Can We Talk?
"Noona, we already ran that nightmare customer off today. How about we grill some meat for dinner?"
There wasn't a problem in sight, nor a worry. Maybe that was why I found myself, strangely, craving meat.
"Meat? Out of nowhere?"
"Yeah. Call it a reward for the man who handled the troublemaker."
"Pfft. What kind of excuse is that? Just say you want to eat it."
Noona burst out laughing at that and nodded, perfectly happy with the idea.
We had a yard, a grill, and charcoal, and the fridge was always stocked with quality meat for the animals that ate it, so there was nothing difficult about it. Lettuce and chili peppers were even growing in the flower bed at one corner of the yard, so we couldn't have asked for more—though it was a pity that patch only existed because the Tokkiz had raided the Korean melons and the Goosez had raided the flowers.
"Unnie, Hyeongbu! Me too!"
"Yeah. Eat with us, Yeongji. Actually—want to just stay over tonight?"
I nodded at her shout. Dinner alone with Noona was lovely, but so was dinner with Yeongji, whom I could now properly call my sister-in-law. There was something quietly cute about the way she packed her cheeks like a hamster and chewed with dogged determination, and since she adored animals, she could look after them while Noona and I grilled. Not a single downside.
"Hehe, meat! Chikin-i likes meat too!"
As if the mere prospect of eating meat delighted her that much, Yeongji hoisted Chikin-i high and broke into a bright, innocent smile.
"Good grief, you like it that much?"
Noona gave a small shake of her head at the sight, though her own face was full of a smile.
Perhaps because we were looking forward to dinner, the hours crawled. The cafe only stayed open until evening, out of consideration for the animals' fatigue and the like, but the wait until then felt endless. Still, slow or fast, time only ever moved forward, and before I knew it, it was time to close.
"Boss! Madam! See you tomorrow!"
"Head on home."
We finished closing and saw the staff off. Unlike us, with the house right next door, the employees bunched together and walked off toward the bus stop.
"Ugh……. No matter how many times I hear Madam, I just can't get used to it."
"What's wrong with it? It's the right word. If you're the boss's wife, you're Madam."
"That's right! Our unnie is Madam!"
"It makes me sound old."
Yeongji and I couldn't help snickering. She wouldn't even be thirty by Korean reckoning until next year, and here she was lamenting that she sounded old. Of course, it wasn't that I failed to understand. She was only a year older than me, but older was older, and she minded it.
"You're going to be hearing Madam for decades yet, so you might as well get used to it now."
Noona shot me a look of pure disbelief, then seemed to decide there was nothing to be done about it. She shrugged and headed for the house, and Yeongji and I followed, herding the animals in after her.
"I'll straighten up the room Yeongji's using. Can you get things ready to grill?"
"Yep."
Noona took Yeongji along, saying she'd tidy the room where she would sleep. Left alone in the yard, I went out of habit to the shed in the corner and brought out the grill and the charcoal. Once I'd set up a folding table and chairs so we could sit and eat beside it, the place looked like something you'd only see at a campsite.
"You're already finished?"
Around the time I got the charcoal lit, the room must have been done, because Noona came out into the yard with Yeongji, the two of them carrying a whole armful of food.
"Meat!"
As if nothing in the world could please her more, Yeongji set a hefty slab of meat down beside me with that same bright smile, eyes sparkling as if to say hurry up and cook it. I laughed lightly and started the grill.
The moment the smell of meat over charcoal began to drift, the animals came swarming. The vegetarians, of course—the rabbits, the geese—didn't so much as glance our way.
"Master! Some for me too, please!"
"Tasty meat!"
"Me too, too!"
"A most savory sight, I must say."
Drawn by the scent of meat browning over the coals, they drooled without the slightest shame, each in their own fashion. They'd already been taught that fire was dangerous, though, so none of them suddenly lunged for it.
I grilled the meat and set it down on a plate, and Yeongji asked whether she could share it.
"Hyeongbu. Is it all right to give them meat?"
"As long as you let it cool first. Don't put any salt on it, and trim off some of the fat."
Yeongji nodded so hard her head bobbed, then started blowing on the meat—hoo, hoo—to cool it.
"Namcat eats first!"
Of all the animals at the cafe, she cherished Namcat most, and she held the meat out to him. He didn't refuse. Cut to fit his mouth and cooled just enough, he ate it with wet little smacks, and after that Yeongji went on feeding the animals even more than she ate herself.
"Here. You eat, too."
Watching her fuss over them like that, Noona held out a lettuce wrap stuffed with meat. I'd been so busy grilling for two people and a whole crowd of animals that she'd ended up looking after me instead.
"Mm. That's good."
The wrap she'd made was better than I'd expected. Garlic, ssamjang, meat—the balance was right, and the lettuce was a decent size. Ten years together, and she knew my palate well. She smiled lightly at that and made me another, and I got to have an extremely happy meal.
"Unnie, Hyeongbu! Good night!"
After a satisfying dinner and fruit for dessert, we scattered to our own rooms to turn in.
Yeongji seemed determined to sleep in a tangle with the animals even at night. She took dogs and cats, rabbits, and even a raccoon into her room, and Yubu slipped in after them too. Nocturnal, and yet he spent the day playing at the cafe and slept once it got dark.
I shook my head at his retreating back, went into the room with Noona, and got ready for bed.
"Noona. What do you think?"
Preparations finished, and just before I could dive into bed, I came up behind her for a back hug and pressed in close. Her reaction wasn't the usual one. Any other time she would have given me that bewitching smile and hugged me back. Instead she bit her lip, lightly, and drew away.
"What's wrong? Oh—is it because Yeongji's here?"
She gave a small, quiet shake of her head. Then, all at once, she stared straight at me. She started to speak and stopped, more than once, and then, as if she'd made up her mind, she opened her mouth.
"Can we…… talk for a minute?"
The look on her face had gone more serious than I was used to.
……Did I do something wrong?
Faced with that, I had no choice but to start inventorying my crimes. Had she caught me secretly pouring money into a phone game? Found out I'd broken the cup she treasured? What was it—that woman at the cafe who'd asked for my number? Or had she discovered the emergency stash I'd set aside, the way Dad advised? Every kind of scenario flashed through my head, and I still couldn't get a read on it.
I looked at Noona, as tense as I could manage. But instead of saying anything, she turned, went to the vanity, and took something out.
"Suhwan. This……."
She held it out in both hands, hiding whatever was in them. What was that? I looked at her with my curiosity written all over my face and drew the thing out of her grasp.
"This……!"
When I pulled free what her hands had been covering and saw it, my eyes flew wide in shock.
"Y-you don't hate it…… right?"
Seeing me like that, she watched me with even more worry than I'd been showing a moment before. What she had held out was a pregnancy test—sealed inside a zipper bag, no less, with two lines showing clear as day.
Looking at it, I learned firsthand what it meant for a mind to go pure white. I couldn't say a word. Speaking was out of the question; I couldn't think of anything at all. It felt as if the inside of my head had become a blank sheet of paper.
"Suhwan……?"
I'd been staring at it in a daze when her trembling voice brought me partway back.
No……. After we decided to get married, we pretty much stopped being careful…….
From the time I'd moved into this house and we'd started living together, we essentially hadn't used any contraception. We were getting married anyway, and it wasn't as if we didn't want a child, so we'd agreed not to. Even so, something I had only ever thought about—a child could happen—was suddenly right in front of me, and my head was a complete mess.
"Do you…… hate it?"
"Ah—no!"
My thoughts were still a tangle, but her voice came again and I snapped back to myself.
"……Really?"
"Yeah! How could I hate it, hearing I'm going to have a child? I was just surprised. You sprang it on me out of nowhere. You could've at least put your blinker on before you came in."
I drew her lightly into my arms. The tension was written all over her, but once I held her tight, she gradually settled back into calm.
"I found out three days ago, too. I was trying to figure out how to tell you, and then you went and held me like that, so……."
Of course she'd been worrying in her own way. We'd talked about getting married, but we hadn't actually held the ceremony, so for her, saying it aloud must have weighed heavily. I pulled her in even tighter, to show I understood completely.
"I absolutely don't hate it, or anything like that. I was just startled. If anything, I'm happier now. You and I are having a child. How could I not be happy?"
"I'm glad."
Murmuring that she was glad, Noona burrowed into my arms, and I patted her back.
"Boy or girl, do you think?"
"You idiot. How would anyone know that already?"
She laughed—a soft little pfft—and rapped my chest with her hand. Unlike a pinch, it didn't hurt, so I smiled and rested my palm lightly against her lower belly. It was a stomach no different from any other day, but the longer I touched it, the more something fluttered in a corner of my chest.
To think my child is in here…….
It was true I'd been thrown, having something happen that I had never once thought about in any real depth. But that shock was slowly turning into joy, and into happiness. Maybe because of that joy and that happiness, I fell asleep with Noona held tight in my arms.
Whether I ought to call it thanks to that, I dreamed that night.
"You little bastard……. You make my daugh—ter cry, and you're dead……. It won't be a Nyangnyang Punch you take. It'll be a right hook……."
It was a dream that felt familiar and unfamiliar all at once. By the time I woke in the morning it had gone hazy, and I couldn't properly remember it—only that it had been full of a happy feeling.
And yet the mood that carried me into morning, buried in joy and happiness, collapsed the instant I threw the front gate wide to head for the cafe.
"And what is this supposed to be……."
Some car had the lane from the main road into the cafe parking lot blocked off good and tight. Behind it, four more vehicles—customers who had come to wait from early morning, by the look of them—sat lined up in a row.
I let the animals into the cafe first, then walked over to the car that had the way sealed shut so completely.