A Heartfelt Jealousy
***
Knock knock.
“Can I come in for a moment, Yuna?”
Someone knocked on the door from outside, and Cheon Seong’s voice rang out.
If it had been any other day, I would have naturally said it was fine and even opened the door myself. But today I didn’t want to.
‘Cheon Seong… wanting to see only me…’
He didn’t seem to realize how handsome he was or how much women’s hearts fluttered at his sight. I had no idea how much it tormented me to watch a fox tail-wagging after him.
Of course, such looks were also adorable, and the attention that should be aimed at everyone around him ended up on me. Still, I hated it.
I was terrified that Cheon Seong would one day come to hate me. Terrified that he would think of me as a bothersome woman.
I lifted my head from the pillow and scanned the room, only to find the chaos even worse.
Inside the room were many items in a white shade tinged with a faint blue.
Cute SD-style character dolls and adorable animal plushies filled every corner.
All of them were things I loved.
This room had been filled by Cheon Seong, my most beloved, after carefully choosing exactly the things I liked.
Even though I had refused to live together with him, he had always come over as he pleased. I could stay as long as I wanted, he had said. He had secretly chosen and filled the room with things I liked.
I had been the one who stubbornly picked out the furniture and clothes because he claimed he didn’t care about decorating, only wanted comfort.
Yet that same Cheon Seong had filled this room for me alone.
A man who showed zero interest in decoration and only chased comfort had personally agonized over every detail of how to arrange the things I loved—the sincerity in his choices, not just efficiency. It was a heart that I, who knew Cheon Seong, would never have expected him to show.
But the simple fact remained: he had filled and decorated this room for me.
The first time he told me he had secretly prepared this room for me, I had stayed inside for a full day just because I was so happy, and ended up falling asleep right there.
“Yuna, if you’re sleeping, I’ll come back tomorrow morning.”
Hearing that voice—the one of the most beloved Cheon Seong who had created this room—coming from the hallway, I walked over without a moment’s hesitation and flung the door wide open.
“Yuna? Are you all right? Maybe you—”
Flap!
I turned at the sound and saw Cheon Seong’s worried face as he looked at my red eyes and the tear tracks still glistening around them. He was about to ask why I was crying when I grabbed his arm from outside the door, yanked him inside, and slammed the door shut behind me.
“Cheon Seong… I’m right here… I really… really am a bad person…”
“Yuna, how could you ever be a bad person? There’s no way.”
Thud!
I hugged Yuna tightly to calm her, but she pushed his hand away with a slap and lifted her head to stare at his concerned eyes.
“Every time you smile and talk with unnie… I hate it so much. Just seeing the two of you together makes my stomach twist…”
“….”
The tears finally spilled over, and in those eyes—stronger resolve than I had ever seen in her during the Yeong-hee days—I saw something unbreakable, something entirely Yuna’s own.
Cheon Seong said nothing. He simply listened.
Countless boys had looked at me with affection since childhood, but the stares from women after Cheon Seong were no less intense. Three or five girls would come at me every single day with their eyes full of longing.
It had been me who always clung to him, holding his hand, dragging him everywhere. It was my way of stopping those women from approaching him freely and stopping the men who tried to approach me.
‘Unnie can do it… but I wish Hwayeong and Hwaran had never known…’
We were good friends now—close enough to have created a group chat after the entrance exam and talk on the phone often. It was fun. But even with close friends, I never wanted them to see that side of Cheon Seong.
I wanted to say, “At least I could see that unnie really loves him sincerely and he loves her too.” But honestly, I wished I could stop them from realizing each other’s feelings.
Unnie was his master and had helped me a lot, yet whenever I saw them laughing together, ugly thoughts would rise inside me.
I wanted them separated. I didn’t want them to stay close. I didn’t want them even to speak to each other.
I knew this wasn’t a healthy love… but what could I do? I was born this way.
‘Really… should I just live here…?’
After Cheon Seong moved in, he asked if I wanted to live with him. I turned him down every time with some excuse.
Of course the excuses were all lies. I wanted to live with him, but every time I saw the peaceful sight of unnie and Cheon Seong, I was terrified this obsession, this love, would grow even more twisted and bad.
“I… I honestly hated that you were dating unnie. I hated seeing you feed each other food and do simple things together and look so happy… Yet… I still pushed that feeling away for you.”
Thud.
Thud.
Tears welled up and slid down my white cheeks like dew at the edge of a leaf, dropping onto the floor with soft splats.
“But now… I can’t push it away anymore… I can’t stand seeing Hwayeong and Hwaran’s faces… I can’t look away from the sight of you with unnie anymore…”
I had seen unnie and Cheon Seong kissing in the hallway earlier.
It made my chest hurt so badly I wanted to run over and tear them apart.
And when Cheon Seong swept his bangs aside to show those two his face, I wanted to blind myself just to block that image.
To outsiders, this might seem like an overreaction. “She only showed her face once—why is she making such a fuss?” “Why didn’t she just confess if she feels this way?”
I knew that too. But I had never directly or indirectly told Cheon Seong how I felt.
Too scared he would reject me and drift away, I had kept my love for fifteen years in secret.
I only wanted the small, quiet moments when he looked at me and worried about me—no repayment, nothing. I was satisfied just being beside him.
There were times when I saw his face and wanted to rush over like a fox in heat, but I stayed right there to stop them from approaching.
Once I was so exhausted I even posted an anonymous story on a site. Readers told me I was a fool for not asking anything in return and should just go meet someone else. Still, I kept looking only at Cheon Seong.
—Hurry up and run away.
—B-but…
—Go now!
I could never forget that day, so I stayed by his side.
That was why I was still terrified now. I was terrified that I could never forget Cheon Seong, terrified that he might come to hate me and only love unnie. But I wanted to tell him the truth without lies.
I gathered courage. I wanted to be his kind of girlfriend.
“So… so I…”
Whoosh!
“That’s not your fault, Yuna. It’s all my fault. I’m really sorry for not realizing you felt that way.”
Trembling, fists clenched, Yuna tried to speak, but Cheon Seong pulled her into his arms and silenced her.
He said it wasn’t her fault. He said he was the one who was wrong. He said he was sorry for not knowing.
Yuna’s clear eyes stayed wet even after the tears stopped.
“Waaaaah! No, no, Cheon Seong… hick! I… I was wrong… I… I was too obsessed… If I hadn’t been like this… hick!”
Swoosh.
The rough, calloused hands of Cheon Seong—marked with tough calluses from endless training—gently wiped away the tears flowing from my eyes while he held me tight.
It was so hard to breathe, like I couldn’t get air, yet I felt so good.
He said nothing. He simply held me. The rapid heartbeat against my ear and the gentle hand stroking my back were too much.
I stayed in his arms and cried like a newborn for hours. Cheon Seong stayed beside me until my tears finally stopped, then stayed even longer until I drifted into exhausted sleep.
“Sleep well, Yuna. Thank you for loving me. I really love you.”
A soft kiss.
Through the kiss on my forehead and the warm, affectionate gaze I saw between his sleepy eyes, all the things I had been holding back and suppressing finally released. I closed my eyes in the comfort of it.
‘Really… I love this you…’
I love you so much.
.
.
.
.
Chick, chick-chick!
Morning came and the last thing I remembered was Cheon Seong’s hand gently stroking my hair.
I woke up in the room he had decorated, the emptiness under the blanket and the warm body heat beside me leaving me unable to move.
Suuuup… Huuu…
Cheon Seong lay beside me in only his underwear, clothes discarded on the floor.
My body burned hotter than ever, head spinning from the fever, and I lost consciousness.
For the first time, I had seen the bare body of the person I loved.
.
.
.
.
.
Yuna collapsed, bleeding.
When I woke, I found Yuna lying on the floor, nose bleeding. Beatrice had found her while trying to wake me.
I was without my top, wearing only underwear, and Yuna was in the same state.
[Why were you both like that? Why wasn’t Yuna’s clothing on?]
Beatrice glared at me, scolding me for what I had done. It was true—I was entirely at fault. But I felt unfairly wronged.
“No, I didn’t know this would happen.”
It wasn’t a snowball rolling into a snowman. It was a blizzard.
Yuna had removed her clothes because I had taken them off.
When I left briefly after seeing her sleeping, she was drenched in cold sweat, shivering. I tried magic first.
Then I left for just a moment longer and came back to find even more sweat. Another magic spell.
After spending a little time with Beatrice and Hana, I returned—and still Yuna was soaked through, clothes clinging, bed soaked.
I tried magic again, but Yuna murmured.
“C-cold… Cheon Seong…”
Thinking she was sleepwalking, I cast another spell to dry her. But she kept fidgeting, complaining it was still too tight, and I had no choice but to remove her clothes and leave the room.
After that I never went back inside. Beatrice, who had just put Hana to bed, sighed deeply, then teleported me straight to Yuna’s room without even touching my back.
Inside Yuna’s room, she was writhing, calling my name desperately. I rushed to her side, applied a strong real-name-magic curse that left her temporarily blind, and held her hand.
The curse was powerful enough that if she had no resistance to curse-type magic and her skill was below lower rank, she would have gone completely blind.
I sat on the chair beside the bed holding her hand when a rustling sound came. Yuna twisted, grabbed me, and pulled me down onto her, then suddenly began ripping off my clothes.
It wasn’t a protest. She was really trying to strip me. No—she didn’t finish. She only tore.
Riiip!
Since it wouldn’t come off easily, she just ripped my shirt with a loud tear.
Because I had cast the blindness curse, I couldn’t see her state, and even if I could, I had no courage to check.
[Are you calling this an excuse now?]
Beatrice narrowed her eyes at me. I felt disbelief and disbelief. How could it be real?
And honestly, I wanted to say it was Beatrice who teleported me here… but she glared and I couldn’t speak.
Honestly, it was possible at that time. But how could I have stopped it? I had only just started getting used to skinship, and I was supposed to look at Yuna’s bare skin and see her condition?
Either way, I had tried to escape then, and I still thought I should have. But I couldn’t get away from the Yuna who tore my clothes off.
“No, Yuna was crying and begging me not to go, and I couldn’t leave her.”
Hot tears of Yuna poured down onto the bare skin revealed by my torn clothes as she hugged me, pleading, “Don’t go… please don’t leave me…”
How could I have escaped?
[Indeed. If anyone could escape that situation, it would be me, Beatrice.]
“Beatrice, even if you think that—”
[However. You… why could you not escape that time?]
Shiver!
Trembling, Cheon Seong turned away from Beatrice. His head whipped around so fast it made a sound like a whip, and he met Beatrice’s eyes.
[Yes, so Yuna’s chest was that good?]
Beatrice smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. It was cold, dark, unlike her usual bright, warm eyes.
And a chilling coldness filled the entire room—especially around me.
[So, did you have more excuses?]
“…None.”
My thin, slender arms—barely half of Beatrice’s mana—lifted me and tossed me over her shoulder. Beatrice carried me out of Yuna’s room and opened the door to the next room.
This was a room in the house I owned, yet I had no idea how it was arranged. Without Beatrice’s barrier I could never have entered, but now it opened and I saw the view. I closed my eyes in resignation.
[Today’s weather will not be seen again in this year—it is beautiful—]
The TV in the living room showed the weather forecast.
The words “beautiful weather that will never be seen again this year.”
Indeed…
‘A day perfect for dying…’
And Beatrice was smiling.
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