Even Heaven-Made Matches Can Make You Want to Die
Even if it's a match made in heaven, people sometimes find themselves thinking they want to die. The reasons vary from person to person, of course. In my case, it was pure embarrassment. The kind of shame that made me doubt I could keep living. I genuinely wanted to bite my tongue and end it all right then and there. After all, I'd asked a girl I'd just met today, "How many square feet should our honeymoon home be?" only to hear her reply, "Ah… that might be a bit…"
……I was probably the only idiot like this in the entire world. There couldn't be two of us. If there were, it would be a global catastrophe.
"……Um."
"……."
If only there were a mouse hole or something—anything—I could hide in. No, I just wanted to vanish from this world entirely. Like dust scattering in the wind. Poof.
"Mr. Author…?"
"……."
"I-I think you might have misunderstood a little. I didn't mean that I dislike you…."
"……."
I really wished she'd stop calling me "Mr. Author." What kind of author was I, just because I'd gotten lucky and published a few books? Hearing that title every single time made my skin crawl….
'……Huh?'
A single thought suddenly flashed through my mind. Come to think of it, how did this girl know I was the author L.J.?
"……Excuse me."
"Ah, yes…?"
The wave of shame that had been engulfing me faded for a moment. I was slowly regaining my senses.
'This girl just called me Author L.J….?'
Hardly anyone knew that I was the author L.J.. Aside from my father, my editor-in-chief, and a handful of people at the publishing house, no one else was supposed to. That was one of the conditions in my contract with Kimwon Publishing—to keep my identity completely secret.
The reason I'd insisted on it was simple. I didn't want to hear things like, "L.J. is just a silver-spoon writer riding on his father's coattails," or "This book wouldn't have sold nearly as well if anyone else had written it." …But that wasn't important right now.
What mattered was that this girl knew my secret. Which meant someone who knew my identity had broken the contract and leaked the information. That could seriously affect L.J.'s future career, so my expression naturally hardened.
"What did you just say?"
"Um… yes…?"
"I asked what you just said."
"That you might have misunderstood a little…."
"No, not that. Before that."
"Before that…?"
Tachibana Hana tilted her head slightly. It was the kind of slightly airheaded reaction that would have made me think "How cute…" just a few minutes ago. But not now.
"Didn't you just call me Author L.J.?"
I leaned my upper body forward.
"Ah. Yes… I did…?"
Tachibana Hana flinched. I narrowed my eyes.
"That's something only a few people know."
"……!"
"So how do you know?"
"……."
Tachibana Hana clamped her mouth shut. Seeing her struggle to answer, I became half-certain. Someone had definitely leaked the information.
"Was it my editor? Or someone from the publishing house?"
"……Well, that's…."
"Tell me the truth. There aren't many people who know, so it'll come out with a little digging anyway."
"……."
"Fine. You're choosing not to answer?"
It didn't matter if she stayed silent. The pool of suspects was limited. The few people who knew my identity, and among them, whoever stood to gain by revealing that I was L.J.. More specifically, the people at Kimwon Publishing who'd been subtly pressuring me lately, saying it was about time L.J. started appearing on TV shows and that I should consider revealing my identity.
'……Ha, seriously.'
I'd begged them over and over not to tell anyone. And they couldn't even manage something that simple? After all the money I brought in for them every year?
I bit my lower lip and pulled out my phone. Since the most critical clause in the contract—the confidentiality agreement—had been broken, I was ready to use every means at my disposal to retaliate. The evidence would come out with an investigation, and I'd file civil and criminal lawsuits based on that. If it came down to it, I'd just pay the penalty fee and terminate the exclusive contract.
Ding.
"Hello? Father?"
The dry, emotionless voice came through the phone. I didn't bother beating around the bush and went straight to the point.
"This girl knows I'm Author L.J."
"It looks like the publishing house broke the confidentiality clause. Like you told me before, I should call the lawyers first and—"
It was me? What did he mean, "it was me"?
I couldn't understand what my father was saying and froze for a moment. Not long—about three seconds.
"What?"
After those three seconds, I asked again. Then my father said something I could hardly believe.
For a second I wondered if I'd heard wrong… but I hadn't.
"……You told her?"
My father's firm confirmation followed.
"……."
My mind went completely blank. …I didn't even know how to describe this feeling. It wasn't exactly betrayal… more like shock and surprise? The one person I never expected to do this had done it, so I just sat there with my mouth slightly open, unable to speak.
'……There must be.'
Some reason, right? A reason he had no choice but to acknowledge that I was L.J.
"……Why?"
I was extremely flustered, but I asked calmly. The person who knew better than anyone how much I hated people finding out I was L.J. wouldn't have done this without a reason. I wanted to hear that reason.
"We haven't really talked much… just introduced ourselves."
But what came out of my father's mouth was completely off-topic.
'……What the hell is he talking about?'
I asked why he told her, and he tells me to talk more? I barely held back the urge to say that out loud. I was about to ask again calmly when—
"Father. What do you—"
-Click!
"……Hello? Father? Father?"
The call had been cut off.
'This man really…!'
For a moment, I nearly snapped. If no one had been in front of me, I probably would have cursed out loud. …But right now, the girl who might become my marriage partner was sitting across from me. Remembering that, I let out a slow, calming breath.
Huu…….
"……."
"……."
Right. Whatever. Since it had come to this, I'd just ask the person herself. Father had basically told me to do that anyway. I mentally apologized to the publishing house staff who were, in fact, innocent. Then I slowly lifted my gaze to the girl in front of me and spoke.
"How did you find out?"
Not "Who leaked it?" but "How did you find out?" The questions sounded similar but were fundamentally different. The reason I phrased it this way was because of how my father had worded it: "The one who told that child that you are Author L.J. was me." The roundabout way he'd said it sounded to my ears like this:
[The child approached me first, shoved irrefutable evidence in my face, and asked, "Your son is Author L.J., isn't he?" So I had no choice but to acknowledge it.]
Of course, this could all be my delusion, and maybe Father had just told her everything in detail. But the chances of that were extremely low. My father might speak in circles, but he never said anything unnecessary.
"Are you not going to answer this either?"
"……."
"Alright. Then."
I slowly stood up. If she wouldn't answer, our meeting ended here. I was making that clear with my body. It was a gamble on my part—I had no backup plan.
"……W-wait!"
Grab.
Thankfully, she took the bait.
"D-do I… really have to tell you…?"
"Yes. You do."
"……."
"If you don't want to, then…."
"Ah…! O-okay! I'll tell you!"
'……Okay. Got it.'
I'd taken back the initiative. I felt relieved inside, but I kept a sullen expression as I sat back down and quietly watched Tachibana Hana. She seemed uncomfortable under my gaze, slightly avoiding my eyes as she fidgeted with her empty teacup.
"U-um, first… I don't really know where to start…."
"Take your time. Start from the beginning."
"Ah. From the beginning…. …Yes. Then."
Clink.
Tachibana Hana set her teacup down.
"First, I'll tell you what kind of person Author L.J. is."
"……You're going to tell me what kind of person I am?"
What was this about? It was a bit strange, but at the same time, it piqued my interest. I nodded slowly, signaling her to go ahead and explain.
"I've read every single one of your works, Mr. Author. From your debut novel to the one you released recently. If we're talking about the number of times, I've probably read each book around twenty times… and some of them even more than that…."
She glanced at me, trailing off. I pretended not to notice and took a sip of my milk tea.
……I'd figured she must be a fan when she said she liked my work, but I hadn't expected her to be such a hardcore fan that she'd read the same books twenty times over.
"After reading them that many times, I suddenly became curious about what kind of person you were. What kind of person could write such interesting stories~ I wondered. So."
"Yes. So?"
"I analyzed your works. And made my own guesses."
Analysis and guesses, huh. I hid my reaction by pretending to sip my milk tea again.
'……This girl.'
I don't know if she's doing it on purpose, but she keeps using conversational tricks that spark my curiosity. Before I knew it, my ears had perked up as I waited for her next words.
Then.
"Mr. Author."
"Yes."
"Could you possibly share a little of that milk tea with me? …I've been talking so much that my throat is dry. Ahem."
Knowing she'd successfully stimulated my curiosity, Tachibana Hana made a bold request with a slightly coy expression.
"Well, if you don't want to, that's fine too."
"……."
This girl… she really is interesting, isn't she…?