sun struck the snowfield and flung the light back, until the whole white waste was nothing but glare. Only when the sun began to sink and the shadows stretched long did he at last throw himself into the darkness.
He had never stepped into the dark of his own accord. There was no other way.
"O Darkness that needs neither road nor light, lead me to a place of safety."
⟨ Darkness ⟩
He ran through the dark with the knight order in his thoughts. If he had a single ally in all the world, it was there.
Adrian burst out of the darkness, and Jin, tending a campfire, stared with wide eyes.
"Captain?"
"Kirill! Where's Kirill?!"
Kirill, their physician, rose from her place.
"What's the—aigoo."
Adrian all but shoved Nina into her arms.
"Nina—Nina drank poison. Nina, she..."
Kirill laid her on the ground.
"Poison? Let's have a look, then."
She was so calm that Adrian wondered whether she even grasped how serious this was.
"She brought up blood. She isn't breathing. She's so cold."
Vice-captain Louis caught Adrian by the shoulder. Adrian was always composed, always wearing that easy smile; none of them had ever seen him babble like this.
"She'll be all right. You covered a night's road to catch us, didn't you?"
Adrian nodded.
Kirill turned the limp girl this way and that, then let out a rough bark of laughter.
"What is it?"
Louis had asked. Kirill answered him.
"I'm past forty, and this is a first. Should I call it impressive, or astonishing?"
"Out with it."
At Adrian's urging she shrugged. She was in her middle forties, her white curling hair yanked back into a single knot. Ask who had watched over the Black Knights the longest, and every hand would point to Kirill.
"She dropped her body temperature to slow the poison. Heart's beating slow, too. Like a beast gone into hibernation. Didn't know a human could manage that. I don't know what the poison is, but I'll start fluids."
She glanced around.
"Best get her somewhere safe before I treat her. Once her body starts working the way it ought to, it's going to hurt like hell."
They packed again in a rush, and in a nearby village the detox began. The moment Kirill started it, the spirits drew back—and the poison began to move.
Nina twisted, vomited blood, and raked the floor with her nails. It was a terrible night for her, and for the rest of them. For Adrian, it was worse.
Once she was steady enough to travel, they moved on to the Purple Forest, where the order kept its stronghold. Her mouth, throat, and stomach were all raw, and a yellow cast of jaundice lingered. Nina suffered. She lived.
Two months later she was entirely herself again, lively enough that even Kirill marveled. On the night they raised a cup to her recovery, Adrian came to her room.
"Young Master?"
She mumbled it, rubbing her eyes. The room was dark. Adrian stood silent in the doorway.
"Why did you do it?"
His voice was cold. Nina flinched and sat up straight. It was too dark to make out his face. Whatever else the poison had done, it had truly worsened her sight.
Not quite night blindness. Still.
Her eyes had gone bad. She understood now why Adrian had died young. It had been a truly vicious poison.
"What do you mean?"
"The tea."
His answer was brief. Nina asked again.
"Are you angry?"
"Am I angry?"
He sounded as if he could not believe the question.
"Am I angry? Me? Am I angry."
The last of it had no color at all. He might have been reading from a book.
Adrian came toward her slowly—no, faster than she had thought. He stopped in front of her. Where the light caught his face, it was cold as a statue.
"Why should I be angry? My loyal subordinate drank poison in my place. Praise would hardly be enough. I ought to congratulate myself on gaining a subordinate like you."
"So you are angry."
"Don't talk like that."
Adrian seized her by the shoulders.
"Don't talk as if I'd fly into a passion over nothing. As if none of this were anything to you."
"Adrian."
Nina called his name. He did not answer. The rough hand gripping her did not loosen.
"I knew the tea was poisoned when I drank it. I couldn't not know. It smelled of raw iron."
"And yet—!"
"But you were going to drink it."
Adrian looked as if he had been struck. The strength went out of his hands. Nina shot to her feet.
"You knew from the moment they brought you the tea, didn't you? That's why you refused when I tried to taste it for you."
Adrian stepped back. Nina stood at a cocky angle, arms folded.
"Don't take me for a fool, Adrian."
"I never thought that."
Pale, he looked down at her.
How could I think of you that way, Nina? How could I?
"I don't know why you meant to drink it, but you'd better be ready from now on. If you intend to drink poison, I'll drink it in your place. If you intend to take a blade, I'll take it in your place."
"Nina!"
Cornered, Adrian shouted. Nina's face said, plain as anything, Why? What?
He raked a hand back through his hair, swallowed, and tried to choose his words. He could not choose them. He opened his mouth as if he were laying himself bare.
"Nina. If I drink poison, or if I take a blade, it will be because I calculated it."
His eyes were fixed on her. He looked so strained that Nina spoke in his place.
"I know. You probably decided a little poison was a reasonable way out of that room. You've got some resistance to it, Adrian."
And you wanted to loosen the Duchess's watch on you while you were at it.
Adrian's eyes went wide. Nina smiled.
"What? I like you, but that doesn't make me blind. I know perfectly well you're no innocent little lamb."
So you don't think I'm an idiot after all?
She narrowed her eyes, and he waved his hands in a hurry.
"No—that's not it. I only... didn't expect it."
He had not expected her to remain exactly the same, even knowing what sort of man he was. He had been shallow, to wonder whether her affection was only pity for a poor young master.
Nina cut him off cleanly.
"Even so, don't wreck your body. What am I supposed to do if you die young later?"
"Then what about you?"
The question burst out of him.
"Then what about you, Nina?"
And if you are gone—what about me?
He swallowed the rest with difficulty and looked down at her. Nina raised both hands with ceremonious care.
"I'll be careful too."
Doubt rose in Adrian's face, but she said it again.
"Truly. Or, if you like, take it as the best a Black Knight can promise in a Purple Forest crawling with Bellac."
She held out a hand as she spoke, and Adrian set his palm to hers.
"It's a promise."
Nina smiled. He swallowed a sigh.
"Yes. Please."