The Morning After
The morning sunlight slipping through a gap in the curtains stabbed at my eyes. The first thing I felt when I opened them was a refreshing clarity.
The suffocating pressure that had crushed me for months had vanished like it had never existed. The moment I realized that, a heavy weight sank into one corner of my chest.
Maybe curing my illness had only ever been an excuse.
Last night, I had felt jealous that Min-a had been with another man. I had suffered. And I had been insanely, unbearably aroused.
Those three emotions were still tangled together inside my chest, tearing me apart.
Caught between an indescribable disgust and a strange sense of relief, I couldn’t close my eyes again.
Min-a, who had fallen asleep in my arms, stirred slightly.
“…Oppa, are you awake?”
Her voice was heavy with exhaustion. It was the same morning greeting as always.
But I couldn’t answer her easily.
“Yeah. I just woke up.”
It was only a short reply, but my throat was tight and the words came out strange.
Min-a rubbed her eyes and pressed her body a little closer to mine. Her warm body heat seeped into me.
How nice it would be if everything that happened last night had just been a dream. For a moment, I let myself think that.
But the instant my gaze drifted downward, reality became painfully clear.
Her bare shoulder peeking out from under the blanket. The faint red marks left behind.
I unconsciously stopped looking.
Even though I told myself I shouldn’t look, I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
Jealousy surged through me. At the same time, a shameful excitement followed right behind it.
I hurriedly pulled the blanket up to cover Min-a’s shoulder.
“Why? I’m hot.”
Min-a tilted her head. Her eyes looking at me were so innocent that I couldn’t possibly tell her the truth.
“Just… in case you catch a cold.”
“Hehe. Okay.”
She smiled as if it were nothing, and my chest grew even tighter.
“Aren’t you hungry?”
“Hmm…”
Min-a started to sit up, then suddenly froze.
A short breath. A fleeting frown that crossed her brow.
It had only been for a split second, but I didn’t miss it.
Min-a quickly smoothed her expression as if nothing had happened.
“I’m fine, Oppa.”
She spoke first, like someone with something to hide, before I could even ask.
“I must have slept in a weird position. My body feels a little stiff.”
It was a lie. I knew it. She knew it too.
But neither of us brought it up.
“I’ll make breakfast.”
“You? That’s unusual.”
Min-a laughed softly and gave my shoulder a light tap.
“You always said you’d never move on weekends.”
“You said you didn’t sleep well. I’m making it special for you.”
Min-a, who had been smiling faintly, rested her face against my arm again. It was the kind of playful gesture that would have passed without a second thought on any other day.
But today, even that single smile hurt my heart.
I glanced out the window. The sun was shining brightly. I cleared my throat and asked Min-a,
“The weather’s nice today… After we eat, want to go out for a bit?”
Min-a thought for a moment, then slowly shook her head.
“Let’s just stay home today.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
It was the first time Min-a, who always wanted to go out on weekends, had suggested staying in.
She reached for my hand and carefully laced our fingers together.
“Today, I just want to be with you, Oppa. Just the two of us.”
It was a short sentence. But those words made something burn hot in my chest.
Min-a was still looking at me.
There was no resentment. No regret. No words blaming me for what had happened.
The fact that she didn’t made me grateful, yet it was unbearably painful.
I hesitated for a moment, then pulled her into my arms.
Min-a silently burrowed into my embrace.
Outside the window, an ordinary Sunday morning continued on.
But both of us knew.
We could never completely return to who we had been before last night.
Even so, at least for now, we wanted to hold each other as if nothing had happened.
—
The meal was quieter than usual.
As Min-a took a big mouthful of the ramen I had boiled, she murmured,
“Oppa really is all about ramen.”
“Weekends are for ramen, after all.”
Playful tone. The same conversation as always.
Yet neither of us could laugh as comfortably as we used to.
I kept stealing glances at Min-a. She must have noticed, because she set down her water cup and said,
“Why do you keep looking at me? Haven’t you seen a pretty girl before?”
“Pretty girl, can you stop staring at me and just eat?”
Min-a laughed softly. But the smile didn’t last long.
An awkward silence settled between us.
In the end, I was the one who spoke first.
“Min-a.”
“Yeah?”
“Did you hate me?”
Min-a’s hand stopped. The noodles caught on her chopsticks fell with a soft splash into the broth.
“…Suddenly?”
“…This all happened because of me. Because of my… selfishness.”
Min-a didn’t answer for a long time. She kept her head down, staring at her empty bowl.
“Can I be honest?”
“Yeah.”
“I hated you a little.”
My heart sank. Min-a didn’t force a smile.
Without making excuses, she simply spoke plainly.
“I was scared. I even wanted to run away.”
I couldn’t say anything.
Because she wasn’t wrong.
“But… I also felt sorry for you, Oppa.”
“…You felt sorry for me?”
Min-a slowly lifted her head.
“Yeah. I really did.”
She smiled bitterly.
“I saw the look on your face when you confessed to me.”
Her throat must have been dry because she poured herself a full glass of water and drank it all in one go.
Then she continued.
“Seeing a man look so completely defeated… it made me feel sorry for you… and I wanted to protect you…”
After a brief pause, Min-a spoke again.
“Above all, you’re the person I love. Even if things went wrong, I wanted to do my best for you.”
My throat closed up. I didn’t know what to say.
Min-a reached out and covered the back of my hand with hers.
“So don’t feel too sorry. It wasn’t just your choice, Oppa.”
At those words, I lowered my head. My eyes grew hot.
Min-a looked at me and slowly intertwined our fingers like she was weaving them together.
Outside the window, an ordinary Sunday afternoon continued on.
—
“Dishes are done! Ah, Seo Min-a has worked so hard on the housework today!”
Min-a muttered to herself like always, took off her apron, hung it on the chair, and walked over to sit beside me.
The only sound in the living room was the quiet murmur of the TV.
I quietly watched Min-a as she sat next to me.
“Hmm. Why are you looking at me with those eyes?”
“I was just looking.”
“Don’t lie. You’ll get in trouble.”
Min-a smiled softly and leaned her body against mine.
I could feel her warm body heat. It was a familiar distance we had repeated countless times over the years.
Yet today, it felt impossibly far away.
I was afraid that if I just stayed like this, the distance would only grow, so I slowly reached out and took her hand.
Min-a silently laced her fingers with mine.
“Oppa.”
“Yeah?”
“Stop watching me so carefully. And stop glancing at me like that.”
I couldn’t answer. Min-a rested her head on my shoulder and murmured,
“I’m not going to run away. I’ll stay by your side forever.”
Those words pierced my heart. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I carefully pulled Min-a into my arms.
She didn’t resist. Instead, she burrowed deeper into my embrace first.
We stayed like that for a long time, feeling each other’s warmth.
“Ah… Touch me gently. It hurts.”
“S… Sorry, Min-a.”
When I touched her breast over her thin t-shirt, she frowned.
I didn’t think I had used much strength… but had Hyung grabbed her so hard yesterday that she was still hurting?
My heart pounded. How roughly had he touched her that even after a whole day… she was still in this much pain?
Min-a is my woman. …At the very least, she shouldn’t be handled so roughly.
…I knew I had no right to think like that, but the negative thoughts wouldn’t stop.
“Oppa?”
Min-a’s voice brought me back to my senses. She was looking up at me with a worried expression.
“Are you okay?”
“…Yeah. I’m fine.”
It was a lie. I was anything but fine.
Min-a silently stroked my cheek.
“We can go slow.”
Her comforting voice and the loving way she looked up at me only made me feel more pathetic.
“Min-a.”
Min-a quietly closed her eyes.
I lifted her t-shirt and unhooked her bra. Her pale breasts were flawless, without a single blemish, yet I couldn’t help but imagine red handprints covering them.
“Oppa… should we move to the bed?”
Min-a asked carefully. She must have noticed that I hadn’t looked happy all day and was trying to comfort me.
I wanted to hold her with pure love.
But… the only thing that could arouse me was the image of my beloved Min-a being held by another man.
If Gyeong-rok Hyung isn’t here, I can’t get hard for Min-a.
The moment that cruel truth rose in my mind, the erection that had briefly risen began to fade.
In the end, I couldn’t bring myself to touch her breasts any longer. I pulled her close, kissed her carefully, and slowly drew back.
“I’m sorry.”
It took me a long time to finally force the words out. Min-a shook her head.
“Don’t apologize. I’m happy just being together like this.”
In the end, I couldn’t do anything.
I sat on the sofa with Min-a in my arms for a long time.
Only one clear truth remained inside me.
I still loved Min-a more than anyone else in the world.
That was precisely why I could only get aroused by watching her be held by another man.
It was pathetic.
Loving Min-a more than anyone, yet only being able to hold her by imagining her being ruined by another man.