You Forgot That?
The moment I switched the broadcast on, people came flooding in—and right behind them, a stream of congratulations I couldn't begin to make sense of.
"A double crown? What's that supposed to mean?"
"The green window?"
At the mention of that famous portal, I searched myself up at once. The page loaded after a brief wait, and then I saw exactly what they were on about.
"......What is this even supposed to mean."
First place, simultaneously, in two rankings that were the flat opposite of each other. I couldn't begin to hide how absurd it felt.
"Ah."
The chat told me the rest. This was the fallout from getting even with the viewers who'd been mocking me. I posted to MyTube all the time—interpreting what the animals said, sharing the bits of training that actually helped—so I'd ended up number one among channels that were good to watch with your pets. Yesterday's Let's Go for a Walk incident, though, had also crowned me number one among the channels you should never watch with them. Morning, noon, evening, even the dead of night: a walk could be demanded of you without warning.
"Did I take it a little too far?"
At a donation that seemed to be vibrating with a foreigner's outrage, I shrugged.
"Hey, who told you to make fun of me?"
I still remembered it. That moment when every last one of them had mocked me, not a single person left out—and if I dug through the memory carefully, the foreigner who'd just sent that donation had been on the list too. When I had the gall to flip it around and play the wronged party, the viewers looked as if they'd run clean out of things to say.
"Well, I'm not going to pull anything like that anymore, so relax. As long as you don't trample my pure heart, I've got no reason to turn into a thug either, right?"
At that brazen little speech, the viewers started apologizing.
Of course, not everyone was sorry. Even the holdouts couldn't keep their little rebellion going for long.
"Cats shred furniture. Leather sofas, especially."
I nodded, thoroughly satisfied, as the apologies rolled in.
"Honestly, I didn't have anything particular in mind. You could say I turned it on because I had nothing else to do."
They booed me for that. What kind of person went live with no content at all?
"So what? Even if I just stand here, the content'll show up on its own."
It was true that simply walking the zoo carried a very high chance of producing something worth airing. Most of the videos that did well were ideas that struck me mid-stroll, or events that erupted out of nowhere. Just like right now.
"What, is that a taunt?"
Namcat had popped up out of nowhere and was staring straight at me, tongue lolling out in a long blehhh, the universal gesture for nyah-nyah. Pure provocation.
"......?"
He, however, looked as if he hadn't understood a word I'd said.
I was still filming him as he stared at me, blank as a board, when a donation of the kind people call a mission came in. A million won wasn't such a huge sum to me anymore, honestly—but the mission itself was terribly tempting. It was the dare, more than the money, that made me decide to go through with it.
I caught the little pink tongue poking out of Namcat's mouth and pulled. It stretched, long and thin.
"Mrblehp!"
The owner of that bizarre noise thrashed, flailed, and squirmed free of my hand.
"The hell was that?! You wanna die?!"
"I thought you were sticking it out so I'd pull it."
"You're the one who said it. A beating's the only medicine for a lunatic."
"Waaaaagh!"
And then Namcat, tongue freshly yanked, came charging. Those front paws, soft and plush as they looked, swung straight for me.
"Gah!"
Call it a mercy. Senses beaten into shape by a long education in his Nyangnyang Punch let me slip clear.
"Oho. Dodging?"
"If I can dodge, why would I stand here and eat it?"
"Then I'll just keep swinging till one lands!"
"Ack!"
He didn't let up. Nyangnyang Punch after Nyangnyang Punch came at me, and I had no choice but to twist and weave, running so those paws wouldn't connect. They were a lot heavier than they looked, and they hurt.
"This is not the time!"
The mission reward had come in, but I was in no state to care about it. A Nyangnyang Punch was already whipping past, inches from my face.
I jerked one way and another, dodged however I could, and bolted for open ground. Anywhere narrow only favored him. Out in the wide space I ran, fast, staying clear of him. Running alongside Maru on her walks wasn't a habit of a day or two, so my own speed was nothing to sneeze at—and in the middle of it, one particular figure caught my eye.
"Chicken! Block Namcat and I'll give you three Churus!"
"Churu! Nyaaaaa!"
Chicken, who had been pottering along at her leisure in the sun on those short legs, let out an adorable little battle cry and charged him.
"Beat it!"
"Kyaaaaa!"
The scream that followed wasn't so different from the battle cry. One Nyangnyang Punch, and she went flying.
"Tch."
I'd hoped she'd buy me even a moment. Chicken shattered that hope without mercy and went tumbling across the ground. She popped right back up and fled, though, so she didn't seem hurt. I couldn't spare her another thought anyway. Namcat was still locked onto me.
"Hold still a second! I'm only gonna hit you once!"
"Would you hold still if you were me?!"
I dodged him as he chased me, dead set on revenge for the yanked tongue, and ended up making nearly a full circuit of the zoo. Then another one came into view. I sprinted that way and grabbed her.
"Hssss...!"
"All right. Now who do you think is stronger?"
I stopped running and looked down at Namcat, immensely pleased with myself. He answered with a frustrated grrrrl. And no wonder. The one I'd grabbed was the only creature in our entire zoo that Namcat actually feared.
"What's going on?"
"Namcat's chasing me. Says he's going to hit me."
"You. Didn't I tell you to quit picking fights?"
"N-no, that's..."
Cradled in my arms, Poksini had reduced him to a stammering mess. Just as Gubaki couldn't so much as twitch in front of Miho, Namcat couldn't so much as twitch in front of Poksini.
"How about a truce?"
"Grrhh...!"
"Call a truce right now and I'll give you some Churu."
"Five."
"Deal."
I said it while smoothing Poksini's fur, and Namcat looked as though he were accepting against his will. From the little belt bag I always carried the animals' treats in, I took out five Churus.
"Here. Take them."
"Hah. I'm letting you off because you gave me Churu."
He shot me a brief glare, and then, once I tore one open for him, set to eating with eager little laps. And all at once, curiosity got the better of me.
"So why did you have that tongue hanging out?"
Now and then, in those moments people describe as a cat having glitched, they do sit around with their tongues out. I was desperately curious why he'd been doing it.
The viewers were curious too.
"I had my tongue out?"
"......You think I stuck my finger in your mouth and pulled it out myself?"
The way he reacted, as if he'd had no idea at all, was absurd.
"I didn't know it was sticking out."
Even so, he genuinely seemed to lack any awareness that he'd been doing it. When I relayed that I-had-no-idea act to the viewers, plenty of them found it just as unbelievable.
I was laughing at the chat that said you must never try to understand a cat when Poksini, still nestled in my arms, tugged at my collar.
"My husband had his tongue hanging out?"
"Yeah, he did. But hey—weren't you doing that the other day too?"
"It does happen, from time to time."
"But why on earth do you do it? I just suddenly got curious."
At the question, Poksini flicked her tongue out, just a little.
"Most of the time, it's simply because it's comfortable. You're grooming, and then you rest in exactly that position—that's the usual case, I should think. Or a tooth hurts. As for my husband... after he's been grooming, he often forgets he's still like that."
"Ohh..."
That settled it. When I passed the answer along, the viewers reacted with wonder, saying they'd learned all sorts of things. By way of thanks, I opened a Churu for Poksini as well and got to my feet.
"Resting mid-groom, and then forgetting even that... That Namcat, I swear. Plenty of times he seems incredible, and just as many when he's completely pathetic."
So that was it, by Poksini's account. He'd been grooming, and he'd simply forgotten his tongue was still hanging out. A cat who could beat an eagle owl—his natural enemy—and even lay a tiger out flat, and he had no idea what state his own tongue was in. I was shaking my head when the donation messages came rolling in.
What came flooding in were questions about all sorts of animal behavior that isn't easy to make sense of. But not one of them was simple to answer. Animals have personalities of their own, and a strange habit might belong to one particular creature and no one else. I passed the time answering the handful of questions I could say I knew for certain.