Stamina Issues
Once the stream ended, a strange emptiness settled over me.
Love, huh.
Not just Erich Fromm — every person on this planet has, at some point, thought seriously about love. I had my own views on the subject, too. But for the me of right now… what even was love supposed to be?
At the very least, the kind of love ordinary people get to experience no longer seemed to have anything to do with me.
When someone says they love me — who, exactly, is the object of that love? My mind? Or Miss Jeong Eun-gyeol’s dazzling, captivating body?
From the standpoint of love, Miss Jeong Eun-gyeol’s body and my mind were perfectly, irrevocably split. To take someone else’s affection for this body and call it “love for me” would be nothing but a delusion.
If I loved someone, the love I gave would clearly be mine. But the love that someone gave me — would it be aimed at me, or at Miss Jeong Eun-gyeol?
…I had no way of knowing.
Which meant that in this body, I would never, ever be able to date. Not that I would ever feel romantic attraction toward a man even if I died and came back, of course. There probably wasn’t another person like me in the world, and there never would be again.
So who am I, really?
Unknown.
Unidentified.
Who knew the nickname I’d given myself would suit me this well. Even as an object of love, I was an obscure existence.
“……”
Well. It was just something that drifted through my head while I was rambling about love with the viewers.
…Enough useless brooding.
It was time to call Hina.
I opened her DM window and hit the call button.
Rrrring— rrrring— beep!
The call connected before the second ring even finished.
"Hello, Professor! It's Hina!"
Her clear voice came through the headset — a notch or two less bubbly than the one she used on stream, though still plenty lively by ordinary standards.
“Hello, Hina. This is Unknown.”
"Waaah. Your stream voice and your regular voice are actually identical. Are you still using your stream tone right now?"
“…This is just how I sound.”
"Huh? Come on, no way."
“…What would I gain by lying about it.”
"Ah, fair point. Sorry — I was just so surprised. But are you sure you're not a voice actor? You can be honest with me."
“I almost certainly am not.”
"Ah, and… I should apologize first. My note earlier put you in a really awkward spot on stream… I'm truly sorry."
Her voice dropped into a sudden sulk. She seemed genuinely remorseful.
“There’s no need to apologize. I simply failed to turn on Streamer Mode in the first place. And it all worked out, so please don’t worry.”
It was my own inexperience with the streaming system. That was all.
"You're so mature… Separately, though, I really enjoyed the stream. You put out that fire so well. I was worried I'd have to step in and clear things up myself. Honestly, I was impressed. Oh — and while I'm at it, would it be okay if I gave you a few streaming tips?"
“Tips.”
"Yes! Turning on Streamer Mode is the bare minimum, and you haven't set any chat rules yet, right?"
“By rules, you mean…”
"Things like no mentioning other viewers' nicknames, no bringing up other streamers! Your stream is a little spicy, so it might be fun for now — but once toxic viewers start showing up, the whole atmosphere can collapse in a second. It's way easier if you lock the rules down hard from the start!"
Oho.
I opened a notepad file and started jotting down everything Hina said. The whole reason I’d started streaming had been a pure accident, so it was true I’d been careless about a lot of things.
"And Nightbot! It's a bot that auto-moderates chat — this one is non-negotiable. Set banned words and it cuts them for you. Oh, and once your viewer count grows, make sure you hire a manager. You absolutely cannot manage chat alone."
“…It requires more hands-on work than I expected.”
"Right? But if you don't set this stuff up early, you'll seriously regret it later. And if there's anything else you don't know, just ask me anytime! I'll tell you everything I can!"
…As expected of a major-agency VTuber. Skill and character, both flawless. No wonder Miss Jeong Eun-gyeol had made this person her favorite.
I was still writing everything down when Hina’s voice suddenly jumped a full tone higher.
"Ah, right! Speaking of which — about our collab concept! Watching your stream today, I came up with a totally perfect idea!"
The collab discussion went smoothly. I was a complete beginner in this field, so whenever Hina suggested something, I mostly just agreed.
…With exactly one exception.
"So the loser has to do aegyo! The Professor's aegyo! I'm so looking forward to it!"
“I’m sorry, but I would rather quit streaming than do aegyo.”
"That bad?!"
“Any other penalty, and I’ll accept it without complaint.”
"Ugh, hmm… That's a little disappointing, but… okay. Then my penalty will be doing aegyo for you, Professor! And your penalty is… ah, how about this? Singing an entire song all the way through!"
Well… that was vastly preferable to aegyo. And if Miss Jeong Eun-gyeol’s singing voice turned out to be decent, it might even make for solid content. Come to think of it, I still needed to check her singing ability.
“Very well. Let’s do that.”
"Then it's settled! Does Friday night at eight work for the date, like I said in the email? For the collab content, as we discussed today: part one is Ideal Type World Cup, part two is Angel VS Devil with penalty games on the line."
“Yes. I’ll see you then.”
"Great! Ahh, I'm so excited… See you Friday, Professor! Get some rest!"
The collab was an important event, no question — but today was even more important.
Because today was the day last month’s donations got paid out!
At last, I could escape the endless cycle of triangular kimbap and cup ramen.
I’d started streaming around the twentieth of last month, so strictly speaking I was only collecting about ten days’ worth of revenue. But most of that revenue had come from the very first stream — Hina’s raid — which meant I was still getting a fairly large sum.
And so, Miss Jeong Eun-gyeol’s bank account now displayed a balance of 2.49 million won. Considering the platform took a forty-percent cut, I’d done pretty well. And I was still a nobody streamer who’d been live for less than a month. By any measure, it was an enormous achievement.
The days of chewing triangular kimbap in this kitchen-tool-less studio apartment were finally over. I had money now. Maybe it was time to make this bleak little room into something that actually looked like a person lived there.
Buoyed by the generous number stamped on my account, I set off for the supermarket with a confident stride. Was a person’s self-assurance really rooted not in philosophy, but in their bank balance?
I filled a cart with abandon. A frying pan, a pot, cooking oil, assorted daily necessities, and groceries of every kind. The cart was getting respectably heavy when it happened.
“Oh my, you must be a newlywed. Stocking up the household, are we?”
A middle-aged woman walking past glanced at my cart and struck up a conversation. Wait — what had she just called me?
Newlywed?
Me?
…Looking at the pile of household goods and ingredients jammed into my cart, I could understand her assumption. Understanding and accepting, however, were two different things. At the hideous word newlywed, goosebumps started crawling up my arms.
“Ahaha…”
She clearly meant no harm, so I couldn’t even get angry… With nothing to say, I managed an awkward smile — which only made her approach more warmly.
“Oh, look at that smile. What a pretty young bride.”
“Ah, ma’am… I’m not marri—”
She didn’t even give me room to finish.
“What does your husband do? He must have incredible luck, landing a beauty like you. He must’ve saved the country in a past life, huh?”
“I’m n—”
“A strange ajumma barging in on you out of nowhere — you must be startled. Sorry about that.”
“ot—”
“But seeing such a lovely young bride shopping so hard, my nosiness just kicked in. Have a good shop~ Stay happy always!”
“…Yes.”
I no longer wanted to continue the conversation, so I simply nodded. Damn it. If past lives were real, what the hell had I done to end up like this?
I understood, rationally, that the world was fundamentally absurd, and that not everything that happened needed a reason or a meaning. But I was still a human being with emotions, and when faced with something this unreasonable, I couldn’t help wanting to dig for a cause.
I stared blankly after the ajumma as she sailed off humming, then let out a long sigh and went back to shopping.
It was only when I finished checking out and left the supermarket that I realized one critical fact.
I didn’t have a car. I didn’t even have a license.
Left with no choice, I ordered a delivery service and trudged toward the studio. That was when I saw it — far ahead, or rather, close enough that a good run would cover it — the green light at the crosswalk was already blinking.
If I ran now…
I could just make it.
Run!
I sprinted hard toward the crosswalk.
And then…
I was slow!
If I’d still been a man, I’d already be halfway across by now — but I hadn’t even covered half the distance. Worse…
“Hahh! Hahh!”
I was completely out of breath! My heart felt like it was about to leap out of my mouth!
I staggered to a stop. By then the light had turned red, and passersby were looking at me with pitying expressions.
S-so embarrassing…!
On wobbly legs, I limped the rest of the way to the crosswalk. It was less than twenty meters. I’d only sprinted half of that, and this was the result.
Miss Jeong Eun-gyeol…
She must have lived a life completely sealed off from exercise. Of course she had. She’d been a shut-in…
“Haa.”
Exercise… I was going to have to start, weren’t I?
Rummaging through the closet, I found a set of workout clothes that still reeked of mothballs. Probably something her mother or her younger sibling Han-gyeol had bought for her…? I could have gone out in the track suit I used as pajamas, but I was planning to sweat a lot, so new workout clothes were in order.
The problem was…
These things really showed off the body lines…
Could I actually exercise looking like this?
Tch.
It wasn’t something I could keep putting off. People’s eyes were going to keep landing on me no matter what. If only to get used to that…
I needed to get used to the things I had to get used to.
I put on the women’s workout clothes and left the studio.
The nearby lakeside park. Looking around, people of every kind were living out their ordinary days. An older man zipped past on a bike along the dedicated path. A couple who looked like lovers jogged lightly, laughing and chatting. A small child walked hand-in-hand with both parents. Off to one side, an elderly man worked a piece of outdoor exercise equipment.
And of course — the moment Miss Jeong Eun-gyeol appeared, I could feel the stares gathering in that subtle, unmistakable way.
Well…
I decided to treat it as a natural phenomenon.
All right. Time to try a light jog?
Today’s goal was an easy four kilometers or so.
I started running.
Exactly one minute later.
“Hhh… hhaaargh… hahh!”
I collapsed face-first onto a park bench.
D-damn it. How do you fail to last a single minute. Forget four kilometers — even five hundred meters would have deserved applause with this level of stamina.
A well-built young man in a T-shirt and shorts approached me.
“Excuse me, are you okay?”
I was not okay in the slightest. When I just kept gasping and couldn’t answer, he pulled an electrolyte drink from his running belt and held it out.
“Want some?”
Honestly, I wanted to take it, but… most of the men who approached Miss Jeong Eun-gyeol…
“Looks like you just started working out. Want to train with me? I’m a personal trainer. I can coach you for free.”
There it was.
“I’m fine.”
“Aw, come on. This is pure goodwill, I swear…”
Pure goodwill… for that claim, his gaze was far too blatant.
I forced my breathing under control and looked at him.
“You’re a trainer, you said.”
“I’ve got the certification and everything.”
“Then you should start by learning how to manage your eyes. You don’t look at clients like that. You’ve been glancing the whole time… I can see it.”
I pushed strength into my legs and stood up from the bench. Then I walked past the frozen-faced man and headed back toward the studio.