The Weight of Silence
The taxi ride home was quiet. Since I'd hailed it through an app, there was no need to tell the driver our destination or haggle over the fare. That left me free to sink into my thoughts. Or rather, I didn't just sink—I drowned in them.
Even though I'd drunk for hours, the buzz had already faded by half. No matter how much I wanted to forget the words I'd just said, they refused to leave my mind.
"I want to see the two of you together more."
I wanted to blame it on the alcohol. But I knew better. Those weren't words the liquor had forced out of me. They'd been circling in my head for weeks.
I dragged a hand down my face and let out a deep sigh. If Gyeong-rok hyung weren't such a good person, he probably would've gotten up and left right then. Hell, he might've even hit me. Maybe told me to go see a psychiatrist and called me a lunatic.
But he didn't. He didn't curse at me. He didn't laugh at me. That said, he didn't tell me he understood, either.
Nothing had been resolved, and the discomfort in my chest kept growing.
Next to me, Min-ah was sound asleep. Her face flushed from drinking, her hair a mess. She leaned against my shoulder, breathing softly, without a single trace of suspicion. No wariness at all.
Min-ah trusted me completely.
And yet, even as I looked at her, I kept picturing her in Gyeong-rok hyung's arms.
Min-ah stirred in her sleep and hugged my arm tighter.
"...Oppa..."
The word had slipped out unconsciously. Any other time, I would've smiled and called her cute. But right now, I couldn't even force a laugh.
I was scared. Scared that Min-ah would leave me. Scared she'd say I disgusted her. Scared she'd get angry and tell me never to bring up something like that again.
But there was something even more terrifying.
What if Min-ah listened to everything I had to say? What if she said she'd try to understand?
What would happen after that?
“Oppa! Wake up. I’m hungry.”
“Mmm…? Uhh…”
Min-ah shook me awake because she was hungry, and I finally managed to open my eyes. After drinking that much last night, I felt surprisingly fresh in the morning. Youth really is something else.
“Ugh… I don’t think I can eat anything.”
“Let’s have ramen, oppa. I’ll cook it for you.”
I was about to say okay when I remembered the ramen Min-ah had made before and lifted my head.
“No, Min-ah. You drank a lot yesterday too, so you must be tired. Just lie down and rest.”
“Huh? Why? It’s fine. I’ll make it.”
I pressed down firmly on her shoulders so she couldn’t get up, then quickly ran to the kitchen.
…Min-ah can’t cook… Ramen might be okay, but when your stomach’s already upset, it could make things worse…
“Oppa, you just don’t want to eat my cooking again!”
Her intuition is terrifyingly sharp.
“That’s not it. I’m just worried you’re tired. Go lie down. I’ll finish quickly and call you.”
“Tsk… Something feels off?”
Even though she grumbled, Min-ah quietly went back to the bed and flopped down face-first. She must be exhausted after drinking so much last night. I’d let her rest a little longer.
“Min-ah, lunch is ready. Come out now.”
“Uhh… It smells good. Hehe.”
Min-ah, who had been breathing softly in sleep just moments ago, woke up quickly at my call. I brought out the ramen, along with side plates and chopsticks. While she poured water, I grabbed beer and kimchi from the fridge.
“Huh? Beer?”
“I thought we could have a little hair of the dog.”
“Aigoo… You really should take care of your health, Mr. Kang Min-woo.”
Even as she said that, Min-ah didn’t refuse the beer I handed her. We clinked our cans and drank the cold beer in one refreshing gulp.
“Kyah! So refreshing!”
“You can still drink after last night, Min-ah?”
She answered with a bright smile.
“Of course! I’m still young, old man.”
Watching Min-ah’s smile, I felt a sharp twinge in my chest. The thought that I might never see that beautiful smile again made my stomach churn.
“Oppa, what’s wrong? Was day drinking too much for you after all?”
“No. Min-ah… Actually, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“As long as it’s not about cosigning a loan, it’s fine. Go ahead, oppa.”
Min-ah waved her hand like it was no big deal and took another sip of beer. I ended up confessing everything to her. From the current state of my body to the sexual preference I’d only realized too late.
With every word I spoke, the smile on Min-ah’s face disappeared. For a long time, only silence hung between us.
“...Wait a second.”
Min-ah spoke first.
“...I didn’t hear that wrong, did I?”
I couldn’t say anything. No—I couldn’t. Right now, I was no different from a criminal.
“So what you’re saying is…”
Min-ah set down the beer can she’d been holding. The clunk sounded unusually loud.
“You get jealous when you see me with the team leader… but it also turns you on?”
Her eyes and tone were filled with utter disbelief. I bit my lip hard.
“Oppa… what are you even saying…”
Min-ah let out a small laugh, as if what I’d said was some mischievous joke.
“There are things you joke about and things you don’t! Seriously!”
I kept my head down and couldn’t say a word. Min-ah pressed a hand to her forehead.
“...Crazy…”
It was the first time I’d ever heard Min-ah swear.
…Honestly, it was understandable…
“Haaaa…”
Min-ah let out a long, heavy sigh.
“Honestly… I don’t understand. Not at all. You’re saying you want to watch me with another man. It sounds insane.”
After rubbing her face with both hands for a while, Min-ah spoke again.
“Let me ask you one thing.”
Her voice was trembling.
“I’m not sure if I understood you correctly, but…”
She moved her lips a few times before finally continuing.
“The team leader doesn’t like me, and I don’t like the team leader either. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“And you still have those thoughts?”
I slowly nodded. Min-ah’s expression crumbled.
“Why…?”
That single word made my heart sink. She wasn’t angry. She wasn’t yelling. She genuinely looked like she couldn’t understand.
“Is it because I’m not enough?”
“No.”
“…Because I’m not attractive?”
“No.”
“Then why…?”
Even in this moment, I was desperately trying to figure out what to say to convince her. It was disgusting. This situation. And me, for needing it to be this way.
“If I… do that with the team leader… will your… erectile dysfunction… get better…?”
Large tears rolled down from Min-ah’s wide eyes.
“Oppa.”
“…Yeah.”
The tears kept falling onto the table with soft plops.
…I’d promised I would never make her cry, but I’d already broken that promise before we even got married.
“You told me you were hurting because of the erectile dysfunction, so of course I want to help you.”
Min-ah bit her lip.
“But this… this is too scary.”
She stood up from her seat. Then, without another word, she walked out of the house.
A little while later, at a quiet café near the company.
“Min-ah, it’s the weekend. What’s going on?”
“Team leader. I know everything. Don’t play dumb.”
It wasn’t her usual polite tone, nor the playful, coquettish voice she’d shown at the drinking party. Gyeong-rok slowly closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he looked around. Fortunately, no one was sitting nearby, and a group of noisy students was chatting far away. Convinced no one could overhear, he spoke in a low voice.
“…Are you okay, Min-ah?”
“Not at all. Hic… sob…”
The tears she’d been holding back finally burst free.
“Hic… sob…”
Min-ah wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, but it was useless. Once the tears started, they wouldn’t stop easily.
“Min-ah…”
“I… I really don’t know what to do…”
Her throat tightened, and she couldn’t continue for a while. Even after she calmed down a little, her voice was thick with sobs and hard to understand.
“He said he was hurting… so I wanted to understand and help him…”
“......”
“But…”
Min-ah lowered her head. The tears kept falling.
“How am I supposed to understand something like that…?”
She pounded her chest as if shouting.
“He says he wants to watch me sleep with you, team leader…”
“......”
Gyeong-rok couldn’t say anything. After all, he had unintentionally become a central figure in this story.
“He’s the only one I have… I really, really love him…”
Min-ah’s shoulders trembled. Gyeong-rok reached out, then paused for a moment before gently stroking her back. Min-ah didn’t pull away. Right now, she needed even the smallest bit of comfort.
“When I first heard about it yesterday, I didn’t understand either.”
He took a sip of his Americano to wet his throat, then continued quietly.
“Min-woo must have agonized over it a lot, but it’s not something that’s easy to understand.”
Min-ah said nothing and simply wiped her tears.
“I looked it up. It’s not that this kind of preference doesn’t exist at all. It’s not common, but it’s real.”
Gyeong-rok let out a heavy sigh and went on.
“Whatever choice the two of you make, I will respect it.”
Min-ah lifted her head to look at him. His serious expression didn’t seem like he was joking.
“Then… team leader… do you… want to… do it with me…?”
She barely managed to finish the sentence. Her throat was tight and she was nervous. Although Choi Gyeong-rok was an attractive man, Min-ah had never once looked at her team leader that way.
“I feel the same. I hope, as much as possible, that nothing happens.”
After a brief silence, Gyeong-rok continued.
“I mentioned I looked it up earlier. There are a lot of strange people among those with that particular preference…”
He glanced at Min-ah’s expression and let out a small sigh.
“I thought it would be better for me to intervene rather than let your relationship fall apart.”
Min-ah lowered her head. She felt a quiet gratitude for how considerate and thoughtful he was being. For a brief moment, she felt sorry for having thought of him as a perverted old lecher.
“Team leader. Even if such people exist, I still can’t understand it.”
“...”
Gyeong-rok nodded. It wouldn’t be easy to understand.
“Still… I don’t want to give up on oppa.”
“Min-woo said the same thing yesterday.”
Min-ah’s eyes widened in surprise.
“When…?”
“After you fell asleep yesterday.”
Gyeong-rok chose his words carefully before quietly adding,
“He said he would stay by your side no matter what happens to you. He knelt in front of me and cried as he said it.”
Min-ah couldn’t speak.
‘Min-woo cried.’
That fact tore at her heart. The Min-woo she knew always smiled in front of her. Even when things were hard, he said he was fine. Even when he wasn’t, he pretended he was. For someone like that to throw away his pride, kneel before another man, and cry while confessing his feelings… He must have been that desperate, and yet she hadn’t understood him…
“...Idiot.”
Min-ah muttered through her tears.
She couldn’t understand it. She still didn’t. She wasn’t sure if she ever would. But one thing was clear.
Min-woo had tried to bear it all alone and had eventually broken down. And she herself had run out of the house as if fleeing.
At this rate, nothing would be solved.
Min-ah rubbed her wet eyes. Her trembling fingertips slowly began to steady.
“...I still don’t understand.”
Gyeong-rok nodded silently.
“But I don’t want to leave oppa alone.”
After biting her lip for a long time, Min-ah carefully lifted her head.
“Team leader.”
“Yes.”
“If you have time… could you come to our house with me?”
Gyeong-rok’s eyes widened for a moment. Min-ah still looked anxious. But her face was no longer on the verge of collapse like before. It was the expression of someone who had decided not to run away, no matter how scared she was.