Cold or Warm
"…Can you tell?"
"Yeah."
At Ye-chan's answer, Jeong Ui-tak let out a long sigh.
"Haa… You're right. The second I start thinking I have to debut with Se-hyuk hyung, I feel like I need to be better than him at something — but I just can't see a way."
Jeong Ui-tak continued in a drained voice.
From the sound of it, this state of his had been going on since before filming for Choose My Prince even began. His confidence hadn't merely hit rock bottom — it was rolling around on the floor.
"At first I just thought of him as a really talented hyung. But at some point, whenever he did something, instead of thinking wow, that's amazing, all I could think was what am I supposed to do. When I'm practicing it's not this bad, but the moment I know I'm being evaluated, Se-hyuk hyung's face just pops into my head."
Ye-chan watched Jeong Ui-tak in silence.
He couldn't claim to understand perfectly, but he had a fair idea of how it felt. Even among idols, there were groups that fell short and groups that excelled — and within those groups, members who fell short and members who excelled. You had to get used to being endlessly compared and judged against others.
The entertainment industry itself is closer to relative evaluation than absolute evaluation, after all. Even if you've grown compared to before, your assessment can shift depending on the skill or achievements of the person next to you.
Jeong Ui-tak smiled self-deprecatingly and lowered his eyes.
"Pathetic, right? Nobody even promised we'd debut together, and here I am drinking kimchi soup before the meal's even served, dragging the team down. The center position, too… If I really cared about the team, maybe giving it up would have been the right call."
Ye-chan stared at Jeong Ui-tak, who had pressed a hand to his forehead and hung his head — then offered him a choice.
"Want me to say it cold, or warm?"
"Huh?"
"The fact that you're dumping all this on me means you want some kind of answer from me, doesn't it?"
"I… guess? Yeah, that might be it."
At Ye-chan's observation, Jeong Ui-tak finally registered that he had been rambling his life story to someone he wasn't even particularly close with, and his expression hardened with gravity.
Ye-chan shook his head.
"I've already heard everything, so don't dodge it. Pick one."
"…"
"'Cold' or 'warm'?"
"…Honestly, hyung, your 'cold' is a little scary."
"So you want warm, then?"
"No. Cold."
At Jeong Ui-tak's answer, Ye-chan let out a short laugh and rested a hand on his shoulder.
"Figured as much."
Jeong Ui-tak swallowed hard, tense, and focused on whatever Ye-chan was about to say.
"Coldly speaking — Beom Se-hyuk is genuinely good. In this whole dorm, the people better than him at either singing or dancing, you could count on one hand. Someone better at both? Probably no one. He's so obviously exceptional that most people wouldn't even think of seriously competing with him."
Ye-chan watched Jeong Ui-tak's wavering eyes as if he'd expected exactly that, then shifted his gaze to the hand still resting on the other boy's shoulder.
Status Window.
Status: Dispirited — unable to display full ability.
As if it had been waiting, a well-balanced status window sprang into view.
As expected, better than Park Na-gil across the board… But with stats like these, he should be able to perform even better than he does in practice.
Apparently that "dispirited" status had been preventing Jeong Ui-tak from drawing out his full ability even under ordinary circumstances.
Ye-chan looked at him.
How do you get someone back on their feet when they've collapsed in front of a wall that looks impossible to climb? You could tell them they don't have to climb it at all — or, conversely, you could encourage them that they absolutely can.
"In this dorm, maybe just you and me?"
"…What?"
"People who are genuinely trying to beat him."
Ye-chan decided to tell him there was someone else just like him here. Jeong Ui-tak's head snapped up. Ye-chan took his hand off the boy's shoulder and shrugged.
"Whether you can get as good as Beom Se-hyuk or not — I don't know. But how could wanting to be good ever be pathetic?"
"…What is that supposed to mean."
Ye-chan's words offered no practical solution to Jeong Ui-tak's current situation. But knowing there was someone in a similar place sometimes brought a deep sense of calm — the way it once had for Ye-chan himself.
Leaving Jeong Ui-tak struggling to find a reply, Ye-chan stood up abruptly. The sun was already rising; it was about time they headed inside.
"What's a guy with the guts to try and take down Beom Se-hyuk not capable of? Don't get so worked up about it. Hang in there."
Jeong Ui-tak looked up at Ye-chan with a dubious face — the very picture of someone left completely speechless.
"Is this supposed to be the cold version? This is pure warmth. What on earth would you have said if I'd picked warm?"
Ye-chan held out a hand toward the still-seated Jeong Ui-tak and put on a deliberately artificial smile. Softening his voice for good measure, he spoke with exaggerated benevolence.
"Ui-tak-ah, you're doing so well. Se-hyuk is Se-hyuk, and you have a charm all your own. Your singing — I actually like yours better, and your face is…"
"Stop! Stop it! That has zero soul in it, hyung!"
Looking thoroughly appalled, Jeong Ui-tak grabbed Ye-chan's hand and stood up.
"And for the record, I don't regret recommending you as center. In our team, the only people who can handle center are you or Woo Hwi-gyum, and…"
Ye-chan glanced briefly toward the dorm where Woo Hwi-gyum would still be sleeping, then turned back to Jeong Ui-tak.
"You doing it makes me look better."
Seeing Ye-chan's smug expression, Jeong Ui-tak let out a hollow laugh of pure disbelief.
"Hyung, you're really honest."
"You were the one being uncomfortably honest first."
Whatever heavy sediment had been piled up in his chest seemed to have loosened a little; with the rising sun at his back, Jeong Ui-tak's face looked freer. The two of them naturally fell into step toward the dorm.
"If I fail the way I did at the mid-check, then nothing works out either way. You still won't regret it?"
"I did the best I could, so I have to believe the result is the best too."
The words had come out as if they were the most natural thing in the world — and then Ye-chan's feet suddenly faltered.
At first, he had clearly been saying it to Jeong Ui-tak. But now the words felt as though they were meant for his future self.
Only then did Ye-chan understand.
Right. Before, if the result went wrong, I could just reset. But now there's no going back. I have no choice but to believe this result is the best, and keep moving forward.
Somehow, it felt as though he had shed a heavy outer shell.
Whether Ye-chan's words had set Jeong Ui-tak thinking about something of his own, the two of them focused for a while on simply walking in silence. As they drew near the dorm, Jeong Ui-tak spoke up abruptly.
"I hate being pitied — but this wasn't bad."
Glancing down, Ye-chan saw him lightly kicking a pebble that had caught under his toe. Pretending not to notice the bashfulness threaded through the boy's voice, Ye-chan answered casually.
"Then don't take this as pity either, and listen carefully. From where I'm standing, you can do better. So do better — for my sake."
"I don't think anyone would hear that as pity, hyung."
Jeong Ui-tak shook his head from side to side.
Two days packed full of practice vanished in a blink, and the day of the first-round performance dawned.
"Next, trainee Jeong Ui-tak!"
Having arrived at the venue before dawn and finished rehearsals, the trainees filed in one by one for makeup. Ye-chan watched Jeong Ui-tak's hands tremble as he sat quietly with his eyes closed, receiving his makeup. He almost said something — then simply turned his head away.
Fall, or overcome it.
That was Jeong Ui-tak's alone to decide.
"Good evening. I am Butler Andrew. First, allow me to thank all the princesses who have graced us with your presence."
They had barely changed clothes and sat down in the waiting-room chairs when the main MC appeared on the screen in front of them. The sight of the audience packing the seats filled the waiting room with tension.
"Princesses, would you kindly check the remotes you received upon entry? Today you will be watching a total of fourteen teams — five vocal groups, four rap groups, and five dance groups."
"Ah! That's my slogan!"
"Really? I'm so jealous!"
Trainees who spotted their own names on the slogans briefly visible among the audience erupted with excitement. Ye-chan straightened his back.
"After each group's stage, princesses, please vote for the name of the candidate you found most outstanding. And at the end of each category, vote for the most outstanding group. The prince candidate and group who receive the most selections from the princesses will be granted a benefit at the First Coronation Ceremony."
While MC Andrew's explanation continued, trainees who had finished their preparations one after another filled the empty chairs in the waiting room. Jeong Ui-tak's gaze drifted toward Beom Se-hyuk, who had just entered. Ye-chan noticed that the look in those eyes no longer wavered thinly the way it used to — it had settled into something heavy and still.
"Then please — take your prince's hand!"
With the MC's final words, the stage went dark. As the trainees all focused on the first performance about to begin, a staff member opened the waiting-room door and called out.
"'Poet's Forest' team, move backstage!"
At the staff's words, Park Na-gil, sitting beside Ye-chan, lowered his voice to a whisper.
"They've already called up through Vocal Team 3, so we're next."
"Yeah."
At Ye-chan's reply, Park Na-gil raised an eyebrow as if unsatisfied.
"You're not nervous?"
"I am."
"Liar."
"I'm serious."
Ye-chan looked at Park Na-gil with eyes of purest sincerity, but the other boy narrowed his gaze, then turned his body back to face forward. Ye-chan shifted his attention to the screen ahead.
To pour everything they had practiced for five solid days into a mere four minutes, the trainees were giving it their all.
I've watched this show so many times — but standing on the stage myself is a completely different feeling.
Lost in that strange sentiment as he watched the earlier teams perform, two groups' stages and interviews wrapped up in what felt like an instant.
"Eraser team, move out!"
At the staff's call, Vocal Team 5 — which had somewhere along the way come to be known around the dorm as the Eraser team — stood up.
At last: the performance.
"Vocal Team 5, performing Jupiter's Erased — candidates Park Na-gil of Bitnarim, Kim Su-young, Kim Ju-young of PZ Entertainment, Woo Hwi-gyum, Jeong Ui-tak of Rubel Entertainment, and Ha Ye-chan."
"KYAAAAAAAH!"
The moment the MC finished speaking, a reaction far more explosive than anything the previous four teams had received erupted from the audience. Ye-chan thought of the slogans with his name on them that he had glimpsed from backstage. Park Na-gil hadn't believed him, but Ye-chan truly was extremely nervous.
He always was.
Even when he'd done street busking in front of a few dozen people. Even in concert halls watched by tens of thousands. And now, on this stage where a thousand-odd audience members waited with remotes in hand — Ye-chan's heart always pounded as if it might burst.
This feeling will never change, not for the rest of my life.
As the intro began to play, the commotion in the audience subsided. Ye-chan gripped the microphone a little tighter and straightened his bent knees.
On a particularly sunny day, I thought of you.
Park Na-gil opened the intro with a level of skill even more polished than in practice.
A real stage animal, that one.
Woo Hwi-gyum, who followed, went even further.
If I said every memory of the past was dazzling — that would be a lie.
This bastard was a stage animal too?
A guy who had already been good in practice was now thrashing around like a fish that had finally found water. The audience members holding Woo Hwi-gyum's slogans looked ready to collapse from sheer emotion.
The next part was Ye-chan's turn. He spun lightly once, then reached out a hand.
That you and I were in love — that's all I want to leave behind.
Ye-chan, too, had never once been told he performed worse on stage than in practice. Finishing his part, he spun again and switched places with Jeong Ui-tak.
…Erased.
And at last, Jeong Ui-tak opened his mouth.