Muhammad

My most humiliating moments, mounted and preserved for all time...... No. That wasn't it. After word got out that I was a Druid, my everyday life changed.

Plenty of things had changed. If I had to name the single biggest, though, there was really only one.

A culture that wasn't quite a culture had sprung up of calling the area around me the Druid Proximity Zone—Dru-se-gwon, for short. The closer the land sat to our house, the higher the price climbed, since anyone hoping to enjoy the effects of my superpower was better off nearby.

It hardly needs saying that plenty of people came out ahead. The one who came out furthest ahead, though, was me. I'd already bought up every last scrap of land around our house, having purchased it in advance against the day the café grew cramped with more customers and more animals. Which is to say, the local land baron was yours truly.

Of course, I had no intention of selling, and selling only to pack up and move somewhere else would have been no better than a scam, so in any practical sense the profit was nonexistent.

"Ah. When I think about it that way, it's kind of a shame."

"What is?"

"The land value went up, but I can't actually sell."

"So what? It's not like our lives fall apart if we don't have that money."

"Uh...... yeah, fair. Long as the wallet's got enough to buy So-eun something tasty and some pretty clothes, I'm good."

"And me?"

"Obviously I've got to buy things for my wife too. You want something, just say the word!"

I declared it with gusto, and Noona said that sounded wonderful and threw herself into my arms. Not because she actually wanted anything—more like she was simply pleased that I was thinking of her.

So there I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠was, holding her close while the two of us lounged around the living room getting cozy, when my phone started to ring.

"......So-eun's not interrupting, so the phone decided to do it."

I'd been trying, for once, to set a mood, and it wasn't So-eun who ruined it. It was the phone.

I scowled hard and lifted it. An unsaved number I didn't recognize glowed on the screen.

I flipped the phone face-down, set it to silent, and went right back to cozying up with Noona—only for the thing to start vibrating all over again.

"Oh, come on."

"Just answer it first. If they're calling again, it might be urgent."

Noona said it like she was soothing me, and my irritation eased a little. I picked up.

"Who is this?"

"Ah, hello. This is Do Yeongsang from Mytube Korea. Am I speaking with Mr. Shin Suhwan?"

"This is him...... What's this about?"

Mytube Korea. I tilted my head. My channel wasn't the kind that posted videos breaking Mytube's rules, and there wasn't anything that ought to have been a problem. Why were they calling?

The question didn't stay a question for long.

"The reason for my call is that your channel, Lord Shinsoo and the Sacred Beasts, has reached fifty million subscribers."

"......Sorry?"

"I'm contacting you because Lord Shinsoo and the Sacred Beasts has hit fifty million subscribers."

He said it again, like he was confirming the kill, and my mouth fell open.

"What's going on? Why are you standing there with your mouth like that?"

Noona came up beside me and gently tipped my chin shut, and only then did my mouth close. I didn't have the presence of mind to care. I yanked the phone up and launched the Mytube app.

I opened my channel's management page, and there it was, just as the voice on the phone had said—right after the word Subscribers, another set of characters tagged along behind it.

"......!"

I showed it to Noona, and this time it was her mouth that dropped open.

"Ack!"

I'd sneakily slipped a finger in and gotten a light bite for the privilege. A single tear squeezed out of me on behalf of my wounded finger.

"Mr. Shin Suhwan? Is everything all right?"

"Ah, n-no. I was just a little surprised......"

At the voice coming through the phone, I let out an awkward laugh and shook out my hand. It hurt more than I'd expected.

"In any case, the reason we've contacted you so suddenly is that your account has met the requirements for a custom button."

"A custom button?"

"Yes. It isn't part of the official button series, but a button we're currently awarding in the form of an event. It's being given to creators who reach fifty million subscribers, and the design is produced differently depending on the channel. Truthfully, it's closer to a trophy than a button......"

The Mytube employee kept going. Boiled down, he was saying they planned to have the button made and sent out, and asking whether shipping it to the address already on file would be all right.

"Yes, the address hasn't changed, so please just send it as is."

"Understood. It's made to order, so it will take a little time. We appreciate your patience."

Whether he simply had nothing else to discuss, the Mytube employee hung up at once.

That wasn't the important part. I dropped onto the sofa with Noona and pulled my phone back out.

"No, seriously, how did it hit fifty million? Last time I checked, it was only about twelve million."

"I know. I was so shocked."

"I thought you were teasing me, you know?"

I let out a short laugh at the way she tacked that on, and started hunting for the reason my channel had suddenly ballooned to four times its size.

The reason was easier to find than I'd expected.

I was a hot topic these days for being a Druid, which meant reporters were practically living on my Mytube channel. Everything I'd been wondering about, they had already dug up and published.

Some unhinged person had spouted off that a superpower's power could spread through a screen, and people across the English-speaking world had taken it as fact. On the strength of that, my channel had grown fourfold in a single night.

"Have they actually lost their minds......"

I was dumbfounded that the channel had grown for a reason I couldn't begin to understand. What superpower passes in and out of a monitor?

Then again, this was a world where some people still believed the Earth was flat, and once I remembered that, it made perfect sense.

Besides, none of it did me any harm, so I decided to stop thinking about it.

"Come here!"

With nothing left worth worrying about, I hurled the phone aside and threw myself at Noona.

I gathered her in gently and nuzzled close. She burst out laughing—kyahaha—and for a little while the two of us rolled around on the floor.

"Appa!"

This time it wasn't the phone that barged in. It was So-eun.

As if to announce that she was rolling too, she wedged herself between us, and all three of us ended up tumbling across the floor.

"Ugh...... Do I have to wait until So-eun's a little bigger?"

"......Guess so."

Maybe because it had been a rare stretch of just the two of us enjoying ourselves, even Noona looked a little disappointed.

"Hey, while we're at it, what if we brought both sets of parents to live nearby?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I don't know how much of an effect it'll have on humans, but if they're close, they probably won't be catching every little bug. And the moms are close with each other, the dads too. Close enough to sneak off fishing in perfect harmony and come home and get smacked, also in perfect harmony."

"And your real motive?"

"I want to leave So-eun with them so the two of us can have some serious fun—ack!"

My back! My back......!

My back felt like it had caught fire, and I was writhing across the floor all over again.

"Me too!"

So-eun latched on and rolled with me.

I set her on my stomach and pressed my burning back to the cold floor to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠cool ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it off, and only then did I feel like I might live. I gave the So-eun clinging to me a light hug and got to my feet.

"Still, you can't say it's a bad idea, right? It'd be nice if our parents stayed healthy."

"That's true."

"Then I'll take that as a yes, and I'll just handle it myself?"

Noona gave a small nod.

"So-eun! You wanna see Grandma and Grandpa, don't you?"

"Yeah! Gramma, Grampa!"

"Later you wanna sleep over with Grandma and Grandpa, right?"

"Yeah, yeah!"

So-eun nodded with all her might, and I turned to Noona and flashed her a grin.

"Honestly."

Noona shook her head and sighed, but I caught a glimpse of her looking a little expectant in her own way.

"Master!"

Right in the middle of the not-quite-a-conversation Noona and I were having with our eyes, Cheongho burst in.

They just would not leave a husband and wife a quiet moment.

"What is it?"

"A lot of people have arrived outside, sir."

"People?"

"Yes, sir. The birds say they are people dressed in pitch-black clothes, sir."

At Cheongho's report, I checked the CCTV monitor at once. The cameras covered the whole house, and beyond the outer wall a larger crowd than I'd expected had taken up position.

Foreigners, every one of them, in jet-black suits. All of them had the kind of exotic looks that might as well have come with a sign reading I am a foreigner, and they were deployed out there in force.

I was just wondering whether I ought to call the police when the feed aimed at the front gate threw me all over again.

"......Those are rice cakes, right?"

"Look like songpyeon to me."

"What?"

Standing in front of the gate, unlike the others in their suits, was a man in casual clothes with a styrofoam plate of songpyeon—plump half-moon rice cakes—in his hands, visibly agonizing over whether or not to press the doorbell.

A bright ding-dong cut the quiet. He seemed to have made up his mind, because he pressed the button, and the chime rang through the living room.

"I'll...... go take a look."

"J-just in case, take Cheongho and Maru with you! We'll be upstairs."

There was always a what-if, so I sent my worried Noona upstairs, and sent Yubu and a few of the other animals up with her.

Once I heard the click from inside and confirmed the lock had engaged, I headed for the gate with Cheongho, Maru, and even Hanmu in tow.

The doorbell rang again from outside. I opened the gate a crack.

"Who is it?"

"Oh! Annyeong-haseyo! I am Muhammad! I come from the Arab Emirates! This—I learned it! It is Korean culture!"

"......Pardon?"

"Tteok sharing! That is the name of it!"

"You mean...... handing out rice cakes?"

"Ohhh! Yes, correct!"

Huh? If this is the move-in rice cakes...... wait. Does that mean he moved in?

I stared, more than a little ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠startled, at the Arab man who called himself Muhammad. He nodded as if that were exactly it and pointed toward a small house standing a short distance off.

"Over there! I am newly moved in! Please take care of me!"

Before I quite knew what I was doing, I nodded and accepted the rice cakes. Muhammad, looking thoroughly satisfied, turned away with a brilliant smile and vanished, and the people who had been posted around the house vanished after him.

"Master, a delicious smell is coming from that, sir."

Cheongho's sniffing at the songpyeon in my hand snapped me back to myself. Still dazed, I shut the gate and headed back inside. Noona must have been watching the CCTV, because she came scurrying over.

"Who was that?"

"......Says he just moved in? Muhammad, from Arabia. Came by to hand out rice cakes."

Noona couldn't hide how absurd she found it any more than I could.

These days even Koreans rarely made the rounds handing out rice cakes to the neighbors. She couldn't have expected to receive them from an Arab man.

But I hadn't known either. I hadn't known Muhammad would come around again the very next evening.

"Annyeong-haseyo! It is Muhammad!"

Beaming, Muhammad waved his hand wildly at the camera mounted on the doorbell.