The Tsar Bomba Dropped into Republican High Society

It was a difficult thirty minutes.

She wondered if this was how a doll felt, clutched in a little girl's hand and scrubbed under the tap with not a drop of soap. Noble young ladies, it seemed, lived harder lives than she had imagined. Who knew that simply standing still and being adorned could be this fussy?

"Ooooh…!"

"My, even dressed like this, you look so gallant."

"Is it because she isn't wearing makeup?"

"Put makeup on her too and every man in the room would fall."

"I feel like I'm the one about to fall right now…."

"That was a rude thing to say, you know?"

"Eek. I-I'm sorry!"

The cosmetics of this age were not of particularly fine quality, and worn for long they did the skin no favors. It was only a change of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠clothes for the sake of studying etiquette, so makeup was skipped entirely. Having completed their single Disney princess, the young ladies slipped from the room in a flutter of giggles.

The chest already thrust into prominence by the harness now bared a generous sweep of skin, and it seized the eye so completely that on physique alone she could have unseated one of the Imperial Alliance's Three Great Beauties without a hint of shame. Taken as a whole, though, she was somewhat unbalanced. The face was splendid, yet ask whether it was attractive as a woman and the answer sat in an awkward middle.

Had she invested in her Charm Growth Value, she could have lined the Republic's beauties up in a row and blasted them with a Rider Kick—but Lupin had shut that avenue down long ago, and the verdict that came back was handsome. Not the handsome bestowed upon a beautiful man, either, but something closer to the praise reserved for a fresh-faced pretty boy.

Set aside the awkward, half-crouched posture, and she was every inch a single blossom. Kakavita, too, awarded her high marks in private: for a female martial artist, this was more than presentable.

"Is there anywhere that feels uncomfortable?"

Lupin dragged herself back in front of Kakavita, thoroughly wilted.

"My heart is uncomfortable…."

"That will get better in time."

Teacher Kakavita was not, it seemed, in the business of comforting her.

"Now then, follow me to start."

Kakavita brought both hands together before her navel, wrists set at a neat right angle. Lupin copied her readily enough.

"Like this?"

"Yes. That posture is the foundation. Shall we try walking from there?"

Walk she did, though the hem kept snagging her at every step. Even so, her balance was absurdly perfect, and she never once went down. Watching that little circus act, Kakavita tilted her head.

"……You really shouldn't be able to walk in that at all. Anyway. Relax your arms like this, and lift this part lightly with your hands. It will be much easier."

The moment she raised the front of the skirt a little, she was free enough to use proper footwork. Grip it well with both hands, and I could swing a sword even like this.

Curiosity got the better of her. Shhk. Lupin stepped into the footwork of Swift Advance.

The wind she raised carried her well past her mark. She crashed into the screen set up for changing and went down.

"Ack."

The shoes were to blame—heels high and thin. A moment later, though, she sprang up with a hup, coiled as a spring, and the teacher laughed. It was hardly a posture one performed in a dress.

"Honestly. You startled me just now. How can you jump so lightly?"

"Ah, this much is nothing. Ehehe."

"It is, however, against etiquette. Please be mindful."

"Aww…."

Lupin, who wept at praise and wept at correction alike.

For three days the etiquette lessons continued on a schedule packed tight at eight hours a day.

The result was that Noble Etiquette storm-grew in three days flat. Once again Lupin was deeply moved by the vast and gracious consideration of Lord Growth Value.

Whenever instinctive movement was forced upon her she was still as bold and booming as a general, but Kakavita judged that, so long as nothing outside provoked her, she at least passed for a demure young lady. She also praised the speed of her learning as tremendous. Female martial artists always wore low-heeled boots, she said, so the stage of managing tall, narrow heels usually took a week at the very least.

"At this pace—speech and dancing included—you might actually learn everything in time."

Unlike the expectant Kakavita, Lupin was skeptical. Between learning with the body and learning with the head, her aptitude showed a gap almost impossible to measure.

Lupin was a person with a life behind her of five years plus twenty-five. The manner of speech belonging to the Lupin who muttered that she was five had been fixed before the possession, and in five years it had not changed once. In a word, an uncontrollable crazy woman. Naturally, the one who suffered was the one attempting to reform her mind.

"From this point on, every conversation will be conducted in the aristocratic style. Each time you make a mistake, I will give you one of these spicy candies. Please understand that I am using a rather harsh method for the sake of intensive training."

"What. Spicy candy."

"I did say from this point on. You made a mistake immediately, didn't you? Eat one, and then we'll begin."

Lupin snatched the candy and popped it in. The taste was absolutely divine. It crackled and crunched, savory and spicy at once, calling up the memory of dry instant noodles dusted with soup powder, the kind she used to eat when she was peckish. What even is this world? Hasn't their entire standard for spicy gone badly wrong?

She had never been a complete spice coward, but she hadn't particularly liked hot food either—and yet in this world, even Lupin could swagger about her heat tolerance. Watching her crush the candy without a flicker of distress, Kakavita asked in worry.

"If you shatter it like that, it ought to be terribly spicy…."

"This is spicy?"

In that instant Kakavita understood. This speech training was never going to go smoothly.

"A-anyway. From here on I won't be your teacher. I'll act as a guest at a party, so watch, think, and answer accordingly. Understood?"

"Yes!"

"Very well. We begin now, my dear. Do come along to the party. What a pleasure it is to meet you."

"Nice to meet you!"

"…. Shall we have one more candy?"

"Yes!!"

Crunch, crunch. Lupin happily crushed two candies between her teeth. She had jumped to the conclusion that both nice to meet you and yes were wrong, and shoved them into her mouth ahead of the verdict.

Kakavita chose her next words with care.

"Oh my, and who is this? You wouldn't happen to be Miss Lupin, who received a letter of thanks from His Excellency the Prime Minister? What an honor to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠meet you."

Gulp.

Having swallowed every last bit of spicy candy, Lupin opened her mouth at a leisurely pace.

"The honor is mine as well."

"Have a candy."

"That wasn't it either?"

Lupin brought two more candies to her mouth. She had come with twenty pieces, and already five were gone.

Is this… right? Kakavita was beginning, little by little, to feel lost.

"And what are your plans from here? If you mean to remain longer in the Republic, I should very much like to invite you to our house sometime…."

"There's no way I could skip a place that has delicious food."

A candy.

"Good day, Lady Lupin. I am Kakavita, of Vostokpolis. If it would not be an imposition, I should love to hear a tale or two of your martial exploits."

"Yeah, my life definitely changed after I trained in the Shadowless Sword Style. Back in high school I couldn't even look the delinquents in the eye…."

A candy.

"Miss Lupin. Might you favor me with ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a dance? As it happens, the floor seems to be empty just for the two of us."

"I don't want to."

This was…….

After a moment's agonizing, Kakavita surrendered and held out a candy.

"A pleasure, Miss Lupin. You must offer your greetings to the other family heads as well. Every one of them is grateful to you."

"Hehe. Stare at me like that and I'll get shy."

A candy.

"Miss Lupin. Have you eaten your fill? Female martial artists are rather famous for their appetites, after all. I do hope the food we prepared was to your liking."

"Liked it and then some. Mind if I pack up the leftovers?"

A candy.

Something was off. It wasn't that she wasn't trying at all—but for the effort she was putting in, the results were hopeless. Kakavita had no way of knowing that the cause was Lupin's dark history, the hidden twenty-five years. To the people of this world she was nothing but a green girl whose coming-of-age was not far off, and so there was nothing to be done.

"I'm afraid this approach isn't going to work."

"Ah. I've still got eight candies left."

"Miss Lupin! These are not snacks! How strange. Did I mix the batch wrong? There's no way this isn't spicy…."

Kakavita popped one into her mouth. If the making had gone awry, she would have to go home and blend the sauce all over again—

"Hhhnnnngh?!"

Barely a few seconds after the candy touched her tongue, her taste buds went into a full screaming fit. Aigoo. The owner of this body wasn't even a spice fiend, and still she was setting their tongue on fire. Just kill the lot of them and be done with it.

Startled, Lupin glanced around and poured her water from the kettle. Once the spat-out candy had been wadded in a tissue and set aside, Kakavita rinsed her mouth for a long while, leaking agonized groans. In the meantime Lupin, dutifully pouring water for her, snuck the remaining seven candies one after another.

Yeah. Definitely dry ramen. A beer cracked open beside it would be perfect. Should I have asked for a beer?

Barely returned to her senses, Kakavita spoke with tears streaming from bloodshot eyes. Even then, Lupin was chewing candy in perfect contentment.

"T-today. We will stop here……."

The next day, Kakavita came prepared with her trump card. A small chalkboard. Pain through the sense of taste had proved a complete dead end, so she would try pain through the sense of hearing. And it worked rather well.

"S-s-stop. Stop!"

Ordinarily, those who raised a defense of aura spread it through every part of the body and readily answered whatever form an enemy's attack might take. A sonic art of this sort was something most Masters solved as a matter of course, hardening their eardrums and dulling the sense. But Lupin's Growth Values had never grown in the direction of blocking sounds that scraped the nerves. Against the screech of a chalkboard, her defense had no choice but to collapse outright.

"Now then. Let us begin again in earnest. I will present a situation, and you, Miss Lupin, will answer."

"Yes…."

Lupin already looked thoroughly worn out. But Kakavita had to be a strict teacher. More than one honor hung upon the girl's debut.

"Hello, Miss Lupin. Might you join me for a drink? It's a specialty of our region. I brought a bottle in hopes of introducing it to you."

Lupin's moral reformation, of course, remained a distant prospect….

"One bottle isn't even going to send word to my liver…."

Skreeeeech. Kakavita's nails dragged across the board.

Lupin let out a thin, tearing scream.

"Kyaaaaaah!"