The Fried Chicken Strategy
Kreeee! Kreeee! The cockatrices began to swim across the boiling water. I wish they were as dense as beer bottles so they’d just sink, but the enemy wasn't that stupid. Splash! Splash! The cockatrices used the small patches of ice floating on the surface as stepping stones, waddling and leaping forward. Whenever their feet dipped below the surface, they’d paddle just enough to keep moving, and whenever a new patch of ice formed, they’d hop back onto it. It was a repetitive, annoying cycle.
"Gwaaaack!" The penguin was still vomiting up river water, raising the water level. Even while doing so, it exhaled a freezing chill across the surface, creating more ice. As the river churned, the ice drifted between the cockatrices, allowing them to step, swim, and cross the pool.
"Intercept them! Shoot them all down!" I had been shouting for my orcs to throw stones and fire arrows for a while now, but I stomped my feet hard to urge them on further. The aura flowing through my tattoos began to spread wide, and a crimson glint flickered in the eyes of my orcs.
"Wooooooh!"
The gargoyle fragments hurled by the orcs were practically artillery fire. Since every attack was infused with pure killing intent, the cockatrices couldn't possibly escape unscathed. Fortunately, they were taking a one-sided beating.
'At least they don't have ranged attacks. I heard basilisks could fire petrification beams from their eyes, but thankfully, these things don't have that.'
Just then, a cockatrice took a direct hit from an elite orc’s sling and face-planted into the river. Since it couldn't swim, it would sink straight to the bottom. Bubble, bubble. Air bubbles began to rise from the depths. I realized that because the Flare Panteras were constantly breathing fire, the entire cavern had become a massive pot, and the river was starting to boil. If I left them alone, I’d be turning the cockatrices into boiled chicken while they were still alive. I had to stop them from reaching the shore.
I gripped the handle of my shovel tightly with my tattoo-covered hand. Since it was forged from solid iron rather than wood, there was no risk of it snapping. It certainly wouldn't break from smashing a few cockatrice beaks and skulls.
Kreeee! The water level had reached six meters, and the cockatrices were closing in on the edge of the second interception pit. It looked like we had already killed at least twenty of them, but there were still swarms of the bird-brained monsters left. At a glance, there had to be eighty, maybe a hundred of them.
"All orcs, listen up!" I stepped toward the shore. "When this fight is over, we’re going to roast these cockatrices! I’ll cook them myself!"
"Wooooooh!!!"
"We will be victorious! So everyone, shout it out! The chant of victory!"
Kreeee! A patch of ice formed under the lead cockatrice. It leaped high off the ice, and I swung my shovel over my shoulder like a baseball bat, roaring, "FRIED CHICKEN——!"
"FRIED CHICKEN——!"
Thinking, 'Thank god there's no one here to say "Las,"' I swung the shovel in a full arc at the leaping cockatrice. Kreeee! Its neck snapped at a ninety-degree angle, and I kicked the carcass into the water to drown it.
Clang, clang, clang—!! The orc unit with their shovels was determined to stop the landing. The cockatrice unit was desperate to reach the shore. The cockatrices had the numbers, but the orcs were barely holding the line.
Clash, screech! Shovels and beaks collided. The metallic ring of steel hitting steel echoed, sparks flew, and the orcs and cockatrices traded blows. However, since the orcs held the high ground, they had the advantage.
"Not here! Not here!" The orcs gripped their shovel handles and hammered down repeatedly. The cockatrices tried to leap up to compensate for the height difference, but the orcs focused their attacks on the birds' heads.
Kreeee! The cockatrices dodged and weaved, flapping their wings to reach the shore. There were only two ways for them to get onto land: fly up by flapping in place, or wait for the water level to rise to the top. The former was effectively impossible unless they managed to peck the orcs to death while dodging the shovels. Even if they tried to dodge and counterattack, they couldn't break through the defense of the orcs, whose combat prowess was enhanced by my red aura.
As for the latter, that wasn't easy either. The river had risen to about six meters and stopped climbing.
"Hic, huff, grrr." The penguin had exhausted all its mana. Summoning the river was fine, but it had filled the pit with so much water that it had nothing left to "vomit" out. It wasn't so much vomiting as it was expelling mana, but regardless, the penguin didn't have enough power to summon any more.
"Heh." Even so, the penguin couldn't help but smile. It was difficult for the cockatrices to climb up, but it wasn't impossible. The penguin rolled its body and splashed into the water. The lukewarm temperature gave it goosebumps.
'Do those things never give up...?'
Beyond the ice wall, the Flare Panteras were tirelessly breathing fire toward the small holes. Just as the penguin used mana to summon water, the Flare Panteras converted their own mana into flames and blasted the ice wall. They couldn't melt the wall itself, but it was enough to slowly heat the river water on the other side.
"Ugh... I need to finish this quickly." The penguin stretched its arms back. The smell of blood from the dead cockatrices was thick, and the penguin gritted its teeth and pulled its arms forward.
"Go—!!"
Whoosh—! Waves began to ripple from the penguin. A violent surge started in the pit, and the cockatrices, sensing the waves, prepared to jump. The orcs, anticipating what was coming, immediately stepped back.
Kreeeeeee-!! The cockatrices spread their wings and leaped high with the waves. The cockatrices, standing as tall as the orcs, rode the wave and successfully landed on the shore. The penguin landed on its two feet at the rear, riding the wave it had created.
"Hmph! Did you think we couldn't even cross something like this?!"
"...Hehehe." The orc at the front, holding a bent iron shovel, curled his lips at the penguin. Red tattoos shimmered on his face. The penguin immediately realized this was the orc who had been sabotaging it.
"You, you bastard!"
"'Bastard' upon our first meeting? How rude. That's why people need to have a broader heart. Tsk tsk." The orc’s gaze scanned the penguin up and down. It was impossible to check the figure due to the mascot suit, but the look was clearly condescending.
"You, what's your name?"
"Why do you need to know my name?"
"I should at least know the name of the one who’ll be pinned under me, moaning."
"...You perverted freak. I’m a Bird-Person, you idiot!"
"So, do you have a hole? I can stick it in anywhere as long as there's a hole. I don't care about gender, you know? Judging by your personality, calling someone an idiot right off the bat, your kindness is quite lacking. Why do you hide in that mascot suit? I can tell without looking. You’re probably more masculine than most men..."
"Stop teasing me about my chest! Do you really want to die?!" The penguin shrieked at the orc and opened its beak. A small drop of water flew out like a bullet, and the orc dodged it with a slight tilt of its head.
"What was that? A moment ago you were vomiting torrents of water, and now you're just spitting a single drop? You're not a bird, you're a premature ejaculator. Or did you dump so much water earlier that you've got nothing left?"
"...You really are a perverted freak beyond redemption. If you were a Legion, you’d definitely be the Legion of Lust."
"......Hehehe." The orc just laughed and passed his shovel to an orc beside him. Then, he took off his robe, which was soaked with moisture, and handed it to an elf nearby. The penguin and the cockatrices all froze as if petrified.
"Heh, were you surprised because I'm too charming?"
The orc was wearing a tight black outfit that clung to his entire body. The robe had been stuck to his skin, and the penguin had nowhere to look. More accurately, its eyes were drawn to one specific spot.
"......Kree."
A hard object was blatantly protruding from the orc's lower half. It wasn't just a bulge in the front; there was a wide hole, and a long, thick pillar was poking right through it. The penguin gulped at the massive size it was seeing for the first time.
"Hey, Penguin." The orc leaned his upper body back slightly, showing off his 'holy spear.' At the sight of it standing stiffly toward the sky with a slight curve at the tip, the penguin instinctively felt the need to check itself.
"I'm going to put it in."
"Wh-where are you putting what!!"
"!!"
The orc was confident. The penguin felt a mix of despair and surging rage. There wasn't a single being who had dared to say such lewd things to its face. The penguin gathered its mana and threw its beak wide open.
"Halpas's eldest daughter. The name is... Shax."
At the penguin—Shax's—stiff voice, the cockatrices shook their bodies left and right, shedding the water from their feathers. Shax stepped forward.
"I will kill you, and I'll throw you and all these orcs into this river!!"
"Anyway, people with flat chests always have rotten personalities. But you seem pretty pissed off, don't you? You didn't even notice this." The orc stomped his feet on the ground twice. Because his 'third leg' bobbed up and down, Shax momentarily failed to understand what the orc was saying.
"......No way?!" Shax looked down. The orc nodded and mocked her.
"Up there, you idiot."
"What—"
The ceiling 'behind' where Shax and the cockatrices were standing began to crumble. Shax hadn't noticed it was above her, not below. Rumble, rumble! Piles of dirt began to pour from the ceiling where the river's edge was. Some of the slimes that had been eating through the ceiling had collapsed parts of it. As they excreted what they had eaten back toward the floor without digesting it, slime-shaped stalactites began to fall.
Kreeee!Thud, thwack, splash! Most of the cockatrices had successfully leaped up, but some of the ones trailing behind were struck in the head by the stalactites and sank straight down.
"Aaaargh!!" Shax screamed in annoyance and raised her arms. In her hand, she held a wet feather, seemingly plucked from the cockatrice next to her. I read the direction of Shax's eyes. The ceiling. She had pinpointed exactly where the slimes were hiding, like a hawk.
"Damn it! Hide above!!"
"Too late!"
Zap! The ice feather Shax threw flew up and embedded itself into the ceiling. Each feather sniped the slimes accurately, and the slimes' body fluids began to drip from the ceiling like blood.
"You bad person! How could you kill those cute little slimes?!"
"You're the one who tried to shoot, smash, crush, drown, and burn these cute little things!"
"......They weren't cute anyway, so forget it!"
Kreeeeeee! The cockatrices flapped their wings and shrieked. Just as Andras was a beauty in the eyes of a harpy, perhaps birds had their own sense of aesthetics. 'Either way, it's all equally disgusting.' I should just kill them all. I've whittled down their strength enough, so now, it's all-out war.
"Let me ask you one thing. Is there anyone waiting to attack behind you?"
"......I'm going to win anyway, so I'll tell you. There isn't!"
"Heh, is that so?" I raised my shovel high.
"Then let's enjoy this, Princess of the Legion!!"
Fight on the battlefield, and the after-party in the bedroom.