Interview (2)
"All right, first question. How did you realize you'd awakened the Animal Communicating superpower?"
"Uh... On my way home after work, a stray cat started talking to me."
"A stray cat? What did it say?"
I hesitated, turning the memory over. How was I supposed to admit I'd gotten smacked by a cat in the middle of eating a sausage?
A little creative editing would cover it, though, so I opened my mouth soon enough.
"It told me to hand over my food. Not like I'd been holding onto something of its... Anyway, at first I was half convinced I'd been drinking."
"Heheheh. How fascinating."
I watched her for a moment as she murmured about how fascinating it was and jotted notes on her tablet. When she finished, she moved on.
"I understand you've already had the basic superpower verification. Have you done the detailed one?"
"No. I've only made the appointment so far. My ability's a special case, so it seemed like there'd be a lot to prepare."
"Then what rank do you think your ability falls under? No need to be modest just because you're talking to your auntie."
She spun the stylus linked to her tablet and smiled, looking at me as if to say go on, have a little confidence.
"Well... Some people might call it arrogant, but in my opinion, High Rank at the very least?"
"High Rank at the very least... So you think Supreme Rank is entirely possible too? Is there a particular reason you see it that way?"
That left me stuck for a moment. How was I supposed to explain why I put my ability at High Rank, minimum?
The problem solved itself almost at once. Through the open doorway I caught sight of Namcat heading for the bathroom, tail swaying in haughty little arcs.
"Ma'am, turn on your phone camera and follow me."
"Huh? I'm coming!"
She scrambled after me as I got up, switching her camera on. She'd already sensed I meant to show her something. From behind me came a bright little chime—the recording had started.
A soft patter of paws.
"Th-this is..."
She followed me into the bathroom, and her mouth fell open, both eyes shooting wide.
Oh. She's drooling.
She was so floored she didn't even notice a drop of saliva slipping past her lip. Not that I could blame her.
Then came the hiss of the stream.
What cat climbs onto a toilet, pees, and flushes?
Getting up on the seat, settling in, and relieving himself would have been plenty. Namcat went further. He hopped onto the tank and pulled the lever, and the sight was pure astonishment. I'd trained him myself, and even so, I had to admit I was impressed.
"The hell you lookin' at? You wanna die?"
"Not a shred of manners..."
He spat the curse and slipped smoothly between my legs. The mutter seemed to bring her back. She tapped my shoulder.
"What I just saw... that was real, right...?"
"Yes. A cat peed in the toilet and flushed, and it was real."
"..."
As if she couldn't bring herself to believe me, she played the recording back. Only then did it seem to land. Even so, she stood blocking the bathroom doorway, face blank with shock.
"Ma'am?"
"Ah, uh... right. Yeah."
She came to at the sound of my voice and made her way back to the table.
"Wow... I still can't quite believe it. You really do have every reason to be sure it's Supreme Rank, don't you? If you can hold a conversation on the level of an intelligent being, training like that would be possible. Never mind just assigning a bathroom spot—if it goes all the way to flushing..."
"Right? Want to hear something funny? Did you know cats talk incredibly rudely? Look at one and it'll ask what the hell you're staring at. Well, maybe it's only a few of them."
She must have taken it for a joke. She covered her mouth and burst out laughing.
It's true, though.
I had no particular urge to convince her, so I just looked at her as if to say go on, next question.
"This video alone feels like I've already locked in a scoop. Still, people are bound to be curious, so mind if I ask a few more?"
She gave the footage of Namcat flushing a little wave, thought for a moment, and went on.
"Is there any animal you'd especially like to talk to? A tiger, or a lion, say."
"I haven't really thought about it... If I could, maybe a dolphin, or an ostrich?"
"A dolphin and an ostrich? Any reason?"
"Dolphins are highly intelligent, and they have a society of their own, so that seems fascinating. Ostriches are the opposite. People say they're incredibly stupid, right? So I kind of want to have a conversation..."
At that she broke into a bright peal of laughter.
"That oddball streak—you take after Juyeon, don't you?"
She laughed that my mom came out with strange remarks now and then, too, and brushed away the tears that had spilled over.
"I laughed so hard I actually teared up. So, other than dolphins and ostriches, no other animals you're particularly interested in?"
"Uh... not at the moment, I don't think."
"Mm. Then what do you want to do with the superpower from here? Any plans, that sort of thing? It's not every day you awaken a rare, excellent ability. There must be something you want to try."
I gave her a small grin. I'd seen that question coming from a mile off.
"For now I'm thinking about Mytube. Animal videos as the base, and I'm also considering content where I interpret conversations between pets and their owners. Aside from that, I plan to turn this cafe into a pet cafe."
"You've thought this through in quite some detail."
"I have. The ability's incredible, after all. Truth is, I already quit my job."
"You're really going all in."
"The pet market is huge. Even people who just interpret languages rake in absurd money, so what would you charge to interpret for animals? And it isn't something you can study your way into."
"Exactly."
She nodded along, though the look she sent me was thick with envy.
"Aigoo, I wish my boy had a sensible head on him like yours. Says he's doing internet broadcasts, but all day he's holed up in his room gaming and cussing people out. He earns enough to feed himself, so I leave him be, but aigoo..."
"Ah, ahaha..."
Faced with a gripe that opened on a sigh and closed on one, I could only laugh awkwardly. Stick my nose in here and I'd be the only one catching hell.
"Sorry. Your auntie went and said something pointless. This is what getting old does to you, you know?"
"It's all right. So, is that the whole interview?"
She set her pen down with a tap and nodded.
"That's every question I prepared for today. You'll be famous later, of course, but right now your name is only just starting to get around among reporters. Or is there something you'd like to say? If you want, I'll put it in the article."
And just like that, we'd arrived at one of the moments Koreans dread most: the say-whatever-you'd-like portion. I'd already prepared my line, though, so I quietly held out my phone.
The Mytube app was open, and the screen showed a channel with exactly one video uploaded. Mine, of course.
Lord Shinsoo and the Sacred Beasts had been Noona's idea. Take the first two syllables of Shin Suhwan and you get Shinsoo—a word that also means divine beast. The videos would center on animals trained to be clever, so those would be the Sacred Beasts. Put together, Lord Shinsoo and the Sacred Beasts.
Anyway, I showed her the screen and delivered the line I'd had ready.
"Please subscribe, like, and turn on notifications!"
"...Ahahaha! You really are the spitting image of your mother!"
She burst out laughing, and once it subsided she said she'd subscribe and opened Mytube at once.
"Huh?"
"What is it?"
"No... you already have quite a few subscribers? Two hundred... I figured four or five at most. Your parents and your girlfriend, maybe?"
"Ah, that. I uploaded one video and the response was pretty good."
I understood right away what she meant. On the strength of that single video, I'd picked up two hundred subscribers within a day of making the account.
The video wasn't anything special. It was the same kind of footage she'd just shot—Namcat perched on the toilet, doing his business. A cat's bathroom video could, in a sense, be called gross, but it was already getting fairly famous. Thanks to that, one upload had secured me two hundred subscribers.
"Incredible..."
She compared the video I'd filmed with the one she'd taken herself and still looked amazed, though she didn't lose herself the way she had a moment ago. When it ended, she hit subscribe and set the phone down.
"Shame I'm not in the single digits... but still, your auntie's an early subscriber, you know? Don't you forget me!"
"Of course not."
"Good. You ab-so-lutely must not forget, understand? Then your auntie should get going. Before someone lets their imagination run wild and files a story, I need to write one that sticks to the facts."
"Yes, ma'am. Take care."
She gathered up her recorder and tablet and hurried off, leaving a request that I contact her after the detailed verification—she'd be counting on me again.
If that verification came back High Rank or above, just as I expected, she was probably planning another article.
Well, a friendly reporter in my corner couldn't hurt. So I supposed it was fine.