Chapter 62: The Freya Ducal House 4
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 62: The Freya Ducal House 4
Just as my hand reached for the mask to take it off—
"No!"
Johanna shouted. It was the loudest I had ever heard her speak.
Startled by the sudden outburst, I pulled my hand away from the mask.
Askal, Duke Freya, and the Duchess all stared at Johanna with wide eyes, looking just as stunned as I was to hear her raise her voice like that.
Johanna herself seemed mortified by her sudden explosion; her face flushed a deep, burning crimson. Against her fair skin, the blush was so intense it looked as if she were suffering from a high fever.
Thud.
Johanna dropped her head as if trying to hide her face, but since even her ears were beet red, it did little to conceal her embarrassment.
““““……””””
A heavy silence descended upon the dining table.
Even I, someone who usually detests awkward silence, couldn't find a single word to say. Even Askal, who lived to tease Johanna, could only stare at her sister in mute shock.
Johanna had created the silence, and she was the one to break it.
"…I’m going to my room to rest."
Unlike her shout from moments ago, she spoke in a tiny, fragile whisper. Before anyone could stop her, she vanished from the room.
* * *
Johanna retreated to her room and collapsed onto her bed.
It was her first time back in a while since moving into the dormitories, but the room was spotless, meticulously maintained by the maids.
"My Lady, is something the matter?"
Emma, her personal maid, spoke up with concern, but Johanna couldn't even hear her.
"…I want to be alone."
"Yes! Please call for me if you need anything."
At Johanna’s request, Emma quietly withdrew. A personal maid had to be able to discern their master's emotions just by the tone of their voice. Emma had never heard Johanna sound like that before, but she knew this wasn't something she could help with.
"It’s this feeling again…"
Once Emma was gone, Johanna muttered to herself, clutching her chest.
Her heart felt tight and achy. It was a pain she was experiencing for the first time in her life.
As a swordsman, she had met many people and faced many enemies. She had sustained wounds and endured agony during matches and duels. Having fought so many opponents, she was well-acquainted with various types of physical pain—but this was different.
She couldn't explain this sensation—this emotion—with words.
It felt as if her chest were suffocatingly stuffy, yet simultaneously stinging. It felt like her heart was hurting, or perhaps it wasn't pain at all, but a profound, gnawing sense of discomfort. Neither words, nor writing, nor even her own thoughts could properly articulate this agony.
The first time she felt this pain was this morning.
Because so much had happened yesterday, Loki had said he wouldn't do morning training today, but it hadn't mattered. She could still be with him in the morning because of their duties on the Disciplinary Committee.
Even though she couldn't bring herself to say anything to him—because just seeing him made her remember his face from the day before—simply being together was enough.
While walking through the Academy to go to class after finishing her duties, she spotted Loki walking alone. Even if they walked together now, it wouldn't be for long; their classrooms were in different buildings.
Still, wanting to be with him for even a few more minutes, she was about to muster the courage to call out to him when—
"Pushover!"
Someone else called out to Loki first. It was a girl so beautiful that even Johanna, a fellow woman, found her stunning.
The girl, with pink hair that shimmered in the sunlight, began to chat with Loki as if they were having the time of their lives. Seeing the two of them talking so happily, Johanna felt that stinging sensation in her chest for the first time.
She didn't know why, but she followed them, erasing her presence with mana.
"I do have one small concern, though," Loki said to the pink-haired girl.
He never told me he had a concern…
"My concern is that my face gets more handsome by the day."
Fortunately, it wasn't a serious concern. But it wasn't a small one, either.
He’s getting even more handsome than that?
She recalled Loki's face from yesterday. She couldn't imagine him getting any more handsome than he already was.
"Show me your face before you say something like that," the girl challenged him.
Johanna wanted to see Loki's face again, but the thought of someone else seeing it filled her with a sudden, sharp sense of rejection.
"Ahaha, I can't just show my face to anyone."
It was a pity she couldn't see him, but she felt a wave of relief that Loki hadn't shown his face to that girl. The tightness in her chest eased slightly at the thought that he had shown it specially to her alone.
"Ahem, I see. Sepia, you must have been very bored yesterday without me."
Even though she felt a flash of irritation at Loki for saying such things, it was okay. After all, she was the only one who had truly seen him. No one else knew what lay beneath the mask.
"Everyone, please take good care of 'our' Sepia from now on."
But when Loki referred to the girl as "our Sepia," her chest stung again.
Did he have to say "our"? He could have just called her by her name. It felt as if needles were pricking her heart. It was an emotion she was feeling for the first time in her life.
The next time she met Loki was after classes had ended. While they were in the carriage heading home, she couldn't stop thinking about the mask he wore.
"The mask… can you take it off?"
She had made the request. When that girl asked him to take it off earlier, Loki had refused.
Would Loki take off his mask if I asked him? What if he refuses?
Just imagining Loki refusing her made her chest feel tight and painful again.
"Huh? Oh, sure, if it's just that."
Unlike when he had refused the other girl, he took off the mask as if it were no big deal. The stinging in her chest subsided instantly.
Once the pain was gone, Loki's face came into view. Since she was sitting next to him, she could only see his profile, but even that made her heart race. However, when Loki tried to turn his head toward her, she reflexively covered his face with her hand.
She didn't have the confidence to look Loki properly in the eye from such a close distance. She could look at his face slowly, later.
What followed was pure happiness. Her heart fluttered. She had placed Loki's head on her lap. Looking down at him as he lay there, she stroked his face and ran her fingers through his hair.
When Loki tried to look up at her, she hurriedly averted her gaze.
He didn't catch me staring, did he? Could it be that he didn't like lying on my lap?
"…Is it bad?" she had asked, hiding her anxiety as best as she could.
"No, it feels good," Loki answered immediately, without a hint of a lie.
If Loki felt good, she could stay like this forever. Forgetting the passage of time, she continued to stroke his face while his head rested on her lap.
"Senior, I think we've arrived?"
The time she wished would last forever ended sooner than expected. Loki put the mask that hid his face back on. If she said she had left something behind at the Academy, could she spend another dream-like moment with him?
But that plan was thwarted when her sister opened the carriage door and stepped inside.
"You really are dressed as strangely as I heard, aren't you?"
Her sister looked at Loki with intrigued eyes. It would have been stranger if she hadn't looked at him with interest, but for some reason, Johanna didn't feel good about it.
"By the way, what's your relationship with our Johanna? Hmm? Tell your big sister."
Askal had said, putting an arm around Loki's shoulder.
I haven't even done that yet.
Beyond the stinging, she felt genuinely upset. Loki should have pushed her away if someone else put their hand on his shoulder. Why was he just standing there? Could it be that he liked it?
She didn't like her sister. Her chest throbbed.
This pain reached its peak just before dinner. She had naturally assumed Loki would eat with his mask on, because that was what he had always done at the Academy.
"I'll take off my mask to eat."
But Loki said he would take it off.
Why? Weren't you only showing your face to me?
"I'm quite curious about the face hidden behind that mask. Are you handsome? If you are, my heart might flutter a bit."
She hated her sister's words. It made her feel foul. Why on earth was she saying things like that to Loki?
"You mustn't fall for me, you know?"
Loki's response was equally displeasing.
Why are you saying that to my sister? Even if you had to say something like that, shouldn't you be saying it to me?
"You even said those things to me yesterday…"
He had said he fell for her. He said he could die for her. He said he cherished her more than the lives of hundreds of people.
Why? For what reason? Why are you saying those things to another woman?
Her chest stung. Her lungs felt tight. It felt like something was poking her with needles.
Right now, she was seeing Loki because of the Disciplinary Committee duties in the morning. But if Loki started a club and became busy, and stopped coming to morning training, the opportunity to see him alone would disappear.
"I don't want that."
The thought of not being able to see Loki alone made her heart ache even more.
Knock, knock.
She heard a knock on the door. Right now, she didn't want to see anyone but Loki. However, as if it were urgent, Emma cautiously entered.
"Um… Lord Loki and Lady Askal are about to have a duel…"
Upon hearing Emma's words, Johanna immediately bolted for the training grounds.
* * *
In the training grounds, Askal and Loki stood facing each other.
"If you lose here, you have to show me your face, okay?" Askal said, pointing her sword at Loki.
"Do you really want to see my face that badly?"
The light faded from Johanna's sapphire-blue eyes as she watched from the sidelines.