#153 The Trap Investigation
Splash-!
"Gaaah! W-what the hell?!"
The man, doused with cold water, screamed and snapped back to reality. He glanced around in bewilderment before spotting us in our masks and freaking the fuck out.
"You bastards!"
"You know who I am just by looking, right? I'm Steel Armor. And this guy... he's my new partner, Rabbit Armor."
"Fuck."
"Y-you're really Steel Armor?! No way! Why the hell are you after me?!"
"Don't you know why I'm after you?"
What a brazen little shit.
"Why'd you bring Steam?"
"W-what?"
"And this fucker's been talking down to me from the jump?"
Not content with trashing my factory, he's strutting around like this? Unforgivable.
Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam-!
"Agh! Agh! Aaaargh!"
Crouched at the bastard's feet, I hammered down on them like I was pounding nails, smashing with all my might. His feet turned into grotesque, clay-like mush in an instant.
"Listen up, 'cause I'm saying this once—shove it in your ear good. I hate people talking down to me. Especially some random fuck like you. Makes me wanna turn 'em into a steaming bun! And no, I'm not craving steamed buns right now—that's just an example! Got it?!"
"Y-yes! Got it! I'll remember! Just please spare me, waaah!"
The terrified prick finally burst into tears. It only pissed me off more.
"Man up! How dare you cry like that?! That's all you got?! If you're a real man, belt it out! Let the whole world hear your sobs! Even my grandma cries better than you! Waaah! Waaaah!!! Hngh-hngh-hngh!!! Like that!"
"Waaaah!"
"Laugh, and everyone laughs with you! Cry, and you cry alone! Louder! More pitiful! From today, you're Crying Man! Open that tear faucet wide!!!!!"
"Waaaaah!!!!!"
"...What a psycho."
Rabbit Armor shook his head from behind.
*****
With the bad cop done, it was time for the good cop. I stepped back, arms crossed, watching Rabbit Armor soothe the guy.
"Hey, Eldimo."
"H-how do you know my name..."
"We've been watching you for a long time. Think we only know your name? We're pros. We dug into your whole life. Like... how you stashed your tax evasion slush fund at Halo Shop, or pocketed some of the Steam sales cash instead of kicking it upstairs. We know everything."
"H-how...!"
Eldimo couldn't hide his shock. These were secrets even his underlings didn't know—stuff only he knew. But damn, Rabbit Armor had some solid acting chops. Eldimo bought it hook, line, and sinker.
"Told you—we've been on you forever. But you're worried, huh? Our fault your operation tanked. Well... you got other clubs, and they're not tied to Steam sales anyway, so not a huge hit. But you know that, right?"
"..."
"Even if you say it won't hurt Steam sales, they won't buy it. Those guys are hardcore pragmatists. How many distributors like you vanish after peddling Steam?"
"...What's your point? Cut the bullshit and get to it."
The prick went straight for the deal. Not arrogance—just signaling he'd cooperate. Music to our ears. No need for the full song-and-dance of threats and bribes.
For the record, we'd prepped 16 routines before waking him.
Rabbit Armor nodded as Eldimo played ball.
"Smart move. Any bullshit, and the guy behind me steps up again. You know how scary he is, right? The one who crushed Jet Stream."
"..."
Eldimo eyed me with pure terror. I'd pulverized his feet just for backtalk—who wouldn't be scared?
"Next Steam drop when?"
"Three days."
Rabbit Armor asked questions he already knew the answers to—testing if Eldimo was legit or faking. Looked real enough.
No reaction, straight to the next: "You ever contact the delivery guy first?"
"Never. They've always reached out first."
"Same this time, then."
"Yes."
"How do we make him bite?"
"Huh?"
"If you tell him you can now distribute Steam in Steel Armor's turf, will he respond?"
"..."
Eldimo pondered. He knew "I dunno" wouldn't help him. After a beat: "Probably. Unlike other districts, Steel Armor's... sir's turf is practically clean."
My districts' drug networks? Locked down by me—no, my crew. Strangers peddling get cemented and dumped. Scary bastards. Stuffing folks in concrete and ocean-tossing? My guys are ruthless.
Plus, the delivery guy—Invisible—would bite hard. Shadow Killer's crew's got revenge axes grinding against me. Flooding my turf with Steam? Massive damage. Imagine junkies ripping folks apart barehanded. Instant hellscape.
Even I'd bite that bait.
"Good. Contact him. Say you can move Steam in Steel Armor's turf now—want more stock. We'll spare you and slot you under me."
"F-for real?!"
Rabbit Armor dangled bait for Invisibleand Eldimo. Cornered rats bite cats. If Eldimo flips, we'd need a new rat. Too much hassle.
They both looked to me.
"Yeah. Debts wiped—welcome aboard. Been eyeing your clubs anyway. Make you manager."
My crew took Steam, sure—but strictly speaking, the baldies chose it. Had the option not to, but did anyway and pulled that shit. And yeah, I want those clubs. For rubbing up on hot strangers!
Eldimo's got the resume—running hot clubs. Perfect.
"Thank you! I'll work hard!"
Forgot I smashed his feet already? Goldfish memory?
"Alright. Time to bait the hook."
Rabbit Armor's voice had a gleeful edge—like he was having fun.
*****
I made damn good bait.
"He replied!"
Eldimo showed us the phone. Message: Wanna talk details? Meet up.
"Today, 1 PM, Pridium Cafe? Where's that?"
"Near my club."
"Crowded spots are a pain."
"Quick word."
"Sure."
I followed Rabbit Armor outside. Eldimo eyed us, debating tagging along, but stayed put. Sharp instincts, like Jungbo.
"Crowds put us at a disadvantage."
"Why?"
"Invisible's power: invisibility."
"Oh, right?"
Tricky as hell. Bustling cafe + invisible? Easy to lose him.
"Can't change venue—might tip him off. Guy's paranoid."
"Got any reliable crew? Someone to hide in the cafe for us. You unmask and infiltrate—best option. But you're not down."
"Hell no."
Unmask? Expose my face? Fuck that. Better smash District 39 outright.
"Crew, huh..."
Baldies are out—scream "Steel Armor goon" with those skull-tats. Don't they value hair?! Filial piety much?
Jungbo's a pass.
Too weak, no powers. Brass risks Invisible spotting 'em.
Who, then...
Unknown face, has powers... Yuna?
Slave #1, Aqua Girl B-rank hero. Only I know her real face.
Oh, that fucker too?
Jelly Master? Hero who knows her face?
When do I crush that prick?
Dared hit on my girl. Meant to handle him, slipped my mind.
Anyway, Yuna's perfect. Spill water on the floor—invisible or not, we'd spot him.
No escape.
"Got one... but gotta check her schedule."
"Why? Your crew?"
"Dude, even minions got lives. Can't just summon anytime. You're heartless."
"..."
"Anyway, asking now."
Sent Rabbit Armor in, messaged Yuna.
-I'll help!
"She in? Not busy?"
-Busy, but how could I refuse Master? Of course!
"...My girl's too perfect! 10 creampies next time! Brace yourself!"
-Eek! Scary!
Yuna squealed happily.
"1 PM Pridium Cafe. Nah, I'll pick you up. Hero Association, right?"
-Yes. But you're busy—sure?
"Duh. Forgot my powers?"
-Oh... right! See you!
"Yeah."
-Master!
"Hm?"
-Love you! Mwah!
Yuna's hearts exploding~!
"...Dead. 20 creampies!"
-Eek! What do I do? I'm so scared down there it's wet!
Too cute.
*****
"Yuna, be careful. Bail if it gets dicey, got it?"
"Don't worry! Trust me, Master! I'll bolt super fast!"
Picked Yuna from Hero Association, headed to Pridium Cafe in District 59. My real body watched from afar.
Shadow Killer's goon—might hurt her. Ready to jump in if needed.
Meanwhile, bugged Eldimo with a tracker (same spot from when we let him "escape"—caught his mutterings then) and sent him in.
Eldimo fidgeted in the corner booth, chugging coffee.
Me and Rabbit Armor parked across the street, watching.
Moments later, a guy entered, sat opposite Eldimo.
"He's here."
Rabbit Armor grinned wickedly at the face. Fish on the hook.